Notes from the Other Side - my girsl are 7 months

This is my first time on this board since my girls were born 7.5 months ago, and I've been writing this post in my head in the middle of the night for months. I just want to share some things that I wish I had known, or couldn't have imagined. These are my first babies, so everything was new, but having twins makes it doubly challenging -and delightful.

So, here's my list of what I wish I'd known:

- that no matter what, I'm no longer driving this bus, and that things will not necessarily turn out the way I want them to or plan. I had SO wanted a natural, drug-less birth, and ended up on hospital bedrest for pre-e, with an emergency c-section to save us all. I wanted to nurse them immediately so we could bond, but ended up in recovery on mag sulfate and unable to see them for TWELVE HOURS. We bonded just fine.

I'd wanted to take them home with me in two days, and ended up in the hospital for a week myself with a major transfusion and them in the NICU for three weeks. When I got home, I'd lay on the daybed in the nursery, with their acquarium mobile on, getting up to pump and crying over them. But i'd also call the NICU and talk to the nurses to get an update; how much they had eaten, what they weighed, etc..

I wanted to tandem nurse, looking down at their head with hair as dark and soft as the feathers of a baby blackbird, and ended up pumping full time for one who never really latched despite l/c consultations, five different nipple shields, trying every position known to womankind, etc.. I spent so much emotional energy over that one; worrying that we wouldn't bond tightly because she was never so close to my body as her sister, feeling awful and like a total failure because I couldn't make it work. But - she got breastmilk, which was important to me, and she was thriving.

I wanted NEVER to give them formula, and ended up having to supplement a little once they started rolling and i was taking care of them alone and simply could not pump enough. And then the champion nurser started slowly weaning herself, deciding that the world was a more interesting place than my breasts. And the first time i gave them formula (and for weeks afterward), I felt like I was poisoning my babies; it was like slitting my own wrists and simultaneously stabbing myself in the eye with a fork. But by then they'd had so much breastmilk and nearly tripled their preemie birth weight and were obviously doing FINE with it.

I wanted to at least nurse part time for a year - and the nurser full weaned herself at 7 months -and there was nothing I could do about it.

I wanted to do it all by myself, and learned, quickly, taht I couldn't. ANd learned what all the other posters meant when they say "accept any help you can get".


So I did - not only accept it, but learned to ask for it. And taht was the greatest gift of this pregnancy (except for my little pumpkinettes, of course!); that people really WANT to help, and they want to know what you need. And by being specific, you get what you need. WHen i was on bedrest at home, I had someone call and come to visit and asked if she could bring anything. SO i said 'yes, please, a meal, so my dh doesn't have to cook - and i can eat!. And seh did. ANd when she got to my house, she asked if she could do anything and i said 'yes, tahnk you, if you don't mind, would you fold the two baskets of laundry taht had been sitting in the living room". And she did - and then she THANKED ME when she left for the opportunity to be of service.

I learned that my husband's feeling that he works outside the home and therefore couldn't be woken up at night was total CR*P, and after trying to do it all myself for a few weeks and nearly collapsing with fatigue, I learned that we needed to find a way to make it work for us -even if I was the one nursing and pumping and he couldn't do THAT. It took a few months - ok, more than a few, but - we played with a schedule, and ultimately it evolved into something that works. And no matter how tired he thinks he is - i'm WAY more tired! And i don't get the 'vacation' of going ot an office every day and playing with other adults! ANd I learned that if i made my husband my ally in the war against exhaustion, instead of being in competition with him, then it worked out better for all four of us.

I learned that as strongly as i felt about not dressing my girls in pink and trying to not have my house look like someone exploded the Barbie Mobile in it - that there was going to be a lot of pink in it anyway. And my girls look adorable in it. And wearing pink doesn't mean that they won't be smart and assertive and competent; it just means that they wear pink sometimes (a lot of the time). FOr now. Til they start choosing for themselves.

I learned that, as my mother had told me all these years, you really DO grow 'double octopus arms' when you become a mother, and somehow, no matter what, you DEAL with things, even though you're so tired you literally cannot think or form coherent sentences. And the love you have for your babies makes it all worth it.


And one thing that I knew, but have learned on a different level, is - no matter how difficult it seems at first, and it IS difficult; this is the toughest thing I have ever done - the time does go by so very quickly, and the babies who were once little blobs are now little people who sit up, and grin and have personality and senses of humor and who crawl backwards and will soon be walking into their own lives. And I cherished it all - even in the thrall of those exhausting, endless nights with two refluxing babies who ate every two hours and had to be held upright for thirty minutes after every meal, functioning on maybe two hours' sleep each day, barely eating, recovering from major surgery: the weight of their little bodies in my arms, and their sweet milky breath, and the curve of their oh-so-soft cheeks against mine in the middle of the night with only tiny streams of light from the streetlamps entering the room at the edges of the blackout blinds is so very precious, and is only ours for a short, sweet time. And as completely exhausted as i was in those first months, the time that we had together is mine and theirs alone. And I'm so grateful to have had it.


So, good luck to all of you. I'm a little envious; although I had a horrendous pregnancy, and there were times when I was so sick I literally didnt' think I could make it through, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. This board was my sanity-keeper while I was pregnant, and has remained my steadfast system of support. It 's the place where so many questions were answered, and a place where I knew I could go to talk to other women who were going through or had gone through exactly what I was. Because a twin pregnancy, and twin motherhood is NOT the same as having a singleton. And it's the one thing that reduced the isolation for the first three months when getting out of the house was a major logistical endeavor (and at nearly 8 months it's STILL not easy, with all the stuff I have to lug!)

My last suggestion: take lots of pictures, because when i look back now, i KNOW intellectually that I had that big pregnant belly but i can hardly remember it! But I've got the photographic evidence to prove it, and to remind me!

 

Great information! TFS! :clapping:

 

Yep, you never know what the future will hold, especially when you are pregnant with twins!! IF you take digital pictures, make sure you back them on a disk so if your computer crashes you don't lose all of them!!! I do mine month by month now!

 

Thanks so much for sharing! This is something I want my husband to read, too.

 

QUOTE
I learned that my husband's feeling that he works outside the home and therefore couldn't be woken up at night was total CR*P, and after trying to do it all myself for a few weeks and nearly collapsing with fatigue, I learned that we needed to find a way to make it work for us -even if I was the one nursing and pumping and he couldn't do THAT. It took a few months - ok, more than a few, but - we played with a schedule, and ultimately it evolved into something that works. And no matter how tired he thinks he is - i'm WAY more tired! And i don't get the 'vacation' of going ot an office every day and playing with other adults! ANd I learned that if i made my husband my ally in the war against exhaustion, instead of being in competition with him, then it worked out better for all four of us.


I agree with this. Get those DH's to help from the beginning. Make it an expectation so weeks into it, he is not suprised when you ask for help. My dh helped from the beginning and I relly needed that help! You have to be rested to take care of two infants when dh is at work.

 

Great post!!!

 

that is great! I loved it!!!! Thanks for writting it!

 

Totally Great advice!!! I could sooo relate...and I didn't go through any trauma at the end of my pg...but lots of your post-partum experience were very familiar for me. I've had bf issues with both of my pgs...did finally get one of my twins to nurse for a year, but am very well familiar with the heartache of the whole struggle!! :hug99: to you for struggling through and doing the best you could do!

I soooo ditto the advice on getting dh on board with the night time feedings. Honestly I think we would not have survived had my dh not lifted a finger at night. Once we were both on board with what it would take for survival, things were much, much more manageable.

Life after 6 months (if your babies are sleeping at night!) is sooooo much nicer!! At least from my perspective...happier babies...happier momma...

and the beautiful thing is that if you choose to have another, you'll get to do it all over again...hopefully with some improvements!! Although my twin experience was technically more work it was actually a lot more emotionally pleasant than my first birth and pp experience...and I do think experience is what makes the difference.

 

Great post!! Couldn't agree more!!

 

What an inspirational post. YOU MADE ME CRY! (damn hormones!)

so glad that you look back on everything with such love and joy...it reminds us that although we feel huge, encumbered, worrisome and unsure of our future and the future of our little ones, that there is a light ahead.

You have given us a realistic story which i'm sure will help us all. I know it has helped me. Thanks fo sharing...and i will try to adapt your motto...be prepared for anything and don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone.

 

Thank you for taking the time to post this!!

 

:cray: SO true!!! that was great! I am still teary! where did the time go??

 

THANK YOU sooooooooooooo much for all that great info. I can't believe how perfect and elequently it was written. All new moomies expecting twins need to read this post.

 

Wonderful advice! Thanks for sharing with us the wisdom of your experience!

 

This was such a nice and thoughtful post. Thank you .

 

Thank you so much for this post! Wonderful choice of words and yes, there are so many things you just can't control that you don't think about when you are pregnant. Thanks again! :give_rose: :bow2:

 

Such an awesome post !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Thank you for taking the time to capture your feelings, sharing both the ups and downs. It helps me remember that I'm not alone and to ask for help. I'm taking pictures of my belly tomorrow, too! ;-)
Thanks, again!!!

 

Great Advice. Jordari and I were PG at the same time and I am so glad she wrote this post for all you expecting mommies! I miss my HUGE preggo belly!!

 

Excellent advice and so well said! Just because things don't always go the way you envisioned during pregnancy doesn't mean it won't all be ok in the end... and yes take lots of pictures and back them up!!! -Leighann

 

Thank you for sharing. I would love to hear from other veterans as well. I think this is great for some of us.

 

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that cried because of this post! What an amazing writer you are - so much emotion came through this post! I'm still crying, but it's good. It's nice to remember that these are the sort of thinngs to cherish.

 

Wow! Thanks for taking the time to put that down (now go copy it to your blog or somewhere permanent!!! TS is NOT perm.)

The one thing that someone told me that was really helpful was that they sound like barn animals when they are little and they are loud sleepers!!! SOOOOOOOOOOoo true!! I kept threatening to record it but never really did!!

 

You made me cry reading your post! I love the one about your DH... My DH tried to pass the "I have to sleep BS" too after the babies came home. Yeah didn't happen, after that 1st week of my sleep deprivation and trying to do it myself, I would make him get up and ask 'which baby he wanted' as we as twin parents don't have the option to take turns for night feeds with two babies.

It DOES get easier as you will all find after the first few months and it is SOOOOO worth it in the long run!!

 

That was a great post. Thanks for sharing all of that. :icon_biggrin: We experienced much of the same.