Play time

This may sound like a stupid question, but what do you do with your LO's during play time? Mine are 11 weeks old and I often feel like I should be doing more with them. After bottles, I either sit and talk with them, put them on their play mat for a few minutes, a few minutes of belly time, or let them sit in their bouncy chairs and watch Sesame Street or some cartoon. The problem is that lately they are very fussy and the only thing they wanna do is be held and rocked. I feel like I should do more with them, but they are hating everything right now.

I am also starting to get a little frustrated because DD1 cries most of the day and has to be held all day, even to nap. I feel like I never put her down, which makes me feel bad for not holding DD2 more often, since she's more laid back. I can't find anything to make DD1 happy and my nerves are starting to wear thin listening to her cry all day. I am also starting to become concerned with the fact that she will not nap unless I am holding her. I guess I'm scared I'll spoil her and that she'll NEVER nap unless I'm holding her. It doesn't help that I'm alone with them all day and then DH comes home from work and yells at me for holding them all day because I've got them spoiled :headbang: But I do enjoy holding them and I get tired of hearing them fuss and cry.

Am I just overlooking some important activity that might make them happy? I just feel like as their mother I should be able to make them happy. I would appreciate any suggestions.

 

You are doing a great job momma!! :hug: It's not easy staying home all day-alone-with an infant, let alone two! It sounds like you are doing wonderfully with them! At that age, they are at the cusp of a new world... it's just getting there that takes time. They'll soon be rolling, sitting up, and you won't know how to keep them in one place! :laughing: There are a few ideas I can think of-have you tried taking them for a walk? Outside or going to the mall? Stores? Sometimes just new scenery makes a big difference! What about bringing them outside and putting them on a blanket and sitting out there? It doesn't have to be long-just some fresh air! And books-read to them! They'll be listening! You can just point out various pictures to them, colors, shapes. Just keep on talking to them!

As for the holding...I don't think you can spoil them-not at that age(although I know my inlaws would beg to differ..). You might want to try to have her be elsewhere than in your arms. I know it's not easy-because the last thing you want to do is hear them cry. But I also didn't have a child who wanted to be held all day, so I don't know much about that! Is she content in a bouncy chair or anything? What if you put a mobile on for her? Would that keep her content for a little bit?

You are not overlooking any activity-you are in survival mode! You are doing whatever it takes to get through the day-and you sound like you are doing great! If I were you, I would leave the house when dh gets home-maybe take the non needy DD. Go for a walk, take a drive, even do a load of laundry. Get a little rest if you can!

And believe me-you ARE making them happy! You shower them with love, hugs, kisses, you feed them, change them, cuddle with them-they are happy-I promise!

 

2 month olds are tough! My guys just started liking their mobiles and THIS book as well as THIS this book. I started reading it to them around 2 months and we still read it today. In fact, around 5 months they'd sit on my lap and look at it themselves. Now I can say the words to them without the book and they love it (like at a grocery store or at a restaurant).

Have you tried swaddling during the day as well as using a swing?

Stay strong- we held ours for a long time and did have to help them learn to be 'unheld', but I would not change it for the world. They are now crawling and standing and could care less about being held all day long.

Hang on- each day they are getting bigger, stronger and more independent.

 

Yes, for about 10-15 minutes after her bottle, if I'm lucky. But then she starts crying and once she starts crying, the only thing I can do to stop it is hold and rock. That's it.

I would love to, but DH is afraid to be alone with them. The most he'll do is about 5 minutes for me to take a quick shower.

I only swaddle for naps and at bedtime but I could try when they are fussy too. DD1 will only go in her swing for a few minutes and I can't put DD2 in the swing because she always throws up. I think she gets motion sickness.

Thanks for the advice ladies. It's been too hot to take them outside for the past week or so, but they love it. It's supposed to be cooler the next few days, so I'll try to get them out more.

 

:faint:


Well, IMO no time like the present to give yourself a break. You deserve it and when he sees how much better you feel when you get out for a bit it will be worth it for the both of you. You could start by leaving when they take a nap and then leaving him with a bottle for each when they get up. They will all survive and your DH just may get some confidence under his belt. You NEED some me time and he NEEDS to be with HIS kids.


As far as the OT, at 11 weeks we were just going on walks, running errands during the day, reading, playing on the floor, and hanging out in the swing and bouncy.

 

I've got 2 DD's and we are doing the same as you for play time!!! I have noticed that a change in scenery makes them tired... sometimes it helps with naps and sometimes it makes them MORE fussy!!!!! Swaddling worked wonders for us for naps.. still working on night time sleep though! The other thing we do is work on developmental milestones like I put a big toy in their hands and help them get it too their mouths or we try to roll from tummy to back (they aren't too tolerant of this yet!) We also talk a lot while I do household chores like folding laundry.. I try to talk to them about colors and what I'm doing in more simplified speech (but not baby talk). Baby A. does really well with this and is easily entertained... Baby B. on the other hand could care less most days!!!!!!!!!!! I've also been putting them down for a nap the MINUTE I see a sign of tiredness (e.g., yawning...) and that has seemed to help. Oh and I try to do all household chores in the am and then I put on a good show/movie in the afternoon and I put them on my chest or in a boppy facing me on my lap and we talk and they nap.. we call it afternoon snuggle time... Hang in there and know you're not alone!

 

My twin girls are 11 weeks 2 days today (5 weks 6 days adjusted) and I was in the same boat a few weeks ago. It turns out mine actually needed more rest than they were getting. Two weeks ago, mine cried, demanded to be held, and pretty much had me convinced I had no idea what I was doing. But I kept trying to figure it out. Eventually, I decided to try enforcing naps more strictly. Now they have a pretty good rotation and are a LOT happier for it.

Our rotation (NOTE:I say rotation, not schedule or routine, because at first it is not routine or scheduled) was eat, play, nap. The length of playtime was "determined by the girls," but it really depended upon me learning to understand what their needs were. As soon as one started to yawn, space out, or get fussy, or when 1 1/2 hours after they last woke up had passed (whichever occurs FIRST), I would swaddle them both and put them in their bouncies. To soothe them, I employed all sorts of white noise, including the vacuum and the hair dryer (NOTE: I tried the fancy sound machines, but it did nothing for my girls. They love the Dyson). As they cried, I would pick one up, attempt to burp her, and when she had relaxed, try to put her down again.

I admit the first week, it took a LOT of work to get this rotation in place. At first, it took me 4 or 5 tries to get each girl down. Some times, I felt the twin fighting sleep was just too tired for me to keep trying to put her down, and I caved and held her for that nap time so she could get some rest, but the next nap time I tried again. By week 2, this week, I am able to get each girl down in 2 or 3 tries, and I haven't held one for nap in a week. I have no idea how we will wean them off of white noise in the future, and expect a monster electric bill, but I have happier twins.

FWIW: A lot of me figuring out my girls fussiness was looking at my own actions. I realized that, because my girls were preemies, I had this fear of them not developing. I was interacting with them to the point that they were overstimulated and over tired. I truly believed that I was doing what was best to help them grow. Finally, my cousin reminded me of some common sense: kids need to rest to get the energy they need to grow. Duh - why didn't I think of that. This may not be the case with you, but when you asked if there was any "activity" that could make them happy, I wonder if maybe you were doing what I was doing.

Keep up the good work and keep trying, every kid is different and you will figure it out. It may just take some time.

 

Around 2 months was when I started putting mine down to nap on their tummies. They refused to sleep during the day in bouncy seats, swings, on their backs, etc... You might try it and just watch them really closely. Hang in there. It's still really really hard at 11 weeks. I'm sure you're doing a GREAT job! I'm sorry DH isn't being more supportive.

 

When the girls were two months old I felt the same as you - like we should be doing more at playtime than we were currently doing! But to be honest at that age there's not much more you can do! So don't worry about that. Around this time I also felt like I was constantly holding one or both of them. We spent most of the day in the rocking chair!! I just resigned myself to doing that and not getting anything else done but worry not - this stage will pass!

And as for your DH - argh!!! He needs to get over this whole fear of being alone with them. I would go nuts if my husband wasn't comfortable being alone with the babies. You need some time away from the babies and he needs time alone with them so he can get used to doing it.

 

Mine were both colicky and wanted to be held all.the.time until they were about 14 or 15 weeks old. Then it was like a light went on and they started being more interested in the world around them. Until then I did a lot of wearing one or the other in a baby bjorn and they napped that way. Around that age we also finally started to see some tired cues and got napping under control. Once my babies weren't overtired and overstimulated all tjhe time they were much happier babies. I would recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It made all the difference in getting my kids to nap!

As for your hubby, he needs to get over it. I'm sure you were afraid the first time he left to go to work and you were alone with them. You got over it. My hubby is the SAHD while I work, and when I went back to work at 8 weeks he was terrified. But he rapidly figured out his ways of doing things that worked for him and gained confidence every day. I would say, plan a day where you will leave for just a few hours, lunch, coffee, a haircut. I always told my hubby that crying wasn't going to kill them, and as long as they were safe and fed, I didn't care about how he did things.

 

My twins followed me around the house in their bouncy seats while I did things that needed doing. I'd talk to them about what I was doing, would stop to pick up and cuddle one that was crying for a minute then put them back and keep working. Similar to what DblStuff said, they learn that they are okay and don't need you to hold them all the time. I even sometimes put in a baby einstein and let them watch from the floor or bouncies. They loved it and it gave me 20 min of quiet to make dinner for everyone. Sometimes they will cry and that's okay.

Dh needs to get with the program. When we had one baby at a time, I did most everything and didn't get out much. When I found out we were having twins I told him point blank he had to help from day one. Didn't matter that he wasn't comfortable with newborns...get over it. Sit him down and tell him that you cannot do it all and you need 30 min to yourself every day when he gets home. If he won't go for it, I'd create a dr appt or something that you MUST go to alone and that will leave him alone with them for 2ish hours. He will get over his fear and they will benefit from having an involved father.

:youcandoit:

 

Can you get out for a walk, do they like that? Or have you looked into babywearing your fussy one (at least it gives you your hands free?