Pacifier -- she's almost 3!

OMG - so we are taking the pacifier away on Friday night from DD. I'm so nervous because we tried a few weeks ago and she flipped out -- screaming, crying, and we finally gave in and gave it to her because it was nearly 10:30pm and she was keeping DS up durimg the tantrum process. We told her when she's "3" she had to give it to the paci-fairy. As their 3rd bday approaches this week I'm nervous -- I just don't think she's ready yet. My husband got all over me last night and said so our kids are going to be potty trained when they are 7, and DD will have her pacifier until she's 13. WHATEVER! He travels and is never home with the kids. He's gone for days at a time -- he's been gone since last Friday and I'm home by myself with the twins. I couldn't believe he said that to me -- so I told him to do it himself then.

DD is potty trained -- not bedtime trained (nap time trained yes) and not poop trained because she is scared. DS is not potty trained -- he doesn't get it yet. He sits on the potty and nothing happens. So I'm trying!!!!


Give me some advise about the pacifier -- am I moving too slow on everything I've done so far with the kids. I still look at them as my babies -- I mean they will only be 3 on Thursday.

 

I wrote a whole message but don't think it was written! The jist of it was that we did the paci fairy, went around the house with them and collected all the pacis and told them they were going to babies, and the paci fairy gave them a big kid toy instead. Once you do it, it might be hard for a couple of nights but don't give it back.. it actually wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be, they cried the first night for it, but eventually they were so tired that they went to sleep and now they don't ask or it anymore.

as for as PT I can't help you but know you aren't the only one - mine are also turning three very soon and aren't potty trained at all! one has peed a handful of times on the potty and the other not at all..

 

My girls were 3.5 when we took the pacis. One took it really well and the other screamed at night and woke up crying several times at night for about two weeks. We just stuck to our guns, gave them lots of extra love and attention, and told them how proud we were that they were getting so big. We also suggested other ways to soothe themselves such as hugging a stuffed animal. We made sure to throw away all the pacis so we couldn't give in. It was hard, but they are doing great now. Just tell yourself and hubby that no kid goes to college in diapers and with a paci! It will come. Good luck!

 

Giving up pacifiers has gone differently with each of our children. Sage only needed it until she saw Trey use it... that seemed to tell her that it was for babies. But then Trey didn't use it past the first couple of months, so he was easy. Adam was a pacifier baby. We had to cut down gradually with him. At first it was just for sleeping and got put away/hidden the rest of the time. Then just for sleeping at night. And eventually we got rid of it. With the girlies, it was harder, but we did the same thing. But we actually didn't stick with it the first time. They really weren't ready and were so miserable it made me crazy. So I waited a couple months and did it again. With Spencer, we actually just lost all of them. It was a couple months ago and I just decided I wasn't going to go buy new ones. So there was no gradual process, and he was super grouchy for 3-4 days. Then he found one, and wasn't happy when I took it away. But at that point he'd coped alright for a couple days, so I wasn't going to go backward and I took it away. I think most of them were between 2 and 2 1/2. Sage was a little younger, she was 21 months when Trey was born.

I've also heard of people cutting the tips off, so they don't feel right when the kids suck on them. They're "broken" and the kids just learn to adjust, I guess.

 

My god mother did this with her 4 boys and had great success. I wish I had done it with my son!

We finally took his away when he was 3.5. He made a deal with my husband that on a certain day he was going to give them away for good (he had 2, one for his mouth, the other to hold on to). We talked about it for a long time leading up to it and he gave them up willingly. For the next 2 months or so he woke up constantly...I was ready to just give them back although whenever he woke up he never actually asked for them he just called for me. If he had asked for them even once I would have caved and given them back as I was so exhausted (the girls still don't sleep well at night either ). He's one stubborn kid so I should have known he wouldn't give them up without some kind of fight! I hope it takes less time for your DD to adjust

 

We are still using pacis at night, but since we are doing PT now our plan is to eliminate them by the end of summer. We keep telling them that the paci fairy is coming soon because the new babies need them, so I am going to go buy some balloons, tie the pacis to the strings, and let them release the balloons into the sky for the paci fairy to collect. I figure that way they are prepared and active in the act of giving them up.

Our thought has been one thing at a time and I have yet to see a child start Kindergarten with a paci. Plus we have only ever allowed pacis at nap time or bedtime. My sister had Santa collect my nephew's pacis, but then he was mad at Santa for awhile. We figure the paci fairy is not a relate-able character like Santa or the Easter Bunny.

 

First of all :hug: you are doing fine, please dont worry about the paci or PTing-it will happen and in due time. I am sorry your husband made you feel badly about that.
My kids were 3.5 when my husband and I decided they had to go. My two were hooked on them like freaking crack addicts!! and were constantly losing them and begging us to help them find them, it was nuts and we were sooooooooooo over it!
We also did the binky fairy, and it went really well-I had it in my head that it was going to be the worst thing ever and it wasnt really that bad.
We tied all the binkies we had in the house on strings and hung them from a tree in the yard. Then we left to go camping for the afternoon/night (we thought it would be best to take off and distract them. Anyway my son screamed and cried for 30 minutes straight begging us to turn around and get his binky. :cry: but we told him we couldnt and that he was a big boy and getting to go on his first big kid camping trip. My dd never did cry. By the time we got to the lake he stopped and we havent looked back since.
Seriously no issues and bed time/naps nothing!!
When we got home the binky fairy had taken the binkies in the tree and left them presents.
The one time my dd did have a rough time was a nap two days later and she never asked for her binky but I could tell she was needing soothed. I gave her a popcicle and she was fine.

Good luck!! Most importantly wait until YOU are ready because it wont work if YOU arent ready. Stick to your guns and dont look back!! Take care.

 

I have one of those too ... a husband who is never around then tells me what I am doing wrong all the time =) He, at least, will acknowledge that he does not have the same issues that I do (they behave MUCH better for him ... tantrums are MUCH shorter and whining is MUCH less) ... well, this is what I think ... FWIW ... my girls had their paci until they were about 3 (maybe even almost 3.5) whenever they wanted it then we took it to nighttime only which was 2-3 weeks of hell screaming and fussing for it ... and saying they were "tired" and ready to go to bed at like 9AM. It was hell but we made it through. Well, they just turned 4 on 7/16 and we took it away for good on their bday. Told them that the dentist said no paci after 4 because it is bad for your teeth. They seemed to be old enough to really understand why I was taking it and not that I was just trying to be mean. Our dentist really did say OK until 4 and honestly my husband has braces right now and his orthodontist said that he wouldn't worry about it until the permanent teeth are coming in ... I agree with you ... they ARE still babies in a lot of ways and if the paci helps them deal with a big & scary world then why push it? That is just my opinion and I know that many may disagree ... really, if you don't take it away by 12-18 months then I think you need to wait until they can understand the "why" you are taking it away (ie it is bad for your teeth). My 18 month old still takes one and I think I will take it to nighttime only when she is 2 only because she will start pre-school and 2.5 and that was really hard for the twins ... starting pre-school and not being able to have their paci there ... 3 hours was a long time to go sans paci when they were 2. They had a really hard time with it and I hope to help her out by limiting it at 2 to bedtime only. We will see if I stick to my guns on that or not =) I may just wait and work on it over next summer before she starts school (when she is almost 2.5). My 4 year olds are having a bit of a hard time sleeping well but they are doing much better than they did at 3 when we took it to nights only. I think the extra maturity is doing wonders. Plus, if you take it too soon they will just suck their thumbs/fingers which is way worse (again, IMO). I agree with PP, wait until you are ready then be confident ... let them know that they are big and don't need them anymore ... if you are confident it will help ... if you are wishy washy then they will manipulate you until the cows come home good luck ... it is a HARD transistion believe me I know! I am NOT looking forward to it with Caroline (my little one). Also, once you decide to do it really talk to them about it. I told them we were going to give it to new babies and they were really upset and said that their paci would miss them and what would their paci do without them and their blankies and that their paci would be sad with a new baby (really, sounds corny but they were really stressed about it) so I decided that we would go pick out ribbons and pick our favorite stuffed animal and tie the paci around the neck of their favorite stuffed animal. We cut the rubber part off (they did it themselves) so they could not suck on it anymore but they can still sleep with it every night ... around the neck of the stuffed animal. It was great because they don't "miss" the actual paci though they do have a bit of a hard time falling asleep and/or staying asleep ... it got better fast though and they are doing pretty well 2 weeks later.

 

I didn't read all the responses, so I hope I don't repeat anything.

We had mentioned to DD (our only paci addict) that she was a big girl and needed to get rid of her pacifiers. She would cry and carry on and we never held our ground. It was night time and in the bed only.
Well, one day I was cleaning her bed off and had her pile of 3 or so pacifiers in my hand when something happened and I walked out of their room. (Probably to deal with one of them! LOL)
I sat them down on my dresser and promptly forgot about them.

Then came bed time and she gets in bed and looking all around for them. I realized what'd happened, but just said she should look for them. So we did. We walked around the house (I knew they were too high for her to see.) Even her brother helped. We didn't find them. And she cried those silent really sad tears and my heart broke, but I didn't give in.
We talked about how it was sad and that she may be upset, but that she was a big girl and could go to sleep without them. Her brother even gave her a hug and said that it was all okay and she was a big girl.

She's only asked about them a handful of times since! It went so much smoother than I ever thought it would!


Good luck! And I do think it's important to wait until you are ready too.

 

We did the paci fairy when my DD was almost 3. Each night we'd put a paci in a pretty little organza bag and the paci fairy would take it for another baby and leave her a little toy. On the last night the paci fairy left a bigger, more beloved toy. I won't lie and say it was easy, she had a hard time for at least a week after that last paci was gone. But I was not going to give in and give her one back because the paci fairy took them. And she was almost 3!

My other DD sucked her thumb, and when she was maybe 3.5/4 and the dentist said it was affecting her teeth, we told her that it is messing up her pretty teeth and she was a big girl who didn't need to suck her thumb anymore. And she quit doing it. She also did not want to poop on the potty for the longest time and I told her that she could not take ballet if she didn't poop on the potty. That worked too.