One ready to give up naps

I think we are running into trouble with naps. DD has always needed less sleep than DS and she seems to be giving up naps for good. We have had phases of her fighting the nap before but now it has become the exception rather than the rule for her to nap for some weeks.

She has stopped napping at daycare but will lie down quietly and "just rest" for half an hour or a little more until all the other children are asleep; at some point she just gets up and goes from the sleeping room to the main room, but is very quiet and does not wake anyone and then settles down quietly to read in the snuggly corner. The daycare teachers are ok with this because she gets some quiet time, doesn not disturb anyone else and is not overtired or cranky during the afternoon. She refuses quiet time at home so far - so I need to work something out there, but that is another topic.

The real problems start when we get home. We get home around 5pm from daycare. We then used to all play in the garden for a while to de-stress and get some fresh air and then I would get dinner and we would start the bedtime routine (pjs, potty, read a book, prayers, sing to them) at 7pm and they were usually asleep no later at 8pm. But now DD is overtired and asking to go to bed at 5pm, even before dinner. Forget the garden or playtime for anyone, she is really cranky and disrupts the whole household - tears, hitting and biting her brother which she normally never does, disturbing his play, unable/unwilling to do anything but be on my arm (preventing dinner prep), making a mess instead of eating at dinner etc. I realize this is due to overtiredness, but it is still not nice and very challenging.

DS still naps at least 2 hours and he needs them. He just crashes at noon, and there is no way he would last through the day at daycare or at home without a substantial nap. But he is not a self-soother - he needs our calming nap routine of reading a book and cuddling and listening to music with me to go to sleep. I have tried moving dinner and bedtime earlier but that means DS is not tired enough to go to sleep and is so noisy and disruptive that DD cannot sleep either - just still full of boyish energy. We are always alone at bedtime during the week, either DH or I work late and do not come home before 8.30 or 9 pm.

If I let them live by their schedules this would mean:

6.15am: wake-up, breakfast snack, leave the house
9 am: breakfast at daycare
11.30 am/12 noon: lunch
12/12.30 pm: naptime routine with DS (about 20-30 minutes)
12.30/1.00 -2.30/15 pm: DS nap and some sort of quiet time for DD
3pm: afternoon snack
5pm: get home
5.30pm: dinner (this is the earliest I can manage)
6pm: bedtime routine for DD (about 30-40 minutes)
7pm: bedtime routine for DS (About 30-40 minutes)

Apart from the fact that this is crazy for me - e.g. when do I get stuff done around the house and much more importantly for work?
What do I do with the respective other child while I am doing the nap or bedtime routine? They are both tired at that time and that is not ideal for playing all alone somewhere without any supervision (even with a lot more childproofing).
We co-sleep and all share one bedroom and one bed: So how do I handle DS' bedtime without waking DD?

Thanks for reading this novel. What would you do? What did you do? Any ideas?

They need their sleep, otherwise we are all unhappy!

 

i have no advice but we are in the same boat so i feel you! one of mine needs a nap about twice/week. otherwise, he'll lay down w/brother but want to get up shortly after his brother falls asleep. then, not only do i lose my time to get things done, but have to entertain my little guy so he doesn't get bored and wake up his brother! and, same problem as you at night--he then needs to go to sleep at 7:30/8pm while his bro isn't tired until at least an hour later...... it sucks!

come on all your brilliant members/grads of 2-4 year old forum: give us some advice!

thanks, jl

 

Hi there firstly, sorry you are having a hard time with this and to be honest I don't really have any answers.
All I can tell you is that I had a terrible time as well and after a few months of tearing my hair out they are finally BOTH not
napping and have an earlier bed time. I tried to get DS to nap for a shorter period of time - like 1 hr, so he would go to bed earlier too.
Do you think that is possible? Good luck and just know this will pass......hugs!!

 

That's a tough one for me because we have never co-slept, and we don't do any soothing, cuddling, etc. at sleep times so I am not sure how that affects things, BUT my dd has always needed less sleep and is the first one to give up naps and with her we just usually force her to work with ds's schedule. Meaning, that we keep her up until bedtime for ds - since she is usually less crabby anyway, and can't tell time so usually just accepts that it is bedtime (7:30) when we say it is. As far as naptime, around here it is non-negotiable that at that time you are in your bed - there is no way one of mine would go to sleep if they thought the other was getting to do something they weren't. So, you don't have to sleep but you do have to stay in your room and usually that means ds sleeps and dd talks to herself once ds goes to sleep!

 

[quote name='K&T's MOM' date='20 October 2011 - 04:11 AM' timestamp='1319080273' post='1829300']
That's a tough one for me because we have never co-slept, and we don't do any soothing, cuddling, etc. at sleep times so I am not sure how that affects things, BUT my dd has always needed less sleep and is the first one to give up naps and with her we just usually force her to work with ds's schedule. Meaning, that we keep her up until bedtime for ds - since she is usually less crabby anyway, and can't tell time so usually just accepts that it is bedtime (7:30) when we say it is. As far as naptime, around here it is non-negotiable that at that time you are in your bed - there is no way one of mine would go to sleep if they thought the other was getting to do something they weren't. So, you don't have to sleep but you do have to stay in your room and usually that means ds sleeps and dd talks to herself once ds goes to sleep!
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Probably, I will need to try a compromise - shorten the nap for DS and move bedtime up a little but not as much as DD would need. But I dread having too overtired and cranky kids instead of one ...

I think this is the first time that co-sleeping seems to be making a sleep problem worse or more difficult to solve for us. Generally, it has worked really well for us. So I am hoping some other co-sleeping moms have a few ideas.

 

that's so funny, i didn't even notice you'd said you co-sleep! we kinda do, too, though not so much any more. since they boys were 2 they had their own twin beds but we lied down w/them to sleep and then always ended up back in their beds at night when they needed us. i always felt they'd sleep better on their own this past summer we helped them learn to fall asleep alone in their beds (w/me sitting in a chair between them) and try to stay in their beds 'till at least 6:30 (when our tot clock turns yellow!). it's worked pretty well so far but this nap thing has everthing mixed up a bit now... anyways, i don't think co-sleeping is your culprit, either. probably it's just that their sleep needs have changed and the naps are also mixing things up for you like they are for us... what would you do if your kids were different ages? that's what i always ask myself. we dont all share a room any more but the boys do and so we just have to figure out ways to help them sleep and help them help each other sleep. not always easy!

best of luck, june. and thanks k & t and belinda for suggestions.... and anyone else who comes along!