overbearing inlaws

Hi everyone!!!! I'm new here and I just thought I'd introduce myself by VENTING!!!!! I am first time mom to fraternal boy/girl twins.They're already 11 months old and I can't believe I've never seen this website till now.As if mothering two almost toddler twins wasn't overwhelming enough----my DH and I have been living with his parents since the twins were born. At first I thought it would be great to have all the help.Now it just seems like I can't escape them. Everywhere I turn they're just sitting around(one "works" from home and the other is retired)judging everything I do and catching every little mistake I make. I feel like I'm not free to be myself and have crazy fun with my babies or even to try to discipline them when its necessary. THEY'RE ALWAYS WATCHING!!!! Anybody out there can relate, even a little???

 

to the board, glad you finally found us, and feel free to vent anytime! I can't relate, but I can tell you that I can't imagine living with my in-laws! I love them to death, but no way! Is this a short-term living arrangement?

 

Hi! We never lived with my in laws, but a week or so ago we had a bad ice storm and the power went out for a few days, so we stayed with them. I felt the same exact way. My MIL doesn't dicipline her 9-year old but she tried to overpower me with disciplining my 20-month old. I am so glad to not be staying there anymore and could not imagine living with them. Would it help if you tried talking to them and letting them know how you feel?

 

Yes, I can totally relate, I lived with my IL's for almost 3 years after Dave was born. I completely understand what you mean. They are always there and you feel as if you can never do anything right enough or fast enough!

to TS! I'm glad you found us, this is a great place for support, or to vent, or to share your triumphs!

 

welcome to the board....I have 11 monthers as well. I can relate...We relocated this year and had to live with my mother in law for 3 months until our house was sold and we purchased a new one.....so I totally get where you are coming from.....My mil was always judging the way I did things....I couldn't wait to get out of there. Glad to have you.

 

Oh man ... I don't live with mine but I can see how hard it would be ... mine was just over the other day and she always insists the boys have diaper rash when they don't ... I was changing one and she stood there and watched me the whole time, I knew she was watching to see how I change a diaper!
They are YOUR children, if you want to be goofy and happy with them, by all means, do it. You are the most important influence on their lives and you just go ahead and raise them however you want. If they need discipline, do it! If they comment on it, just start nodding and smiling and saying "thank you for the advice" and go ahead and do whatever you want anyways. I know, easy enough to say, but again, they are YOUR children, you need to take control!!!

Welcome!!!

 

Remember, they think that their children were never as bad as anyone else's. They probably forgot that they spanked their kids, as it was popular back then- or wasn't it? MIL's and mothers all did things differently, so we'll never live up to their standards. (Okay, I have a great MIL, but I'm not too sure I could handle living with her.) I know that my mother thinks I'm too harsh, but I just remind her that she slapped me off a piano bench one time, and I probably deserved it. But, only you can decide the guidelines for your kids, and even if you feel like someone else thinks your wrong- you do what you have to do to raise your kids right. Grandparents are supposed to spoil the grandchildren. They don't set the guidelines, and you do.

My advice is to talk to your husband. Let him know how you feel, and find a way together, to work the situation out. He should know his folks better than you do. (I'm talking the trash, the ammo, and any secret weaknesses they might have).

 

! Glad you could be here!

I can't imagine living with my IL's and I happen to get along great with my MIL. Probably because she lives 400 miles away, but that is beside the point! It is hard enough for me to turn off the internal voices (no, I'm not crazy!) of my mother, Aunt, Grandmother, etc telling me what I'm doing right or wrong throughout my day that I can't even pretend to imagine what it would be like to feel like you can't make your oun decisions about your babies daily life without someone breathing down you neck. As pp said, go ahead and nod your head and go about your business. They are your babies and this is your turn!

 

thank you guys so much for all of your encouragement!!!! Its nice to know that I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Thankfully this is a temporary situation--we should be moving out by the end of the year--but its gonna be one long year. I have tried telling them in subtle ways to give me a little space, but they seem to feel that being grandparents gives them the right to be wherever the babies are at all times. Sometimes I spend the entire day upstairs, and only come down for the babies meals just to get some air. I'm sure they interpret that as being rude, but at this point i don't care anymore!!

Thanks again for all the welcomes and support.