People offering your toddlers food without asking you first

I was at a house party where kids were invited and I noticed my one daughter had something in her mouth. Since she was near my dh I asked him to check, and this woman I had never met said she gave her some cheese (16 month old). I was really taken back since when do people think it is ok to give someone else's kids food without asking the parents first. I guess with my best friend who has a son with severe milk /peanut allergies I am more sensitive to this.

This is actually the second time recently I've experienced this, because we had company at my house and someone gave my daughter carrot cake which had nuts in it. Luckily I had already checked them with peanuts !! I wanted to say something but this woman has been going through numerous IVF treatments to get pg and I didn't want to hurt her feelings especially since she was soon going to make another IVF attempt. Plus the food was already taken by my daughter.

I am really taken back by how often I have already come across this situation. Are people just not aware of allergies these days ??

heather

 

I probably wouldn't think anything of it. I know my kids would pretty much beg for any food they couldn't reach. I have found that people whose children have allergies are very good at making those around them aware of the allergy. I have one friend whose son is allergic to milk and milk products, and everyone who comes in contact with him, in a food related situation knows this as well--even when they don't know the family.

As for the cake at your house, most people would figure that if you had a strong allergy at your home, you wouldn't serve something that your own child was allergic to.

 

This was and continues to be a huge pet peeve of mine. I have thought about putting them in "please don't feed the monkeys" shirts when we go out in public. Just last week I went to the hardware store and an older male employee told them that if they were good and listened to everything their mommy said, they could have a cookie or a sack of popcorn. I wanted to hit him not because they're never allowed to eat such things but because it was our last stop before going home for lunch and he didn't ask ME, he told THEM. Grrrr...

 

QUOTE
This was and continues to be a huge pet peeve of mine. I have thought about putting them in "please don't feed the monkeys" shirts when we go out in public. Just last week I went to the hardware store and an older male employee told them that if they were good and listened to everything their mommy said, they could have a cookie or a sack of popcorn. I wanted to hit him not because they're never allowed to eat such things but because it was our last stop before going home for lunch and he didn't ask ME, he told THEM. Grrrr...


I think a house party is a bit different, though. I wouldn't like people giving them food without asking me first in a store, but at a party, I think that is different.

 

I must have a real reputation of being scary over protective mom because people always ask me first. I think some people don't realize that toddlers might have food restrictions too. I know that pre-kids I probably wouldn't have thought about it, but now I certainly wouldn't give anything to any kid without checking with the parents.

 

I think that most people who have no personal experience of bad allergies probably aren't very aware of it, certainly they are unlikely to be thinking about it in a party situation.

I also agree with Sharon that a party is different to other situations (store etc) because I'd assume that the parent of a toddler with an allergy would not let them wander unsupervised around the food unless they knew it was safe.

ETA: I'm not saying that you weren't supervising your daughter. I just ment that if you (general you) knew/suspected your child was allergic to something, and that food was available at a party you'd surely be extra careful to keep your child away from that food and inform others not to give them any.

 

I may be the odd one out, but it doesn't bother me at all. And my kids had food allergies. I know nobody means it maliciously, and 95% of the time they do ask me first. But on that one or two occassions they don't, I don't make a big deal about it and in fact, taught my kids to always ask me before they eat something they had been given. Now, I know that's hard with a very young child, but it's worth teaching them.

 

It would not bother me but I do understand where you are coming from. I would not offer someone's child food without asking the parent first because you never know with allergies these days. Most people have asked me before they give the kids anything, except one time when my BIL was shocked that Luke ate a whole piece of pizza (cut up apparently) and told me about it and I was like, "Seriously?"

 

I am very bothered by people (family, friends, whatever) giving food to my girls without asking. Not so much now because they eat anything, but definitely when they were younger.

Recently, someone gave my 2.5 year olds gum!! I was shocked. I have never given it to them and didn't plan on it for a while. I scooped it right out of their mouths.

 

I think I would have issues if it was someone who was not around the boys a lot, who might not know if they have food allergies and things like that.

Dianna

 

yea, i'd be pissed, too. i just don't think anyone has a right to give your child something that s/he will be injesting. it just seems kind of rude to me. allergies and food restrictions are so commonplace now that people should be more sensitive about them... mine are younger than yours but i'd be pretty upset if someone gave my kids cake! even if it was my home. i mean, i have alcohol in my home, too, but i sure wouldn't want anyone giving it to my kids!

~~jl

 

I have never been one to give a young child food without first asking their parents. So, when people do it with mine I do get a little PO'd. My DD has an allergy to eggs so I have to be VERY careful. And, i do host moms groups at my house and i do put food out that has eggs in it (mainly because I don't want to have to bake/cook every little thing, so I sometimes put cookies or crackers out that have eggs), but then I know that I have to be extra careful because DD will pick little bits up off the floor and eat them.

So, in short it drives me crazy when people give food to my twins without checking with me! I don't give my kids cookies, chocolate, candy or anything like that yet, so if someone gave them those items I would be upset- I probably wouldn't make a big scene out of it (unless it was an allergy issue), but I would take the food away from DD/DS and politely let the person know that my kids aren't eating that stuff yet. Then I give ds/dd a few "safe" crackers or snacks to keep them happy.

 

This drives me nuts. The group of girls I hang out with every week are great though. We all bring snacks to share and we still ask if the kids can have it. I try to give my kids good stuff and there are just certain things I don't want them to have so I just have to keep an eye out. Family is usually the biggest hurdle as they eat so many different things they want the twins to eat and I don't want them to have.

But, not to start a debate, but if you are in a group of girls and you tell everyone about allergies they may not remember next time or they may not have heard you if they were distracted so telling people and them remembering may not be possible.

We have orders to stay away from peanut anything until we are three so I have to make sure I ask when people break out snacks if it has peanuts in it.

 

QUOTE(MichelleL @ Mar 14 2009, 05:48 PM) [snapback]1228341[/snapback]
Recently, someone gave my 2.5 year olds gum!! I was shocked. I have never given it to them and didn't plan on it for a while. I scooped it right out of their mouths.


When the kids were really young, people giving them food bothered me. Now, not so much. But GUM?? To 2 year olds? What were they thinking? :umm: