Not sure what to do...

This morning Jonathan refused to get dressed--it does happen occationally, but usually thretening to withhold the Wii gets his attention and he gets moving.

Well, this morning he was being particularly stubborn, and we got to the point where I took away the Wii and his DS for the day, and told him after homework he could stay in his room--yes, he was that bad. So, all of a sudden, he starts bawling. At first he says it was because I hurt his feelings--by taking away his video games. And then all of a sudden, he changed track--I could tell it was something else.

It turns out, today is Art day. And he didn't want to go to Art. He doesn't like having to do projects assigned by the teacher, and wants perfect grades, which he doesn't get. Mind you, first marking period, he got a 90 and 92 on his projects. We had a discussion about just doing your best, and that no one can ever have a perfect art project--unfortunately, he gets his lack of art genes from me

By the time we got to the bottom of it, he was back to himself and went off to school, happily.

My question is, what do I do about the discipline? Do I make him stay in his room? I mean, he does have trouble with expressive speech, and he did have an underlying issue, it was just a matter of finding it. Maybe hold to the no Wii and DS, but let him be out in the house and watch some tv or play on the computer? Any thoughts?

 

If it were me (I also have a 7yo boy), I would stick to the no video games for however long you said this morning, but would allow him his other privledges when he came home from school. I completely understand the position you're in. We're having some behavior issues from my son. Nothing major, per say, but after talking with his pediatrican about them (coincidentally we had a check-up scheduled when we were in the midst of an issue) and he said he thinks my son is having some self-esteem issues related to performance at school (he has some fine-motor delays which makes his handwriting an issue). So, he needs to be punished for the misbehavior, but we need to keep in mind the cause and do so with a gentle heart.

 

I vote you sit down and talk to him when he gets home. Tell him that you love him and that you understand why he didn't want to go to school, but acting like he did instead of telling you what was not acceptable and because of that he can't have his video games today. Then continue on and praise him for finally telling you what was wrong by allowing him to remain with the family after homework. This way you have both given positive and negative reinforcement.

 

Video game removal is my major form of discipline, but in this case (and I could totally imagine Hayden doing something like that), I would take away the punishment. Especially with school issues, we tend to go with "the first strike is free." I'd sit down with him and talk again about just doing your best, and also about how important it is to tell Mom and Dad when he is worried about something at school. I'd let this one be a "freebie" so that he knows you appreciate and understand his feelings and realize that this is a big issue to him. I'd also let him know, though, that if he refuses to get dressed again for some reason rather than talking to you about what he's worried about, then he will get video games taken away and will have to sit in his room.

 

Thanks for the advise. I think I may go with what Amy said, for her reasons, and also, we will probably be having guests over this afternoon (a friend of mine has to head down to Philly because her son is going to CHOP for a procedure tomorrow, and she may leave earlier than planned due to the impending bad weather).

I appreciate the time and advise!

 

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Jan 6 2009, 03:00 PM) [snapback]1135159[/snapback]
I would take away the punishment. Especially with school issues, we tend to go with "the first strike is free." I'd sit down with him and talk again about just doing your best, and also about how important it is to tell Mom and Dad when he is worried about something at school. I'd let this one be a "freebie" so that he knows you appreciate and understand his feelings and realize that this is a big issue to him. I'd also let him know, though, that if he refuses to get dressed again for some reason rather than talking to you about what he's worried about, then he will get video games taken away and will have to sit in his room.


I probably wouldn't have thought of this off the top of my head, but I like it.

 

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Jan 6 2009, 12:00 PM) [snapback]1135159[/snapback]
Video game removal is my major form of discipline, but in this case (and I could totally imagine Hayden doing something like that), I would take away the punishment. Especially with school issues, we tend to go with "the first strike is free." I'd sit down with him and talk again about just doing your best, and also about how important it is to tell Mom and Dad when he is worried about something at school. I'd let this one be a "freebie" so that he knows you appreciate and understand his feelings and realize that this is a big issue to him. I'd also let him know, though, that if he refuses to get dressed again for some reason rather than talking to you about what he's worried about, then he will get video games taken away and will have to sit in his room.


I agree, especailly since it was a school issue and something that he was worried about. I feel that keeping the lines of communication open is more importnatnt in this situitation. I would make sure he understands that you aren't going to tolerate this again.

 

Just to update.

I did follow Amy's advise, and we had a talk after school. He even verbalized the "new rule" to his brother . We had a much better afternoon. Thanks, everyone!

 

Coming in late on this one, but glad to hear it all worked out in the end.

 

So how is he doing Sharon?

 

Much better, Cristina, thanks for asking.

As a matter of fact, this morning, he told me he didn't like going to school on Friday's because of the tests--they have spelling and reading test every Friday, since that is when the unit ends, but sometimes they may have additional tests that day too. I reminded him that he only had spelling and reading today, and they are easy for him. So he told me how everything in school is too easy for him. I told him I would set up a meeting with his teacher where he can tell her how he feels regarding his work. That way, she can tell him what he can do--he loves her.

But, he never got mad or angry, just told me his feelings. So, we will see what he has to say after meeting with his teacher--I am subbing in his school at least 2 days next week, so I will catch her to set it up.