people are clueless about twins

I had someone tell me today that having 2 children close together in age less that a year apart is worse than having twin. I just ignored the comment but I wanted to say. How would you know? Have you ever raised twins. Did you ever have to deal with 2 newborns at the same time? Did you ever have to nurse both babies together. Have them at the same exact stage all along. I don't think so. I know people have said they hear rude comments all the time, but I never have until today. My only thought is how are you so clueless as to what twins entails. I love haveing them, and wanted them as we went through fertility problems but they are a lot of work.

 

LOL! I agree, you can only make that comment if you have done it. BTW, I have, and it is worse, BUT SHE DOESNT KNOW THAT!

 

Oh yeah, I love the voice of (in)experience. <_<

FWIW, my brothers are less than 2 yrs apart, and my mom has been helping me a lot with the twins from the beginning, and she thinks twins are INFINITELY harder than having a newborn and a toddler.

 

I heard the same thing yesterday from a family member. <_< . But I have found that EVERYONE is an expert on babies, reguardless if they are twins or not.

Another thing that really got me upset is that my DH's niece just announced her engagment and she wants to start having kids "right away" since she does not want to be an "old" mom like me. She is 28 and I'll be 40 this year. Now, being a first time mom at 39 was NOT my plan. It took us 5 years of fertility treatments to get here and she knows that. :angry: She would like to have twins and be done with it.

Ok, my vent is over

 

I have a man at work who constantly reminds me that his daughters were 18 months apart and that it's practically like having twins. I just get tired of him reminding me every time he sees me. It gets old really fast!!

 

My first 2 are 11 months apart, then Josh, and then the twins, so I, too, have done both. Both situations are difficult in their own ways. I am sorry she upset you. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(cjk2002 @ Apr 13 2008, 07:50 PM) [snapback]719789[/snapback]
I heard the same thing yesterday from a family member. <_< . But I have found that EVERYONE is an expert on babies, reguardless if they are twins or not.


Yes, or even no kids at all! My SIL, who has no children - and doesn't plan to because she isn't a "kid-person" - loves to share her parenting wisdom and insights with me

 

I've had the opposite! A couple of times I've overheard the comment "Look it could be worse" from woman with two close together in age. It really annoys me as I think how do you know!!! I guess I don't like hearing negative comments even in an indirect way about my beautiful babies!

 

QUOTE(Jocasta @ Apr 13 2008, 05:02 PM) [snapback]719938[/snapback]
"Look it could be worse"

if i could have a dollar for everytime i have heard people mutter this... grrr....

im sorry that someone said that.. ive heard it too.. i just smile and walk away..

 

QUOTE(cjk2002 @ Apr 13 2008, 11:50 PM) [snapback]719789[/snapback]
I heard the same thing yesterday from a family member. <_< . But I have found that EVERYONE is an expert on babies, reguardless if they are twins or not.

Another thing that really got me upset is that my DH's niece just announced her engagment and she wants to start having kids "right away" since she does not want to be an "old" mom like me. She is 28 and I'll be 40 this year. Now, being a first time mom at 39 was NOT my plan. It took us 5 years of fertility treatments to get here and she knows that. :angry: She would like to have twins and be done with it.

Ok, my vent is over


At 28 she should be thinking about trying to have kids right away but that comment was just rude! Maybe she'll get twins and then come running to you for help with her newborns. :laughing:

 

when people tell me how rough it must be to have twins, i always say it's probably easier than having them a year apart, like my brother and i are....LOL but again, i wouldn't know, and it's just a comeback for people telling me how bad it must be to have twins !!

 

QUOTE(ThreeLittleSnowflakes @ Apr 13 2008, 06:22 PM) [snapback]719853[/snapback]
Yes, or even no kids at all! My SIL, who has no children - and doesn't plan to because she isn't a "kid-person" - loves to share her parenting wisdom and insights with me

I have a guy friend like that. He has no idea, his advice is awful. :shok:

I think people are trying to relate. I just roll my eyes on the inside and move along.

 

I'm probably in the minority here but I've always thought it would seem harder to have two close together because twins generally do things at the same time. Such as colic at the same time was hard but if I had one with colic and was chasing after another active toddler that would be worse to me. Now having twins
I still feel that way. I'll have twin 11 month old babies learning to walk etc. and a newborn. I'll be trying to breastfeed and grab two babies in different directions. Before I was at least out of the colic stage now bring on the teething stage but to go through teething with a newborn. Thinking about it makes my head feel like it will explode. I do see however until you've actually lived it that it's probably not the best thing to say to someone. People see me with the twins and say 'it could be worse' and I think to myself 'oh it's about to' but I don't admit it to them.

 

My mom used to say that having two close together was like having twins (4 of us were born in 5 years), until I had the girls and she stayed with me when they were newborn. I definitely think that there are difficulties either way but the two situations are definitely not similar like many people think.

 

We have family close by that have 3 children, aged 6,4,2. Our are 12, and the twins at 2 months. Everyone gives them special treatment cause they have 3 boys close together. Other family has said, Oh you have it easier cause the twins are so little, and you don't have to chase them around to get ready to go out. Nooo, but when our 12 yr old was a toddler, he knew how to get ready to go out and I never had to chase him either. It's about organization. If I am going some where for 12, I'm starting to get ready at 11. That being said, I love having the twins, and because my DH has taken leave to help, I'm rarely alone with all 3 children.

 

I get this from SIL...oh how she has it so much harder than me because hers are 16 months apart. And now, I get to hear about how much easier I'm going to have it because our newest addition will be almost 2 years behind the boys so it'll be a cake walk. Literally...people have told me this.

Now, I'm not sure how hard/easy twins vs. one or toddler twins vs. newborn will be...I'm not there but come on, the people who say this have no idea what my life is like.

 

QUOTE(snoopytwins @ Apr 14 2008, 08:26 AM) [snapback]720482[/snapback]
I get this from SIL...oh how she has it so much harder than me because hers are 16 months apart. And now, I get to hear about how much easier I'm going to have it because our newest addition will be almost 2 years behind the boys so it'll be a cake walk. Literally...people have told me this.

Now, I'm not sure how hard/easy twins vs. one or toddler twins vs. newborn will be...I'm not there but come on, the people who say this have no idea what my life is like.

See...now this to me would be hard!!!! Two toddlers at 2yo and then another baby-that is a double/triple whammy!!!!
Bless you!

 

This nomally comes from people who secretly wanted t have twins, or drama queens who like lie to revolve around them. Just smile and say okay.

 

I've given this topic a lot of thought, and I have to say, that it definitely depends on the temperment of the baby(ies). My oldest BY HIMSELF was way more difficult than the 2 sweet infants I have now. Beyond the logistical struggles of 2 (basically having to repeat anything you do twice), my experience with the twins as newborns has been much more pleasant than when Andrew was an infant. So I can certainly see where having Irish twins could be much harder than conventional twins. But I would have to look at it on a family-to-family basis; I don't think this is a topic that you can make generalizations about.

 

I hate when people think they can judge what is better. Nobody knows what is better unless they have been in their shoes.

 

QUOTE(jillangel @ Apr 14 2008, 12:14 PM) [snapback]720374[/snapback]
I'm probably in the minority here but I've always thought it would seem harder to have two close together because twins generally do things at the same time. Such as colic at the same time was hard but if I had one with colic and was chasing after another active toddler that would be worse to me. Now having twins
I still feel that way. I'll have twin 11 month old babies learning to walk etc. and a newborn. I'll be trying to breastfeed and grab two babies in different directions. Before I was at least out of the colic stage now bring on the teething stage but to go through teething with a newborn. Thinking about it makes my head feel like it will explode. I do see however until you've actually lived it that it's probably not the best thing to say to someone. People see me with the twins and say 'it could be worse' and I think to myself 'oh it's about to' but I don't admit it to them.



Nope, not in the complete minority!!! Even though I don't have experience with having children close in age (Em is six and twins), but it always looks much harder to deal with an infant/toddler than twin infants. Yeah colic was tough, but I think I rather deal with two fussy babies and than a fussy baby and a toddler. However, my girls are not mobile yet, so that might change.

I do HATE it though when people say that having two close in age is like having twins. Ummm, how would you know? Have you raised twins?

April