People treating them differently

When the twins first came home, there was a definitely more of a bond between DD and DH. He was so in love with her (he loves DS too but it was different). I felt I had to make it up to DS and spent more time with him and we developed a close bond. When DD had to go in the hospital for pneumonia for a couple of days I stayed with her and DH stayed home with DS, so we had a chance to bond with the other. DD is still DH's little princess, but he is doing better with trying to be more fair with his attention and time to both. He still talks differently to them (although he doesn't realize it until I point it out).

I have noticed though that people respond differently to the babies. They are softer and use a different tone with DD than they do with DS. Is it because she is a girl and he is a boy? It annoys me when family and friends do it because they are both babies and I feel like they should be treated the same. I feel like I treat them the same and talk to them the same. I try to give them the same amount of attention (although it does depend on who is fussier that day).

Even when people come over, they want to hold Avery before they do Evan usually. I think they are both adorable of course, but she definitely has a softer look and has a feminine, pretty face that people seem drawn to. It bothers me though because I don't want him to feel like everyone likes her more if this continues as they get older. Maybe I am worrying for no reason.........

So I guess my question is do people treat your twins differently? Do you think it is because of gender if you have boy/girl twins?

 

People treat my twins differently but it doesn't bother me. They get equal amounts of love and affection, but they are different people so others react to them differently. Sean is more timid and when people react to him they are more gentle, James is more of a rough and tumble boy so people are more likely to play with him "rougher" iykwim. You are probably right about people being drawn to your girl first, I've noticed that people do that without even thinking.

 

I notice it with mine as well. Everyone is drawn to Lila, which is funny because Luke is the sweetest, cuddliest baby you would ever see. I have pointed it out to my other kids, because for a while they would always pick up Lila, sometimes to the point of fighting over her but they are now doing much better at evening out their attention. I think partially it was because Luke was my reflux baby & the kids didn't want to get spit on, but he's better now. He & I are very close because I have always tried to make it up to him, like you said.

That being said, it doesn't bother me when people outside our family treat them differently, because they are very different little people. I do think people seem to be drawn more to girls first for some reason (Lila definitely looks girly & Luke is all boy). As long as the attention & love given to them within our family is equal, I'm ok with it.

 

I find it too, but it's never bothered me. I actually prefer to see that people treat them each differently and respond to each personality and preference. From what you're posting though, it seems clear that both of your children are absolutely adored and I'm that's so much more important than who gets held first. That said, I think most twin mamas have this type of concern at some point and I know you just want the very very best for each of your children, but I bet they'll be just fine :love0028:

 

I was actually going to post something kinda similar a while ago, b/c at first my mom would always pick up Nick and cuddle or whatever with him, and hardly paid attention to Alex. Nick looks more like me, has a lot of features from my mom's side of the family. Alex is the spitting image of my DH. But just as I was about to say something to her, she started to even it out, and now pays as much attention to Alex. Other than that, I haven't really noticed it so much. There are some days when Nick is sooo fussy and demanding of my attention, that sometimes I will put him down for a nap separately, just so that I can make up some quality time with Alex. The most important thing is that they are both loved. Sorry, I can't relate on the b/g part though.

 

I find at times MIL favors Jacob who looks like a dead ringer of DH. My mom at time favors Noah which is a ringer for my dad and brothers. They love each of them but, I notice how at times that specific one will get just a little bit more attention from the respective grandmother.

 

My Evan was really sensitive and colicky for the first 10 weeks. He cried a lot and needed to be held, mostly by me. Now he's totally over all of that but some of my relatives still describes him as difficult and high maintenance. I wish they'd get over it and start enjoying him as much as I do!

 

Mine haven't really been out in public yet, but I've noticed my mom really gravitating toward my little girl...if both are awake and need to be fed, she will almost always pick up Karina instead of Kevan. This cracks me up, because it's such a huge freakin' deal in the in Indian community to have a son, and my mom was THRILLED that I was going to have a boy....

That said, I don't think it's an outright preference -- I think she just feels more connected to her granddaughter.

I'll be curious to see how people treat them as they grow older...

 

I don't have b/g twins, but I noticed members of my family treating my girls differently based on their size. One twin was 7 lbs, the other was 5.10 lbs. They were always (and still do sometimes) calling the bigger ones names like chubby or piggy, etc. or made comments like she stole food from the smaller one. My mom frequently told me when they were newborns that I needed to be more focused on the smaller one getting to eat to catch up with the other one. The twins have been gaining weight at the same speed all along - there is still about a 1 1/2 lb. difference. I think it's more important that both of them are gaining about the same amount of weight which means they are both eating about the same. I do think some people preferred/prefer the smaller one because she is/was more petite.

 

QUOTE(Fay @ Jun 27 2007, 07:13 PM) [snapback]309365[/snapback]
I find it too, but it's never bothered me. I actually prefer to see that people treat them each differently and respond to each personality and preference. From what you're posting though, it seems clear that both of your children are absolutely adored and I'm that's so much more important than who gets held first. That said, I think most twin mamas have this type of concern at some point and I know you just want the very very best for each of your children, but I bet they'll be just fine :love0028:


Fay just put it so well.