I will be joining this forum after Tuesday June 19th and I just had some questions about coming home with babies and hospital visits. Everyone is so excited and on edge and wanting to be the best grandparent, aunt, friend, etc. I'm just worried that I will not be able to handle the stress of everyone competing for the babies' attention. The main issue is that my husband's parents are coming down to Houston from San Antonio the week that I come home to help us out. My family lives here in Houston about 10 minutes away and there's some tension between my mom and MIL. Mom feels like they're being treated like the in-laws because DH's parents will actually be staying with us. I'm afraid of how awkward things are going to be and I want to just lock myself upstairs by myself while everyone is here. So my questions are: 1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude?
First of all congratulations on almost making it to delivery!! Way to go! Can't wait to welcome you and your babies to FY! And now your questions... 1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? My kids/parents/inlaws were there within 1/2 hour after the babies were born. You are allowed to limit your visitors. 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? No. 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? I had people there the same day that we came home, BUT, they were just there dropping off food and gifts, not staying, handling babies or anything, that would have made me crazy. 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? At the hospital, you can just tell them that you don't want visitors, and they will just tell people that you are trying to rest. At home, close the curtains and turn off the phone!!! Really, it sounds rude, but seriously, you just carried TWO BABIES for 9 months, gave birth, and are now up 24/7 with them! They can not expect you to be a social butterfly!!
I didn't have a C section and had 30 weekers so I can give you a good answer to your questions, BUT I just read your blog and wanted to comment on missing being pregnant.....you won't have time to miss it Once we brought the girls home, girl, sanity was all down hill from there. We've survived and you will no doubt survive too (although you will question that statement from time to time). I watch them especially now and don't miss being pregnant at all. Although some nights I could deal with a little less whining, it's worth it when you see one voluntarily offer a coveted "squishy" (Welch's fruit snack) and voluntarily retrieve a book for her sissy that doesn't seem to feel good. This is what I experienced this morning before going to work as I held Emily and comforted her after having to take her straight to the bath asap upon waking up due to an apparent bloody nose that she sprung last night. She had blood smeared all over the side of her face and in her hair. She wasn't in a good mood after this experience and just wanted to be held. Amber put on this display of selflessness that I had never seen either of them voluntarily do before. Nope, I don't miss being pregnant. I'd rather watch that over and over again. Good luck to you! And congrats!
You must be getting so excited!!! I thought I would want the whole world to come see me!!! But after they were born, I was having breastfeeding issues and was super tired so after they were born I had changed my mind! ALl of our siblings came to the hospital and I loved having them there. Our parents came and I loved having them there. In fact, I would have been fine if immediate family was there the whole time. I had a few friends come on 2 different days. They were my best friends though so I did not have to worry about them being there. I had close family visit the house around the 2nd week (aunts, uncles). We had a group of our close friends come days after being home and that was too soon. I was too emotional and when I went to go to bed, I wanted them to leave but they stayed a while longer with dh. I remember being in the room just wanting them to leave. I think I would have anyone around who you are comfortable enough to be yourself and feel however you want infront of them! It would not be rude to limit visitation. I think people will understand. Just tell them that when you are feeling better and more rested you will be so excited to visit with them. I think your questions will be answered as you experience everything. Oh and Like Becky, my phone was always off!
First of all Congrats, only a few more days you must be so excited!! :banana: I don't have any advice on the C-section thing, but I've heard to accept all the help that is possible. We are kinda in the same situation with my parents living 5min. away and my inlaws being 3 hours away. I knew right away that I wanted MY Mom to be there to help me with my first babies. I told my Mom this and she said she would be there at the birth and after she would be there for me 24/7 except when my MIL was there. They do get along, so that's not the problem. But my Mom felt like since she lives 5 min. away and can have time with the grandbabies whenever she wants that she wanted my MIL to experience her alone time with them also and not have my Mom interfering (her words not mine-she doesn't interfere!) My mom said that she felt this way because if the shoe was on the other foot, and she lived away from the babies, she would not want to have to share her limited precious time with my MIL. This made complete sense to me and I "toughed" it out the week my MIL was here and my Mom made a few very brief visits. Maybe if you sit down with your Mom before the birth and let her know how you feel and explain it in this way, she will also see that it is "fair". My Mom said it was one of the hardest things she has ever done, but was courteous and let my MIL have her time with the babies. You better believe that as soon as my MIL pulled out of the driveway I called my Mom immediately and told her to please come help. She showed up in record time with bags in hand to spend the week with me. My mom knows I would never have asked her to "stay away" but she felt it was necessary for MIL to bond with them too. Believe me your Mom will have plenty of time to see the kids. My Mom is always here (too much sometimes), but she says she has to get her "baby fix" and I'm not one to keep a grandma from her grandbabies!!! Good Luck to you! It will all work out in the end. Can't wait to read your birth story. Carrie
Congratulations how exciting! I had nobody but DH in the birthing room until right before I went in for the c/s then my mom and DH's parents came in just for a few minutes to hug me and wish me luck. Then practically my whole immediate family and his were in the waiting room. When I came out of surgery they all came in to the recovery area to see the babies, I was so out of it and in so much pain I couldn't have cared less. We tried to limit the visitors to the hospital but over 4 days everyone was there. We got really sick of it the 3rd day and DH had to tell his family to chill, because I really needed the time to rest. Once I got home I had people there constantly. I didn't really know how much I was going to need the help until I was in the middle of it. I would just suggest that you try not to feel like you have to entertain visitors at all, just use the time to rest, you will recover a lot faster. I sat around and visited too much. I put it on DH to field all the visitors calls and I just let him know how I felt and whether I was up for people around, it was the least he could do after all I went through to get the babies here. You would be surprised how understanding people are in this type of situation, you won't hurt anyone's feelings and if you do that's thier issue. Good luck and just take care of yourself when you get home, don't try to be supermom there will be plenty of time for that later.
Wow! You guys are so quick with your responses! I'mexcited about joining this group So far, GREAT advice. JakoBen, I never really thought of it that way. I think my mom will totally understand that. The only thing is, I don't know just how often she expects to see them when the in laws are gone. I've always been a private person when it came to people in my home...even family! In fact, before my bed rest sentence, my mom had only been to my house to 'visit' maybe 3 times in a year-and-a-half. It's really wierd! We get along, but I feel like I have to entertain her when she's here and I know that if we have an overflowing trash bag or the toilet paper is not on the holder, she's making a mental note of it and will discuss it later with someone else. Okay, so I have mom issues. I just need to get over it, huh. I have my own family now and my husband swears that once those babies get here, I'm no longer going to give a flip what anyone else thinks or says. Let's hope so! I really need to look into therapy after these babies get here.
1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? I had visitors as soon as I was wheeled out of recovery. 2 of my SIL's and my parents and a few friends. We also had visitors each night every night the whole time we were in the hospital. I didn't have the boys in the room a whole lot when we had visitors though. 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? Nope, but mine is passed away. I am sure she would be wonderful if she were here though. 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? We had visitors the second day, but they didn't stay long. If the boys were asleep, I didn't let anyone pick them up or hold them. I also made sure everyone washed their hands and didn't get in their faces. 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? Sometimes the easiest way is to not answer the phone, and put a sign up on the door, saying Shh... babies are sleeping, please come back later. I am looking forward to hearing your birth story and having you join us here.
1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? My c-section was at 7:30 at night so we didn't have anyone at the hospital till the next day. We had actually decided before we had the girls that no one would come until I was ready. By 9 am the next day I felt ok and my DH's family came and my mom was flying in. We also had close friends come - but not for long visits. We were busy with the babies feeding them every 3 hours and nurses in and out ALL the time. I also let the nurses know when I didn't want anyone in the room. 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? YES! My mom stayed with us for the first 2 months and my MIL was NOT happy about it. She lives close by but I don't really get along with her and felt like the last thing I needed was to have someone that I don't feel comfortable with here. She came every weekend until my mom left now she comes every other Sunday. She was very jealous of my mom - but my mom lives on the east coast and we are in Colorado so she only sees the girls every couple of months. Hopefully your mom and MIL will understand that it is not about them, it is about you, your DH and your babies. [/b] 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? Besides family and my best friend of almost 20 years everyone else pretty much gave us our space. 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? If you don't feel comfortable telling people no then just screen your calls. People will understand you not answering the phone. You can either say you got distracted and forgot to call them back (I would think they would understand) or email them and let them know you are super busy and aren't quite ready for visitors.
1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? I didn't have a C-Section, but my whole immediate family and DH's were all there. DH had to leave because Addison needed life flighted to another hospital so my sister spent the night with me while he was there. 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? YES!!!! Unfortunately it's not any better now either. I'm very close with my mom and not close at all with MIL. MIL is SO JEALOUS!! It's been so difficult. It's such a competition with her. A big part was that I was not comfortable breastfeeding in front of her (she is NOT supportive of it!) and that's basically all I did the first 2 months. But even to this day if she knows my mom is visiting, she has to come visit the next day. Very frustrating. 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? I hated having visitors at first. I don't know if you plan on breastfeeding but it was so much work and I really needed time to work on it and also have "family time". It was nice for my parents to come and do a load of laundry or bring us food though! 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? Just explain that you need time to adjust and you need "family time". If that doesn't work, just ignore phone calls and don't answer the door. That's what we had to do. Congratulations!!! It's such a special time!
My advice is this: TAKE ANY HELP YOU CAN GET. If someone calls and offers help, give them something to do, even if it's picking up something at the store. No task is too small, no person is too far removed to be put to use! Have a list ready for when people drop by, so there's no excuse. My list looked like this: Yes, I'd love some help. You can: 1. Load/unload the dishwasher. 2. Wash and sterilise some bottles, then put them away for me. (I had a list of sterilizing instructions - I'm crazy about germs). 3. Wipe the counters. 4. Put on a load of baby laundry (I had a list of specific washing instructions right down where the washer is) or fold the wash I did earlier. 5. Wipe down the sink in the bathroom. 6. If you really love me, vaccuum. I would honestly take help from anyone and I didn't feel bad about it (well, I did at first but that wore off!). I actually just found this post in response to someone elses post and thought that it was perfect and pretty much how I felt. Everyone has already given you great advice but I just wanted to remind you that while yes, EVERYONE wants to see the babies and hold the babies and love the babies and yada yada yada, there are more important things that YOU need in those first couple of months. I'm not saying to not let everyone have some time to goo goo gaga over them, of course you have to let everyone get their fix, but there are going to be just so many other things that need to be taken care of around the house and someone once told me that if your friends and family REALLY want to be a help then they should take care of the house chores for you and allow YOU the time you need to bond with your babies and take care of yourself (getting a shower, eating a meal and so on). best best of luck to you and look forward to hearing from you and seeing pics of your beautiful babies!!
QUOTE(serranoboys @ Jun 14 2007, 07:10 PM) [snapback]292349[/snapback] 1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? Oh, this is an easy one. Remember, it's YOUR house and YOUR babies. 1) Family was in the recovery room immediately following the c-section. Polite people called ahead to see what a good time was. We had a couple of rude visitors, though. 2) Not really, but I can sense a little competition between them on who loves the babies more. 3) NOBODY came to the house for the first few weeks. It was heaven. DH and I needed to adjust. I didn't need to entertain or feel obligated to entertain. Looking back, it was exactly what I needed. I'm kind of a private person, so it made me feel better not to have people in and out of the house. 4) Without being rude? For friends: "We would love to see you. We would like to wait X period of time before asking people over. We are posting pictures on the Internet if you want to see!". For family, it was a little different, but just being honest always works. Grandparents want to love on babies, especially twins, but you need time to figure out how you are all going to be a family first. That's what worked for us.
1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? i think you have some pretty good advice.. 1 vistors were immediate family.. ie grandparents and my brother/sis in law.. his grandmother and his parents.. anything more than that is way to chaotic.. 2 mom/ mil trouble. you could say that.. i could barely get myown mom to come to the hospital.. and it just got worse the month after they were born. now she lives with me and i kicked the husband to the curb.. aka.. mom is always right.. if you would like to know more about my expirences from ****.. feel free to pm me.. ill give you my number.. 3 home visitors.. well thats a huge mess in itself. my x's sister got married the day we brought the babies home.. aka.. he was in the wedding and i had to have my only friends husband - she was wking help me with my three.. mom was peeved.. because the day after her wedding party i was invited.. expected to come and showed.. with a c section my twins and my 1 year old.. it made life look like they were the perfect family.. they werent.. aka.. i refer to him as the X.. 4 i would say its immediate family time.. i need to rest now.. aka.. get out! sorry wish i could help more.. hide from the mom/mil situation.. thats what i would do..
Congratulations and good luck with the c-section!!!! I can relate with the MIL/mom sensitivties. It seems mine always compete for the attention of the boys, who has the best baby stuff at their house etc. Initially, I had the romantic view of childbirth - deliver via c-section, have visitors in the hosptial and then segregate ourselves (DH and me) at home so we could spend several days bonding with our beautiful boys. Boy was I wrong!!!!! We needed help and wanted it right away!!! We had the in laws AND my parents at our house the very next day after coming home from the hospital so DH and I could catch some zzz's. I agree with the other posters...it might be annoying have so many people at the house, but accept the help! You'll need it and appreciate it! One thing I wish I would have done differently is when someone offered to help with the babies, I wish I wouldn't have let them hold them while I washed dishes or did laundry. I think it 's a great and important time to bond with your little ones and if people offer to help you out - let them, but let them help you bond with your babies. Just my two cents anyway! Good luck!!!
QUOTE(serranoboys @ Jun 14 2007, 07:10 PM) [snapback]292349[/snapback] 1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? After both of my births, my MIL was at our house waiting before I was discharged from the hospital. It didn't bother my mother because she understands that the ILs only get to see the kids a few times a year and she's not going to stand in their way on the occassions when they can come out to visit us. You might want to have a talk with your mom about that. My MIL was my first visitor at the hospital after my c-section and she was there the next day. With Dax, I had a vaginal delivery at 8am and had visitors by about 1pm. I let anyone come who wants because I think it's nice to have visitors and I understand that they are excited and want to see the baby(ies). Sometimes my MIL gets a little sad because she doesn't get to see the babies as much as my mom but my mom is very good about staying away when my ILs visit so that they can spend as much time with the kids as possible. She'll only stop by for a few minutes at a time. I was blessed with very good ILs and an understanding mom so they're all good about getting along. My ILs stayed with us for a few days after Dax's birth and my MIL stayed with us for about two weeks after the girls were born. I let anyone else who wanted to visit do so, we just had a strict hand-washing policy and I kept a bottle of Purell by the door. I'm not sure how you would limit visitation but I am pretty easy going and understand how excited people are to see a new baby because I've been there. When you disappear to breastfeed or put the baby down for a nap people will tend to say their goodbyes though so that is a good way to finish visits. Have a wonderful birth!
1. My csection was an emergency after inducement. The only visitors or people that stayed with me were DH, my mom and dad. I was so ill from the mag sulfate they were giving me to prevent seizures after my platlettes crashed. 2. My mom was a god send. She kept DH and I sane and going. Basically her and DH took care of the babies the first week in the hospital with the nurses because I was so out of it. MIL was good with helping with the house however, she did nothing with the babies. That put me in a crunch since my mom went home to recharge while MIL was here. I did not have the heart to tell my mom that I was not getting help with the kids while DH was at work and I was doing the middle of the night. My mom lived with us during the week the first three months and went home on weekends to cook and clean for dad so he would be okay during the week. She helped me with every night feeding so DH could rest for work. These boys are her peanuts too. She has been with us whenever we have needed her. I jusst did not have the heart to tell her how bad it was with MIL because she needed to recoup from staying in the hospital 24/7 with me and DH. I was so sick and I was doing the nights after midnight by myself so DH could go to work at a new teaching job. I was a wreck mentally, emotionally and physically while the inlaws were here. 3. We did not let visitors come except for a select few because of my recouperation for a month; except for my family. 4. It is not rude. You are going through a physical, mental and emotional change. I cried at a drop of the hat. I was wiped out before I even had a chance to get started. If you want visitors just say it can only be during x time on x days. It is a time for you to get adjusted. If friends to not understand that well then they are not good friends. Family should be understanding because they want the best for you. Best of luck on the delivery.
1. How long after c-section and who did you allow visitors at the hospital? My parents/inlaws were there before, during and after birth. They weren't allowed in the operating room and actually because I ended up having to be knocked out completely and an emergency c-section, they even made DH leave the room and wait outside in the hall. So, all of them actually saw my girls before I did as I didn't wake up til 3 hours later. They all were waiting on what was to be my room before I even was wheeled out of recovery. I didn't mind visitors at the hospital though. I didn't have to worry about entertaining them or anything like I might at home. I fell asleep in mid visits with several friends but I was tired and was still on drugs, so who cares. Besides, they were there to see the babies not me. My MIL also is a nurse at the hospital, so she was obviously there a lot, but I didn't mind. 2. Anyone experience mom/MIL trouble? No. 3. When did you let people visit at home and how was it? My MIL came over the evening we brought the girls home, but didn't stay long. That was on a Friday and we were left a lone (DH, me and the girls) over the weekend and by Monday I was very sick with a high fever (kidney infection). My mom and a good family friend came over to care for me and the girls as DH had to work (we are self-employed and if he doesn't work we don't eat). I only had a few people that wanted to pop over every now and then after the girls were born. I started putting a note on the door that said "new mom and twins sleeping - do not disturb". I didn't care as I needed the rest. The first several months are REALLY HARD and you get NO sleep. My MIL would come over 1x a week when she got off work at 7 pm and tell us to go to bed and she would stay awake all night with the girls. I lived for that 1 night a week when I could sleep. It was all the sleep we got for 3 months straight. I tell her if it had not been for knowing she was coming that 1 night a week, I would have lost it. 4. How can you limit visitation/intervention w/o being rude? As past pp said, at the hospital, you can just tell them that you don't want visitors, and they will just tell people that you are trying to rest. At home, I would really put a sign on the door. It works!
