parent/teacher conference advice

I'm meeting with Emma's teacher next week to discuss a comment made on her report card. I got an email from the teacher tonight, this basically sums up what the report card said:

At our November conference, we talked about the fact that she easily shuts down if she doesn't understand something and just has NO confidence when learning a new skill. I simply told the teacher, "welcome to life with my daughter". It's just who she is. If she takes a breath and takes a minute to listen and pay attention she gets it and is FINE. She just gives up so easily.

I guess I'm just looking for advice to see if any of you have a child that sounds like this and if so, how did you get them to build their confidence more in order to settle down and learn something new? Any advice on what to talk to the teacher about and/or suggest? I have had a hard time with her at home (learning new things) so I honestly have no suggestions for the teacher because I haven't even found something that works!

 

I would see if you can do some sheer confidence builders and then work on applying the same activities to new skills.

For example:

If she is a reader (even slightly!) I would see if she could be a 'buddy' to a Kindergartener briefly a few times....review colors, letters, or words, etc. The 'teaching' of a skill that she knows cold helps her gain some traction and confidence. It also gives her a peek at how much she HAS learned and what it is like for the other kiddo.

Our library also has a PAWS program where kiddos can read to a dog for 15 min time slots. This is great because it is low-expectations (I mean the dog stares at you adoringly no matter what!), no 'adult' is listening, and who can resist a dog that loves to listen to you read? They suggest it for kids that are struggling to build reading confidence and it helps for fluency as well.

How about a list? For one of my DD that really was apprehensive to do things she did not know 100%...we posted a list of all the things she DID know. Kind of an affirmation list : " I am good at counting by 10s!" " Itry my best to write neatly!" " I can read with 'voice!". The list of good things helped her approach the more difficult things with a better attitude. Also the she loved to add to the list so she was a bit more ready to try harder things in order to master them. We do a lot of self-talk. "I will try on my own. If I need help, I will ask for it." " I will think for a bit before I ask for help." "I am in school to learn new things, it is OK if I dont know it right away.". etc.

We also played a lot of games. One DD is struggling to master math facts (even though she is excellent at math concepts- she mentally is scared of the mad minutes they do) so we try to play games, do dice or white board activities, etc to make it less threatening while still practicing. The 'fun' aspect takes away some of the tension of NEW- NEW - NEW. Then once we play it for fun, it is much easier to apply it in a more traditional school sense.


Hope this help and hope your DD has a great spring!

 

Our school counselor does buddy lunches. She puts together a group of kids that she thinks have common interests and they all have lunch in her office with her once a week. She will find a way to maneuver the conversations around so everyone gets a chance to shine and just comfortable with other kids. She did this with my daughter.

Also, something I've noticed is that my daughter is perfectionistic and easily melts done when learning something new, especially from me. If I try to teach her, it's the worst. There are a couple of things that really helped us. I don't try to teach her new things. I let her figure them out. Sarah loves sewing. I don't tell her much. She has a pile of fabric and supplies and she figures it out herself. If she's really struggling, I ask her if she'd like advice.

I also put her in an activity that's pretty much all her own. Sarah rides horses. She spent probably the first 6 lessons in tears at some point. They sell their lessons in groups of 10 so she knew she couldn't quit. And then she finally got it. The confidence from that is great. Also the confidence from every time they get a new group of college kids at the stables and the instructors ask her to demonstrate something for them. She totally loves that part.

I also think that age is a big part. Nine is soooo much better than 6 was. Partly because she's matured enough to know she can figure it. Partly because I quit interfering and let her figure it out. Also finding something that she knew she couldn't quit at helped.

Marissa

 

Michelle, this was Caroline in the early years through 4th grade and Trevor now as well. You know about Caroline and what helped her and now I'm going through it again with Trevor. He is not a risk taker at all. With Trevor we are just working with him more at home and just really letting him know that it's okay to be wrong when you answer a question...the teacher is not going to get mad at you, etc. Trevor has always just been an easy going and quiet kid. I think with him it's just going to take us continuing to work with him and for him to continue to master the skills to really "get it" and realize it's okay to take a risk. One thing I do at home is not let him shut down..especially in reading. I just let him know it's okay to make a mistake and figure out the word, but stopping is not the answer (it may be harsh, but it works with him). Once he is done, I praise his efforts and let his see how much better it was that he didn't stop. Good luck, it's a process and will definitely take some time. :hug:

 

Thanks for the input ladies. :hug:

Socially, and when helping others, she's SUPER confident. Her teacher told me she's the first one to help everyone in class to help her classmates IF it's something she understands. Her reading is one area we don't have a problem with. She sometimes hesitates but doesn't get upset, she's actually a very good reader.

Mostly, it's with smaller tasks like learning new site words or doing homework that involves a new concept she doesn't fully understand. If she can't figure it out on the first try, she starts shaking and tears up. :gah: I have reassured and praised for the positive beyond belief but nothing seems to help.

 

I don't have kids this age but I'm reading a book about the positives of video games written by a professor and gamer. One of the reasons she states that people like games is that the consequences of losing are not high and don't discourage people to stop playing. So I'd either make her learning/practice as game-like as possible or let her play games more often to practice the skill of losing and persistence therein.

 

When is your meeting? I would take the approach of this meeting to talk to the teacher so you both can find strategies that work for your daughter. Your want to make the teacher your partner in finding a solution.

 

I feel she totally is. We have had other concerns this year (they had a HARD time separating) and my concerns were heard loud and clear and she jumped right in to help me find a solution. I do feel she wants to work together on this.


ETA: Tuesday afternoon.

 

Another great resource in our school is our school psychologists. They can observe the class and bring a new set of eyes to the situation to help come up with a solution. :hug:

 

That's what I was thinking too. :good: Pray this storm changes to rain and we don't lose a day of school. again. :grr:

 

Good luck! Hopefully the teacher has some good suggestions as well.

 

If at all possible, try to find ways to model the behavior you want. Let her see you trying something new, whatever it is, and making mistakes. And talk about your mistakes, and about the process. My DD is learning violin, and I play too, and she gets frustrated soooo easily when something won't come out right. And it always gets better if she hears me practicing something hard and making lots of mistakes, and then joking about it - just being able to say, "Wow, I made so many mistakes!" with a smile.