Parents of ID twins

Do you get a lot of comments from people evaluating how much your twins do/don't look alike? I'm sure I'll be hearing these comments their entire lives, but it is really starting to drive me crazy. It seems like we get the most comments about the boys not looking identical or that they don't look alike and I'm only othered by it because it sounds like a criticism, or said with a tone like somehow they don't pass the test. Or they say brilliant things like "He looks different.". From what?!
Do you hear this kind of stuff? Does it bug you too?

 

Yes - for YEARS people have focused on whether my girls look identical or not. Perfect strangers want to debate it with me. It seemed to peak when they were 2-3 and then started to slack off. Now that they're five, I usually get asked if they're identical or fraternal. And when I say identical people leave it at that. It's kind of refreshing. So hang in there - hopefully the comments will slow down for you too.

 

My girls are id but due to health issues look a lot different. Here are some sample idiot babble:
They can't be id she's taller...
Her nose isn't exactly the same( 10 lbs will do that to you)
Their shoes are different ( what this has to do with being Id I'm not sure)
She has a scar :umm:

 

Yep. People either think they look completely different or can't tell them apart for anything. ardon:

 

"How do you tell them apart?" This is the one I hear the most and I just shrug my shoulders now and say, "I'm their mom, I know these things." Then they will usually say..give me some kind of way to tell them apart. I used to try, but no matter what I said, people just can't. I feel really bad for the girls because they will say these things right in front of them. My girls refuse to dress alike anymore (they used to love to dress alike) because people get them confused and they hate it, and when people say things in front of them I usually say, "They are two completely different girls". After 6.5 years, it has gotten some better, but we still get comments a lot.

 

I had someone argue with me once that my girls couldn't be twins, they must be at least 10 months apart because Danika's an inch taller than Riley. If someone's really being obnoxious, I launch into a full blown lecture on zygosity, DNA and genetics. That usually shuts things down.

I really dislike the comparing (especially now that they're getting older & really paying attention to what people say about them) and I really really hate it when people ask me things like "So which one is the good one?" Le sigh.

 

Oh Rachel, I feel ya..! I usually get "which one is the pretty one?!" I mean seriously... !

We are also going to have one taller than the other and their face shapes are different so I can imagine the comments are going to get worse. I try to remind myself, that like me, before having twins, I had no idea of twin zygosity and genetics and people are just trying to make conversation because twins are just so damn special! lol... that's on a good day, on a bad day, I do not make eye contact!!

 

YES! And now that my girls are 8, I get people about once a week saying--they look so much alike, they could be twins. :crazy:

 

One of my boys is about an inch taller and weighs about 2.5 pounds more than the other, which isn't a lot but at this age and size it is a visible difference. And of course their hair doesn't always lay in the same direction every day, which changes how their face shape looks, and they have different facial expressions. I find myself offering up these explanations to complete strangers who make comments about them not looking identical. Then I'm mad at myself because I feel like why do I need to explain anything at all to a stranger especially when the comments are usually annoying and sound negative to me. There was a woman at a street fair this summer who told me my smaller son was clearly the "big one". I didn't correct her but comments like that make me realize that everyone's perception is different. I also do get plenty of comments about how much they look alike, and asking how we tell them apart. I sometimes point out that one of my sons is a little bigger, but I usually just say "we have no trouble telling them apart. They look different to us." And they do.

I just wish I could think of the perfect comeback for the not looking alike comments. I like Rachel's idea of a little science lesson in zygosity and DNA. LOL

 

If the person seems truely interested or is part of our lives, I will explain the facial expressions difference. They don't smile the same way, they don't look sad the same way, thoughtful, etc. They are individual people, so those things, the movements and expressions, the looks those are different, but you have to spend time with them and get to know them to know those. Random strangers will usually get She's has two poney tails and the other one is wearing green shoes--type of explaination.

 

We still get it all the time. Like Melissa, my explanation depends on who I'm talking to. Friends, family, and childcare providers get the "cheats" (narrower face, birth mark, belly button) but strangers just get my "they have entirely different personalities, so their facial expressions are different."

I really hate comparisons, though. I worry about the girls feeling like there is a competition between them. Ex: Sam has a narrower face, not skinnier because I'm worried that people will assign the fat/skinny labels to them. I worry about Samantha being self conscious about her belly button scar, so I don't volunteer that.

Half the time, I feel like I'm doing the right thing based on my memories of adolescence and half the time I think I might be imagining a problem. :crazy:

 

People say some really annoying things don't they? We have the opposite problem...I don't think anyone has ever said they don't look alike. It's the opposite. We get the "how can you tell them apart?" and those such things, which I actually think is odd because I don't dress them alike and I also think they look quite different in the face.

 

Yep, I hear it constantly, mostly "wow, they really look alike.....how do you tell them apart?". Mostly it's people being curious, so I will point out a few distinct features or say "oh, just pick them up" because one of them is about 4 lbs heavier than the other one.

 

people always want the girls to stand still side by side so that they can try to spot the "difference". i can tell that it annoys the girls. i actually did have someone once point to ivana and say, "she's so pretty! i mean, they're both pretty, but she's beautiful!" i was like wtf? seriously? she whispered it and the girls weren't paying any attention, but it sure as hell bothered ME. and then i think, "lady, if i left the room with them and walked back in, you'd have no idea which one you just said that about!"
also, when people ask me how i tell them apart, i say, "i see them as personalities."