OMG really bad day!

To begin with I just typed this whole thing out, went to preview it and it was GONE!!!!
After the day I'm having so far this put me over the top in feeling sorry for myself, not to mention I am on about 2 hours of sleep. (REALLY bad night for both girls UGH)

Ok, here it goes A.G.A.I.N.!

So Anna has been with us since the girls were 4 months old. She is reliable, loyal and dependable. She is with us three days a week or sometimes more depending on our schedules.
usually when I say goodbye to everyone in the am I don't see them again till after I get home from work.

This morning I said goodbye as soon as Anna came in because she took them outside right away to play.

I remembered I needed to tell her something so instead of calling her I thought I would just drive around the block and tell her.
So I find them, pull the car over and approach.

I see Lilah is eating something and I think "Wierd, I don't remember them taking any snacks with them" So I ask her what she is eating.
Both girls have large lifesavers in their mouths.
There are A LOT of things very wrong about this.
A. It is 930 in the morning and my kids are eating candy.
B. Lifesavers in my book are not safe for two year olds.
C. My kids are eating CANDY?!

So Anna says "The neighbor man gave them to us, the kids saw them and they wanted them so I gave them to them"
First, "The neighbor man"?!
Second, "They wanted them" WHO IS THE ADULT HERE?
anf third I really don't think it was the neighbor so now I think Anna is lying to me.

I did not want to flip out in front of the kids so I told her I don't want them eating candy at 930 am and that I do not think lifesavers are safe.

So when I called to check in at nap she brought it up. "Sorry Leslie, it was my fault and next time I will just throw the candy away"
I told her again that I don't think 930 am is a good idea, again that LS are not safe and just tell "him" no thank you or we have to ask mommy or the good old fashioned NO!!

I will not see Anna again till tomorrow so I think I will talk to her about it again, there is a slight language barrier (althought she fully understands) but I want to tell her again I don't approve of her giving them candy without my permission etc.

It bothers me to think she lied to me, it bothers me to think that if I never went to tell her something I would not know about this and it bothers me to think about what else I might not know.

Am I over reacting? What are your thoughts and what would you do?

My original post was a little more clear but you get my point and I'm fried so I'll end it here.

Your feedback is appreciated!

Thank you.
Leslie

 

I think first of all you need to decide if you can believe what Anna is telling you about the situation. I think you will make yourself crazy if you start questioning every thing she tells you and thinking there is a load of bad stuff going on that you don't know about. You said that she is a good nanny and I assume your girls must be happy and healthy or you would already have concerns.

So, assuming Anna's telling the truth and this was a one off, I don't think you need to do anything other than maybe talk with her again about not giving them candy. You obviously feel strongly about your girls not eating candy (which you have every right to do), but have you told her before how you feel about it? Because I can see how she might not think it was a big deal to let them have candy as a treat one time. Maybe, as well as whatever you have for normal snacks, you could get some 'special treat' snacks that you would be happy for her to give occasionally. In any case it sounds like she understands this is something you're really upset about and she won't do it again.
As far as the candy being lifesavers, they are certainly not the first candy I would get for two year olds (if I were giving them candy) but I'm not sure I'd call them unsafe. I don't see that it being 9.30 really makes a difference, would you feel better if you'd found them eating lifesavers at 11.30 or 2 or 5?

:hug: I'm sorry that you're stressed out about this. I hope you can find a way to resolve it.

 

I disagree with the above. I would call hard candy a choking hazard for a small child. I dont even give my 5YO hard candy.

I agree with this. I would be willing to overlook the time if I she was giving my kids something that I approved of like Cheeze Its or chips or pretzels. But I would not overlook that you think you were lied to by an employee. I would totally address that head on. I wouldnt run her out of your house, but I would let her know that it is not acceptable. I am sure you can work though this.

 

First, I agree with PP that I would have just focused on the candy, not time of day since in this case the candy was the bigger issue.

Second, when we had a nanny, I presume there were many things we asked her to not to do, that she did. You can blame it on a language barrier, but in my experience and in talking with my friends with nannies, a lot of time they just did what they thought was best. I wouldn't say anything they did put my children in danger - and while the candy is risky as a choking hazard, almost anything can be a choking hazard if a child isn't seated.

My point is, do you generally trust her to take good care of your kids? Our nanny stole money from us and we let it go because we knew we weren't keeping her forever and she was great with the kids. But we also accepted we had to pick our battles in terms of our rules and what we could expect to her respect.

I hope that doesn't sound too cynical!

 

I'd agree with most hard candies. But, lifesavers were actually designed with the hole in the middle to reduce the risk of choking, so while I wouldn't personally give them to a 2YO, I wouldn't be shocked that someone else would.

 

I dunno. I think it was a bit of an overreaction. You're running off 2 hours sleep, you said that yourself...


While you have every right not to want your children to have candy - I think picking your battles would be good - and this doesn't seem like a battle to pick. You've already explained to her that you don't want them having candy - she's aplogized to you about it. I'd just leave it alone.

What you could possibly do is leave a list of approved snack items - and make sure you have all those items stocked in your pantry at all times. Explain to her that these are what they are allowed to have and nothing else. I wouldn't try to scold her anymore on what she did.

 

I agree with a lot of what has been said. I too would have been beyond angry about giving my kids candy (but, i think that comes from the fact that my two have never eaten a piece of candy or chocolate yet). If yours do sometimes get candy, then I would say that what she did isn't way out of line (although the choice of candy does IMHO present a chocking hazard). Perhaps your nanny would like some special treats that she can give the kids maybe on a daily basis (either as bribes to get them to do something, or as a special bonding treat with them). Perhaps you could let her give them a few m&ms/day or whatever else you think is appropriate and she can dole them out as she sees fit over the day.

If you have happy with her all around, I would say keep working with her and keep reinforcing what is appropriate and not-appropriate for them to eat.

Honestly, if I got caught red-handed when I was younger, I may have told a white lie to get myself out of some of the trouble I was in (and I was a good kid) - so, perhaps that is what she did. I do like the fact that she apologized to you and has acknowledged it wasn't a good decision.

Also, if I were you, I might try and pop by once and awhile unexpectedly (if possible). Or, as your kids get older you can start to ask them what they ate that day...

good luck, and I hope you get more sleep real soon!

 

I think it's a big deal cuz they could've choked and died because it's HARD candy!! THAT is major! She should have the intelligence enough to KNOW this. The fact that she does not is alarming to say the very least.

I kind of don't care what time it is when they eat a lifesaver tho. But that's me, it's more about the fact that they're 2 and ARE EATING A LIFESAVER that would bother ME.

There are things you need to let go when other people are watching your kids but not things that could seriously injure them like choking. DANGER there! She might need a lesson on what they can and cannot do, I guess??

Other than that, I am not sure, maybe you are blowing this out or proportion I think I'd be stressed about the fact that they could have choked and leave it at that. Good luck and DO keep us posted!

 

Ladies, Thank You! I knew I could count on you and you came through, I appreicate it.

Yes, you're right, I am now over the time of day the girls ate the candy. 930am, 2pm, 5pm, it's irrelevant.

I have heard about the hole in the center thing to prevent choking, not sure how I feel about that but just to be clear. It was a "lifesaver" that is individually packed in a clear wrapper, no whole, just a round "large" disk. In my opinion, a choking hazzard.

Anna does know the perimeters of snacks but I do think I should designate some more "special" treats for her to give/bribe/be the hero for the girls.

Nope, not running her out of the house. It's done. PP was right, she apologized, knows how I feel and I'm moving on.

Thanks again for your input, the support of this group helps me through this journey we all share of bring a twin mom.

Leslie