party etiquette help

ok i know it may be tacky/or controversial so i'm asking for some advice/help on what you think and how i can word this.
we have SO MUCH STUFF HERE - the kids do not need more toys for the house.

they do want just a couple of things....they really need 'big ticket' things like a sandbox, a mini house for outside, the swingset and a patio set for outside.

can i add something to the invite (like an insert) asking for money to put toward the swingset in a certain/non-tacky way?
or - am i better off just creating a 'wish list' on amazon or something....
they really dont need much and i dont want to get a bunch of 'cr*p' for the house if you know what i mean.

 

Depends on who you are asking. If it is family, can you ask your mom to spread the word she is collecting for a swingset/sandbox/etc? If it is friends, I think it might considered tacky.

 

I agree with this.

 

We had the same situation - TONS of toys, and really needed other things. Also, our boys have their birthday 3 days after Christmas. I included a letter in the invitation telling people what size clothes they were wearing, and the things they needed (including money for some bigger items), and to please limit buying toys or to buy small things due to space issues in our house. No one said anything, and personally, I don't care what they thought about it. Most of them respected what I wrote and did not buy tons of toys, so it worked out the way I wanted.

 

I wouldn't want to ask for specific gifts, but maybe on the invitation note that it's an "outdoor themed" party and hope people get the hint that you want outdoor toys. We have so much crap at our house that I just ask for no gifts at all from friends. Family members are pretty good about asking what we need, so I usually have a list and/or coordinate the bigger items among grandparents.

 

I totally understand what you're asking... and will be brutally honest. You simply can not indicate what sort of gifts you'd like your children to receive on an invite. It's just too tacky. No one will say anything to you, but they'll say stuff to other people.

So... you can either deal with the plastic crap that people give, or you can say "no gifts" and then front the bill for the stuff you want to buy yourself. You could also hint around to friends that your kids would like outdoor toys, or whatever. But hinting that you want money is a no-no too.

I wish it was otherwise. We just had my daughters' four year old birthday party this morning, and our family room is now filled with all sorts of toys I would never buy. Seriously, two presents are cute. The other eight are stuff I'd like to donate immediately. But my kids were happy to get all of the junk, and they've been playing with all of it ever since. So I'll just donate other stuff to make room!

(OK, one additional thought - if you're taking about a party just for close family, then you could have your mom or sister tell people that they're taking a collection for a swing set. But if it's anyone more than just close relatives, you're stuck with what you get).

 

yeah, unless someone asks specifically... ugh! we lucked out this year, though I'd given ideas to some family who said they'd asked... but then they didn't use any of the ideas... but we got swimsuits and cute suitcases of dress up clothes. sometimes you get lucky. but Christmas seems that everyone gave several small items from each person!

I have kind of found out that if there really is something you want them to have, then you should just get it yourself... we did a neat wooden play kitchen and I'd asked for some of the wooden food etc, but ended up having to do that myself to... at least I had the forethought to ask the person I'd given the ideas to if they were doing it...

we're having a friends playdate soon, and are just asking everyone to bring a $10 gift item so that we can have a gift exchange... everyone will go home with a gift, and I'm hoping we don't end up with a bunch of junk... but for family who will bring a gift... not sure how to hint...

 

I guess I'm the odd man out because I would love a little note on the invite with ideas or info about collection for cash for a swing-set or whatever. My own twins' party is next weekend and I am constantly telling people what the twins are into, what they need, what they don't need, etc. And I do the same for others' birthday parties, asking the parents what they want, need, don't want, etc. Maybe it is tacky, but it would be so much easier and that way I would know the gift my kids are giving is more appreciated.

Honestly at this point when people ask me what to get for the twins, I tell them nothing. I tell them that their presence at their party is their present.

 

I agree with this also.
If people ask you what the children want, you could always say gift cards towards what ever store you think you will purchasing the swingset or sandbox from. But if they don't, I would not push the issue.

 

You can put 'no indoor toys please'. For the twins 1st birthday, we didn't send out invitations. We just called and invited people close families and friends. and we told them 'please don't bring toys because they have more than enough'. My families gave them money. We bought them a piece of gold for saving. My mils bought them fishing polls which they will need this summer, giftcards we bought their life jackets, clothes which was good and still few toys lol. It turned out pretty good.

You don't have to ask for money just make sure ppl know that No MORE INDOOR TOYS!

 

My family always gives money, so it helps!

But yes we had too many toys so we just said 'no gifts'... it was only two friends anyway really. But yes, 'no indoor toys' would work, although you'd end up with a ton of $20 gardening sets or something. So I'd ask family for money but just put 'no gift' on the invites for the rest... nobody will buy expensive stuff like a sandtable anyway. Or you can just not say anything and hope people include a gift receipt so you can return them for money, lol...

 

For my kids' first and second birthdays, I have specified "no gifts please" on the invitations. By three, I allow the crap but honestly much of what we get is just that - crap. I would do the "no gifts" thing, but if someone calls and specifically asks, you could say that you are getting a playhouse from Toys R Us so a gift card towards that would be much appriciated.

 

I agree with this. We got invitations to a party for a preschool friend, then an email asking for monetary gifts instead of other gifts. I don't know these people well at all and, honestly, I felt it was rude. When I buy presents, I can buy something really nice on sale & save money. But having to give money, I can't really do that so it ended up costing me quite a bit more & I was not happy with that.

ETA We received the email after I had already RSVP'd or we probably wouldn't have attended that party.

 

For my girls' first, I had a note in the invitation requesting no toys as well as a link to their Amazon wishlist. No one but grandparents got things on the wishlist, but we got a lot of books and clothes and only one toy.

 

could i do a link to a wishlist on amazon?

 

I'd say that would be appropriate. I mean, people have registries for weddings and baby showers, why not a list for a first birthday? The invites for my girls' party was electronic, so it was easier to link to the wishlist.

 

I hate for people to waste their $ on things that we will never even open. I think it's a GREAT idea to link a wishlist! It's practical!