Physically Aggressive

Hello,

My 27 month old twins are physically aggressive towards one another. They hit, bite, and pull hair when they get frustrated, want a toy, or want to get something back from the other sibling. One day at the gym last week my son bit my daughter and was "written up" for "biting another child." They are aware that they are siblings and twins so I had them include that in the "write up." They will also treat our neighbor's daughter (33 months) the same way. We are very close to our neighbors and spend a lot of time together. I believe this is why they treat her this way. My son is worse than my daughter. He will at times become physically aggressive with other children at the park. My daughter bit me on the leg on Saturday because I would not give her my soda. I am very concerned about this. They have been physically aggressive for MANY months now; however, it seems to be getting increasingly worse. I have tried time out, spanking, removing the child from the situation. Nothing seems to be affecting their behavior. Please give me some good advice. Obviously I want to stop this behavior as soon as possible.

Thanks in advance!

 

Stephanie, how is their communication?

Do you do 1-2-3- magic? If not, I would grab a copy. It's a FAST read! I also would talk to my pedi (that's just me...) about these types of things. Some of this stuff is developmentally appropriate (while not societally appropriate).

You have to find their currency and NEVER EVER back down from a threat. If you say "If I get to 3, I'm going to take away your lovie" YOU MUST FOLLOW THROUGH! There is NO backing down. They need to know you mean business. I would start with timeouts personally.

Get that book and talk to the doc for more ideas! :hug: This sounds like a tough one!

 

Hi Diane,

Thanks so much for your reply. My son has excellent communication and my daughter's is okay. I have a copy of 123 Magic and I have read it. I do not totally agree with the book because I don't want to give them to the count of 3. Also, I don't have time to count with this type of behavior. I have to get them to release their jaws immediately. My son actually responds to threats. For example, I can say, "Wes give that toy back to Leah." He may continue to run away with the toy. However, I will continue, "If you don't give that to Leah right now then you'll have to go to time out." He'll then give it to her to avoid time out.

I like the idea of finding their currency. They only get their lovies when they sleep; therefore, I can't threaten with that. There are not other things that they absolutely love. However, they do enjoy getting treats. They get like one M&M or candy corn at a time. Sometimes that is how I get an immediate response out of them. I just don't know how to turn that around because they only get maybe 2 at the most.

Any other ideas?

 

The key to me is that you said they act that way out of frustration. Could it be that they aren't speaking as well as they need to? I know with Jon, he has an expressive language delay--while he could say words, he couldn't always find the words he needed to communicate what he wanted, and this resulted in aggressive behavior and biting. Some of this is actually typical behavior for their age, but to me it couldn't hurt to get a speech eval. They are at a tough age for an eval, in that an EI eval would need to be done ASAP, since the day they turn 3, they are no longer eligible for EI, and then services turn to the school. So, your options would be to get an independent speech eval or go through EI. I would lean towards the independent one, because it will be quicker.

Just so you know, I had no idea Jon has an expressive delay before I took him for a speech eval. I took him because he was doing a weird tougue thrust which made it hard for him to say some sounds--the delay was something I wasn't expecting.

Good luck!

 

My girls are younger 28 months but I have been dealing with the same issues. All I can say is stick to it. Biting was a huge problem here I babysit another 2 year old also who one of my DD bit. They have finaly stopped with the biting I used time outs. And they know I will find a place for a time out no matter where we are (store, friends house ect). Also if they are fighting over a toy I take it away (and put it out again later or the next day when they are not around). I am still dealing with hiting and pushing ect. One thing I am trying to do now is it try to use the word 'no' less often. It seems like it is the only thing I say all day long to them sometimes. So I am trying to find different phrases to use (very hard to do) that way when I do say 'NO' they have not heard it all day and hopefully know I mean it.

I would love to hear other ideas on this matter also.
Hope it gets better soon for you.

 

ours are like this too - minus the biting most of the time and usually I just tell the offender to give the toy back and to share and its been working...the aggressiveness (from my son - my daughter really isn't aggressive) is toward ME! He'll come up and hit my face or slap my bare arms if I have on a T-Shirt etc...I just grab his hands and kiss them and tell him to make "nice mommy" - he'll then pat my face and give me a kiss...

if you're twins can't stand hugging/kissing each other this may be an appropriate punishment - if Abby takes Ian's toy away I make her give it to him and then hug him - he is very quick to forgive because he doesn't want that icky girl hugging him! :laughing:

 

Definitely stick with the time outs. There are certain violations that don't warrant the counting and you need to figure out what you want those to be. You can't say "I'm going to count to three and if you are STILL biting, you go to time out." Biting is just an immediate trip there.

I have just started to put toys in a time out, too. When DS gets frustrated and throws a toy, they both go to time out.

I am also trying to get him to communicate that he needs help and that he is mad. This seems to be more entertaining for him to watch me than learning that I want him to do the actions, yippee.

Last, but not least, I got so sick of DS biting me, that I bit him back. It worked - seriously.

 

I was wondering if this was my post from a few months ago!

I believe this is totally normal twin behavior. I made an emergency trip to Barnes and Noble when my babysitter suddenly had complaints! I found several books which were specific to twins which said this is very normal! I can't find them right now to give you titles. Consistency is the key... If you look back at posts there are MANY of us with the same problem!

As far as the 1-2-3 book, my twins now count with me and don't stop the behavior...it just makes it funnier!

Sarah