paying for Grandma's help

I pay my mom to help watch the twins while I run older children to school and pre-school and shower do laundry etc. I pay her for this time. I feel since she starts her day at a certain time with me and has to be here until pre-school is over it is like a job. My DH finds it odd to pay a Grandma. What is your opinion?

 

I think it just depends on what works for you. For us, we don't pay grandparents (or any other family) to watch the kids.

 

Does any family member watch them on a regular basis?

 

We don't pay any family, but we don't have anyone watch them on a regular basis. But when they do watch them, as if we have a date night or something, we still don't pay family but we would pay a babysitter. (if we got a non-family one)

 

I find it odd to. I have offered to pay my mom for doing things, this was right after I had neck surgery and she was watching the kids, doing laundry, cleaning, etc. But she refused and said "you dont pay grandma's with money, you pay them with love".....

ETA: She also watches them when I have running to do, date nite, etc. We dont offer to pay anything, and she never demands. She's just happy to spend time with the girls.

 

I don't pay parents or aunts or uncles when they sit for us. I do pay my nieces or nephew when they babysit. We don't have anyone on a scheduled basis.....just for nights out, etc.

 

I really dont see it as odd to be honest. My mom watches my kids and i offer to pay her. She owtn take anything but to me she helsp me out ALOT so why not offer it... So instead i buy her stuff every week. Like laundry soap, or this or that... things she likes.. If it works for you why not?
Tell DH to see if his mom can do it like your mom everyweek if there are issues. Sometimes the men dont get that it is still work even though it is their grandkids... Good luck!

 

I don't pay family when they watch the kids occasionally, but if Grandma were my regular babysitter, I think it would be reasonable. If it works for you and your mom, that's all that matters!

 

I don't think it's odd, especially if your mom is in a position that the money would help. My mom watches my boys 2 days a week but she won't take anything because she believes she's grandma and it's not work, etc, but I try to give her a bit of money each week just to at least cover gas expeneses to come to my house. I know she can use it and why not? If she wasn't watching them, I'd be paying someone else to do it. And it sounds like you've got a committment from her to be there for you through pre school- much like a daycare would provide- I think payment only helps insure that committment. Good luck! Plus your kids will have a great relationship with her- that's worth all the money in the world!!

 

My parents asked me to pay them.. and DH and I found it really bizarre. I don't pay them and I don't ask them to watch the girls. If they offer then they watch them, but again I don't pay them. I *do* pay my college-aged sister if she sits for us because she needs the money. However if you mom is babysitting for you on a regular basis and needs the money and its her only job, then do what works for your family. Oh and what my parents asked for for an hourly rate was so outrageously more than the going rate here, I actually laughed at them at first because I thought they were joking. They weren't.. and it was awkward.

 

I think it's great that you pay her. We're moving back to my hometown in June and I know my mom will help us out a lot. If she starts to do anything on a regular basis, I will definitely offer to pay her. If she refuses, I'll be sure to buy her something nice to compensate her. I wouldn't want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her.

Cary

 

My MIL watches the babies for 4 hours 2 days a week between when I go to work (2nd shift) and DH gets home. We don't pay her. I do try to make sure there are snacks and drinks that she likes here, but in addition to watching the babies she often will fold our laundry and get dinner started for us. I guess we have it made (I very much appreciate her help and tell her that all the time).

 

I think it's weird also. Just being honest. I have the most weird, dysfunctional, abnormal, family in the world (I'm pretty sure.) And they would NEVER ask for money. In fact, the thought never even crossed my mind until I read this post. I doubt it has crossed theirs either. I don't like the way it sounds, ya know?? My family does have money so it might not even qualify because I don't have a parent that is in that particular position.. so.. maybe if it's your mother's only means of income- then it makes some sense. If it's just free time for fun- then not really. Good luck Different strokes for different folks right

 

I think if you have the money and she needs it, why not. As long as it works for everyone who cares. You just have to figure that some of that money is going to go to her spoiling you and the kids. It will all come back to you one way or another. I think it's very sweet of you to do that.

 

I think it's nice that you pay her! It really depends on the people/relationship involved. For some, it would be weird. For others, it's just a nice token of appreciation. No matter how much a family member loves the twins, taking care of them is HARD WORK! A "paycheck" is one way of recognizing that.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Feb 8 2008, 01:59 PM) [snapback]613106[/snapback]
I think it's nice that you pay her! It really depends on the people/relationship involved. For some, it would be weird. For others, it's just a nice token of appreciation. No matter how much a family member loves the twins, taking care of them is HARD WORK! A "paycheck" is one way of recognizing that.

Totally agree with what Holly said. My mom watched the twins two days a week when I worked (it was her suggestion that I go back for an 'outing.') She was also watching her other grandaughter on a limited basis too. I never paid her. She would have refused. She enjoyed getting to know them and becoming a stable part of their lives. That is great that you pay her! It works for you and your family. Everyone is different.

 

Currently we don't pay my parent's in law for helping watch the kids all day but I want to! And will convince my husband to start. I think it is a full time job to watch kids and it is only being fair. I think that is the situation is working well for you and no one feels uncomfortable about it (except dh) and you are financially able, why not. It show appreciation for hard work which is also enjoyable too.

 

We don't pay Grandma's but they only sit sporadically, say once a month. I dont' think they woudl take money if we offered.

We do pay my college aged sister in the summers. She watched the girls last summer and will watch them again this summer. We pay her approx what we would pay in daycare. She needs the money and it's very well worth it to keep the girls at home with their aunt.

I think if my mom or mil regularly sat I would offer to pay.

 

We currently don't pay grandmas or aunts, but they just do it very sporadically. DH's niece is our nanny and we do pay her.

But, they are going to go to daycare 3 days a week starting next week, and just 2 days with the nanny. My mom is going to be moving close to us in the summer, and I am thinking about having my mom take the nanny's 2 days once she moves. I would pay her in that case. If it is a regular occurrence, I'd pay. It's hard work and I'd rather pay my mom than someone else.

 

I don't think it's weird. It all depends on your situation. My parents watch the kids all the time for us, but not on a regularly basis. Just when we go out on dates, or have plans, etc. We don't pay them, but always have food and stuff around for them. Also, my parents have more money than us. So my mom says you would feel weird taking our money, knowing we need it for daycare/mortgage/etc. BUT, on the flip side, if I had the money, and my parents needed it, I would pay in a heart beat. Like a PP said, we all know what hard work it is to take care of twins. And if this i the only income your mom has, I think it's wonderful. Do what works best for your family. It really is a job, and while it's wonderful that a lot of people have famliy and relatives that are willing to do it for free, it never should be expected, in my opinion.

 

We pay my Mom's rent and utilities for an apartment for her babysitting the twins and my 3 year old. It's a huge savings for us and it's a job for her so I don't find it strange.

 

I think it would only be odd if she refused to watch them if you didn't pay her. My mom always watches the boys on Monday nights for a couple hours and I don't pay her, but that is really her only time to see them each week. DH's brothers watch them on Tuesday nights and I always make sure to at least have dinner for them since they are coming right from work. It is a LOT of work taking care of two babies grandmas are usually at least 20 years older than us and it's hard on us at our age. I think that it is nice that you pay her especially if she can use the money.

 

We don't currently have sitters but if we did have them regularly we'd pay ....even if it was Grandma, ths is hard work!!!


Do what works for you and your family.


Missy
:wavey:

 

I don't live close to my daughter so this has not been an issue with my family. I doubt I would "charge" my DD to babysit her children and yet I would hate to be expected to do it for nothing just because I'm the grammy. Does that make sense?

I'd have to explore this very carefully if the opportunity ever arose for me because it's a huge commitment, not only for a grandparent but for anyone! I have had friends who babysat their grandchildren every day simply because their children EXPECTED it, since "they're not doing anything anyway." I am fortunate enough to be *retired* at a relatively young age (50) and have tons of my own stuff going on during the day, plus my DH and I love to travel, so I doubt I would ever commit to full-time babysitting, regardless of how much I love my grandsons!

I have a friend who babysits full-time for her two grandchildren (infant and toddler, not twins), 7am-6pm M-F, while her daughter works. They worked out a pay arrangement that is beneficial for both of them. It helps the daughter out because she doen't have to pay the outrageous cost of a day care and at the same time it gives the mom some extra spending money. A win-win situation.

My friend has told me that the only reason she set it up this way was to make it more of a "business arrangement" so no one feels taken advantage of. This arrangement has worked well for their family.

So I say ... if it works for you and for your mom, go for it!

 

I don't think it seems odd at all. Not odd that you offer it, and not odd that she accepts.

QUOTE(angie7 @ Feb 8 2008, 01:50 PM) [snapback]612932[/snapback]
We dont offer to pay anything, and she never demands. She's just happy to spend time with the girls.


Just because you're paid for doing something, doesn't mean you don't enjoy what you're doing!

 

I never paid my mom and she quit a job to help me out with my 1st DD. BUT she doesnt 'need' the cash at all and loved to beable to help... and never made me feel bad about it. But it is specific to each situation, do what you have to do to make everyone happy.

ETA: I offered to pay my mom and she and my father together wouldnt hear of it... my dad is around ALOT to help and my MIL lives just down the road (and my sister is/was around too) so she took on some when my mom needed help and I had just went through a rough divorce and was working for the 1st time in my DDs life so I think they felt this is the way they could help us on our feet (this was one baby and later on 2 StepDDs) now I have five and neither grandma has been left alone with all five or actually even the twins! LOL

 

QUOTE
My friend has told me that the only reason she set it up this way was to make it more of a "business arrangement" so no one feels taken advantage of.


This is exactly why I charged my sister to watch her DD. I knew she would take advantage of the situation if I didn't. Even with paying me, she still took advantage. She signed up for extra work, showed up late, brought her early, didn't pay, etc.

I don't think it is wrong at all to pay if it is something that is routine. I never would have thought to charge any of my sisters to watch their kids for a night out type thing. My mother never asked for payment and wouldn't accept it either for a typical night out thing or even an emergancy back up situation. But I really think a long term commitment might justify a payment of some kind. Now if the parent/aunt/uncle wanted as much as regular childcare, I would think that would be excessive.

 

I don't think it's wrong at all - it's whatever works for your family.

A friend of mine pays her mom to watch their son full time because her mom had to quit working and she is making her 'whole.'

If your mom is doing it regularly and foregoing other ft or pt work, than by all means I think it's right to pay her.

But the bottom line is do what is best for your family and what other people think doesn't matter.

 

I work first shift. I get home from work just before 6:00pm (I work four nine hour days and have Wednesday's off). My DH works second shift. He has to be to work at 4:00pm. So four days a week my parents drive across town to my house so DH can go to work, and they stay until I get home from work.

I do not pay them, I never have and they wouldn't let me anyways. I do however buy them dinner on occasion when we are out with them for dinner or I pick something up on the way home from work. DH and I have talked about getting one of those reloadable credit cards and we would put $50 on it a month for them to put gas in the van but we haven't done it yet.

 

I am the grandmother and I do keep my grandsons on a regular basis. I retired from my "paying" job for a "better paying" job. I get paid in hugs and kisses and more love than I could ever imagine from two of the cutest little guys in the world. My day now is longer and probably harder than any eight hour day at work. I get the little guys at 6 each morning and keep them until 4:30-5 each evening. Sometimes they, and mommy and daddy, stay over to eat dinner with us so it's even later. On weekends, they come over to see nana and paw paw by 6:00 a.m. and get their breakfast. I'll keep them for mommy to do her grocery shopping, clean house or to do course work for her master's on the weekends as well. I'm not saying it's not hard work, but there isn't a monetary value that could have persuaded me to take this new "job" -- it was pure love that made my decision. My daughter and son in law offered to pay me and often ask if I'm ready to put the boys in mothers day out for a day or two each week to give me a break, but luckily my husband and I have no financial need to take their money, nor have I been sufficiently worn out that I want someone else to keep them at mothers day out. I am thoroughly tired at the end of the day, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. My daughter teaches so there are holidays and summers for paw paw and I to travel and do what we want. Even now if we choose to go somewhere, if it's for just a day or two, we just pack up the boys and take them with us. I have carseats and I have a double stroller, so I haven't let them slow me down. If I want to go somewhere during the day, we pack up and head out. I've mastered the grocery store and shopping trips with the boys. I think however, if the grandmother needed the money and it was her main source of income then I don't see a problem in paying her if that's what she wanted. I can tell you from even a grandmother's perspective - it is work. I'm just glad I am financially able to do it and still physically able to take care of them. My daughter and son in law never fail to let me know they appreciate what I do for them.

 

I don't think it is odd...if you can afford to pay her for watchig your kids and she accepts the money then it seems like you have a good system going on. My mom helps out all the time and I don't pay her, but I will do things like buy her lunch or bring over little things for her. If she watched my kids full time while I went to work I would definitely feel more inclined to pay her, but for now she enjoys spending time with them and I enjoy the break

 

I'm surprised how many think it's strange to pay family. I'm in the exact situation, but my mom watches them while I go to work in the AMs, while my big girl is at preschool. She's always watched my girls, even when my 4 year old was a baby and I worked full time. I pay her, but not enough. $20.00 a day, whether it's 3 hours or 10. Rarely 10 anymore, but used to be. I figure, my mom has a life too, and as much as she loves her grandbabies, it's work and she should get paid. Would you do it for a sister or brother for free, all the time? I wouldn't.

 

My parents won't take any money to watch the babies, however, a close friend of mine had to pay her MIL to watch her boys daily.

 

Since it is an everyday thing it is like she is a paid babysitter and I do think it is right to pay her. You probably would pay her a little less than you would an unrelated babysitter though.

 

I agree with a lot of the pp and say you should do what works for you. It does seem like something she does on a regular basis, even daily, so that doesn't seem unreasonable.