Not supposed to pick up baby during CIO

Whenever I read about CIO, it says not to pick up the baby if you go to check on him. I usually follow this rule. Why are you not supposed to pick up the baby? Is it okay to pick up the baby for a minute, cuddle him, and put him back down and leave the room?

We do CIO. We check on our LOs when they are crying, pat them, reinsert paci, and leave within a minute or two. If they cry, they usually fall back asleep fairly quickly and we don't have to return.

Tonight DS, who rarely wakes up at night, woke up screaming. It seemed like a scared sort of scream. The usual patting and paci-reinsert did not work. So I picked him up for one minute and he stopped crying immediately. I left and he was fine. I'm not sure why he was crying - maybe a bad dream?

Why am I not supposed to pick him up? Can someone explain?


TIA.

 

The theory of CIO is that they learn to soothe themselves. If you go in and pick them up, you are the one soothing them. What you are doing sounds like a modified CIO. If my boys woke up screaming in an unusual cry (like your DS did) I would pick them up and soothe them, but that would only happen in the middle of the night. Do whatever works for you. I found that the more I went into the room, the longer it took for them to fall asleep.

 

Exactly what Megan said! If you are picking the baby up then you are helping to soothe, but hey, if that's what you feel comfortable with then that's what you should do!

I never found any one book or any one method always worked for me 100%. I don't know the reason why your son was crying tonight but it sounds like you did the right thing by picking him up b/c it worked!

 

Yep, IMO, it defeats the purpose of CIO, which is having the baby learn to self soothe. That 'scared' scream is most likely part of the separation anxiety phase.

 

I agree with the others. When it was the protest crying because they didn't want to be in bed, I'd shh/pat and leave. But if they woke out of the blue crying a different kind of cry, I'd start by trying to just hug them by the crib rail and lay them back down. If that didn't work, I'd hold them for a minute but stay right beside the crib. I think you read his cues just right if he settled down easily!

 

Ditto this.
There's the "check and console" method that's a modified version of CIO.
With my boys, I really have to play it by ear. It might seem counter-intuitive, but at times they actually get more upset and worked up if we go in to check on them, snuggle them, etc.; I think it confuses them b/c they're not sure what to expect. Sometimes if I let them cry when I first put them down, they just cry for a few minutes and then settle down but if I went in while they were crying, they would end up getting more upset (unless I rocked them all the way to sleep, but I'm not starting that, especially with two of them!) and crying longer.

 

I think I did a different version. I needed them to self soothe quickly because DH works at night, so there were times, I just could not go in their room. Of course there are different types of crying.

This is what I do: I put down to bed and if they cry, I shut the door and leave. I do not pick them up unless it is the 'I scared myself because.....' cry. I will go in at 5, 10, 15 (if they are still crying) minutes to make sure they are not stuck in the crib. Otherwise, I do not go up stairs. I do not pick them up, give a paci or shush them.....they need to learn to take care of themselves.

If you have a monitor, turn it off. That way a little less crying you are REALLY aware of.

For us, we started doing this at 10 weeks and it was never more than 20 minutes of crying.

Good luck...just find a method that works for you and be consistent!

Jenn

 

Hey Amber,

I agree that it defeats the object of CIO if you go in and pick them up BUT when our girls cry in the night i know it is for a reason.. so i go in and see to them, i don't usually need to pick them up but it has been known. Last night Ruby was screaming so bad, she is teething, has a cold, sickness & diaorhea so i rocked her to sleep. It can be hard to judge but if they are ill they are ill and need comfort from their Mum. If it means we need to retrain when she is better then so be it.