Oh where oh where did my sweet Arwen go?

Well, I'm sure many of you have dealt with this and sadly, some may have are are dealing with 2 of them like this. Arwen I'm guessing is hitting the terrible two's early (I think). She is so head strong and seems to get angry and upset at anything and everything. She has become less affectionate (and won't let me be as affectionate to her). She throws things when she is angry or will stand there and scream and the very worst of it all is she has been aweful (not always) to her sisiter. We recently started timeouts but so far, Arwen is the only one who is getting them. Lorien is the opposite of Arwen. Very very sweet, and loving and has never hit her sister. She may grab a toy away now and then but she only does it because she really wants to play with it. Arwen will grab a toy from her and run just for the fun of it. I have tried (and continue to try) my hardest to teach them them to be nice to each other. I know this can by typical behavior but I just don't know what to do to teach Arwen that her behaviors are mean, and agressive. I encourage her when she does something really nice and is really nice to her sister (which she does do now and then). Lately, her playing with toys involves banging them and playing with them very roughly. Yesterday she was patting Lorien on the head and saying nice, nice. And I said, good girl. That's right. Nice nice to Lorien. Then I turned my back for a second and with all her might she 2 hand slapped Lorien on her head/face with all her might. Lorien was literally stunned and started talking nonsense and was confused which I can only imagine that she was like "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT???" Poor girl. It broke my heart. My emotions got to the best of me and I screamed at the top of my lungs at Arwen and put her in time out. I know I'm suppose to remain emotionless but Lorien was so devestated and I just couldn't believe that Arwen did that to her. I know losing my temper is not good because she sees me scream and thinks when you are angry you scream. It took every being in me not to spank her but I didn't because then I feel like I'm just being a hypocrit and giving mixed messages by saying not to hit and then hitting her. Some of you may believe in a good old fashion spanking and I don't think it is completely aweful or out of the question but I would want to use it VERY sparningly for really serious situations (which this could be) but I don't know if they are too young yet for a spanking or a hit on the hand.

What have you done in these type of situations? I am very consistent with timeouts and know well how they work and we have only very recently begun them but I'm just wondering what other techniques or strategies you have used to work with aggresive toddlers. Obviously, a big problem is that the communication isn't all there yet so they don't understand alot of what I say and I try to use repetitive simple language with them. I feel very sad and wonder if I did something wrong (yelling when they were younger) to bring this on or is it just a personality thing that I most likely wouldn't have had any control over no matter what?

Thank you for reading and any advice or words of encouragement you have to offer.

 

You might try to introduce simple signs as well as words. This will/can help with communication.

If you do not already, we used the word trade, if someone took toys from another. they can ask to trade if they wanted a different toy but, they had to agree as much as they can. If they could not then the trade did not happen, if a "brawl" ensued the toy went to time out.

One major rule in our house is you do not get to be mean. You can be mad, sad, grump, what have you but you do not get to be mean. If you are mean to your brother you do not get to play with your brother. this only took a few times. Similar to time out I guess but you had to go play away from him.

One time they were sitting nicely playing and all of a sudden one reached over, grabbed the other by the hair and gave him a face plant. It is part of the age. I remember this age and thinking I would not only want to work but pay anyone double to come be with them. It did not last, it is part of the age. Part of being an individual and wanting to communicate and not being able to do it well.

For us it is this half year mark that always presents a challenge. Then by their birthday if not earlier they seem to be their "normal" sleves.

Good luck, you are not doing anything wrong,

 

I remember feeling that way about my oldest. For us 18 months was the hardest stage yet. It was like he had all the physical capacities of an older toddler, but none of the communication skills. Not being able to talk played a huge part I think. Once he started talking it seemed like all that anger and frustration went away. Once he hit 2 years it was SO much better. He was back to his happy friendly adorable self. The "terrible twos" haven't been nearly as challenging as that 18-24 month range was! Hang in there and just keep being consistent. It will pay off.

Reyna

 

Hopefully you will get some good advice. my twins do a lot of this. Jack scratches Max's face all the time now - usually when they are playing. Max bites Jack often when he is mad. I always do time out if it's physical. I tell them why, say it was bad, and then try to get them to say sorry (max always says it, jack never does). I know you know all that and have tried it all. I definitely yell when I am at wit's end or when I am in shock of what just happened. I think that makes it so much worse. I am teaching them that yelling, impulse, etc - but we are not perfect!

The best thing you can do is stay consistent with her timeouts. Good luck with advice.

 

QUOTE(MerMommy @ Nov 18 2007, 12:49 PM) [snapback]501187[/snapback]
I tell them why, say it was bad, and then try to get them to say sorry (max always says it, jack never does).



LOL we do this too. Joe always says sorry, Nick never does. The funny thing is Joe will say sorry when he's the victim. :blink: Poor guy.