Only one twin gets accepted for school

My kids start kindergarten in the fall. We applied for a private school that goes from K through 8th grade. It's a really terrific school for our kids because it's a dual language program. My kids are bilingual and we really wanted them to continue learning both languages, not just at home but also in a school setting. They both passed the language test and were determined to be academically capable of entering the school. BUT there were too many kids who passed the test this year and they had a lottery to decide who got in. And one of our twins got picked but the other didn't.

We totally didn't expect this because the school has a "sibling preference" policy. If a sibling already goes to the school, the younger child is not put into the lottery but is accepted automatically. Maybe we were stupid for not asking about twins specifically, but we just assumed that if one child got in, the other gets in through sibling preference. The school told us that the policy only applies if a sibling is already attending the school and not when two siblings are both candidates for the school.

My DH and I can't agree on what to do. I think the child who got in deserves the chance the go to the school. We can't make everything equal all the time for them and these unequal opportunities are going to come up again and again in their lives. We can get a language tutor for the other child for a year and let him try again next year. (Though entry at 1st grade is alot harder because there are so few spots open.)

My DH thinks this school is crazy for accepting only one of the twins, when they are both qualified to go there. He says this just shows the carelessness and unthoughtfulness of the school administrators and says he will not send his child there. He also thinks that by sending one child but not the other, we will actively be giving them an unequal education. It's one thing if the school can guarrantee a spot for our other child next year, but what if their language disparity grows too wide within a year that the child who isn't going to the bilingual school never catches up to his twin?

I wanted to ask what you would do in this situation. Maybe some of you have already experienced sending twins to different schools. The school told us that the only other twin family who was in a similar situation chose not to send either child to the school.

 

I am perfectly comfortable having my children in different classes, I am perfectly comfortable with just one of my children being in the academically advanced and talented classes within the school but I have to say I don't believe I would be ok with different schools. Logistically I just don't think I could swing it!

I hope you are able to come to a decision that works for your family!

 

I totally agree with your DH. First, since it's a private school it most likely has smaller classes and therefore (in MY opinion) would prob be a better education all around. I would be thinking about their school work, and where they were in all their studies, ie: does the cirriculum (sp?) compare, what about the "arts" programs, etc, etc. Second, I agree with the pp about logistics, it could be a nightmare. Third, what if you couldn't get the other child in next year? Fourth, what will you tell the kids when one asks why he couldn't go to the school, why he wasn't picked, what if the one that didn't get in thinks it's b/c he wasn't good enough? (I know you said that they both passed the tests but kids think these things, even if they don't vocalize their concerns and you've told him that's not the reasoning.)

Anyway, I just don't think it would be a good idea. Mine are in the same school but different classes and one still goes to speech therapy. I couldn't even imagine them being in totally different schools...I think they'd freak out about and not do well in school at all b/c they'd know their brother wasn't just down the hall in another room.

 

I was shocked by your post and discussed it with my DH. We both agreed if that were our situation neither twin would go to that school.
We'd come up with another arrangement. THey could both go to the same school and maybe the extra expense we would have paid for the private school we would invest in a private language tutor/class for both of them.

Maybe theres still another option yet to be considered?

 

If they would guarantee that your other twin get accepted next year (because of the sibling preferance policy), I would go ahead and put the child who was accepted into the school. It sounds like a great opportunity, and something you feel strongly about. I would hate to potentially lose out on an opportunity for both children by turning it down this year, KWIM? I think that with a private tutor for your other child, the language disparity will not get too wide.

If the school refused to guarantee admission next year, I would have to agree with your DH and believe that the administration is being unreasonable. I do kind of agree with him right now, as it seems odd that they wouldn't put both children in the lottery together (meaning, they draw out your name, but both children are accepted). But, since it happened that way, I would just try to get some clarification on what would happen next year with your other son.

 

That's a tough call.

We thought we might face that type of decision when our boys tested for the gifted program school. Luckily both made it and we didn't have to decide, but I was of the mindset that each deserved to have their personal educational needs met, and I would have been open to considering separate schools.

In this case, though, it sounds like it's a great school with a program you like, but not necessarily designed to be a perfect fit educationally for either child. I would probably not put them in the school unless they both could go.

 

In preschool, I had my boys in different schools--because one had a special need and the other didn't--it was a logistical PIA!

I wouldn't do it. For one, the one that doesn't go, will probably "hate" having the extra school of the tutor--remember they are Kindergarteners, just to keep up with the sibling. Since it isn't an academic need, but a personal preference, I think it would be unfair to the kids. Like ehm, said about hers, mine have always been in separate classes, but I would never do separate schools unless it was something like Amy had with a gifted program.

 

I'm on the fence. I might send one child to K only if they could guarantee a spot for the sibling the following year. That way, only one year is a pain for you, and then moving forward it will work out, provided you want to keep the kids at this school through the 8th grade, and this is the school you really, really want.

But, if they couldn't guarantee it, then I probably would send both kids somewhere else.

 

I would absolutely not send either child to the school this year. Perhaps I'd try again next year to get them both in, but it's unfair to the twin that didn't randomly get picked. Plus, I'd much rather have my twins in the same school for logistic reasons.

 

Maybe you could tempararily or conditionally accept. I would conditionally accept on the basis that if anyone cancels or drops out the open spot goes to your remaining twin. I would talk to the school and see if they would go for this. If they would I would put him in. People are moving and changing there minds all the time. Your remaining twin could get in in a few weeks or so.

 

I think it's crazy that they don't have a special concession for twins in their lottery system. You can't be expected to send your kids to completely different schools - how are you going to get them both there on time? What about holidays - will they be the same? Extra-curricular? Honestly, I know it's tough, but I'd probably try to find a suitable alternative for BOTH of them.

 

I agree with your DH. The school is being completely unreasonable. I think that no matter what you do the twin who doesn't get to go to the school will feel he has been treated unfairly (because he, you know, has), or will feel that his brother must be smarter/better. Not to mention the logistical issues.

I sort of had Cali and Trent in different Kindergarten programs. It wasn't my choice, Cali got herself kicked out after 3 weeks, but for the rest of the year Cali was homeschooled while Trent went to private school. It created a lot of feelings of inequality from both sides and it was a relief when Trent asked to be homeschooled also the following year.

 

Thank you ladies for all your input! I had many many discussions with the school and with my DH in the last week. We decided that neither of our kids are going to the school, at least not for this year. I'm really disappointed because this school is excellent in terms of academics and bilingual education. But we decided that there was just no way to explain to our kids why they are going to different schools, and no amount of education was worth creating feelings of inequality between the siblings. They could neither guarantee a spot for the other twin next year nor will they give him the next open spot that comes up during the school year, because that would be unfair to the other children who didn't get picked in the lottery.

After numerous talks with the school, I came to the conclusion that they just did not think about how twin siblings would be handled in the lottery and treated our kids like two individual, unrelated applicants. (Even though in the application, we talked about how they are twin siblings and their relationship with each other, etc.) The more I talked to the school the more I got the feeling they just don't get it. They acted as if we were seeking special treatment because our kids were twins, when in fact, we feel like we were treated unfairly compared to other siblings who could take advantage of the sibling preference policy.

Anyway, your input helped me put things in perspective and think about how this would affect our kids. So thanks again!

 

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Being from NY myself, and a teacher...I do believe with lotteries, they are sort of supposed to take both? Maybe that's just gossip I have heard ( and want to believe)?

So sorry about that though. That really stinks that the school is being unreasonable.

 

Our K lottery was a family lottery, each family had a number not each child.

 

I can't believe they've already been through this situation with one other twin family and haven't rectified the problem yet. I agree with your DH that they are definitely showing a lack of consideration and I don't think that bodes well for how easy they'd be to deal with in the years ahead. It sounds like an awesome concept with a horrible administration. Like you decided, I wouldn't send either child to the school. I probably try again next year and definitely send them a letter about changing their lottery policy to fit the times (of rising numbers of multiple births) and list the reasons why it is unacceptable for them to expect parents of twin to split their kids between two different schools but make concessions for other siblings.

 

QUOTE(ehm @ Feb 14 2009, 09:23 PM) [snapback]1190356[/snapback]
Our K lottery was a family lottery, each family had a number not each child.


This would have made perfect sense.

I hope the school fixes its problem and you are able to get them in together next year.

 

Just playing a bit of Devil's Advocate here, what if one twin was considered qualified, but the other isn't. By saying that twins automatically get a double space in the lottery would mean that a twin who might not otherwise qualify would get in because of their twin status. If I am correct, ehm was talking about a lottery within the public school for full day K--this is for a private school, so I think they should handle it differently--since they could just as easily say they don't want to take either child, simply because they don't want to deal with issues of twin equity. As long as the policy is told up front, I really don't have a problem with them treating the twins as two separate spots--because that is what they are. But you as the parent have the choice to opt out completely--which is what I would do in this situation.

 

but why would a child not eligible for the school even be in the lottery? That doesn't make any sense to me. Or course only the children qualified for the school should be in the lottery but in the case of multiple eligible children it should be a family number so that either they all get in or they don't.

 

Like I said, just playing DA, and bringing up how parents may try to push in a child based on them being a twin over qualifications. Because you know, someone would say, "well they are twins, so you have to take them both".

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Feb 15 2009, 04:43 PM) [snapback]1190960[/snapback]
Just playing a bit of Devil's Advocate here, what if one twin was considered qualified, but the other isn't. By saying that twins automatically get a double space in the lottery would mean that a twin who might not otherwise qualify would get in because of their twin status.


Only children who pass the interview move on to the lottery phase of the selection process. Each child gets tested separately, so it's possible that one twin passes and one twin doesn't. And we would not have any problems if that was the case. We do not have any qualms about sending them to separate schools because they have different abilities. Nothing good could come out of sending a child to a school that is beyond his abilities.

But our issue with the school was that they have a pre-existing "sibling preference policy" so that children with siblings already attending the school did not have to go through the lottery as long as they passed the interview. The school said this policy was in place because it would be too cruel to deny entry to a younger sibling who is qualified, based solely on the luck of the draw. Well, it seems unfair to me that this policy applies only to different age siblings and does not apply to twins. Since twins will usually apply together, I feel like if one gets picked in the lottery, the other should not have to go through the lottery because of the sibling preference policy.

If all applicants were treated as individuals and entered into the lottery, whether they had siblings at the school or not, that would also be fair and square. It was the inconsistent application of their sibling preference policy that really made us mad. I think it puts twin siblings at a disadvantage in the application process.

 

In the charter school here we have applied to M&T are both in the lottery, but if only one gets picked, the second will go to the top of the wait list for IF a slot opens up, then that slot would be taken by a sibling of an existing student, because the first one would be a student then.
We have decided that if one gets picked, we would actually send then to two schools for at least the year because the education at the school we want then to go to would be worth the extra hassle for us.

 

We opted not to divide our twins, not by school, but by grade, and instead homeschool. I would hate to have to explain to my child that they didn't get to go to that school because they weren't "picked". I think you made the right decision.

 

great

 

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