out of control

I have not really posted on here, but I have twin 2 year old boys. I have no idea what to do with them. They will not listen! They throw their food on the floor at meal time :angry: Are starting to get really rough with each other and other kids. And will hit me when I try to stop them. We do time out and we spank. Nothing seems to work! <_< I am so tired of picking them up from mothers day out to hear how bad they have been. They really are good boys but they need to start behaving! Any advice would be great!

jaime

 

People dont like my ideas uaully, but here goes...

If they are throwing food on the floor, dont give them any! If they throw it on the floor, they are done and they go to their room until they can come out and eat nice. Trust me, they will get hungry enough to listen.

Same with the roughness, when they do it at home, separate them. Remind them that is not how they play and if they cant listen they will get spanking for their behavior.

Just my 2 cents... I hope things get better for you!

 

I would have to agree with Heather. Though I am not a big advocate of spanking, we do in our home as well when all else fails. I often wonder if hitting begets hitting but sometimes it is what works. I am certain to follow up a spanking with hugs and kisses and snuggles and talking through what just happened, that seems to work wonders and changes the behavior. Good luck to you!

 

Mine are a bit younger but when they drop food off their highchairs they are done.

 

We use timeouts. I have a 4 panel (square) superyard set up in the corner so they are confined.
We talk and show about gentle touch. They've learned to say "sorry".

In my opinion, spanking should only be for extreme cases. For example, your kid puts himself in danger by running into the street. Then a spanking is appropriate. But only when it's about real danger. Otherwise, I think spanking teaches them that hitting is okay, hence the hitting each other.

 

When they throw their food we have been making them pick it up and they go into time out. It is dumping out their drinks that just makes me so mad! And I can see some improvement at home, but mother's day out is the worst! I never hear anything good! I want them to go ( I have 2 other kids) so that I can have a break and they can have some structure but they are always getting into trouble. I'm really afraid that they are going to be asked not to come back. Also they are worse when their 5 year old sister is home! They all just feed off each other.
I will just start taking their drinks and food away the first time something flys. I sure hope they out grow this stage fast!

jaime

 

we have the same rule here: food on the floor? meal over. Milk or water gets dumped? drinks over. My kids only did it twice about 1 year ago. They learned FAST. I am sure yours will too.
I also agree with Heatehr's advice on the misbehavior. My kids test me a lot; other times they are just being kids (toddlers). But if I don't help them learn to behave now, my life will be a nightmare for the next 18 years. ha ha ha
Best of luck!

 

I try to know their limits and work within what they are capable of doing. For example, dumping drinks out. OK, well then they don't get open cups, stick with sippies. Mine still get sippy cups most of the time. If you want to really have them use open cups, then give them little dixie cups with about two sips of water in it. That way if it spills, at least it's not a huge mess. If they are dumping all their food, they get a couple small bites at a time. If they are fighting over a toy, separate them. I also try to change the scenery if they are really acting up. Go to another room, start an activity, do something to break the mood, it really does help.

 

Seems like there was a time where a bunch of us were dealing with the throwing food. Try to NOT react. Just say "Ok, you must be done then" and CALMLY take the plate.

I have found that my discipline has been somewhat effective (more than some of my friends) because I NEVER FAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH. IF I say that something is going to be a consequence and they get to 3 - it's DONE I NEVER EVER fail to follow through. I think you might have spirited little men, so you might need to be SUPER UBER disciplined yourself.

As for spanking, I know if I spanked - they would too. Since they COPY EVERYTHING - and that includes recently saying "Damm!t" and hearing my son use it EXACTLY as I had. So I know we would have a lot more hitting. That's just me and my kids. They might be the milder type compared to yours. I don't know.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I would also talk to the pedi. See if she can recommend some books or something... :hug99:

 

No matter what you do, everyone involved has to be consistent. If you threaten to do something, you need to do it. They are learning boundaries and how to push them to the breaking point. It's hard and frustrating but it does pay off in the end.

 

QUOTE(~* dfaut *~ @ May 7 2008, 10:10 PM) [snapback]761451[/snapback]
Seems like there was a time where a bunch of us were dealing with the throwing food. Try to NOT react. Just say "Ok, you must be done then" and CALMLY take the plate.

I have found that my discipline has been somewhat effective (more than some of my friends) because I NEVER FAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH. IF I say that something is going to be a consequence and they get to 3 - it's DONE I NEVER EVER fail to follow through. I think you might have spirited little men, so you might need to be SUPER UBER disciplined yourself.

As for spanking, I know if I spanked - they would too. Since they COPY EVERYTHING - and that includes recently saying "Damm!t" and hearing my son use it EXACTLY as I had. So I know we would have a lot more hitting. That's just me and my kids. They might be the milder type compared to yours. I don't know.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I would also talk to the pedi. See if she can recommend some books or something... :hug99:

I TOTALLY agree with following through. I do it and it seems to work. My girls are a bit younger, but I can tell that they know the concept of some things and KNOW when they are doing something wrong etc. When I tell them I'm going to do something - take them off something, out of the bath if standing etc. I do it - every time. I believe this sets boundaries for later, and sets up trust also. They will always trust me to follow through with what I say - good and bad.

 

I don't usually spank, I smack their hand. You don't have to hit as hard for it to get their attention.

Also, when they are fighting over a toy, I take the toy away until they both calm down and agree to share. It really is amazing how fast that works. They either share the toy without fighting or forget about it and move on to something else.

 

I agree, if they mis behave, after given a warning it is taken away. If it is food, "okay, you must not be hungry", if it is hitting, biting, pushing their brother, they do not get to play with them for a while. Essentially a time out but, it the begining, they responded to not being able to play together more than just the time out. But playing together should be fun, if they can not be nice then they loose that option for a while.

We do not spank. I was spanked as a child and I do not want my kids to feel that way. Also, it is easier to just say, "we do not hit" this way. I have used this as an example too. "Does mommy or daddy do "X", no, so we do not do this" Then go into how it makes them feel if some one does "X' to them. It is early, but they will get it and it sets up the process for discussion as they get older and can grasp more.

But, it is normal behavior for this age.

 

I just wanted to add one thought to the great advice you've gotten so far. This is the time to really work on discipline. You need to stay on them and stay consistent now, do the hard work now, and it really will pay off in having to do less of it in the years to come. It won't always be like this. You will feel like you are all over them right now, and it's exhausting, but it's worth it. It was hard work, and I did worry that I would always have to work so hard, but it gets better, and you are rewarded with (mostly) well-behaved kids.

Hang in there!