OK. Enough Already!

During the week, I only spend 2.5 hours with the boys in the morning and 1 hour in the evening. For the past week, I'd say 75% of this time is spent with Ezra in full blown tantrum. It's usually around him wanting to get into the kitchen and play (we don't play in the kitchen, I'm always in the play area with them so it's not like he wants to be in there for me), him wanting to throw something in the garbage over and over and over and over again (and yes, I bought him his own little garbage can - ha!) or him telling me that he has poo-poo so that I'll change his diaper even though he doesn't. He'll grab onto my hand and pull and tug on me. I go between ignoring him and going with him until we hit a gate and then pick him up and hug him and say, no Ezra, we are not going into the kitchen and carry him back to the toys. Should I just completely completely ignore him. My dear sweet Elias is really getting the short end of all this. We used to spend hours reading with the two of them on my lap. I can't believe how much I miss that. If I try to read with Elias now, Ezra whips the book out of my hands or hits it so I can't read it. He also bites his hand and arm when he is having a tantrum and he is covered in little round bruises.

And to make this all the more special - he only does this with me.

It's totally ruining my whole attitude to our time I'm sorry to say and I truly miss both of them.

Any suggestions?

 

Oh yeah I hear you. I am a teacher and am with my kids from 4 pm until they go to bed around 8 pm. All I want is to have nice peaceful and enjoyable time with my little girls. My one DD plays so nice and will even share with her sister; my other DD she is another story. I have actually spent some time crying because I think there might be something wrong with her. She will throw such a tantrum of uncontrollable crying if things don't go her way that sometimes it is impossible to calm her down. Then, I get frustrated and yell and later on after all is said and done, I feel so horrible and ashamed for raising my voice. Everyone keeps telling me that it's the terrible two's. They will be two in three weeks. I wish there was something more to tell you, I keep saying stay calm and patient and all we can do is show them as much love as possible.

Hugs,
Jen

 

I'm sure it's a phase. He wants what he can't have! :hug: I do hear you though. Mine do the worst behavior with me too. :hug:

 

My kids are 2.5 and I've had lots of luck by baby proofing my entire house and letting my kids have free reign. I also let them explore and indulge their need for investigating and exploring. My guess is that your son knows that you do lots of things in the kitchen and he is curious to see what it's all about. There's nothing wrong with that. Kids are very curious and the more you can let them indulge their needs, the less frustrated they will get and therefore the fewer tantrums you'll get.

The best way to avoid tantrums is to limit the "no's" with your kids, make sure that they don't get overtired or over hungry. My kids rarely tantrum and if they do get frustrated with a no, they actually get upset and recover their senses very quickly.

Kids have different temperments, so it sounds like Ezra is more determined to do what he is believing to be "off limits." I have one of those too!

Is there a way that he could explore the kitchen without it disrupting everything? I thikn his curiosity and subsequent frustration is all about boredom with his normal play area and an interest in exploring. Babies always explore more with mom than with a caregiver (they feel safest with mom)

I always remind myself that the more I try to control my kids now that I could hinder their curiosity in the future and I certainly don't want that. Denying their instincts just causes my kids to be crabby and I really hate that, so I don't get worked up about their inquisitiveness. It really helps to put yourself into your kid's mind and look at things from not only his perspective but from his developmental ability. A great book to check out for just this perspective is the Ames & Ilg series books "your two yr old."

I guess all I'd add is that if you think he is bad now at this age, just wait till the full on 2's come into play. 2 yr olds are very determined and very ritualistic. they also get an idea about how things should be and demand that they be that way. it's part of their normal development.

good luck... sounds like you ahve a great inquisitive kid.

 

I wish I could say there is a magic formula to prevent tantrums or at least cut them short, but there isn't. Tantrums become different as they age and as communication gets better, but they usually still have some in one form or another. being defiant, saying no and challenging your authority starts as soon as they recognize they are a separate being from you. It is normal and healthy, even if it is terrible for us to deal with! I too have an emotional, head-strong boy and he has always been a challenge. He is now 5 and still a challenge, but also a very sweet, intelligent little boy. I do agree w/one PP about letting your kids explore. We have a multi-level home and the entire down stairs, kitchen,living room, dining room, play room/family room is where they all play.After they are in bed and DH and I have our dinner, we put the toys in their place. It works for us to do it that way. When my oldest was little, we even had a lower cabinet in the kitchen full of old pots, pans,plastic spoons and Tupperware for him to play with while I was cooking or doing other things in the kitchen. My twins never found this any fun so I took my cabinet back! We are lucky that the kitchen is sort of in the middle with all those rooms surrounding it, so it's easy to keep an eye on all of them for me. I have to say that with 3 or more children, you can't be constantly watching all of them, giving each of them all your attention at the same time, but you can limit the areas they are safe and allowed to play and still encourage exploration. I'm not saying I ignore the children, but I can set one up drawing another playing with one cool toy and the other can be sitting in my lap reading with me and then take turns. It's not as easy as that sounds, but that's the idea anyway! One thing my oldest enjoys is the hour he gets us to himself after the twins go to bed.

It could obviously be that exploring has little to do with his behavior and my best guess would be that it's a combination of things. Working moms seem to have it the hardest in terms of time with the kids- and I don't mean that in a way that makes you feel bad. What I mean is, you have very limited time to give them all you want to give them and they just want to give it all to you as well- that includes all the emotions.They also each want all of your attention all of the time! At the end of the day they tend to be tired, hungry and cranky even if you are home with them all day. I have to say the hours between 5:30 and 7 are the hardest to deal with the kids and they always have been. What I have found helps most is relaxing about the house and all the junk that "needs to get done", and just allow them to show you what they like to do and enjoy their curiosity and don't let their emotions make your emotions rise. That is a TALL ORDER! It won't happen every day- there's no way to have a good day every day! Another thing to remember is that they will change so many times. My calm one has been my demanding one and vise versa at least 20 times now.

All of it is frustrating to us, but normal for them. I have to agree that picking your battles will help you and them so much over the years. Allowing him to throw 500 things in the kitchen garbage won't hurt him or you in the long run and he may possibly stop wanting to do it all together if you let him. If it is something that will hurt him or something you just can't tolerate as a parent, bad behavior, violence, etc., those are the things to stand your ground about and just let the tantrums flow. I hope in some way this will help. You can tell me to fly away if there's just no way he can play in the kitchen or if you feel that's not the issue, I won't be offended! Good luck, I know how you are feeling right now, I've been there way too many times.

Kelly

 

I agree, if you can maybe open up the kitchen area and lock up certain cabnets that they absolutly can not get into, cleaners, pantry -can and jars falling on them, but mine would spend hours playing with pots and pans and bowls and spoons. We also spent time "cooking" cheerios and cracker "soup". Also, we were very aware of schedules, one would become a bear (or just hit hyper drive) if we were late for naps and the other if we were late for snack time. With toddlers at our house we did not need a clock, we know what time it was by behavior (just kidding, we tried not to push it-we LOVED our schedule!)

It is also finding independence, wanting not to have to share, having been in care and been "good" all day and just being almost two.

Two was good at our house though. They become more verbal, can talk to you, become real little people.

 

I don't know, it is hard to know where to draw the line. Our first floor is an open floor plan so I can see my kids and be "with" them no matter where we are downstairs. I pretty much give them full access. I took two drawers in the kitchen and put their coloring books, clay, crayons, etc... in them. I think it makes them feel like grownups when they can go and open the drawer and get their toys out. As far as the garbage, I just change it often so that it is not full enough for them to go trash diving but they are still able to throw things away on their own. My son had a garbage obsession for about a week but then it went away. They have full access to the drawers down low that are filled with tupperware, muffin tins, plastic cups, etc... They can also open the fridge (grrr...) so I just have to be sure that the things they can reach are safe. I let them explore with pretty much anything they want. We have been known to play with ice (dumping into different cups) and water (same method) as well as filling muffin tins with rice, etc... I find the more I choose my battles, the easier it is for us. As long as it is not dangerous, it is okay in my book. It drives DH nuts though. Yesterday, for example, he caught us using empty milk cartons as "shakies" and putting cheese cubes in them to make noise when shaken. Opps, he was po'ed. I have a tendancy to be wasteful (in his eyes), but if it keeps everyone happy it is worth every penny (in my eyes)!
Tantrums are a form of expression and you would rather them express themselves than not. I just make sure they are in a safe place (on the carpet) and sit by them telling them I am there for a hug when they are ready. Lily never has them but Jack has some nice ones. Eventually, when I offer him a hug (after 30 minutes or one time even an hour) he will jump into my arms and the tantrum is over. I figure when he gets old enough I can teach him how to better deal with his anger.