Other moms - PLEASE tell me your house is a mess too!

Why is it that we are hardwired to try and do everything and be everything to everyone and everything??? I stay at home with the boys alone all day and many nights, and cleaning just doesn't get done - when they nap, if they nap at the same time, I just want to sleep, or relax, or actually eat a hot meal ... I keep up with the dishes and bottles and the babies' laundry (I actually love doing their clothes, they are so tiny!), but the rest of the laundry, bathrooms, floors - yeah, not done in a while. DH doesn't lift a finger to help clean around here - he always makes grand plans, like, "Today we are going to get this laundry done!" and I think, great, we can teamwork and do this together while watching the kids, but then he will lay around watching ESPN or take a 5-hour nap like he did last weekend and nothing gets done. He would rather pull out old socks (Gross!!) then take the time to throw a load in! And what ticks me off is before they were born I reorganized the closet and got laundry sorters and redid the dresser too, so that we could keep up with laundry, but it now looks worse than it did before.

But I still feel like I should be able to take care of the kids AND have dinner ready AND keep the house in order but I just can't, and I know that, but I still feel guilty. I feel like DH thinks I just lay around all day and don't do anything, he has never been alone with them all day so doesn't know what it's like. The one time he had them alone for 4 hours all they did was SLEEP, little traitors!!!

So please tell me I'm not the only one with a huge laundry pile and unwashed floors and some guilt about it.

 

Why is it that we are hardwired to try and do everything and be everything to everyone and everything??? I stay at home with the boys alone all day and many nights, and cleaning just doesn't get done - when they nap, if they nap at the same time, I just want to sleep, or relax, or actually eat a hot meal ... I keep up with the dishes and bottles and the babies' laundry (I actually love doing their clothes, they are so tiny!), but the rest of the laundry, bathrooms, floors - yeah, not done in a while. DH doesn't lift a finger to help clean around here - he always makes grand plans, like, "Today we are going to get this laundry done!" and I think, great, we can teamwork and do this together while watching the kids, but then he will lay around watching ESPN or take a 5-hour nap like he did last weekend and nothing gets done. He would rather pull out old socks (Gross!!) then take the time to throw a load in! And what ticks me off is before they were born I reorganized the closet and got laundry sorters and redid the dresser too, so that we could keep up with laundry, but it now looks worse than it did before.

But I still feel like I should be able to take care of the kids AND have dinner ready AND keep the house in order but I just can't, and I know that, but I still feel guilty. I feel like DH thinks I just lay around all day and don't do anything, he has never been alone with them all day so doesn't know what it's like. The one time he had them alone for 4 hours all they did was SLEEP, little traitors!!!

So please tell me I'm not the only one with a huge laundry pile and unwashed floors and some guilt about it.

 

There is no way you should be feeling that guilt! Your babies are just one month! You deserve to relax when you can instead of cleaning the house!!

 

Nope....you are not the only one! My house look like crap! I have stuff everywhere! Dinner...I figure if someone wants to complain that it isn't done, they can make it themselves. What you need to do it TELL DH he is watching the babies while you go out for several hours and tell him you expect to have dinner when you get home and watch to see if he can do it himself. If he does....then have him help more often. I find out that I can't ask DH to help out...I have to tell him. Or...I will give him a baby and walk away and if he starts complaining just keep walking and say you will be back in a bit.

You will get a sense of order pretty soon and things will calm down quite a bit. Don't beat yourself up too much!

 

you are not the only one we actually hired a housecleaner to come once a month...to at least get the basics done...i can't even do that! maybe once we get in a set routine (if we ever do!) it might be easier. i don't get dinner on the table most of the times until after they go to bed at 7...then it is me and hubby time. we try to do that most nights. before they were born, i'm like, oh yeah, i will cook every night because i'm home...NOT! doesn't always work like that. don't be so hard on yourself and just try to do what you can...a little here and a little there. i know i never used to try and start anything because i know they would wake up or cry, etc. now that they are somewhat on a little nap schedule i know that i can.

good luck!

Lois

 

Believe me you are not the only one. I just got done doing 4 loads on Wed and 4 loads yesterday and I still have about 3 or 4 more to go. I'm always so tired to do anything but the last two days I was off of work so I actually got alot of cleaning done. If it wasn't for those 2 days off my house would still be trashed.

 

You're not alone........I separated out 4 piles of laundry this morning before I went to work, to start on when I get home. Oh yeah, and I didn't load the two sinkfuls of dishes into the dishwasher, and my kitchen floor needs mopped, sheets need changed on beds, etc. It NEVER ends. We need a 40 hour day instead of 24 hours!!

 

My floors get so dirty from all the spit-up- I bet, no, I KNOW I can write out my list of things to do around the house on the floor! All that spit up leaves a shiny shean with these little hand marks EVERYWHERE!

Anyone have any ideas about how to clean pre-finished hardwood floors?

 

When the boys were 1 month old - my house was a dungeon. It was truly scary! Now it's not exactly spotless but it's not too bad. It would help if my DH knew what a hamper was and that dishes go in the sink not the floor or coffee table or where ever is handy. It would also be nice if my 7 yr old would pick up after himself without a huge fight, and that my 2 year would stop dumping everything on the floor. (EVERYTHING goes on the floor ) *sigh* I feel like I spend all day cleaning or playing with James and Sean .

 

Dh quickly realized that if he wanted to eat a hot meal, then he had to cook dinner for us. The house is not spotless, but with all the baby stuff all over the place who could expect it to be. When they sleep Im either busy with my son or trying to catch a 15 minute nap. THe house can wait, sleep and the kids cannot

 

Did you read my mind before writing your post? Your life sounds just like mine. I thought, "When the girls get older and can entertain themselves, it will get easier" Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. Now, they cry when I leave them alone to play with their toys. Plus, they can roll now. I can't put them in one place and have them stay. Plus, after a while they end up on their stomach and forget how to get off, so they scream. My DH doesn't say anything, but I'm sure he wonders what I do all day. I told him once that I wanted to see him get anything done when he is left alone with them. SO I left him aSaturday for a few hours and you know what his answer was? He just put them in their swings all day. SO now when I threaten him I tell him that dumping them in their swings isn't an option.

Anyway, long story short. I feel your pain. Try not to feel guilty. My house looks like crap all the time. I have 5 dogs, 3 birds and 2 rabbits. You can only imagine my mess. I just tell myself that its okay. The babies are #1 priority. Everyone always tells me how happy my babies are, and I think that is way more important than having a spotless house.

 

I have a sign hanging in my kitchen that says, "A clean house is a sign of a dull woman" - I live firmly by that rule. I must be one wild lady because my house is never spotless!

 

quote:
So please tell me I'm not the only one with a huge laundry pile and unwashed floors and some guilt about it.


I don't even have kids and I have the same. How you all can possibly have a clean house and a full time job (be it SAHM or WOHM) is beyond me

ETA:

quote:
It would help if my DH knew what a hamper was and that dishes go in the sink not the floor or coffee table or where ever is handy.


OMG, you too!!!

 

OMG....I was reading your post thinking to myself, "uh huh, yeah I feel that way" then got to the bottom & saw your ticker. Your babies are only 1 MONTH OLD! Honey, RELAX!!!!! There was no WAY I was even thinking about laundry at that stage. I barely even remember it, it's all a blur. Fortunately I had a lot of help & my dh is kind of clean freak so he does laundry himself (sometimes not always a blessing since he does it wrong a lot).

You need to just ignore the house, call a friend or someone to watch the babies.....make DH do it if you can't find anyone....and just take a little nap & relax. Sit on the couch with your babies & just cuddle....the laundry isn't going anywhere, but our peace of mind can!


This is a little poem my mom had on the wall when I was a kid:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs,
dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep.





If it makes you feel any better, my babies are 9 1/2 mos old & yesterday was only the 2nd time since they were born the kitchen got mopped.

 

we are messy people before kids, so the kids only make it worse.
However, I do have help with the kids a few times a week, and she will straighten up their stuff and do their laundry. She also comes to clean the house every two weeks, but her efforts generally only last about 12 hours.

One tip - we have been using paper plates ever since the babies were born, makes clean up after dinner a lot easier (albeit very anti-environment).

I seem to recall this issue during your bed rest...I think DH needs to help out - either by watching the kids or by cleaning up....but you should not feel guilty about ANYTHING.

Miriam

 

Mine are just about 17 mo. old and the mess had just gotten worse. My house looks like a tornado went through it. Everything I do to try to keep it organized fails. Hey, we keep the dishes done though. I hate that my house is never clean, but I'd rather spend the time I have with my kids and not picking up and cleaning after every single thing. I guess if I could get off my butt at night after everyone's in bed, then it might look a little nicer but I'm so beat by that time. You're not alone, believe me.

 

Well, mine is perfectly clean and organized. All of my clothes and socks are perfectly folded and in place.

JUST KIDDING...you are not alone!! Enjoy the babies and your mess! You have twins!

jen

 

In our house, dog hair is an accessory and mess is just one more thing to ignore until house guests show up...then we have a major cleaning party..well I do, while DH decides that it is a PERFECT time to clean the garage, or work in the yard, put in a new tree whatever.

 

quote:
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs,
dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep.


That is awesome ... you all are so right, they are only so little for too short of a time and I will never regret not having done that load of laundry instead of playing with my boys ... it's just that I do like a clean house and it does get frustrating sometimes but oh well, I'd rather have happy kids and be a well-slept and content mama than stressed out with a clean home!

 

As I write this, I am sitting amid a room stacked LITERALLY knee high with CRAP!! The way I have minimized my inability to look at the disaster that is my house is that I designated one room to hold all the stuff I didn't know what to do with...that is my girls' playroom and our computer room. Every time i walk in here, I cringe, but I know that I can see the floor in my room because of it. My house is regularly a disaster...the sink always has dishes in it, the laundry is always backed up, and there is kid stuff everywhere. I try to recruit my older girls to help out, but we all know how that goes!
You are DEFINITELY not alone in this...I just pray on a daily basis that no one comes by to visit, as I might be horrified to have company depending on how much I have been able to pick up that morning!
Big You're doing a great job with such little babies!! Cut yourself some slack and SLEEP instead of clean!!
Nicole

 

With 4 little ones at home and me and my husband work our house is never spotless. I try to keep it straightened up as much as possible, but it is never-ending. Here is another cute poem that someone e-mailed to me:

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there;
Ours boasts of it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.
For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges on the door;
I should apologize, I guess,
For toys strewn on the floor
But I sat down with the children
And we played and laughed and read;
And if the doorbell doesn't shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I'm forced to choose
The one job or the other;
I want to be a housewife,
But first I'll be a mother.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Her Royal Jennyness:
It would help if my DH knew what a hamper was and that dishes go in the sink not the floor or coffee table or where ever is handy.

OMG! I'm soooo glad I'm not the only one!!

My house is STILL a mess! I used to be anal about cleaning especially when we had company but this past weekend my inlaws came (one days notice mind you)and I didn't even vacuum or put the sheets on the spare bed until they got here! My MIL said that she's "so glad that they can just come down and I don't worry about picking up the house anymore" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! We are having an out of town friend come in tomorrow for a week....the girls are napping, I should be cleaning but where am I ......on the computer......just can't get motivated!

 

It just feels so wonderful to not be alone in this mess... I truly feel lucky that my husband will help out, but he works 3pm-12am w/ an hours drive each way...so (if he does a load of laundry I am estatic)the house is a mess. The only time I really clean is when my MIL comes over(she told my DH once that I dont keep a very clean house) I get all stressed out have a panic attack and clean clean clean.

 

Clean? What does that look like. My family of four plus a cat is crammed into a 900 sq foot apartment. Getting the floors vacuumed is like winning a gold medal.

 

My dining room table is the closest flat surface to the washer and drier. I don't remember the last time we sat down there to eat when we didn't have company. My oldest DD was so excited when my inlaws came because we were going to eat dinner at the big table. (She has a little table in the living room where she eats every night.) Not the ideal situation, but I have plenty of time to have a clean house when they are older, so right now I am cherishing the time I have with them since these are my last babies... I am lucky though, DH is an incredible help and cleans and cooks (and lately shovels all the time). I am going to hire a cleaning lady though, just so that we don't have to worry about the little stuff any more...

I am glad that I am not the only one that has a house that has been hit by the twinadoes....

Stacie

 

Uh- YES! Our house is a disaster! My kitchen floors are so dirty, I am ashamed to admit I looked at the bottom of my DS' socks and they were black! Yuck! I am a bit OCD too and it is really hard to be around it!

So you are not alone!

 

right here with you. you wouldn't believe what i did: for christmas i asked everyone to give me money and then my birthday was in january so again i asked for money. why? so i could get a cleanig lady. we just finished getting quotes and our first cleaning is a week from Monday: I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED. I FEEL LIKE SO MUCH PRESSURE HAS BEEN LIFTED. we are going to have them clean it every three weeks, and i have enough money saved up for about 6 months. YES!

 

quote:
Originally posted by kerrmommy:
In our house, dog hair is an accessory and mess is just one more thing to ignore until house guests show up...then we have a major cleaning party..well I do, while DH decides that it is a PERFECT time to clean the garage, or work in the yard, put in a new tree whatever.


OMG my DH does this too. We will have company coming and he'll say well why dont we clean up. Okay good hes gonna help. NOT. He decides to clean the back porch or mow the lawn that really doesnt need to be mowed. UMM what about the sink full of dishes, huge laundry pile, gross kitchen and bathroom, and gross floors. Apparently the back porch which no one will ever see is more important. Dont get me wrong DH tries to help but it seems his priorities are slightly different than mine.

 

This is on my fridge:

I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning. Just not as it applies to me.

The house is a pigsty and mine are 9 months. Sigh, I just don't have time and little bit I do get (like now) I spend assing around (like now) or doing bottles.

 

Oh, Kendra - when did you put on the Superwoman uniform?

As i recall, your DH has been working a second job plowing at night, and you have had TWO screaming colicky babies....what do you expect of yourself.

AND - WHO SAYS CLEANING HOUSE IS WOMAN'S WORK ONLY?? Hey, the men live there too, and if they think that staying home and taking care of two infants or small twins is easy - well, I say let them take a week off from work and leave them ALONE with them (not that we would, but...)

I know it's really difficlt especially if you're someone who likes order, but - my feeling as far as DH's or partner's who don't help out with the upkeep is that doing it all just enables them. So - stop doing it. Do teh babies' laundry (yes, those darling tiny clothes!) and your own, but don't do his. See how long that lasts. I don't mean to mean, but - sometimes men need to be hit over the head before tehy 'get' it/ And it seems like we all have to be resigned to having a less than perfectly clean and neat house for the next, say TEN YEARS!

Go easy on yourself, be gentle, let go -and enjoy your babies while they're this small!

 

Our house is dirty too....I just can't get motivated
I work in 5 to 15 minute spurts cause I have to stop and
do one of the many things that inturpts me ie: break up
the fight between Katie and Kyle over wanting to play
with the same toy, Answer the phone, Change a poopy diaper,
Feed the babies, Console the one that just got hurt, Console
the one that is jealous cause I'm holding the one that just
got hurt.

There are so many interuptions during my day that there is
no wonder my house is a wreck.

I just bought a swiffer wet jet cause either I'm to lazy, don't
have time or not motivated enough to mop (not sure which or if
its a combination of all ) I'm hoping that I can yank
it out of the closet run it over my floors and have it put
back by the time I could have gotten the mop and mop water ready.

That's what I'm hoping for anyway ......My mother gave me and sis both 50.00 each the last two months for us to get our houses cleaned
I'm hoping that's not a hint to me from her BUT rather a gift
I am saving it for when I'm at my wits end and then I'm gonna have someone clean it for me

 

yes my house is a mess. I started at 3 months old to try to get ONE housework thing done. First it was one load of laundry done per day. then It was 2 loads of laundry. then it was cooking some meal - one per day. I put my kids on a schedule at 8 wks and by 12 wks they were starting to get better and more predictable LOL and so I was able to use naptimes to get a couple of chores done and not just sleep myself. It does get better and get easier. Feel free to hire someone to help you come over. it's a good way to train in a teen babysitter. they can help you all day long. They get a feel for everything in the house and they can clean the floors while you nap and the kids nap. Pay them for the training and they think you're great.

 

The only clean place in my house is the spot underneath Leo's jumperoo where he buffs the hardwood to a perfect shine with his sock feet!

 

quote:
Do teh babies' laundry (yes, those darling tiny clothes!) and your own, but don't do his. See how long that lasts. I don't mean to mean, but - sometimes men need to be hit over the head before tehy 'get' it/


I've done that and all he does is pull out old dirty socks to wear!!!! GROSS!!!!! And he has a ton of clothes so it just piles and piles up.

 

Lol yeah mine looks like crap too! I have 2 big dogs who always trail their dirty feet in thru my kitchen which BTW has white tiles. The house is always hairy (cause off the dogs not me!)no matter how many times you hoover, the babies stuff is everywhere. I have only just finished the washing from christmas/new year and again it is builing up. My partner is good with housework and cooks the tea most nights. But when i got to work 2 nights a week he cooks dinner for himself and MIL and leaves the dishes for me to do! I am the same though i would rather sleep or relax when they are sleeping not do housework!! x