Oh PLEASE help me get bedtime under control!

Hi everyone,

It's been forever since I've posted and I seriously need some help!! My girls are now almost 3 1/2 and they are, for the most part, good little girls, extremely smart, and usually easy to reason with. UNTIL bedtime. This has become a true nightmare, especially since I am alone most of the time (dh travels most of each week). It has always been a battle of wills, but ever since we've potty trained them it has become unbearable and I don't know what to do to get it under control.

Basically it goes like this each night....

(And I should mention that naps have dwindled down to just quiet time in their beds, if even that)

We announce bedtime about 10 minutes before the festivities begin, usually around 7:30, the dawdling begins. Then we announce it's time to get up the stairs. This right away turns into "chase", most likely ending with us carrying them kicking and screaming upstairs and into their bathroom. Then they run around like they're on speed, refusing to get undressed. We end up chasing them down, and physically undressing them and putting their PJ's on. Then the REAL fun begins. We tell them to make their last pee pee's or poop's and then get on the stool for toothbrushing. Well, it's musical toilets from there. They refuse to leave the toilet saying they have to poop or pee when we know darned well that the tanks are all empty! They run back and forth out of their bathroom and into ours, on and off the toilets, screaming the entire time that they still have to go. It winds up that we have to hold them down to get their pull up on. Then comes the toothbrushing, which is usually okay in itself, except then they scream that they still have to rinse or have a drink, etc. So that ends with us dragging them off the stool, screaming again. Then we go into Meg's room and read books, no issues there usually, until the last book, then it's hysteria again. We sing a few songs, with them screaming and running around due to the distress over the impending bed-doom. Then we have to physically wrestle them into the bed, holler some prayers out over their screaming, and run for it. But it doesn't end there, as then they scream their heads off that they have to go potty again, or they don't have the right animals in bed with them, etc.... It goes on and on. We are only fortunate in one thing, they don't get out of their beds once they are in them. They just perform their ritual hysterics from their beds (and they have seperate bedrooms).

So I am at my wit's end. I am trembling and crying before we ever leave the bathroom, and then I'm too upset to function until the noise finally dies down.

I have no idea what to do anymore. We usually had success with the 123 "no books" strategy we were using, but now they just laugh at us. We have tried super early bedtimes, and that backfires in many different and torturous ways, too. The potty thing kills me more than anything, I don't know how to deal with it. And having to physically fight them to get them into their PJ's, pull up, into bed, etc.

Can someone give me some ideas??? I want to drastically change this routine STARTING TOMORROW. But I don't know what to do differently. Oh, PLEASE HELP!!!!! I know some of you have to have been through this and found a solution!! All the books I read, or web articles, are geared toward the problem of toddlers getting out of bed a zillion times, but our problems are before they ever get into bed!!!

Thanks for reading my long plea for help!!!! I look forward to some good suggestions!!

 

I could have written something so similiar to your post a few months ago. In fact, it still occasionally holds true, and they are nowhere perfect now, but it is survivable.

My girls would fight me (and still do to some extent) when I tried to put their diapers on, run away (and still do to some extent) when I tried to put PJs on, insist in reading book, after book, after book, wnted this doll, and that toy, and another toy, and then wanted to trade, had me running up and down the stairs 6, 7 , 8 times to find their sippu cup, or their toy fell out, or thier blanket came off.

I got to the point that I was literally screaming at them to go to bed. I never wanted to be that way as a mother. So basically, I told them after the second time I read a book, that I was done. If they didn't like it and cried, too bad. I told them they could have one toy. If they cried, too bad. If I was downstairs and they cried for whatever reason, I came up, fixed the problem, and told them that I WILL NOT come back up. If they cried, I let them.

It has helped so much to be a bad a$$. I hate being that way, I wish I could coddle them, but if I enable them to boss me around now, I will have real trouble on my hands in the future. Naps are still a nightmare for some reason, but I've been working on it. I also have to toughen up at other times during the day. But basically letting them tantrum it out worked. I'm just sure to give them lots of extra love when they are awake.

 

I think the key word in your evening routine is "chase". This is how I am eliminating "chase" at our house.

I say, "come.". They Run away. I say, "come little lamb, don't run away, or mommy/daddy will have to discipline." and if they don't come that time, then they get disciplined. When they come, then I know I have their hearts and they're going to obey. If I have to retrieve them, then they get disciplined and talking to until I have their hearts back. When I discipline, I give one swat on the bottom with a spoon.

I think you will need to sit down with the girls and have a "conference". You tell them, Mommy's not going to chase anymore. If you run away, you will get a consequence. Every time they play chase whether clothing, bath tub, potty, toothbrush, toy, book, animal. they get the consequence every single time. Maybe try setting a timer and giving them warning, when the timer goes off, it's time for bed. then the timer is the "bad guy", not you. I read one book per child usually. (I only have the 2 girls). I would try starting at 715. Set the timer for no more than 5 minutes (they don't have an accurate concept of time anyway. Set the timer for everything-- pee, poop, teeth, books. This way it's measurable and they can't manipulate/rationalize or excuse their way out of it.

Most importantly, tell the girls up front what the consequence is going to be if they disobey or go "overtime" with their nightly ablutions. And of course, BE CONSISTENT! Tackle ONE aspect of the routine at a time. If it were me, I would get the undressing chase thing under control first. This is what seems to drain you the most... if you can get a handle on that, then I think the rest of your night may go more smoothly.

Best wishes for sanity and serenity to return soon!

 

We obviously have 5 kiddoes and have found over the years that if we just start earlier it helps a lot. We were at a point of yelling and ripping our hair out. Telling everyone over and over again get in bed! We'll we started moving everything up 15 minutes till it got easy again. Now our older kids go to bed at 7:30. We were starting bedtime a half our before and it was a joke. It would be after 8 with us screaming to hurry. Now we start 60-75 minutes before bedtime. Half an hour before bedtime they have to be completely done with going potty, brushing teeth, etc. Then that last 1/2 hour is winddown time. They have to sit in their bed and read. We read to them. They read to us. We'll give back rubs. Put lotion on. Anything to make it calm and make it fun to relax in bed. They right at 7:30 we leave their rooms. Hang in there it will get better but the best advice I can give you is to start much much earlier. That way when bedtime comes they are ready. As far as the screaming goes I think the best advice is to say I love you but I'm tired and going to bed now too and leave. If your consistant they will eventually get that your not playing that game. Hugs

 

One thing that has helped with the night-time pottying is that if they say they need to go, and don't, they lose a stuffed animal each time. I don't put up with much. If I ask mine to come and they don't, they get time-out for being disobedient. If they are noisy during prayers, my dh doesn't flip or toss them into bed.

Marissa

 

I agree with setting a timer. Also I would get them a digital clock, and create a hard bedtime. In otherwords, if bedtime is 8, if they fight so much that it is after 8 when you go into their room after the bathroom, then no book, no song, done, walk out. The longer they can get away with "something else" the longer they will try. I bet a few times of no story and no song, they will get the picture.

 

I agree with the tough-approach moms. DH and I didn't put up with any bedtime games. We took away stuffed animals/TV privileges for the next day, and after a few times of doing that consistently, the shenanigans stopped.