On those oh so tough days..

When you have the tough days of crying and exhaustion...what do you tell yourself to get through? I usually just try to remind myself that this is temporary and it will pass but sometimes it's hard. I think I need a stronger mantra lately. My twins are only two weeks old so I feel like I have a ways to go before it gets easier. I remember three months was a big deal--but that seems far away right.

Lanie

 

Just remind yourself that when they look at you and smile......really smile AT YOU, not because they have gas......that it is all worth it. You will quickly forget these tough first weeks. Once you get into a routine it will get better.

THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US ONLY MAKES US STRONGER.

I LOVE MY JOB, THE PAY IS GREAT AND THE BENEFITS ARE WONDERFUL. (oops, sorry that one is for work)

I LOVE BEING A PARENT. I LOVE MY KIDS AND THE BENEFITS WILL BE WONDERFUL.

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO NOT THROW MYSELF IN FRONT OF A BUS.

GOD GRANT ME THE FORTITUDE TO GET THROUGH TODAY.

 

The one about the bus made me laugh!

In the first few weeks it was about getting through the tough *minutes* or *hours* for me, I didn't dare think about whole days.
When everything was going to the dogs, babies screaming and dog puking and I was by myself I would chant to myself:

"If they are crying, you know they are breathing."

Also, when I was running around trying to figure out what to do first it was:

"Put out one fire at a time." i.e. you only have two hands. Pick a twin, deal with that one, then deal with the other one. No use both of them crying and you running back and forth with your hair on fire.

You are in the thick of it right now, I wouldn't want to repeat those early days. Hang in there, it gets MUCH better.
Just take it one hour at a time, one day at a time.

It helps to remember three things:

1. This stage will be much shorter than you think. Anyone can make it through the first 6 weeks. (Although, yes, there will be lots of crying. By you - not just the babies!). As my pedi put it, there are a lot of "Lolos" out there with twins, and if they can do it, you will be fine!

2. The babies may be crying and miserable occasionally, but guess what? they won't remember or hold it against you!

3. If you are feeding and loving your babies, and nobody gets lost under the couch, you are doing a GREAT JOB!
Hang in there!

Having twins is really special. Once you get through this, you will be sooooo happy to be a twin mom! Wait until they start to play with each other! They are the cutest thing in the whole world.

 

I want to repeat what other posters have said - you ARE doing a terrific job. It is SOOO easy to compare ourselves to others, to say that the babies do better w/others, etc.. The truth is - this is the TOUGHEST JOB there is. (ok, maybe having triplets or quads is tougher!). But- really. And NEVER compare yourself to your singleton parent friends; it's a totally different gig.

That said, you do sound like you're in the vicious cycle of feeling badly about being stressed and that's stressing you more. So - one good thing to do is just practice BREATHING. Seriously, when was the last time you took more than ONE deep breath?

A very simple but incredibly effective relaxation technique is to just exhale ONE COUNT longer than you inhale. So if you are inhaling to TWO, exhale to THREE, etc. You will find that this relaxes your body - despite yourself. ANd you really only need a couple of minutes of this to really get the positive effect; it will help you step back, regroup, feel better.

And - you're at a tough age; they're not quite the blobs they were but they're still not really active or mobile. Do you have gyminis - the activity mats? At that age mine LOVED theirs - and it gave me a few minutes of time when i didn't feel like i had to be 'on' with them, cause they were getting stimulated, but not overstimulated.

Good luck. And - get as much help as you can. Funny, people fluctuate between thinking 'how do you DO this?" and 'this isn't so difficult'. Yeah, as pp said, it's not if you're doing it for an hour or two, but - 24/7 its INSANE!!!

Big hug

 

I always think "at 7 pm this will all be over ... all 3 kids will be in bed". Tomorrow is another day ... I know this is slightly different when they're really little but at 2 1/2 months the twins were down at 6 pm for the night, and it was life changing.

 

This was a nice post to read. So many times throughout the day I don't know which way is up, down, left or right. When they are both screaming and I am trying to decide who needs me most I feel horrible while the other has to cry for a little bit. Then I have a 3 y/o who likes to get into the wipes and diapers and throw them all over the floor. Then I am yelling at her to pick it up and she just looks at me like I'm crazy or she decides to throw a tantrum then I start crying so the whole room is crying! Even the dog cuz she just got stepped on on my way to pick up one of the babies. I need to take a deep breath and realize it will pass. I know, I want it to pass now but I guess how do we help others get through these tough times unless we go through them ourselves...right?

 

I would always think to myself that they grow up very fast and although its very hard you will miss even those moments. i would love to go back and hold Mason while he was screeming for two hours, just to hold my little baby again. SOAK it up, it flys by. Good Luck!

 

Even though our are just about 4 mos. DW and I say "Pretty quick they'll be in Kindergarten" - works to remind us of two things - 1. That they will go through stages and it will be good and bad, sometimes both at the same time and 2. to enjoy it while we have it. Even the frustrations will be fondly missed when they are going to school full time and our family schedule really takes off.

a daily "I'm so in love with you, especially because of this madness" to your DW or DH works wonders too. :yahoo:

 

Here's a few...

If it gets BAD, walk away....take a few breaths...as long as they are in a safe place, a baby never died just from crying...and count to 10, 20, whatever you need to do to regain yourself, you're only human

Another is,...whatever works...I used to feel guilty on those days when I turn on a DVD because I just need a break...but hey, we're only human

Congrats, and TRY to enjoy how tiny and precious they are...I was looking a TINY baby clothes today, wondering where I was when mine were that small

 

Sweetie, I didn't have a mantra - I couldn't see the end in sight and I was a mess. Evan and James are my first babies and I was overwhelmed x 1000. But I can honestly, honestly tell you that those sleepless nights, colicky evenings, too-early mornings, and rough patches are TEMPORARY. Within weeks your babies are going to smile at you. They're going to begin to trust you and be comforted by you - you're going to become their favourite person in the world. It gets easier. Just do what you have to do to survive and enlist the help of anyone you know (whether it's dropping off dinner, cleaning your bathroom, taking your oldest to the park, going to buy milk - anything!) and within weeks things will get easier. Ten weeks was the magic moment for me - I know that might seem a long way off to you now, sorry. You can do this!

 

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

It does get better... and we are all here for you when you need support. I would be a total basketcase w/o TS.

 

Sounds like you're already doing all you can to make your time with your babies better and easier...you're working through it and you're online looking for support!
Mine are 4 months old now, and I don't dare say it's gotten better, just different! Sometimes they sleep longer at night than they used to; but when they were smaller, they slept a lot during the day as well...so I guess it's a trade off, ya know??
I know there are some days, as a pp said, when I feel, "Hey, this ain't so bad!!" and there are others when I put the babies in the bed with me...a stack of diapers/wipes on one side, bottles & supplies on the other, 4 yr old at the foot and we veg out to cartoons, a good book, a nap and NO HOUSEWORK..it's your life, you're only going to live it once, you really can't beat yourself up over a bad day with the babies..there will be good days.
As for the rest of it...my mantra is, "Those dirty dishes/laundry/bills will still be there tomorrow; but that sweet baby cooing at me might not."
And, if that doesn't work, I reminisce about those days I spent in the hospital pre-Birth Day, and the labor I went through with the twins..and I think, "I should never have to do anything that I don't want to do ever again...I just gave birth to twins!" Which I think IS the most awesome thing a woman can do in this world!! So, see, YOU HAVE already accomplished sooo much...you delivered them! CONGRATULATIONS!!

 

"Just 5 more minutes..... I can make it 5 more minutes without going completely insane!"

 

"This day is going to end.... this day is going to end.... this day is going to end..."

 

QUOTE(Sarah© @ Nov 6 2007, 11:59 PM) [snapback]484967[/snapback]
"This day is going to end.... this day is going to end.... this day is going to end..."

I reminded myself of that and Tomorrow is another day.
I also started doing things like having a beer at 5:30 to celebrate that no one was crying at that moment. Of course by 5:32 someone was but it didn't matter b/c I had my beer LOL!
I also just reminded myself that I could only do my best and my best might be a screaming baby in a swing, one in my arms and a toddler throwing himself on the floor screaming BUT I was trying my hardest!!!
I also reminded myself that I wanted these babies desperately and that I have many friends still struggling with infertility who would do anything for a screaming baby!