One of my boys is extremely shy

Hi Mommies,

One of my boys is EXTREMELY shy which is not the case of my other twin boy. When we enter a restaurant for instance and there's a row of people sitting, he'll just hide his side face with his hand and walk all through the restaurant even though I was holding his hands. The same applies at the mall, if a stranger passes by looking at him he'll either hide behind me or his father or look at the floor hiding his mouth with his hand.

Do I need to worry or it will just pass? Do I need to do anything to make him not be so shy? my DH told me that he was extremely shy when he was his age, is it hereditary ? I am honestly confused and don't know what to do so that he becomes less shy and have more confidence in himself.

Thank you sooooo much for any advice you provide that can help me boost his confidence in himself and be less shy.

Tina

 

The more experiences you provide him with, the more confidence he'll gain. As he gets older, I'm sure he'll come out of his shell more - but there are many people that are naturally more reserved in large groups or with people they do not know. My oldest DS has become less shy the older he gets - and the more information we give him about an upcoming event or situation, the better he feels about it. Your boys are young - shyness is very typical at that age - give it time and just keep going places so he gets to experience a variety of things. If your other DS wasn't so outgoing, you probably wouldn't notice his shyness that much at all.

 

I agree with Jori. Both of my twins are pretty shy and I do agree that the more they do stuff (like soccer, going to preschool) they are coming out of their shell more and more. I was really shy as a child and I know as the older I got, the less shy I was. I also will role play social situations with them and when they are around other kids with me, I make it a point to talk to the other kids, so my kids won't find it so scary.

 

Not only do things with him but talk to him about what to expect. My oldest is shy and you can't just throw him into a new situation and expect him to behave according to plan. When we try something new, we talk to him about what is going to happen and things he can do to have fun. Also, with sports and classes, we usually try to find a friend (not hard with twins) so he knows someone and can play with them.

 

I also agree with this. My one DS has always been very social. At 2 I had joked he could be a greeter at Walmart because he would say "hi" & "bye" to everyone he seen.

I would say around the age of 3 my other DS had started coming out of his shell. They will be 4 in January and we cannot pass a person without him saying hi to every single person.

But it still does take him some time to warm up to people. This weekend we visted my mil who is in the hospital and my bil and his wife were there. We have not seen them since the summer. It took him about an hour to warm up to him and by the time we left, DS was sitting on bil's lap calling him by his name. When we walked out to our cars, he kept saying "bye Uncle Don, see you later".

When we do visit family/friends I will tell them who we are seeing. If I have a picture of them, I will pull it out a few days before and tell them that is who we are going to visit and that does seem to help.

 

Communicate! Just tell him what to expect. You cannot force a shy child to not be shy. My dd is 'shy' initially. She is shy around my husband's family and we see them a good amount of times. You cannot force them not to be shy. :hug: I do understand how hard it is. Best just to try to let it pass and not point it out.

 

Jackie is right on! You can't change it, especially by forcing them into stressful situations. Just be understanding and make them feel like it's ok not to want to talk to strangers. Hopefully for you it's just a stage. I however, was shy until my teen years and still was quiet mostly. Everyone is made differently. He'll become more easy around people with time. He's still a baby (for all intents and purposes), he has plenty of time.

 

I love the advice you've gotten so far! Just remember being shy is part of his nature and maybe always will be, but he obviously won't be walking through crowds with his hands over his face forever I was shy (and still am to a degree) and I cannot handle when I see parents try to force a different personality out of their children..."say hi, did he say hi to you!? bobby say hi, say hi to the lady!" Drives me bonkers!

 

Thank you soooo much to every one of you mum. Your answers gave me some relief that I do not need to worry THAT much, but I know that I need to work on that and take him more to places where he has the ability to "socialize". I also noted what many of you mentioning that I need to tell him what to expect whatever we're up to do and I'll work on that too! I haven't put them in preschool and we don't take them visiting relatives or neighbors that often but I think this has to do with the personality of each person as his brother is very outgoing.

My husband told me that I should not spoil our shy boy that much with words such as " sweety" "darling" "my love" , etc. because that contributes to make him shy Which is the same case when my DH was a little boy. Is my husband right in a way or another?

Thanks a bunch again.

 

I hope your husband isn't right because all 3 of my kids are "baby boy". I REALLY need to stop that with the 6 year old.

 

About your husband - I don't see how expressing less affection is going to make your DS more confident with people :huh: Sounds like just another manifestation of that old school attitude that if you show your boys that you love them you'll make them weak/sissies/whatever.

 

Totally agree. I use "baby" names for all of my boys and we are all very affectionate. If nothing else, the affection and loving behavior at home builds confidence in the fact that they know they are loved - no matter how shy they might feel outside of the home.

 

The best men I know where and still are shown great affection from their mothers either by words of affection like "sweety and lovey" or of course physically with hugs and kisses. Its the boys that were raised to be "tough" that always have the issues with their parents and other women for that matter! We used to all call my best friends son "Sugar Bear" and now that he's 16 we of course don't anymore but now we call him "SB"! He rolles his eyes but always with a big smile on his face. Terms of affection are always apprieciated

 

My kids are shy by nature. I have done everything under the sun to draw them out of their shell, but it is honestly who they are. I tried for YEARS to get them to make eye contact, politely say hello or thank you, etc. But to no avail. Your child is who he is. Whether you call him sweety or baby, won't change who he is! Instead, continue to expose him to new people and experiences. My shy daughter is 6 and is finally coming out of her shell with her soccer coach (her 3rd season playing). My son is also himself when he is around his Adventure Guide troop (father/son YMCA group). This has taken years though! Be patient, foster his interests, help him feel safe, and appreciate the fact that shy kids are incredibly OBSERVANT kids! This will take him far in life!!!

 

My shy girl has pretty much grown out of it. The only thing I can add is she picks up a lot on my body cues. If I'm not completely comfortable she acts more shy