Nursing Toddlers

So my twins are 18 months old as of a few days ago. We are still nursing, and I'm very happy for the extra nutrition and extra cuddle time that it gives them and me. I really enjoy the morning and before bed nursing sessions, but the daytime requests are becoming a real battle. We were doing morning, before or after nap, and then an evening/before bed nurse.

My daughter has started to use the words "nurse" followed by "Please" (of course, just to make it impossible to say no!) at various times during the day and she will not take no for an answer. She especially begs to nurse when it's an inconvenient time, which makes me think that it's become a control issue for her when she wants my attention. For example, she'll ask to nurse when we have guests over (which we don't have very often) even if she just nursed recently, or if we're Skyping with family and she wants it to be over. I will tell her "No, not right now. We will nurse later" and I will try be specific like "When we put pajamas on for bed." or "When we say Bye Bye to Nanna" but she continues to demand, whine, and eventually will start to hit me and throw herself at me until she completely melts down. Now if we're home alone and it's not an appropriate time to nurse then I have no issue letting her melt down and work it out, but it's difficult and embarassing in front of friends.

At this point I am thinking that I'd like to just rule out daytime nursing all together to make our lives easier. I feel like if she knows that we nurse in pajamas in the morning and at night then she will eventually get that we don't nurse at other times? I am not attempting to actually wean, I just feel like we need to set some nursing boundaries now that she is very aware and starting to use her demands to nurse as a way to control situations that she doesn't like. I don't want my toddler running the show! As it is I usually break down and nurse her when she throws a fit like this in front of family/friends/whoever just to quiet her down and stop the tears. Oh and of course once my son sees her display he often joins in and demands to nurse also even though he honestly couldn't give a hoot about nursing during the day anymore.

Help! Suggestions? If I decide to go to no BFing during the day time do you have any suggestions on distractions to get them over the hump? Anyone else been in a similar situation and found something that really worked to keep the BFing relationship going?

 

I LOVED nuring my toddlers!!! They had speech issues so I never had to deal with the 'please' word! That is sweet though. I know, not so good at those 'moments.'

The first thought that came to my mind was that she may be feeling insecure at 'those' times, perhaps not comfortable with other people, and is looking for something comforting and soothing. A lot of kids rely on their plugs or a security blanket/lovey. Does she have any of those? Perhaps reward her for waiting with kind words. "Thank you for waiting <those 5 minutes> until I was ready to nurse. Make that time longer and longer but be patient and tell her what you think she is feeling (if security may be an issue). "I know you like some time with just mommy but so & so is on tv and would like to talk with me."
Taking away something that soothes her is not the answer IMO, especially at this age (if this is the case). If it is a control issue, you doing the same thing (postponing it and acting like she did you a HUGE favor by being 'ok' with it) I think you'll see the same results. This is a time that they are starting to know that they have some power and they want to use it.

Good luck!

 

I really don't feel like it's an insecurity thing. It really feels like control for her. A total power struggle over who rules Mommy's breasts, me or her?! haha I love that she loves nursing so much, and I do love it too, but it's just not an option all of the time anymore. At least it's not according to me, and I am the one in charge of my breasts!

I would love to praise her for waiting, but she just won't wait. Like I said it goes from whining to slapping to throwing herself at me and then finally on the floor in a full on head banging fit until she finally runs out of steam and comes up for a cuddle. I have tried offering cuddles or water instead and she refuses and goes through her various stages of tantrum.

 

Weaning happened more or less by accident at 18-19 months but the months before I did establish a rule that nursing only happened in the bedroom (usually wake-up, nap-time, bed-time), because I was no longer happy to NIP (especially as mine always tandem-nursed and doing that discreetly with toddlers did not work for me) but we all still loved our nursing time. If they really wanted to nurse at other times and we were home, they had to leave "the action" and go upstairs to the bedroom - mostly activity and play were more important, if not I was happy to nurse them even if it was not nap- or bed-time.

This rule worked really well for us, I was even able to bend the rule a bit when they were sick and needed some more nursing during the day or we had to deal with other special situations. I am trying to think back to how I introduced the rule - I think I just stated it as a fact or house rule and did not discuss it. My LOs were a bit younger when I did this (maybe around 14-15 months) so I did not have to deal with a tantrum-like response, although there were a few tears and a few days of tugging at my clothes and "please do not try to undress mommy".

Another thought: Could your DD be a bit jealous that your attention is with other people when you are on the phone or have people over? We went through a very difficult phase when more than 5 minutes on the phone automatically lead to a double tantrum and my LOs still hate the phone (unless they are allowed to join in the conversation). Maybe the real issue here is your attention and nursing is a short code for your attention? If you suspect this, I would try to limit the time she feels left out even if it means cutting short a call or getting down on the floor to play with her while you have guests.

GL and enjoy nursing your big babies! I still miss it.

Edited for spelling.

 

It depends on how "tough" you want to be. My oldest son went the longest, almost 18 mos and was taking whole milk too. Just nursed for the cuddles. But he started saying "I want da boob" :hush: and he would ask in front of people and stuff. I just told him no and stopped nursing him. We continued with the cuddle time, with a cup of milk if he was really thirsty.

 

Oh she's definitely jealous of my attention being elsewhere. And most times she does have my attention and I do limit regular phone calls and email checks to short amounts of time or else for when our nanny is with them. We live overseas though and when we Skype with family it's actually mostly for the family to see the kids and of course to catch up, etc, so it's more than a five or ten minute deal. I feel like she really needs to learn that. My life is not completely about catering to my toddlers lol. My son is happy to sit in my lap and suck his thumb to get cuddles when he is frustrated, but she only wants to nurse. In response to what the first poster who responded asked: No, she doesn't have a lovely or any type of attachment item. I wish she did if that would help her to be calm.

I kind of like the idea of a set nursing "area" like a bed or specific room, but I don't know that it's really doable. Since I don't mind nursing during the day when we don't have company it's a real pain taking them upstairs or our of our main living area to nurse. Currently we nurse on the couch (we have one upstairs as well), so if I'm sitting on the floor my daughter will tell me "couch" in order to coax me into nursing her. Oy. She's too smart for me!

I feel like I may just have to take a really hard approach and still with saying "No" and just letting her thrash it out. I tandem nurse as well and agree that with toddlers it just gets a little too exposed for my taste so I don't like to nurse in front of friends/family/skype anymore.

 

I think you have to be consistent. If she wanted a snack that you didn't want her to have (say a candy?- which I know BM is way different than, it's just an example) would you give in to a fit? I wouldn't. It sucks but she's learning that by throwing a fit she gets what she wants- she just has to get loud enough about it. I do think you can do what you are currently doing with telling her she can nurse at x time- it's good to let her know 'when'.

Here is what I do when mine persist in screaming next to me/throwing a fit at my feet- (I HATE it). I say no, they scream. I say go play or go in the PNP. If they continue, I take them into the hallway and put them in the PNP to calm down. I tell them why they are going in and what they need to do to get out. It doesn't usually take long anymore. Even if company is over or we are Skyping (which like you we do for about 1/2 an hour at a time with family). I believe that company/family would much rather me discipline my kids than see me cater to them.

 

These were my thoughts EXACTLY!!!!!
Your question is a great one. Im actually about to start leading toddler meetings next month so Im sure this is going to come up. I know a lot of moms that are doing extended nursing and they too feel like there has to be some boundaries.
The things that work for some people are:
1. to either pick a place that you do all your nursing OR on the conrtary, if there is a place that she associates with nursing (you said the couch) try NOT to sit there as much as possible.
2. Allowing nursing but only for a set amount of time. so " OK, you can nurse. Mommy is going to sing a song and when the song is over we have to stop nursing so we can <insert other activity here>"
3. The pajama/ bedtime would be a great one. Just be sure she doesnt want to start living in her PJs 24/7 LOL
4. What are her FAVORITE things? besides nursing.... or maybe some special activities that she can only do/have when you really dont want to nurse and she does. Crayons? a thing of bubbles? a special treat? a really GOOD distraction that makes it worth it for her....

Best of luck. I know this cant be easy. Im interested to hear what works for you guys!

 

You guys have got to read this http://theleakyboob.com/2011/06/toddler-breastfeeding-frustration-and-what-keeps-me-going/ if you haven't already!

 

:rotflmbo: Thanks Melissa for the great read.

 

Loved it :laughing:

I don'tfeel so bad now about being the feeling of being 'used' for my boobs lol!
I have to admit there are times when I could just scream - all the scratching, pinching, poking my face etc just does my head in some days!!!!!

 

you've gotten lots of great suggestions! I got the idea here to set a timer... our "sessions" were extending to way too long. Now we set the 10 min "nap" timer on my alarm clock, and that's it. sometimes they fight to get off the quickest so that they can turn off the timer, other times I have to nudge them with another counting 1-2-3 and then take them off.

Only recently have I actually been able to lay down with my kids without them wanting to nurse, i started to do our nursing as laying down in bed with one each each crook of my arm about a year ago - at 2 yrs old when I finally gave up my tandem nursing pillow. anyway, only recently can I just "snuggle" with them. It's really nice to actually snuggle and not be nursing.

I wanted to mention if your dd is actually saying "nurse please" that's great! Mine say "boobie" or "boobie milk"... hmm... I really should have had thought more about this when I kept calling it that when they weren't talking!! anyway, good luck!

I remember getting to about 22 or 23 months and my dh was saying you gotta make it to 2 yrs... (for the been there done that)... anyway, I remember that my kids were really antsy and doing the acrobtic stuff!

Good luck with setting daytime limits... my dd is a bit of a controller... sometimes we get that too, in many areas of my dd's life. ugh!

 

Ohhh, I have to put my hand up. I want to make it to 2yrs too. Partly for the babies sake of coursse but also for the been there done that lol! I bf my 5yr dd till she was 2 and love being able to say this.

I have to say too that T1 tends to wake up through the night now and says "baba" (boobie)and won't go back to sleep without it!!! :gah: Then and only then will she have her "dum" (pacifier). Absolutely cracks it if you try and fob her off with it before her "baba"!!!
Theres alot to miss about before they could talk! :laughing: