Not so great news.....

I went to see my doctor today as a follow up about my cervix shortening and I am officially 1 - 2 cm dilated. My doctor is right beside the hospital I am delivering at so they sent me right over to get my first steroid shot. They didn't have one that they usually give so I have to have 4 of them instead of 2. So I go back every 12 hours for 48 hours. My next shot is at 4:30am. He is not very optimistic that they will stay in as he put me on bedrest but I have a 5 year old at home and no help with him. I have to walk twice a day to put him on his bus and then get him off the bus. So we will see! I am hoping that they stay in and cook longer! But with my tummy being oversensitive to touch and what not I don't think they will be in for much longer.
I was upset by it and still am but am hoping for the best and have my fingers crossed that they will stay in!

 

:hug: :hug: I hope the babies stay in a bit longer. :hug: :hug:

 

I am hoping for the best for you and the babies! :hug: :hug:

 

I hope things work out for you and that they stay in longer. Wish you all the best!

 

Please do not make excuses to get yourself off bedrest, and find somebody to help you. I cannot stress to you enough how hard it is to have to have babies in the NICU fighting for their life. It is still way to early for them to be born, and there are a lot of potential complications. How would you feel if your babies were born early and it could have been avoided if you followed your Dr's orders? This is not about you, its about your helpless little one's that still need time to grow and get stronger.

 

Hope those little one's stay in longer!!! :hug:
Can you have a friend or trusted neighbor come to walk your 5 y/o to & from the bus for the next short while?
Good luck!

 

It's not an excuse. It's the simple truth I would love to be able to follow orders to the T but its nearly impossible when you are single parent. I do not have the luxury of having a husband or boyfriend. I also don't have the luxury of having everyone drop everything to help me. I have my neices who are 16 and 17 who will help as much as possible but their mom just had surgery and needs them at home. So really until you are in my shoes please quit judging me. I am aware its way to early I am not stupid. I would love to have them on Nov. 4th which is my delivery date. Needless to say I am freaking out enough because of what's going on without someone I don't know sitting there and judging me and making me feel even crappier then I already do.

 

:hug: I don't think anyone is judging you ~
We have all been pregnant or are pregnant with twins here & know just how hard it is. I think that if your Dr. is telling you that you must be on bedrest then hopefully you are doing everything you can to follow the orders. Is there anyone else that can help with your 5 y/o? A church/friend/relative? Even if someone could do it once or twice a week for you would be helpful. You have to take care of yourself and your little babies.
Many of the mom's on here who have had their little ones prematurely and have to leave them in the NICU after they are born just want to make sure that the new mommies are doing all they can to keep those babies cooking :hug: It has been a hard journey for the preemies as well as their parents.
Hang in there & just do your best & look/accept help as much as you possibly can.

 

I don't think anyone it judging you, I just think that we all know, how hard it is for us mothers to ask for help sometimes, and these mothers myself included want you to know that we understand your tuff situation and encourge you to reach out to people, you would be surprised how they often feel honoured that you have asked and are happy to help.

I never wanted to ask for help and still have a hard time doing it, it's the women /mother thing to do, put ourselves last and everyone elses feelings first. I'm sure your necies wouldn't mind taking a half an hour out of their day to have some special time with your 5 year old walking to the bus, or even the neighbour like someone else suggested.

:grouphug: We can't always be the super women and do everything our selves and feel guilty about reaching out for a helping hand. Sometimes being strong by asking for help is harder that just trying to do it ourselves. :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I agree that no one is judging you. If anything, the mothers who have been there are just trying to spare you the pain and aggravation of having your babies end up sick in the NICU for several weeks. Think about it this way -- if you get someone to help out with your son for few minutes a day now so that you can follow doctors' orders, then that is still way less time and help than what you are going to need if you have two newborns in the NICU and a five year old at home. You will really not be able to cope with that on your own. Despite what the doctors say, if you follow those orders, it really is possible to keep those babies cooking and to avoid the NICU. Many moms on here have done it. And many moms do it without a partner. I'm sure that you are not alone in the world. You have family, friends, neighbors, other moms at the school and others who would step up if you just ask. There has never been a better time for you to call in every outstanding favor. You are going through a tough time right now and we all sympathize, but it will get even tougher if those babies come too early.

:hug: to you Mama.

 

Just wanted to put in my encouragement. When I was 33w I was dilated at 2.5 and had regular contractions. I was admitted to the hospital for just over 24 hours and the contractions were stopped with magnesium sulfate. I got steroid shots and was sent home and started taking Nifedipine (to prevent labor). My doctor put me on "partial bedrest" so I could cook and do light housework and care for my 16 month old daughter, but only the bare minimum. Now I'm not trying to be your doctor because he/she knows your situation way better, but I'm just saying that I've kinda been in your situation At 36 weeks I stopped taking the Nifedipine. And I thought that I would deliver at any day! It wasn't until 37w 1d that my labor broke and I had the babies.

So hang in there, do the best you can with the bedrest thing and hopefully you'll be pregnant for a couple more weeks!

 

No one is judging you, but some of us have been there and have had babies in the NICU and it's not easy. I'm sorry you are put on bedrest, but you really do need to take it seriously and follow it. Is there a neighbor or anyone who can take and pick your 5 year old up from the bus? Bedrest is so important. Everyday those babies stay inside you is 3 less days in the NICU.

 

I just got back from my second shot and I am having what they refer to as tigheting of the tummy every 2 minutes. So basically contractions and they sent me home and told me to come back when I can feel them. My cervix has not dilated anymore though so that is good. I just don't get why they didn't keep me in the hospital. But they did tell me that I would be put in the hospital soon on bedrest if it didn't stop. In that case my sister will take him for the duration or until my mom decides to come back.
I have asked everyone I know to help and apparently its the crappy time of the year. His own father won't even help me with him.... Everyone has their own families to look after and own children to get to school whatnot.
I am disappointed in my family as the only one who is helping at the moment can't actually help with my son because of her own work hours and her own child it just doesn't work. My mom knew it could happen but she took off to another province and said to phone her when I am in labour so I get to phone her in the morning and tell her about my contractions and maybe she will come back. My dad is leaving for Hong Kong Saturday at 6am and will not switch the flight. My best friend is going on her honeymoon which doesn't matter because she too works pretty much the hours my son is awake. Weekends he is at his dad's house so that helps because now I have 2.5 days to just sit at home and relax.
I have asked everyone I know. I was on the phone from the minute I got home from my appointment earlier today and no can do it or just won't do it. So I don't know what to do. Its very hard and very frustrating and I really just don't know what to do. If they are born then my mom will be here to help with my son then. She is catching the first flight here when I go into labour. But it doesn't really help in the meantime. So I am going to take it very easy over the weekend and not to do much when he is home. We can color and stuff on his downtime and I can make quick meals or stuff that has to cook in the oven for a long time but takes only minutes to prepare. And just see if one of my nieces can atleast come and bath him and get him ready for bed for me.

 

I'm pretty sure Damonsmummy knows just how serious being pregnant with twins can be. Nobody wants their babies in the NICU. If she says that she can't get help, she probably can't!

Sorry, but I can totally see how she was offended. She's scared and sharing it with us and people on here are telling her to take the doctor's orders seriously and stop focusing on herself? No kidding. Don't you think that's exactly what she's trying to do?

And, Damonsmummy, if those babies do end up coming early, they will be in NICU which is the best place they can be outside of your body. You do whatever you can to take it easy and don't worry about what people say on here.

 

Suggestion. You say your son is 5 so I assume he is in kindergarten. Since there is no one to helpget him to school and back, I would seriously keep him home for the next couple weeks so you didnt have to exert yourself. Before I get a lot of feedback regarding the importance of school etc etc, I know and wholly agree on the importance of education but for the wellbein of the entire family ( mom. babies and yes the 5 year old) I would keep him home and continue with the plans you have for the weekend.
You have to do what you have to do for the best of everyone. You can do learning activities with him ( colors, numbers, etc) while you relax on the couch.

 

Until you have experienced the NICU, you have no idea the seriousness of it. Yes the NICU is the best place besides the womb however that should not be said lightly. The ladies on TS have experience first hand with things that happen with twins - the good the bad AND the ugly. What was being said was NOT quit focusing on yourself - but please do anything you can to keep your babies in as long as you can. Some of these ladies had no choice, their babies were just born way too early they would have loved to have been able to rest and keep their babies away from the NICU for even just one day than their babies had to spend in there. It was not an attack just experienced words. You better worry about what people say on here, they know what they are talking about and would never try to make you feel stupid or like you are hurting your babies they will give you a head's up and try to help you. They do not want you to find out that hind sight is 20/20 the hard way. Even if you have to keep your 5yr old out of school until November - you should do it. You can always teach him the things he would miss for those weeks but you can not get back what your babies have right now if they are born too soon.
CONGRATULATIONS! on your twins, All of this worrying how things are going to work out with your mom, son and the babies will all be so worth it! having a set of twins is really just priceless!

 

I am not sure how things work in the States for school but here if your child misses too much school then social services will be at my door. The walking him to the bus and back shouldn't be too bad as I sit down while waiting for it. Its the Mom can you get me this every 5 minutes. My son is pretty self sufficient but today for the most part we won't be at home we will be at my sisters house and even if we do go home my nieces are at my house getting it in order for me since I can't do it myself. I am just going to beg and plead with my oldest sister to keep one of them with me during the week. Hopefully she will let one of them. But this sister is quite self involved and could really careless I think.

 

Would that really happen if you made the school aware of your situation? You wouldnt just yank him out with no explanation (I'm asking more out of curiousity than anything). They can prepare a packet of work for him to do during those weeks that the two of you could work on together while you're lying down - that would keep him too busy to bug you every few minutes.

 

Have you talked to your Dr about how difficult bedrest is going to be for you? Maybe you could be put on the Healthy Beginnings Antenatal program, where the nurse comes out to monitor you. They've been seeing me for weeks now since I've been on home bedrest, and they had mentioned that they do have some help available for childcare/housecleaning - not all day or anything, but maybe enough to keep you in bed more. Also, is your son in half day or full day kindergarten? If he's in half days, could you maybe talk with the school and see if he could temporarily go to full days for now? He'd be learning the same stuff, but if they have the space maybe they can do it. Couldn't hurt to ask, anyway.

 

I am not sure exactly how it works. I just know that if your child is under 15 here and not going to school then they send social services. I am not sure if the circumstances would exclude me. I can't help him with his school work either though because his dad wanted him in french immersion and I gave in and I only know about 3 words in french. My son knows more then I do at this point. But I am talking to my sister about one of my nieces staying here I am just waiting for her to get out of bed. I am a firm believer that everything will work out how it should be. So for today I get to take it easy because I have help and then he goes to his dad's pretty much right after school so I have the weekend most definitly to take it easy.
I have talked to my doctor and he is aware of my situation. If I go into the hospital my sister will take him until my mom gets here and he thinks that might be best answer because then its forcing the issue and someone will have to step up and take care of him. His dad thinks the best thing would be for me handing him over to him for a year. I don't think so. The house is full of pot heads and drunks and because I can't prove it I have to let him go there on weekends. But I do trust his dad to keep everyone in line for the 2 days he is there. They usually do. My son pretty much tells me everything that goes on when I am not around so they can't really get away with anything.
I am sorry if I sounded cranky earlier but the way the post was worded offended me. I know nothing was meant by it but you can't judge someone unless you are in their shoes at that exact moment.

 

I can see how you were offended because I thought it was a little harsh at first. I don't think that was how it was meant to come across so I am glad that you see that. I know that you are doing everything that you can and I have been in your shoes. My husband worked away from home and my son was two and we didn't live very close to family so it made it very difficult for me to take it easy, even when your family comes to help you out if they can't be there 24/7 you will still need to tend to your older child. All I can say is DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN DO. You can't get your self totally stressed out over arranging child care if it isn't there because that isn't good for you either. I had my boys at 31wks two days because the blood supply to my little guy was becoming compromised. It was a very long hard road and I hope that your family steps up to the plate to help you out with it. I would love to offer you any support I can, PM me any time. Best of Luck

 

I know how you feel about not being able to totally follow drs orders! I was in the same situation. I was dilating and 75% effaced at 31 weeks and my dr wanted COMPLETE bed rest, but my husband is in Iraq and I have NO ONE to help...and of course the army doesnt care about our babies and wouldnt send my husband home....

But there is hope! I am now 34 weeks and still NO change at all in my cervix, even with contracting constant

 

:hug: I am SO SORRY that you are going through this!!! I know what it feels like to not have the help that you will need but at least I had my hubby. Unfortunately friends and family aren't always there when you truly need them. I am glad that you seem to have been able to get a little bit of help though, you deserve it!

 

I went in for my last steroid shot and got completely checked out as I was feeling the contractions more and more. They were able to double the dosage for my third steroid shot so I don't have to go back for the 4th one. Which is good because my bum really hurts now!
I am still having contractions and can feel them but they are erratic so they sent me home. I am not dilating with them so its good. I got to talk to my doctor as he was at the hospital when I went in and I was excited to see him as he is really the only one I trust. I asked him about stopping labour and he said they will only stop it until its been 48 hours after the first shot as that is when they start working. So if I go in tonight with regular contractions they will put me on the drugs to stop it until 4:30 tomorrow afternoon and then they will take me off of the drugs and go from there. There is some concern as the babies are growing and my uterus really isn't. Hopefully it will keep growing so that the babies can keep growing. Our goal is to make it week to week to every appointment at this point. He really calmed me down. I really love my doctor. He has the best bedside manner. The reason why I stuck with him since my oldest
I had to convince my son to go to his dad's as I have been trying to explain as best as I could to him what was going on and he is a natural worrier. I finally convinced him with the promise that if I was still in the hospital daddy would bring him to see me. His dad agreed to it. So my son went with him so I can spend all weekend curled up on my couch or bed with my new book! My niece is coming to stay with me for atleast part of the week next week to take on most of the work. I still have to cook but its better then being up and down every 5 minutes. Then I will just go from there. Stressing about it is making things worse in my opinion and I can only do so much with the help I am able to get.
I am going to lay down and relax and sleep until its time to take my dad to the airport! Thank you everyone for your support and my next update will hopefully be in the appointment thread next week! As I have an ultrasound and doctor's appointment.

 

Just to offer some encouragement as well....I was dilated to 2 cm at 29 weeks! By 33 weeks I was almost 3 and already 80% effaced.
I stayed on bedrest from 29 weeks -34 weeks. I also got the steriod shots. I made it to my INDUCTION at 37weeks. I showed up dilated 5cm, 100% effaced and not in labor.
Anything is possible!

If you want to read about my journey (and pass some time) you can do so HERE

Hang in there mama!

 

I am so sorry you have such a crappy support system. Thats not your fault, just circumstances I guess. I am sure you are doing the best you can. Is there another mom in your area that walks her kid to the bus that might beable to walk your son to help you out?

 

I am totally taking over my husband's profile, but I wanted to send my prayers. My first pregnancy, I was basically on my own (lived with my father, who was working 70-80 hours a week), and caring for my three younger brothers (ages 4, 7,12 at the time) so I know a small bit of what you're going through. With my twin pregnancy, my husband is deploying around 24wks and not getting back until 33wks. Scares me to death thinking he's not going to be here (I delivered at 35wks with my daughter), especially with two kids depending on me (well, my 15yo daughter is mostly self-sufficient, but my 3yo stepdaughter isn't). Luckily, my brother got a job locally and can come live with us while my husband is deployed (laid out a major guilt trip, lol). I think I'd die if I didn't have my brother helping out! With an energetic 3yo and a very involved teenager (soccer 3-4 times a week, after school classes for which transportation is required, out-of-school art projects, etc), I would fry on bedrest without someone there to help me! You are very strong for doing this, even without the help you should have!

Could one of your neighbors with a child escort your son to the bus as well? Is the bus stop in view of your front door, whereas you can just watch him from there? There has got to be some way you can keep to doctor's orders...... just a matter of figuring out where its hiding... I wish I could come there and walk him to the bus stop for you! Good Luck, and I hope you can keep them in long enough to give them as healthy a start as possible!

 

Try asking the school to help identify and contact another parent whose child goes to the same bus stop as yours -- perhaps someone could stop by and get your kid while they're on their way to the bus.

What about hiring some sort of mother's helper to do the cooking and walk your son to and from the bus at least once a day?

 

I am a single mom and it would be worse to have babies in the nicu than be on full bedrest. Depending on the nicu they may deny your son entry period. If has the sniffles or a cough he for sure cannot be in the nicu. Have you tried contacting social services about getting help from them with your problems? They may have services which can help you. On the teenagers helping, on of them could be gone for the 39 min or so it would take to get the kid off the bus. I hate family that dies not support but expecs you to bend over backward for them

 

You can do it girl! I was 1-2cm dilate starting at 27 weeks when i was put on bedrest, and 4 cm dilated from 32-35 weeks when the drs finally gave up on trying to stop my labor. I did have to spend 2 weeks in the hospital starting at 32 weeks, but it all worked out in the end. I understand how tough it is staying down when you have other lil ones at home and are supposed to be stuck in bed. I pray your lil ones keep cooking and you might be surprised how long you can make it in the end. Good luck!

 

Hope things are still going okay for you. I'm about 80% effaced and 2cm dilated at 27 weeks, and have been so for two weeks already. I had the steroid shots as well (though at my hospital they only gave the 2). You are almost there!!

 

Can you have your son's dad take him until you deliver? After all if you were seriously ill he would have to take him so why can't he take him now? It is a shame you are in this situation. What about the dad of these 2? I know you said he wont help but will his family help you? You poor thing, I would make sure I was never pregnant and alone again! This must be so hard for you! I was on hospital bedrest and my husband worked 2 jobs but my family and my in laws helped. Good luck! 32 weeks is a milestone! It sounds like you are doing the best you can. What if the kindergarten teacher sent his work home and you did keep him with you? If you explained to the school maybe Social Services would understand the truancies. Good luck!!!