Overwhelmed

My husband and I were not planning to have children. When I found out I was pregnant we were in shock. I started to come to terms with my pregnancy, then we received the bomb 2 weeks ago that we were having twins. This was a REALLY big shock, twins do not run in either side of our family. I feel so over whelmed, and have no idea how I am going to be able to pull this off. My husband has been really great and keeps telling me everything will be fine. I don’t feel fine, in fact I feel ashamed because I have not gotten to a place where I feel happy or excited about the pregnancy. I feel like such a bad person. I'm worried about everything from money to the baby's health, to my health, and keep worrying that I won't be a good Mom. Did anyone else feel completely overwhelmed when they found out they were having twins? I want to be excited, but my fears and doubts are overtaking my emotions.

 

I think it is totally normal to feel overwhelmed. There are days that I still feel that way and our kids are already 2. Focus on one day at a time.

 

I understand for the most part. After easily getting pg with my DD, I had no idea that it was going to take 4 years before getting pg with this pregnancy. I wanted one more child soooo badly and we went through fertility treatments for over a year to get our success. I truely didn't think I would get pg with twins even though I knew it was highly possible since I was on fertility meds. When we went for our u/s to see "how many", I was shocked to see two beating hearts on that screen.

I truely freaked out the next day. I was freaking out about our car situation. I had just bought a Stratus in May, but knew that was no longer going to be big enough. I didn't know how we were going to handle that situation. Then, I just graduated in August from college. Right now I am a sub teacher and will do that next year too. I was freaking out about who would watch the babies. Can't afford daycare for two infants on my salary, plus I am day-to-day with work. Plus, how would my body handle the pregnancy? Will the babies be born early? If I go on bedrest, how is DD going to handle it? All sorts of stuff that would not be there if I was pg with one.

However, over time I learned to settle, and DH too assured me that everything would be fine. For the car situation, we bought my SIL Trail Blazer which I love!! We still need to sell my other car, but that will come in time now that spring is here. My mother has offered to babysit the twins when I go back to work in the fall. She is going to do it here at out house, we will pay her for when I do work, and it will be cheaper than daycare (though they will eventually go when I get a permenant position). Health of me and the babies I take one day at a time. That is all I can do. I know either it can be rough or it can go very smoothly. I just try to prepare myself for both. I try to take care of myself as much as possible.

It will take time because it is a shock, and give it time. Your fears are typical. Good luck and I wish you the best!!

April

 

I get overwhelmed too. DH and I tried for a year and a half to get pregnant and went through struggles with infertility. We wanted a baby more than anything. Now that I am pregnant, I have moments of panic of how am I going to take care of 2 babies? How are we going to afford everything since I am staying home (although we can live on DH's paycheck)? It is scary and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

I can't imagine your shock finding out you were pregnant and then to find out it was twins. I hope you can find peace with it and come to terms with the idea.

 

Yes!! You are definitely not alone!

We were not tying but not preventing and were ok with the idea of being pregnant although I have never had a desire to be a mom. When we found out there were two it was like a bomb being dropped on me. I too worried about absolutely everything. Honestly, I don't know that I have gotten to a place where I am completely happy to have two children. I know that sounds horrible and people will think that is unbelievable but I do not take alot of pleasure out of being a Mom. I love my children but don't feel what alot of other mom's feel. I do feel ashamed sometimes when I read about how for some mom's being a mom is their life dream and a goal they struggled hard to attain while I am still coming to grips with being a mom at all. I did not have that instantaneous bond that everyone talks about when you first hold your child and motherhood does not come natural to me. Instinct did not just kick in for me, I struggle each day with finding out how to do things and what to do/when.

I don't know that I am a bad person, just different. I love my children, I am doing everything I can to give them the best life I can (their Dad and I separated/divorced a couple years after we had them). I think the fact that you are worrying about being a great mom shows exactly how great of a mom you will be!! The great thing about pregnancy being 9 months is it gives quite a bit of time to adjust to what is coming.

 

after the birth of my second child i had a lot of health problems. i had irregular bleeding, severe pain, and infertility. i honestly didn't think that we were going to have anymore children. a little over two and a half years later, i start to have pregnnacy symptoms. i took the test and found out that we were expecting. i kind of freaked out a little bit even though i really wanted more children. it was partly due to the fact that i have severe adhesions causing my uterus to be attached to my abdominal wall and my bladder. at six weeks i started to spot and cramp. went to the doctor and they did a pelvic and an u/s. there they were. two heartbeats. i laughed and cried. i have always wanted twins...yet the next day i was flooded with fear and was very apprehensive about the impending delivery and aftermath...yet now i am okay with it. more than okay, even. i am so excited and can't wait to meet them! give yourself time, mama. it may take a long time. it may not. you will come to terms with it in your own time. don't beat yourself for feeling the way that you feel. it's totally normal.

 

You are not alone.
My DH and I tried for several years to get pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant, I was very excited. Then 2 weeks after, I found out we were pregnant with twins; twins run on both side of our families. But I was still shocked. My husband has always been very excited and very supportive. However, I cried for days asking myself 101 questions: What am I going to do w/ 2 crying babies? How much is this going to cost? Can we afford it? Can I be a good first time mom w/ no experience.....and to twins? What about my job? I've busted my butt to Graduate College and get to where I am now, how can I work and be a mom to twins? ETC, ETC.....
Trust me - I'm sure lots of us have had those thoughts. Now, I'm SUPER excited awaiting the day of my girls arrival. It took me about a month to come to terms with it. But I finally realized that......I wouldn't of been blessed with two babies if "someone" didn't think I could handle it. Trust me, I'm still nervous but I've bonded so much with my girls (it's super exciting when they move at the SAME time in your tummy - LOL), I can't wait for them to arrive. I know, that I will make some small mistakes as a first time parent, but that's how I will learn.
Give it some time to settle in - you will be fine. And don't feel guilty about having those thoughts. It's normal. I've meet other woman with similar thoughts too. You've been blessed with twins.

Good Luck.

 

Oh I definitely went through this and our girls were planned! I don't think I was ok with it until I was around 24 weeks and saw the ultrasound pictures and that they were girls. Then I realized, hey belong to a group of people that is very small, I am a multiples Mom! I am blessed and for some reason these two came to me or were given to me. I can do this! I have my hard days, but all the good days outnumber what goes wrong. It has been the best experience of my life. I wouldn't change it for anything!

 

You are definately not alone. We planned our second pregnancy and found out at the 18 week U/S that it was twins which I had always said was my worst nightmare. I think I cried every time I thought about it for about 3 weeks. I was grieving the loss of the life we planned. We were going to have 2 kids so that we could continue biking, hiking etc. It took a long while to come to terms with the idea of twins and I don't think I fully accepted the reality until they arrived. They are now nine months old and I wouldn't change them for the world. I won't say that things are rosy and easy - they are definately challenging esp. now that they are mobile, but I love them as much as my first daughter and we have found ways to continue with the things we love to do.
Don't worry about feeling overwhelmed - we all have and you will again. Have a good cry when you need to and remeber that you have several months to get used to the idea. When you meet them, it may surprise you. It certainly surprised me!

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My dh and I had just moved from Louisiana to Boston for his residency. We were not trying at all to get pregnant. Well, we moved up here and I started feeling really sick. I looked up the sypmtoms on the internet and they said either it was depression or pregnancy. I just knew I was depressed...we had no friends or family up here, and it was 50 degrees and raining in june... Well, my husband bought the test anyway and we found out I was pregnant. I was not excited at all. I cried and cried. The thought of one was overwhelming. I went 2 days later to get an ultrasound, and they found 2. I was so upset. I wanted to go back to match day (where they place you in your program) and stay in New Orleans. The entire pregnancy I was sad. I felt horrible and couldn't do much of anything and just wanted to be back home. I really felt like there was no way in the world we could handle this. A resident is never home and they make no money...but it really has worked out. I love having twins. They can drive you crazy, but I wouldn't trade one in for anything. Don't feel bad about feeling the way you do...you are not alone. This site has been a lifesaver for me though. I don't post much, but I read it a couple of times a day. And no one is a perfect mother...it is impossible. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You will do great. I learn new things everyday! When I screw up, I just remind myself that I don't remember anything that happened to me when I was a baby

 

While it is true that kids will turn your life upside down, I will guarantee you it will be such a fulfilling change you will be happy with your happy accident! I was never one to ooo and ahhhh over other people's children, and didn't particularly feel like I had to have kids of my own to have a good life. A few years after marrying my DH we decided that we did indeed want kids, and so we had our son. I will be honest and tell you there are times that will think you can NOT do this...and just when you think you're at your breaking--something happens and your heart will totally melt. I cannot count the times I've looked at my son and gotten all teary, because I can't believe we made him. They don't call it a miracle for nothing. Even though this wasn't part of your life plan--I truly hope you find joy and fulfillment in this new chapter of your life. It won't happen overnight, but I know it can happen for you.

Reyna

 

Yes I've felt the exact same way. Even though my husband and I planned to have children and probably would have more than one, I was very overwhelmed and not very happy at all over the news. The first things that went through my head were: my life is forever ruined, my body will be forever ruined, there are so many health issues for me and the babies to worry about and that we would be forever broke. I felt so guilty and selfish for the longest time for feeling this way. When we told people they would get excited and ask me if I was excited and happy and I couldn't say yes. The further I get into the pregnancy, the more comfortable I am and I've actually started to get excited. I'm sure you'll begin to accept it and start to feel better soon.

 

Oh sweetie! I am sorry you are feeling this way. It really is totally normal. You are not only dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, but two babies at the same time. And a twin pregnancy is a whole different can of worms compared to another pregnancy. So much more to worry about and think on.

Though we have 3 children already, I did NOT want any more for many many reasons. When I found out, I was pregnant I cried. I was barely coming to terms with it when we found out it was twins. I don't know what my reaction was, but suddenly there was 3 nurses in the room with me and the doc and everyone was asking me if I was okay, etc.

I am excited now. But some days it takes effort to not think about the things I wanted to be doing now rather then starting over with two little babies.

I think it is great you are being honest with your feelings. And it really is the greatest gift that we have 9 months to get used to the idea of a new baby(ies).

I have total faith that you will come to terms with these babies and love them dearly. But do not cut on yourself if it takes the whole pregnancy or even some time after the babies come. I totally wanted, planned for and obsessed over my first child. BUT I didn't bond with him until he was nearly 3 months old. It doesn't always happen instantly and that is normal too.

You will make it You will be surprised at how strong you are. There is a reason us women have the babies.

 

Like everyone has said- you're totally normal! We were planning on having a 2nd child, but when we found out we were having twins I was in tears. I think I cried for 3 days. I worried about their health, my health, the thought of bedrest, the thought of a c-section, NICU time, taking care of 2 infants, how our older daughter would handle 2 babies. I had a pre-conceived notion of how the pregnancy & baby were going to be & now I had to trash that idea & get used to a new plan that I didn't choose. I don't know that I ever got excited about having twins during my pregnancy. I did accept the fact & was prepared for them by the time they were born.

Now that they're here I couldn't imagine it any other way! The beginning is hard, but as they grow it does get easier. They smile & laugh & babble & it just melts your heart

Just take it one day at a time. You will eventually come to peace with it.

 

It took me about 3 months to get used to the idea of having twins. My sister got pregnant with a singleton at the same time I did with twins (she is 3 weeks ahead of me) and there I pictured her with her perfect little starter family and me with my head screwed on backwards dragging two of everything around with me. I cried, I complained to myself, and all I could think was that it wasn't how I had pictured it at all.

Somewhere around the beginning of my 2nd trimester I just snapped out of it and ever since have been so unbelievably excited. I feel so lucky to be having twins and love saying my "babies" instead of my "baby". I love the idea of the chaos that our life will be and would not trade it for the world. It is so amazing to me the we are being trusted with two children - like a pp said, not everyone gets that honor!

Be patient with yourself and don't expect to be elated at the beginning - you've been surprised with the pregnancy and then surprised with twins, that is enought to throw anyone for a loop.

Amy