Do any of you have overly generous MIL's or mom's? My MIL is driving me nuts. She raised twins herself, so when she is off, she will often offer to come help with the boys so we can do work around the house, run errands, etc. That is really, really awesome and we really appreciate it. And every time she comes, she brings a giant box of diapers - she ends up buying about half our diapers, which is GREAT. BUT, she is drowning us in toys. :drown: Every time she comes (3-4 times a month), she brings two or more new toys with her. Today she brought a pack of bath toys (four toys in a pack), a vtech car toy, two snack containers, and an inflatable pool for next summer that she got on clearance sale. The last time she was here, my husband SPECIFICALLY told her not to bring anymore toys for now - and this is the third time he has told her this in the last couple of months. We have Christmas coming up soon, and then the boys have their birthday 3 days after that, so we are going to get totally swamped. Plus, she buys GIANT toys that take tons of room and things that are way above their age - one of the toys she brought today is for 18 months and they are 10 months. We just don't have room for all these toys. I've already ended up taking a couple of boxes to Goodwill or consignment. Anyone have any suggestions? I love her and appreciate all her help and support, but something has to give! I'm almost to the point of turning down her help or telling her she can come if she doesn't bring more toys, but I don't want to be rude.
What about telling her some specific things that you would rather have instead? It sounds like she will spend the money and bring things even if you ask her not to,so why not request things that you can use? Maybe say something like, "the children don't need any more large toys and we're running out of room but they could really use some books and some sleepers".
If she won't stop bying stuff, what about letting her know what will be useful? What do they need? I'm thinking practical stuff...not toys.
Perhaps you could give her a box with the equivalent amount of stuff for a rotation of toys at her house? Special Grandma's house toys or something like that. I'm actually a little envious- my MIL doesn't feel that it's necessary to give birthday party, xmas or spur of the moment gifts.
My parents do that too.. they want to buy the boys everything and it's sweet, but I don't want my house to fill up with STUFF and I just don't want to raise my kids in a plastic jungle, KWIM?I don't want them to anticipate grandma's visits because they mean more toys! I tried subtle hints for a while. Then I tried directing them toward things that we needed.. but nothing worked. I finally made rules and told them that they're only allowed to buy one item for occasions and that they're not to bring something over every time they come. I know this makes me a grinch, but my parents don't take subtle hints. They are getting the message slowly, but I did have to be firm... my dad wanted to buy them toys one day when we went shopping at costco and I ran around and put everything back. Then he did it again and I took them all over to his house for them to play with there... it didn't feel good, but it did get the message across! Now my parents usually some money in their piggy banks or take them for some frozen yogurt or take them to the zoo. My mom puts a dollar in their piggy banks nearly every time she comes over.. we joke that the kids make more money than I do! :lol:
I can't get the multiquote to work right, so I'll try to make this make sense. We have ended up donating a bunch of stuff. I just hate to see her wasting money on things we don't need. I have tried telling her specific things I want. In terms of toys, she ignores me and impulse buys what she sees. If it is other stuff, she will buy it, but ALSO buy a toy. She will not buy clothes, period. (my mom likes to buy clothes, though, so that works out well). Last week the boys had a cold and she brought us some boogie wipes. So she does do practical, just in addition to toys. As far as keeping toys at her house, we never go to her house. She works afternoon/evening shift, so she is rarely home when we could go there, and on her days off, she comes into town (she lives out in the country quite a ways). Cheeze, maybe I can send you some toys!! Rollergiraffe, that sounds a LOT like us. We've tried being subtle, we've tried being direct. DH said, well, just take the things back after she leaves and get a refund. The problem is, she comes in and takes them out of the box and totally destroys the box in the process, so there is no way of returning things after she leaves. No store is going to take things back in that condition. DH and I had another long talk about this last night...I think next time she offers to come over (she tells me via email), I'm going to tell her she can come IF she brings no toys. I really want her to come see the boys and they love playing with her, but they do not need more stuff. I'm also going to tell her that the toys have gotten to the point that I am going to return the things I got them for Christmas because we have no room and are going to get swamped for Christmas and birthday. I really think they will like what I got them, but it's pretty big, and I just don't know where we would put it at this point.
My mom buys a lot of useful stuffs for the kids: clothes, blankets, bottles,..but no toys haha.we do buy toys for them which is good.we always let the twins pick out what they like. I envy you.I wish my mil just as half useful as yours... Oh you can sell them on craigslist
I think her long lost twin is my mom. :laughing: My mom can't come over to my house without SOMETHING. Anything. It will be a shirt for me, as well as a book for them(mind you-I seriously have over 400 books!), and a matchbox car. Or, it will be a pumpkin cake pan she got at 75% off at Target, that I bought a day earlier. Or it will be cupcake liners for the Christmas season. Or a DVD for when Anthony has surgery. AND-because I have three kids-she has to bring something for EACH KID. My boys are three. Good luck!!!
My MIL won't take the hint either. She always buys ALL the kids something on one of the kid's birthdays. This year before my oldest daughter's bday I flat out told her not to buy for anyone else but DD. Very specific. Well surprise surprise she comes bearing gifts for ALL at the party. Pisses me off because I told her flat out no. Most of the time she buys crap toys too which fall apart so usually I let the kids play and within a week in the garbage it goes. If it's something that doesn't fall apart then it goes to her house. Her basement is finished and they have basically made it a large toy room for the kids. They have a lot of stuff down there. I told my DH though that next year I am getting really tough. I am going to be very specific and tell her NO toys for the others on birthdays. If she brings something anyway then it's being returned the following day. The money will be added to the birthday kid's savings account.
My MIL lives 1000 miles away so luckily we don't deal with this as much. But I get irked when she visits even because she brings loads of $1 store crap that is dangerous. Not complaining about the $1 store, but $1 store plus inappropriate aged toy bad combination. for instance she brought these ghosts on 2 ft neck cords that held bubbles. And other things like that. Then she says "this stuff is okay if you are right there with them." Right, I can be right there with them every second of the day - there are two lady! And Jude has a taste for hiding in dark corners and picking apart toys, books, gadgets apart...she is crafty like that. But this is also my MIL that always likes to tell me that she had it harder managing her boys at different ages and things are easier for me with twins. Not getting into that whole debate, but she always feels the need to tell me that. :headbang:
I definitely would not say anything except maybe, "oh that's so nice! You really don't have to do that - they have so much already! Please don't feel you have to get them stuff every time you come - your presence is a gift enough." And leave it at that. I'm sure it brings her endless joy and it really is sweet.
I understand what you are saying, but she doesn't take those subtle hints, and our house is totally overrun with toys. I appreciate everything she does, just wish she would curb the toys a bit. Like bring one every other time, and just one, not two or three. We even tried asking her to bring smaller toys, and not something so big. We do not want our kids growing up thinking they need to have a hundred toys around all the time - and everything she buys has music and lights and is very stimulating - some days my head hurts from all the different songs. Kids need to learn to use their imagination and not be entertained by flashing, singing toys all the time.
I wish my MIL was like yours! :lol: No, I'm sure if I was in your shoes, I'd be writing the exact same thing as you. My MIL doesn't buy anything for the boys. To the point that when I was still pregnant, she called me to tell me that she saw preemie diapers on clearance at the grocery store. So I went to go buy them and they were $1.50 a pack and there were 6 packs- $9.00 total! She'll be watching the boys for us 3 hours every day once I go back to work and we're buying all the toys and stuff for her house. I'm baffled because the boys are the first grandkids on DH's side and her best friend went crazy buying for her grandson when she doesn't even get to watch him (the mom is BFing and won't pump, so she doesn't leave him with the grandmom for more than a couple of hours). I guess I would just keep pushing the need for practical things. Do you know where she buys things? Would she notice if you took back and returned a few of the toys and used the credit to buy things that you actually need?
My mother is this way. Every time she's at the thrift store, dollar store--wherever--she'll buy something for the girls, and most of the time it's something I don't want them playing with or something they don't need. I take advantage by taking her to Target and Walmart with me, where she will buy the girls clothes. But if I leave her on her own, we end up with unsafe toys or little knickknacks they'll never use. (She just left for a trip to Mexico and informed me that she's buying the girls little sombreros. ) I've been very direct about her not buying stuff without clearing it with me first, and it hurts a lot to tell your mother to stop buying gifts for her granddaughters. Sometimes you have to be the Grinch so you're not surrounded (or drowning) in things you just don't need or want in your house.
She buys things at Target or Wal-mart mostly. Problem is, I am pretty much maxed out at both stores for how much I can return without a receipt this year. Would she notice? I'm not sure. But when she brings the things in, she open them and tears the box all apart getting them out, so I doubt I could return them anyway. I have a feeling I'm going to end up returning a bunch of stuff after their birthday, though. I feel bad doing that, but I just don't know how else to handle it.
Another idea because they're so little and won't notice that toys went missing.. donate them to the local children's hospital or other organization. If she's giving them for birthdays or christmas they'll still be in their box and you can just put them in the back of your car straight for the charity.
That is so true, and I hate to seem ungrateful, because I'm not. It's just too much stuff!! And MIL is going on a big vacation in December, so I'm sure they will get something (but she is flying, so hopefully it will be something small she can fit in her suitcase).
You've done your best to tell her. So, it's not your fault and you are not ungrateful. Some deserving children are going to get some nice new toys - donated by your MIL! :laughing:
Or start selling the extra toys on e-bay and deposit the proceeds in a college fund! You could start with the oldest toys first, and if it comes up in coversation, say that they had "outgrown" them.
I'm sure I will end up donating or returning a lot of the things from their birthday or Christmas which are still in the box. Unfortunately MIL opens and totally destroys the boxes of the things she brings in, so no returning them. I could still donate them, but then they are used and not new, and some places only want new things.
My mom does the same thing but with clothes. She buys things on clearance in a bigger size, but they end up just clogging a closet because what she thought would fit them in the winter won't fit till spring! Many times I will take them back to the store or just pack them away in the basement to save for our next child. Sometimes I take the clearance tags off and save it for a friend who has a child. I know places like toys for tots want new toys but you can always donate to goodwill or salvation army. Maybe a local children's hospital or daycare could use toys? Or, a local women/children's shelter or find out from catholic charities if there is a local family in need.
Maybe you could ask her to start a 529 for each kid and put $$ in there each month instead of buying all the toys. Or even suggest only 1 toy and the rest of the $$ in the 529? Anohter thing you could do it tell her thanks for all the toys but it's too much and you will be donating 99% of things she brings to your home. Then she can decide what to do with that information. Oh the other hand, it's her money to spend and it's not really any of your business how she spends it. buying her grandchildren toys obviously makes HER feel good and it is more about her than them. It needs to be her choice as to how to redirect her buying/giving impulse or you will never "win.".
I disagree with this. In this situation she is spending her money on items that will live at the OP's house. That is the OP's business.
Yes, I think it is mostly about her honestly.....she's not very good at showing affection, and that is one way she does. But I do think it is my business. We don't want our kids growing up thinking they always have to have a million toys - and most of what she buys involves music and lights, too, and is very stimulating. What little I buy them, I try to buy things that take more imagination - blocks, the little people sets, etc. But maybe I do need to be more direct and just tell her that I am donating or selling many of the toys because we just don't have room. I'm also going to try asking her to not buy anymore toys until after their birthday, which is 3 days after Christmas, because I know they will get swamped and get duplicates. That would at least buy me some time if she would agree to that! (I'm also writing a letter in their birthday invitations to say no gifts or necessary, and asking people to please give us money for their savings account or clothes or books instead of toys - I'm hoping MOST people will listen). I do know she bought them snowsuits for Christmas, but she also shops for both grandma's on DH's side, and she bought them a toy for each of them from each of them already, so that's 4 more toys!
When I say it is not your business how she spends her money, I mean that you can not stop her from spending her money how she wants to spend it. Her money, her choice. She also can not stop you from removing the things she buys from the house. It is 100% you and your dh's decision as to what you do with what she buys for your kids. All you can do is be honest as to how you feel about it, be direct, honest and clear. Give her suggestions as to your preferences. It is her choice as to if she respects those wishes or not. If she does, great. If she doesn't then do what you want with the gifts.
