Not sure if I'm overeacting or what?

Ok, long story short. I had twins b/g about 9 weeks ago. And I also have a ds who is 2 years old. When the twins were 6 weeks old I had a little bit of a breakdown (just broke down and cried for a 1/2 or so when all the kiddos were sleeping). I was watching all three kiddos one day and it just all caught up to me with the lack of sleep, feeding and taking care of twins and chasing my 2 year old around. I guess it's to be expected, right?? Well, I was on the phone with my girlfriend later that evening and I told her I had a rough day with all the kids and that I had a meltdown. I didn't think it was a huge deal so I thought I would share this with her. And what does she do she shares it with her hubby..... which isn't a big deal but both our husbands work together. So about 2 weeks later my husband is at work and one of his co-workers who works closely with my girlfriends husband says "oh, so I heard you guys had a meltdown a couple fridays ago." Of course, dh didn't ask him how he heard about it....wish he would've of! But my question is am I overeacting that this guy knows?? I feel like there is talk around his work now that I'm unfit mother. I was venting to my g-friend and now somebody at his work knows about it. I keep telling myself that it's ok to have meltdowns and ppl arent' going to look at me like I'm a bad mom but the work "meltdown" just seems so out of control, ya know?? I guess having 3 kids under the age of 3 calls for meltdowns...but should I say something to my friend about this?? I don't want to start any uncomfortable feelings with each other. I'm hoping he shared this with him and only him. And why would a guy be gossiping anyway, isn't that what girls do...lol.

Please tell me I could be overeating or maybe I'm not?

 

Well, first of all that was me at 6 weeks too. I cried a ton from 6-8 weeks from sleep deprivation, my two year old driving me batty, nursing twins. I told a friend I was in a rough patch, and she announced to everyone that I was "desperate for help". It bothered me so much. I felt like saying, "hey, I'm doing pretty well...I am entitled to a meltdown or two!!" I never addressed it, but it definitely stung. I know she didn't intend to bad-mouth me, she was actually trying to rally the troops...but still, it wounded my pride a bit. If you are close, I might just say it hurt a little to hear what she said. I'm sure she wasn't being malicious, but it might help her to rethink stuff she says. I know how you feel....

Reyna

 

I think I would say something to her if you are close to her, just to let her know that she really hurt your feelings by sharing something so personal. :hug99:

 

I personally would be hurt. You shared something very personal and she passed it on...and he passed it on...and he passed it on...and that just wasn't right. Maybe you can casually bring it up and then ask her to keep private matters like that to herself. Good luck. :hug99:

 

First off totally normal to have a "meltdown" in ur situtation..

I would speak with ur friend it woz between u two, if she wanted to mention to her DH fine, but he should have kept his mouth shut.

 

I think if you are close enough to confide in her about your hard time, you should talk to her about how spreading the word about your cry fest hurt you. :hug99: I hope you are better!

 

Thanks everyone! Still not sure if I will confront her. I've only known her for a 1 1/2 and I'm not super close to her. I just don't want to make uncomfortable feelings between us, but if I hear from anyone else about this I will definietly confront her.

 

In situations like that I don't always adress it but let her know in a different situation that sometimes we just need to vent without it going any further. That is easier to me then bringing up the past but then it won't happen agian.

 

I've had the same thing happen. I didn't take it personally. I took it as they know we have twins so they know we are going to loose it now and then. It happens. It is totally normal ESPECIALLY when you have an active toddler...so do we. I don't think they said it as a bad thing. Whatever you are going to share with her she is going to share with her husband. Next time, if you don't want something said that could possibly get around at DH's work, don't share it with her... ardon:

 

Of course you will have meltdowns. I only had the twins, and I had plenty. I'm sure moms of singletons have them too. I think guys just don't understand what it's really like -- plus, men in general are scared of crying, so they assume if someone is crying, it means things are really bad!

Your girlfriend probably didn't expect that her husband would even tell anyone else, but if I were you, I'd probably mention it to her -- just something casual about how you would rather not have her husband discussing your emotional life with his coworkers.

 

I had meltdowns on a regular basis, and only have the twins! You're totally entitled to them!

I have no idea about the friend.....I guess it's for you to decide just how hurt you are by it & how close you are if you want to say anything to her. Sounds like she was just concerned.....it's a bit weird that the guys were gossiping like that, but I'm sure she had no idea.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed by it, though. What do those guys know, anyway? Do any of them have a clue what it's like to do what you do? Heck, no! I do think it's important that you confide in your dh, though. After all, he's supposed to be your partner in this & you really do need him.

 

I guess for me "meltdown" doesn't mean "crazy" it means overwhelmed, which of course is normal when you have twinfants and a toddler. I wouldn't be embarrassed about it at all, but if you are upset that your friend shared this with her husband who then blabbed to the world that you are overwhelmed, you should talk to your friend about either telling her husband not to blab at work, or not to share your feelings with her husband. wow that was a crazy run-on sentence. Sorry!

 

Thanks again guys! Yah, meltdown doesn't mean I'm crazy! I guess I was just looking for that reassurance. I don't like it when I know ppl are talking about me and especially when I hear it around my dh's work. A mom of a singleton will never know what us twin moms go through. It's soooooo different on all levels. Before I was preggo with my twins I would see twin moms out and about and say "holly cow, how do they do that?" Well, now I'm living it and I'm doing it and from time to time I may have a meltdown and that's ok!

You mama's are the best and I love how I can turn to this forum for help....

 

You got some grat advice here...

Just wanted to add: 1, I find that men gossip WAY more than women! 2, I dare ONE of those men to do what you do everyday (besides, men think women are nuts no matter what we do!) and 3, maybe you can even broach the subject with your friend lightheartedly, as in, "Can you believe that the guys at our husbands' job are gossiping about me and my little cry fest!" That way, you're letting her know that the rumors can start over very innocent conversation.....

I'm glad you're feeling better....