Only 2 days - why so hard?

Hi - My kids are in daycare 3 days a week, and I am home with them the other 2 days. It is only 2 days and I felt so great that I was able to create a part time schedule for now so that I could spend some more time with them. However, I feel like a terrible Mom because I am really struggling with those 2 days. It just feels like my kids are so cranky during that time. Apparently they are happy as can be at daycare but on my days at home with them it feels like they are crying, or fighting, or they just want me to hold them all day long and they are unhappy. I have tried so hard to make the days interesting, but I just feel like it is not working out well. On a typical day at home with me we will get up, breakfast, dress etc. then one day we have a class (dance which they love) then home (and it's only 10:30am now!), play time, lunch, nap, by this time it is only around 2pm - 4 hours till Dad gets home and I am at a loss. We do crafts (colouring or whatever) which they like for about a half hour, we play music and dance (also they last about a half hour), books (1/2 hour), more play time which turns into crying and fighting and they are miserable....and we still have hours to go until dinner and Dad relief!!! If I can get out again with them I do but it is bitterly cold where I am right now so it is very difficult and completely exhausting too.

How do you stay at home Mom's do it? I am exhausted at the end of the day and miserable, then wish I could just work full time but feel guilty. Sigh. My hubby doesn't understand at all. He thinks I am so lucky to get to stay home with the kids all day and play.

What am I doing wrong?

 

I was thinking myself about posting something tonight that would have started with 'My boys are great, I get regular babysitter and daddy relief, how come I ditch the kids whenever I can? Why don't I enjoy being around them more?' Every day I count down to naptime, then again to bedtime. No matter how much 'breaks' I have, I wish I had more. So, while I don't have any answers for you, I know just how you feel ... :escape:

 

I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all. I am a SAHM and I know I count down until naptime (or now at age 3, quiet time) and when my DH gets home. It sounds to me like you have a lot of activities planned for the days you are with the children. How long do they nap when they are with you? I'm not sure how old your twins are but I know from 15-19 months, my two seemed to have a lot of tantrums and neediness and I think a lot of that had to do with learning to talk and not yet being able to communicate the way they wanted to...plus they were getting teeth, which made them get grumpier easier.
:youcandoit: Hang in there! It does get better. :hug:

 

No advice just letting you know your not alone in your feelings. I work 4 days a week and then i'm with them 3 days and even though its the weekend i'm pretty much alone, DH works nights and the weekends so he sleeps most of the day. I know how frustrating it is, i just keep telling myself summer will be better!

 

I know how you feel some days. Our boys aren't in daycare, but when we go places they are great. But at home, it's whining, wanting to be held, fighting over toys, etc. I go to grad school two days a week, and I really look forward to those days that give me a bit of a break. I don't know how you feel about TV, but I find it helps break up the day to let the boys watch a video. During one of those long stretches, I'll pop in a 30 min. Baby Einstein or Barney. It helps add some variety to the day, and I don't let them watch more than one or two videos a day. I can't wait until spring when we can go outside more!

 

I'm not a SAHM, but on days when I'm alone with the boys I do get an idea of how hard it is!! I don't think your kids are necessarily happier at daycare, but they are probably crankier/clingier with you because they're comfortable at home and can let it all hang out. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it's kind of like a weird compliment that your kids love you so much they can melt down in front of you. I know my guys can be happy as a clam all day, and as soon as I get home they can become whiny leaches.

Being at home with toddlers is not like playing all day! Maybe your DH should stay home with them one day while you run errands or have a day to yourself.

Hang in there.

 

it's just a hard age/time... it's especially hard when you can't get out easily! do you have one of those climbers/slides that you can have inside the house?? I live where it's HOT, and I finally realized I could bring our slide thing inside the house this summer, that was great to have. But again, that's only another 30 min. activity probably!

as for reading, the older ours get the more times we can do reading... I would get frustrated with them trying to rip the pages in the books and not take turns with the pages etc.

you're doing great, keep it up.

 

Kids this age are clingy. It's hard. What about making a totally safe space and giving them some more alone time? I don't believe that children need every moment to be scheduled for them. And I have actually found that while it seems selfish, finding time to just be me (on the computer, reading a book, whatever), while arranging for them to just hang out and do their own thing makes us all happier. I have older kids who are here most of the time (we homeschool), so there is often someone to entertain Spencer (20 months old) if I'm needing to do something else. But he also spends a good amount of time some days just doing his thing, building with blocks, climbing on the furniture, etc. Yesterday he carried a wooden sword (his big brother's), a nerf football and a plastic Harry Potter wand around for hours. He'd put them down, do something with one or more, pick them all back up, and continue the cycle. Other days, he's all about the Kid K'nex blocks. He gets read to, held, sung to, danced with and so forth for a good chunk of the day, and can often be found on my lap, but he still has a lot of time to just manage his own time. The days he doesn't, we have way more meltdowns and he's a lot clingier. Seems kind of contradiction, but it's true.

 

I agree with Dielle.. as much as I love playing with my kids and want to interact with them, they just do better when they are left to their own devices and explore. I put them in their baby safe area and they're quite content to hang out most of the day. That's not to say they don't get cranky, but they just seem to enjoy working things out on their own and they come up with all kinds of inventive uses for their toys. When I climb in with them and start to play they start to fight over me and get whiny and clingy. It sucks!

Winter is also hard because we're cooped up and bored... I try to come up with some kind of new thing for them to play with every day.. a cereal box, pots and pans, tupperware drawer, computer game, colouring anything just to keep them stimulated for part of the day. And when it's nice out we get in the stroller and go, no matter what!

 

I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel to know that I'm not the only one who finds it difficult. I was really feeling so guilty. It's funny, as a first time Mom I feel so lost about everything - how much time I should be spending playing with them, how much time to 'leave them alone' etc. I usually go with my instincts and hope it all works out! I think I will try letting them play on their own more often and see if that works. Thank you for the suggestions. And YES, totally agree about the winter it is so hard. In the summer we are out all day long in the winter I guess we all have cabin fever.

 

i was JUST thinking about posting a topic like this.

my boys on sleep 45 minutes MAX per day (my 3 year old sleeps longer than they do). thats A LOT of hours to fill.

we wake up
have breakfast
play for an hour
go out (to the park/soccer/play group)
come home for lunch and nap time
wake up and a little tv
afternoon tea
sometimes we go outside if its not to hot and play in the paddle pool
they enjoy playing alone in their bedroom with all their toys (and will do it for about half n hour at a time) which is nice
dinner
bath
and a little more free play

i count down the hours for dads arrival.
im interested in everyones ideas!

 

Hmm, only wish I could convince DH this. He believes that they're cranky, clingy, and whiny because I don't spend enough time with them. That if I have a babysitter, they aren't getting enough 'mommy time'. *sigh*

 

I also agree with Dielle, I don't think kids (and even more so, twins), need to be entertained by mom/dad/caregiver all day long. My oldest, of course being an only child, had my undivided attention. I was always on the floor playing blocks, or cars, or something with him.

Then I had our second child, and I had to balance have an older kindergartener at home, and a newborn. My oldest didn't have me all to himself, and he had to start learning to entertain himself. And of course, when he needed my help with something, my younger dd had to learn to entertain herself.

Now, with the twins, and having 4 kids...they all do very well playing together or individually. The twins will go play in their room for hours at a time some days. I don't keep their days planned out. If they get bored with playing, we'll come up with some other activity ( coloring, making a tent with blankets, bouncing on pillows on the floor..etc), but otherwise, I just leave them to their own devices. They'll often bring a toy over to show me, or for me to fix, or come up for a quick snuggle, and then toodle off on their own for awhile

 

I work every few days (not a regular set schedule) and on a morning after I've worked mine are the same way. If I've been off several days in a row they ease up, but initially they are so clingy and cry at the drop of a hat. I know its partially an act because if I am in the next room and they don't see me, DS can whale on his sister and she won't cry. But, if I'm in the room it's hysterics if he brushes past her.

I will say that we don't schedule out our day and they seem pretty happy with free play. I rarely intervene but just sit in the corner and if they want a book or to play with me they will bring it over otherwise they play together or by themselves. Also, mine nap from 1-3 or 4 but if they are playing happily in there we will leave them for a little while. They chatter and giggle and can't fight!

Another thought, if the fussiness is worse in the afternoon maybe there is too long between nap and bed. It may help to try pushing their nap a little later and see if the afternoon goes well. Also, sometimes mine will get fussy when they need a snack and its easy for me to lose track of time and forget its snacktime.

 

I am a stay at home mom, and it's HARD! I completely understand how you feel. I count down the hours to nap, and bedtime, so that I can get some peace and quiet. My 3 yr old goes to daycare once a week, and even though I still have the twins I feel like its my "freedom" day. I am finding it hard this month because, like here you are, its been extremely cold here so it makes it really hard to go out, and I KNOW that that is what my 3 yr old needs right now. Just know you arent alone, like all the other girls have said in their posts.