Not sure if this is the right place for this

But I know I'll get some good honest answers, as always.
OK, so my baby shower was April 27th and my girls were born May 1st. Obviously I have not had time to write out my thank you cards for the gifts we recieved. I think most of the guests understand that I have had my hands full, but it haunts me everyday and I feel horrible. But I REALLY REALLY REALLY have not had the time to sit down and do it. I have even tried to do the "do one per day" but it just doesn't work.
So we got those picture christmas cards made up (no effort, just stick them in an envelope and mail) and my mom said that people are going to wonder why I have time to send out xmas cards but not thank you cards, even though she and I both realize they are completely different in relation to time consumption. So I said that maybe I will just write a note and send it with the xmas cards and have it say that we never got to write our thank you notes, but thank you for coming to the shower and the gifts. But my mom said NO WAY. But I don't really understand why. I wouldn't think anything bad about someone if they did that to me. She said I should write the thank you cards, send them out, and THEN send the xmas cards. And don't send out the xmas cards unless I send out the thank you notes.
So is it really that bad to just put a little note in with the xmas card, or should I just write them now and send them and then send the xmas cards after? And if I do the latter, should I write "sorry this is so late?" Mom says no, but I think it should have something in there about why they are recieving the card 6 months after the shower.
Thanks in advance for any advice!

 

I think sending a separate note along with the xmas cards is acceptable.
Apologizing for the lateness would also be a nice touch.

 

I think adding a note to the Christmas cards is way better than doing nothing, and if you force yourself to do the thank-you notes before the Christmas cards, all that will happen is that neither of them get done.

But it would be nice if you could put some kind of a personal note regarding the gift they gave you on each one, if you still remember who gave you what. If not, then just an apology for the lateness and a reference to the fact that your girls were born only 4 days after your shower is probably enough.

 

QUOTE(PJ @ Nov 25 2008, 05:26 PM) [snapback]1086730[/snapback]
I think sending a separate note along with the xmas cards is acceptable.
Apologizing for the lateness would also be a nice touch.



I agree. Granted, seperate Thank You notes would be "ideal" but are you really going to do both and get ready for Christmas in the next 4 weeks? I think your way is fine and I think it's better to put the note in there you described than just send the Christmas cards and no thank you. You're a busy, busy woman!! The people that care about you enough to be invited to the shower should understand.

 

Meh. I honestly think your Mom is expecting way too much of you. I'd tell her very politely that if she's that worried about the thank you notes going out seperatley that you'll give her your list, and she can write them out for you, and then take care of mailing them, otherwise they're going in with the Christmas cards. Period. The other option would be to tell her if she's so keen on them being done, that you'll be expecting her at 8am tomorrow morning with the fixings for a Continental breakfast (ie: rolls and croissants) and coffee, and she can sit with the babies and leave you undisturbed except to bf, until they're done. If the notes don't get done in one day, tell her you'll expect her at the same time the next day until they're finished.

*shrug*
But, bear in mind, that honestly, I'm in a *really* bad mood today.

 

I can't wait to read the other replies!

I haven't written my thanx either, but I just haven't had the time! So I was going to send out announcements (5 months late) too with my Christmas cards. I was on bedrest for 13 weeks and have three other busy children, so if anyone wants to be ugly to me about it, they just are clueless about life with twinfants and older kids. Most of my thanx would be for meals. . .

 

I think you need to acknowledge each person with a thank you. Add a note into the card. People took time out of their busy lives to come and celebrate with you, they do deserve a thank you. I wouldn't stress about what comes first, the Christmas card or the thank you.

 

Well, to be honest, I never got any thank you cards sent. I had a shower on a Saturday, went into the hospital that Monday to be on monitoring and thought I had all the time in the world to get it done. (Planned on being there four weeks) Well, I had an emergency c-section a week later, our girls were transferred 2 hours away, and I never got it done. With all that going on, some of the lists got lost, etc, etc... Some people get pretty upset about not receiving a thank you card but luckily nobody has mentioned it to me yet, who knows what they are thinking... I agree though that sending a note with the Christmas cards is fine, I wouldn't be offended if someone did that to me, but then again I wouldn't be offended if I didn't get a thank you card in the first place, it's hard to keep up with all that!

 

I think you should send separate thank you notes for the shower gifts.
Quite frankly, I think they should have been sent a long time ago.

My shower was May 20th. My twins were born on May 26th. My thank you notes were already mailed out before the birth.

We had a christening on September 10th, and thank you notes were sent promptly afterward (within a week or two)

And then Christmas cards were sent in December.

So my kids were the same age as yours (born same time of year) I know how busy a mom's life is.
I cared for my twins all by myself until DH would come home at night. But there is always time in between feedings, etc. to address an envelope. You can get pre-printed Hallmark thank you packs and just sign your name at the bottom!

I still think the guests deserved to receive seperate thank you cards.

Sorry!

 

Your mom is absolutely right, etiquette-wise.

That said, I am sure any gesture of thanks would be appreciated.

 

i never got around to sending thank you notes. :blush: nor do i plan to send them now. i also don't expect to get thank you notes when i give a gift at a wedding or shower. they're a nice touch when you do get one, but i'm certainly not going to be offended if i don't get one either. i don't assume that the person isn't thankful for the gift just because i didn't receive a formal thank you! life is too short to get your panties in a twist about something like that, IMHO.

 

honestly thats why I put tags on my shower favors that said "Thank you for sharing our special Day, Love Amy, Tony, Abby and Ian"....then I didn't have to worry about sending thank you cards...

honestly if it bothers you that much just put a thank you in with the Christmas Cards...

QUOTE
I cared for my twins all by myself until DH would come home at night. But there is always time in between feedings, etc. to address an envelope.


good for you - I didn't have time between feedings and diapers the first 3 months due to colic and formula intolerance...and then I went back to work...I think this is a completely ridiculous comparison - your babies vs my babies and what I have time to do...

 

Heather asked for honest opinions on a very large board. She is bound to get many different answers and experiences, don't jump on someone because they feel strongly one way or the other.

 

I think you should be able to add them to the Christmas card. You can apologize for it being so late and how you have used their gift since they were born might add a nice touch.

In a perfect world you could send them seperately but in the real world there isn't time.

My SIL never sent out her thank you notes from her wedding 1 1/2 yrs ago and people got over it.

 

QUOTE(AmynTony @ Nov 25 2008, 08:34 PM) [snapback]1086884[/snapback]
good for you - I didn't have time between feedings and diapers the first 3 months due to colic and formula intolerance...and then I went back to work...I think this is a completely ridiculous comparison - your babies vs my babies and what I have time to do...



Why are you taking this personally?
The OP asked for opinions and got 'em.

I'm not comparing my kids to yours - I had my share of colic, formula/reflux issues, a baby on an apnea monitor with neurological issues, etc. It's not a contest.
Motherhood is tough work.

I'm just stating my opinion - that it would have taken all of 1 hour to sign your name to preprinted Hallmark-type thank you cards, address and stamp them.
Why make excuses? If you do not want to take the time, then just say it.
But let's not pretend that in 7 months there was never a time to do this task.

To the OP - Im TRULY not attacking you personally, just the notion that being a mom of multiples gives us a pass on simple etiquette.

 

In my opinion, it is rude to not send a thank you note. Now it did take me almost 6 months to get some sent out, but I made sure that every last gift was properly thanked, and I apoligized for them being late. And I did not just send a quick note included in Christmas cards. Last year I didn't send Christmas cards out (the girls were 4 months old, we were moving, and were busy!), so I sent Valentine's cards.

When I send someone else a gift for birthdays, showers, weddings, etc. I mentally track when or if I get a thank you card. I can't help it, I just do. And I always remember those who do not send thank yous. How do I know they actually received the gift? What if the online store just charged me but the package went someplace else?

Sorry if this sounds rude, but it really only takes a minute or two to write a short note.

 

I think sending thank you notes with the Christmas cards would be a nice thing do and acknowledge the lateness of the thank yous. I think people are more forgiving (so to speak) then we give credit for, they understand that you might have been busy and just could not get them out in a timely manner.

 

I never finished sending out thank you notes. I probably sent out about 75% of them. I still fell guilty but I hope they understand how super busy things were at the time. As for you, I'm sure you are still as busy as you were in May and I think it would be totally fine to slip in a little thank you note with the Christmas card. If I received a thank you like that I certainly would not have a problem, but that's coming from someone who's had twins. If it's a guest who's never had a baby, let alone twins, I think they might have a hard time understanding.

btw, my shower was after the twins were born, they were born 10 weeks early. I spent a lot of time in the NICU writing thank yous and still never finished them.

 

QUOTE(itsnancycozzi @ Nov 25 2008, 06:59 PM) [snapback]1087011[/snapback]
I think sending thank you notes with the Christmas cards would be a nice thing do and acknowledge the lateness of the thank yous. I think people are more forgiving (so to speak) then we give credit for, they understand that you might have been busy and just could not get them out in a timely manner.


Ditto!!!
Adding a little personal blurb in the Xmas cards would be a really nice gesture

 

I think true friends will understand why your thank you notes are late. I think it's fine to include a personal note with the Christmas card too. Could someone cover you for an hour so you could whip them out? They probably won't take as long as you think

 

Interesting thread.

For me, I didn't have a shower, but I did my best to acknowledge every gift as they were received. I did have help (not a ton), but personal thank notes are something I feel very strongly about doing.

I think including a personal note in the Christmas cards is probably the most expeditious thing to do, perhaps not ideal, but it will acknowledge the gift and maybe you can even let the people know how you have been able to use the items received.

 

Very interesting topic. It sounds like it is something that is bothering you, so if I were you I would send a thank-you note with the xmas cards and get it off your mind!
Honestly, I could care less about thank-you notes. I didn't really have a formal shower, and as a result never felt a need to send thank-you notes. It really doesn't matter to me if people send me a thank-you note or not when I give a gift. If they thank me verbally at the time, that is all that I need. I know its probably proper etiquette to send a thank-you note, but so is stopping to chat with every person that wants to see your twins when you are out - and, how many of us do this?

 

I would just add the thank you note in your Christmas cards. I think everyone will understand, but I would definitely try and personalize the note.

 

Well, ideally you would have already sent them out. I think most (if not all) of us know how hectic the first few months are. I sent my cards out the next day. I always do. I go home, unpack the gifts and start writing, get it done and out of the way.

With that said, I think you should write a thank you to go along with the xmas cards because I think that is something that actually will get done, kwim? if you wait around and try and do the thank you cards, you probably won't actually get to doing them, right? Just jot a little note down to them and be done with it. It will feel good to have thanked them officially.

Just a side note, try and detail what they gave you. I can't stand getting the generic "thank you for coming and the gift", it's just not proper. I always say "thank you for the pink blanket, it was cute and they love to cuddle it..etc"

 

I agree, in an ideal world seperate would be nice but.....

But life is busy. I do think it is rude to not send thank you notes at all. I would send a seperate note in the christmas card (not put it on the x-mas card). I agree it is important to include one sentence mentioning the specific gift given to you as to make it personal.

I also must add that having multiples or being "busy" is no excuse to be rude. I have 4 kids and always make sure I send notes for things promptly. I do think that people will greatly appreciate the thank you, no matter when it comes, late or in your christmas card.

 

I must say that when giving personal opinions, which was asked for, there is also etiquette in being honest with a person. You can be honest without judgment or comparison or saying "well I can do it, why can't you". Having twins can feel so overwhelming and I could not imagine having to write so many "thank you's" after my babies were born so don't beat yourself up. I didn't get my wedding "thank you's" out until just before one year was up - and you know what - the world did not come to an end! =) I do agree "thank you's" are due and any is better than none at all. The people that are understanding will be understanding and totally fine with that - there will always be a few people who expect more and expect perfection. Let them ruffle their feathers if something little like that will ruffle their feathers. Your primary concern is your babies!!! You'll get them done!

 

I do send thank you notes when ever I can POSSIBLY do it. I do most of the time. That said I actually include on my gifts to busy friends a note that says "PLEASE don't worry about a thankyou note!" It is much more important to me to send then than to recieve them. When I do get them, they can be really touching!

When I give a gift, I try to make it something that is truly for the benefit of those who I give to. What does it matter if I get a note or not?

 

QUOTE(irebren8 @ Nov 26 2008, 04:54 AM) [snapback]1087151[/snapback]
I must say that when giving personal opinions, which was asked for, there is also etiquette in being honest with a person. You can be honest without judgment or comparison or saying "well I can do it, why can't you". Having twins can feel so overwhelming and I could not imagine having to write so many "thank you's" after my babies were born so don't beat yourself up. I didn't get my wedding "thank you's" out until just before one year was up - and you know what - the world did not come to an end! =) I do agree "thank you's" are due and any is better than none at all. The people that are understanding will be understanding and totally fine with that - there will always be a few people who expect more and expect perfection. Let them ruffle their feathers if something little like that will ruffle their feathers. Your primary concern is your babies!!! You'll get them done!

I think this is very, very well put irebren8, and I agree with you 100%. I think if anyone took anything personally it's because it was stated in a very condescending manner. I say just do the best you can, and again, if your Mom is so concerned about it, tell her nicely that she's just going to have to help you get it done. I quote from the About.com:Etiquette
website:

QUOTE
And although formal etiquette doesn't require a note in this case if the gift was opened at the shower and the giver was thanked in person, it is still common custom to send out timely notes anyway.


So, there ya go. You are technically off the hook!

 

I am a thankyou note person and I do love to write and send them. I was married in November last year and I included my thankyous in my christmas cards I put them inside a smaller envelope in the card but I think as long as they were received thats all that matters.

 

i love the idea of writing thank you cards and did for my guests at our wedding (dh forgot to do his!) i think ive only ever had about 3 thank you cards myself but maybe thats because im rubbish at remembering gifts!. i didnt have a shower but didnt think about sending thank you cards for the presents we got. (also 6 months ago) ive taken pictures of the boys using the gifts, which im going to include in xmas cards. i agree that you can always find time if it is important to you and your family/ friends - dont read all our replies!!! that would give you penty of time! personally at the end of the day when all are asleep and ive done my last load of washing i just want to veg in front of the t.v!
all this talk of xmas cards has made me realise that i havent even started thinking about cards!!! better get to the shopps| a very good friend of mine always forgets xmas then sends a round robin new years email. now im not suggesting that is an alternative but i love receiving her email much more than i would a card with just her name in.
i say save the environmrent and send ecards!!

 

I haven't read all the responses, I just wanted to share what I thought was a great idea they did at the last baby shower I was at. They had an envelope for each guest at their seat at the table to fill out with their address for the Thank You cards. I thought how smart is that! All envelops addressed and ready to go

Good luck with whatever you decide, I think either way you are fine, send, don't send, sent with card, send separate, whatever works for you.

 

QUOTE(twoplustwo @ Nov 26 2008, 04:13 AM) [snapback]1087111[/snapback]
I agree, in an ideal world seperate would be nice but.....

But life is busy. I do think it is rude to not send thank you notes at all. I would send a seperate note in the christmas card (not put it on the x-mas card). I agree it is important to include one sentence mentioning the specific gift given to you as to make it personal.

I also must add that having multiples or being "busy" is no excuse to be rude. I have 4 kids and always make sure I send notes for things promptly. I do think that people will greatly appreciate the thank you, no matter when it comes, late or in your christmas card.


Fully agree. I also feel, people make time to come to your shower, to shop for a gift, so it's nice to spare a few minutes of your time to write a thank you card within a reasonable of time (would be preferred).

 

I always do thank you notes, but I understand when for some reason people can't. My dh and I received a wedding thank you 11 mos after the wedding, and I just laughed. If people don't understand how busy you are then that is their problem. You have to take care of your family and you. Keep it Simple and don't spend even another minute worrying about this! ;-)

 

I agree with your Mom. I wouldnt send out holiday cards before sending out thank you notes. People took time out of their lives to come to your shower and bring you a gift. Not sending a thank you note would be rude IMO. I think you should acknowledge that act of kindness before giving them a holiday picture card.

 

I sent my thank you notes with my birth announcements. I got a really good response to that idea from the people who received them.
I think "bundling" the notes/cards is perfectly fine. Especially since you had twins.


ETA:
The thank you notes were separate but in the same envelope.