Our boys 1st b-day party

Our twin boys turned 1 on Saturday!!! DH and I bent over backwards to plan a wonderful party for them with very little help from our family. We realized last night after the party how much our families really act like they don't care. My sister and her family called 15 minutes before the party to say they were not coming. Apparantly, they had stayed over somewhere and were caught in traffic coming home and my sister said they didn't feel like getting back in the car and driving again. My FIL was supposed to come but apparantly switched his weekend days to work so he and MIL could go to the beach last weekend. He has never been to any our kid's b-day parties and DD is turning 4 in October. My MIL came an hour before the party started b/c she could only stay till 4pm because of a church meeting. WHAT?? The party started at 3pm. This meant my BIL and SIL and their child had to leave too because they rode together. They literally ate and left- didn't even get to see the boys eat their cake. One of my BIL's didn't come because he was just too tired.
So, you get it. I am so disappointed over a lack of family support and care. I really want to send MIL an e-mail letting her know how it really upset us that she left early. What do you think? DH says he doesn't say anything b/c it wouldn't make a difference.

I know the boys had a great time and I guess that's all that matters.

 

Shame on them for being so inconsiderate! I can imagine how disappointed you must feel. If it were me, I wouldn't email...as good as it will make you feel to get it off your chest, emails have a way of being taken the wrong way and sometimes worse than you wanted it to. Because I can't let things go, I'd probably make some "comment" about it next time you saw them...like, gee, it's too back you couldn't enjoy the birthday party...I know how important Church must be to you.

I'm sorry. That sucks. But, yes, the boys having fun is most important.

 

I know exactly how you feel. NONE of my family came to DS second birthday last month and this was despite me calling them all and organising a day that suited everyone. I should have known though as they never made any effort with the older two either. What I have learnt over time is to create a strong support network of friends. They have become my family and on DS birthday every single one of them turned up. Not only did they turn up they bought plates of food, some bottles of wine to share and they all helped clean up after the party!!! Next birthday I will be making it at a time that suits us and if my family do come it will just be a bonus. I personally wouldn't send an email as it will probably be rehashed for the rest of my life!!! Good luck with what you decide to do. (Also one other thing I have learnt is to not let the kids know if family is coming. That way when they cancel at the last minute the kids aren't disappointed. IF they turn up it is a nice surprise for them ... Learnt this through lots of kids tears)

 

I don't think I would send an e-mail either. Focus on the good time your boys had, because that is all that matters. It's your IL's loss for not spending time with them.
If anything is to be said, I would have your DH do it. Sorry that the IL's were not involved :hug:

 

Wow, that really sucks; I'm sorry your family let you down like that. I wouldn't send an email, but I would absolutely take their lead as to how much I would be involved in *their* lives. I wouldn't go to any of their family parties or gatherings if it were at all inconvenient for me. If anyone questioned me about it, I would just say that I didn't think that my family was an important part of their lives. ardon: But I'm rather passive/aggressive like that.

I'm so glad the boys had a great time, and that *is* the only thing that matters. 20 years from now they won't remember who came to their party, but they will have lots of smiling photos to look back on.

 

I wouldn't email, either. Nothing good will come of it. If they cared at all, this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't be feeling as you do. Family can be such a blessing and such a pain.. hang in there and enjoy the family you and DH have created

 

I am sorry about your family. I would be really disappointed too. I don't think I would send the email, but maybe make a comment to your MIL if it seems like the right time. What counts is that the boys had a great time! :birthday:

 

I am so sorry your il's were so disrespectful. That makes me sad. I am glad the boys had a good time and I hope that will overshadow your memories of the day!!

 

That really does stink. I am sorry they were not there to see your sons' special day. They are the ones missing out. I would not send an email. From experience, I know it wont work.

 

I'm so sorry they did that I agree w others, don't send an email... when in situations like this I often write a letter/ draft an email and don't send it just to get my feelings and the great things I think to say :laughing: down. I feel so much better after! I also try to act like these things don't bother me and try NOT to be like them. My IL's really irritate me too and I read this scripture on a friends FB right when I felt like I needed to let them know how I felt .... "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." All in all it will be their loss, live your life, be happy and act like it doesn't bother you... that will bother them the most!

 

Yikes. I am sorry about your family's lack of support. It's their loss though.

I'm late in responding to this -- but I would suggest writing the email about how you feel... but make sure that YOU DO NOT SEND IT! Sometimes it really does help (at least a little) to put all of your anger, repressed rage, etc, and all sorts of hurt feelings into writing. It's better to let it all out via the written word (a form of constructive therapy) versus verbal confrontation which is destructive.

Good luck and I hope they get their heads out of you-know-where soon!