OK, what is my problem?

I should know better right? I have a set of twins, I have been through this before......So why has my world been rocked so hard by this? My "babies" are now almost 2 months old. It has been very rocky start. They where in the NICU for only 2 weeks. We came home for a week then they where back in the PICU for 1 week due to pneumonia. We where home for one week when we noticed that our son was showing signof being sick again. We took him into the ER, he was way sicker than we thought. He actually stopped breathing right there in the ER. He was intubated and on the ventilator for 4 days. Well we all came home and have been home for a week. It has been so hard. They have there nights and days mixed up, we are BF and they are having a hard time with this, and I still have to deal with my older twins, the house and life.
We have no help, we are military, we do not have the money to hire help, so here I am. Trying to figure this all out AGAIN.

If anyone has advice on how to switch them from a night to day sleep pattern that would be great.

If anyone can give me advice on how to keep the older twins entertained and make them feel like they are still loved, that would be great.
Thanks!

 

I should know better right? I have a set of twins, I have been through this before......So why has my world been rocked so hard by this? My "babies" are now almost 2 months old. It has been very rocky start. They where in the NICU for only 2 weeks. We came home for a week then they where back in the PICU for 1 week due to pneumonia. We where home for one week when we noticed that our son was showing signof being sick again. We took him into the ER, he was way sicker than we thought. He actually stopped breathing right there in the ER. He was intubated and on the ventilator for 4 days. Well we all came home and have been home for a week. It has been so hard. They have there nights and days mixed up, we are BF and they are having a hard time with this, and I still have to deal with my older twins, the house and life.
We have no help, we are military, we do not have the money to hire help, so here I am. Trying to figure this all out AGAIN.

If anyone has advice on how to switch them from a night to day sleep pattern that would be great.

If anyone can give me advice on how to keep the older twins entertained and make them feel like they are still loved, that would be great.
Thanks!

 

When my kiddos were having a hard time figuring out day from night I started doing a "routine" or sorts. Basically I let them sleep during the day unswaddled and in the living room around all the noise and then at night I swaddled them and put them in their crib, in the dark, with minimal noise. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time, I wish I could give you great advice (where in Idaho are you, we are in Moscow). You are an amazing woman to maintain a house with two sets of twins, you should be very proud of herself, you are a genuine super hero

 

Really dont have any advice for you. But I can relate to where you are coming from. My daughter and her husband are military too and just had their twins who are 4 1/2 week old now. Hang in there.
Lots of hugs.

 

Heather I can't imagine! Our first are close to the same ages and I am feeling for you so much!!

Busy stuff that might work for a little while would be (fastened in high chair) coloring. Or sorting stuff. Like two little cups and cheerios in one that they can eat a few and transfer them to the other cup. My DD will do this all day with ice....but that is more of a mess.

I hope you can find a mothers helper or something on base to come and play with the older two and then you can tend to the babies for that hour or two.

I am sorry it's so rough and you have no help!! I just wish I could do more for you!

 

Wow, you must be very busy. I'm sure you are an awesome mom and doing the best you can. I totally agree with the recommendations Joyful gave you. Keep day and night very different. Something else I did was change their clothes in the morning into day clothes and change them again during our bedtime routine in the evening. I don't know if it helped; however, it was something different. You probably don't have a bedtime routine yet . . . I would still try changing them for bed in a quiet environment. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

I don't have any advice on your older ones because mine are my only two. Sorry!

 

Sounds like you have been through a lot. Is there any way you can get some help? I remember when I had my twins I mourned for the time I had with my older son. I would pump and leave the twins EBM so that I could get out and have some alone time with Noah. That meant the world to me and to him. Can you find a couple of moms or friends that would be willing to help watch the babies for you? You seriously need some help!! Are you able to take naps at all? PLEASE don't worry about anything else right now other than the kids. The other stuff will get done eventually. I'm going to be praying for you.

 

I have twin babies and a 3 yr old son and as the pp stated, when the twins were born I was so sad about the time I used to spend with him. It was hard because he really started acting out - using the bathroom on the floor while I was feeding them, screaming, temper tantrums. And I was blindsided because he had never behaved this way before. Anyway, I had to use TV, DVD's to occupy him. I just rationalized that it wouldn't always be this way. Things are much better now, although I do have to remind him constantly to get out of their faces. But I would definitely recommend the TV babysitter if you don't have a real one.

Also, like the PP, do you have any friends there? Anyone who has kids close in age to your older twins? It would be great if someone could come over, bring their child or children and the older ones could play while you could have an adult help with the babies a little and just talk to you. I had a friend who did this a couple of times in the beginning. It was helpful. Do you go to church anywhere around there? That is where I have made friends at and they have helped me.

I know it is difficult, I never asked for help before the twins, but you really need to ask people for help if you have any friends around there. And know you are not alone in your feelings of desparation and frustration! It is so hard in the beginning! I cried every day about something! Hang in there!

 

I just wanted to send you hugs! I agree with the other suggestions that people have mentioned. I used, still use the TV, but have been trying to limit the time that he spends on it. I can't imagine having four children who are one or younger. You must be a busy mom. Just do your best and that is all you can do. I know it is hard, but just do your best and have your best be okay with you. I know one thing that has helped me with staying up with my housework is to pick one thing a day that I want to get done and do it. Another thing, is try to find time for you even if it is just a couple of minutes. I know if I do that, then I am a better mommy for my babies. HTH!

 

You poor thing! It sounds like you've had a rough couple of months

My two had their nights and days confused initially as well. What worked for us was keeping their room dark and devoid of stimulation at night (typical nighttime room) and then keeping them in the family areas / around noise and activity in normal daytime bright light during the days. I've also heard that taking them outside in the morning (eg, exposing them to morning light) for walks, activity really helps although we didn't do this.

I also have a two year-old so I understand the challenges of keeping an older one (or in your case, older ones) entertained. I find that if I talk to my son and tell him what's going on with the babies / invite him to help with baby care tasks then he's much more engaged (for example, things like "do you think Marcus needs his diaper changed? Let's go change his diaper" or "Annalise is eating her lunch now just like you ate your lunch".

I also try to talk to him about what he's doing when I am nursing and unable to physically engage with him. For example, sometimes I'll sit near him and nurse while he's in his high chair playing with Play Doh and I'll ask him about the colors, animal shapes, etc. Sometimes I'll have him sit next to me while I'm nursing and we'll read a book together (he turns the pages).

Today we all went for a neighborhood walk together and last weekend we walked to a local park and my son played while the twins sat in the stroller and napped. I don't know what your stroller situation is like, but even taking everyone into the back yard area for you might help. You can park your twins in bouncy seats or even their car seats and talk to your older two about plants, pick up sticks and leaves, play with a hose and buckets, etc. (assuming it's not too cold where you are!)

When I'm really exhaused and need some down time I'll turn on a video but that's generally at the end of the day during the fussy / meal prep time.

Good luck! Hang in there -- you're bound to find a rhythm at some point soon.

 

Heather, I am so sorry to hear about their rough start. I just cannot imagine how FULL your plate is right now. I have no advice to offer, just a big, fat

 

it is VERY hard, i know hun. get the older twins to help out with the younger one's?

when your chaning the younger ones let them get a nappy each for them, when your making the younger twins bottles (if you bottle feed) let them put the lid on, just things like that will make them feel like they are helping out alot, and a lot of praise for the oulder twins if they do somthing nice for their little brother and sister.

 

thank you all for the thoughts. i will try to put some of them to use! Hopefully this will fly by like the first time!

 

I dont know what advice I can offer, but many to you!
You are so remarkable in being even a little sane!
Please know that I am in awe of you, even if you can't see it for yourself right now.