Not talking to other kids 3.5 yr old

Hi everyone. It has been a long time since I posted, I was on a lot during pregnancy and 0-6 months and then trailed off. Now I definitely need this resource and apologize for not posting more.
We have id boy twins 3.5 years old.

I think both are speech delayed and are getting eval through the state soon. We took them 6 months ago and were told to give it time. They speak in phrases, mostly repeated phrases from us, dont know pronouns, but have big vocabs.

Anyway, I am writing because both of my boys, one particularly, do not respond to other kids. Still totally parallel play. With cousins they don't talk at all. Other kids in school or the playground will try to talk to Frank and he'll just totally ignore, you would never know anyone is talking to him. Same with most grownups. But, with his parents, babysitter, definitely twin brother he is very emotive and talks and responds. Now that other kids talk a lot more this is making me sad and I feel like my kids are socially isolated.

They are in the same class at preschool (no option this year) and we are separating them next year.
Anyone been through this?


Thanks!

Mom of Frank and Sam - 3.5 years

 

We had this problem for a while. Kids would come up to my boys at play places & try to talk to them. My boys just stared at them. It slowly got better & now it is my kids going up to others to play. I bet when your boys feel more comfortable talking they will snap out of it.

 

We have this issue big time, especially with my son. It is hard because the older they get, they come across as rude. For example, my mom's friend got them a really nice birthday gift and they would not even say thank you. I really know what you are going through and I wish I had some answers. I don't. The hardest part is the negativity I get from my parents about it (this is just ridiculous, they say with disdain when the kids don't talk, like I have a choice in the matter).

My kids' preschool teacher mentioned that we may want to look into some medical testing for Selective Mutism. I have been researching this, but I think my kids fall under the shy category, more than the social anxiety descriptions of selective mutism. They are just starting to talk to their preschool teacher and they have been there since Sept. They only utter one word phrases but we'll take it! (She has a string for both B&H and every time they talk or interact with other kids, they get a clip on the string. When they get five clips, they get a prize.)

We have tried lots of things to get them out of their shell (playdates, classes at the rec center, etc.) but nothing has been the magic bullet. And demanding that they talk doesn't work. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!

 

Thanks for all the replies, its helpful to know that others are dealing with this

 

Bea in particular is a lot like this too. She will not talk to anyone she doesn't know (adult or child), and barely talks to her "friends", other children we've known for two years now from our playgroup. She gets all excited when we're going to see some of them and will talk about them at home, but when we're in a playgroup, she doesn't talk. She also clams up with most adults, there have been only a few times she's talked to adults without a lot of prompting from me. Another thing sort-of related. If an adult she doesn't know touches her at all - like say we're at the playground and another adult sees her fall and puts a hand on her to say "are you OK?"- she will FREAK! It's kind of embarrassing. It makes classes where the parent isn't actively participating, which at this age, most are like that, difficult. Then Ainsley feeds off of Bea's anxiety and will sometimes get upset because Bea is upset. Ainsley is also quiet, but she will talk if someone talks to her.
Now, at home is a totally different story. They talk non-stop, both to us and each other.