Only focuses on the negative

hi again, its me… the lost mom of a teen. Do you people have any suggestions on how to get my oldest to stop focusing on the negative… I know a bit is his age/phase… but its warring on me… we (his father and I) are positive people, and make a point to not point out the negative and focus on the positive. We have done the “ok now tell me something good that happen today” and he will reply with “my sandwich @ lunch was good”. BUT if you believed what he said w/ out knowing he was exaggerating… you would think every day was the end of the world

Example: we all went for a walk and DH says: “Look at that beautiful view of downtown”, DS reply’s w/ “too bad all that dead grass is here”. Yesterday, his Dad took him paintballing for his 13th birthday… he had a blast… wants to work at the field when he is old enough… when I talked to him… all he did is focus on his ambushes and wounds… if I had not spoken to his Dad (via email) while they were out I would have thought he had a miserable time… I finally said, “Did you have fun”? “YES”! “Then why have you only told me all the bad things about today”? He reply’s with “That is just the way I talk”… and I said “Well I really think it’s time you changed the way you talk” and walked away… I never I would tell my child he needs to change… It was actually good for me to see the whole evolution of paintballing w/ his Dad… it was easier for me to look more from the outside looking in… I wasn’t wrapped up in his negative drama

I think I need some ideas to help him “re learn” focusing on the positive of life… any idea… or is it a wait this one out he will outgrow it???

Thanks Again,
Elizabeth

 

It's his age, and the whole teenage drama 'my life sucks' kind of thing. It's no longer cool to be happy and excited.
I would just ignore the negative comments (unless they are serious) maybe only engage him when he is saying something positive...also you could point out what a drag it is to hang out with people that are always negative...maybe if you point out that even his friends might get tired of the drab attitude he might try a little harder.
Good luck!!! and :hug: to you!!
You are a sweet, upbeat positive person, so I imagine this is tough! Hang in there!

 

Thank you... and thank you for even understanding that post... i wrote in such a hurry this morning, that i did not re read it before i posted... thank you i know it was hard to follow...

I think you are 100% correct... its the age... but geez... ‘bummer man’ now delivers... i am totally taking your advice and pointing out friends might not like it as well... and i will brace myself for the "well i have no friends..." he does... so i will say "ok... maybe be more positive and you will get some"... a little tougher love may be in order… and I will TRY to only engage positive conversations and ignore the negative… OH, this is gonna be hard

again :thanks:

 

Sometimes the only thing I can say to my 7th grader is nothing. I literally have to close my mouth with my hand so I don't tell him to "lighten up!!" I just ignore him, or smile and change the subject. He eventually stops telling me what's wrong, but really, so much of his conversation is devoted to telling me bad stuff!

Glad to hear it's not just mine.

I think adults have to talk, and not just to their kids. The kids have their own private time and friends, and adults need that just to deal with the teens. So, we're here!