Not ready to leave them?

My girls are 13 months old and I have yet to leave them for more then 3 hours at one time. Dh and I go out for dinner every other Friday and do some running, we leave about 4 and get back around 7. Our 6 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a few weeks and he wants me to stay the nite away, in a local or not so far away motel (nice one at the casino boat with a hot tub, etc.) Anyways, I just cant do it. If I am away for too long I almost go into a panic attack, chest gets heavy and I feel that I need to be home NOW! They will be with my mom so they will be in excellent hands but I just cant leave them yet. Does anyone else feel like this? If you use to, how did you comfort yourself enough to leave them alone?

 

I know how you feel. I work part-time teaching, but I am rarely away from the girls for more than 3 or 4 hours. Every once in a while they go to daycare for about 6 hours. But I have managed to leave them overnight with my parents three times - once when they were 5 months old, once at 10 months, and then the third time was about two weeks ago. The first time I left them overnight we dropped them off at 6 p.m., and I was ready to go get them at 6 a.m. the next morning! But it gets easier the more you do it, and I think the older they get. You can always call and check on them. And you should be comfortable letting the grandparents watch them. They're family and love them almost as much as you do!

 

go for it babe! you know they are going to looked after, you can call your mum every half an hour if you need to....what is it your really scared of?

 

My two are 2.5 and we've never left them. I wouldn't do it if it concerns you that much. You've got their whole lives to go out and what fun will you have if you're worried about them? Try again next year!

 

Mine do go to day care 3-4 days a week. However...I have never left them overnight and I am also afraid to do so. I know I will do it eventually, but I don't think I am ready yet. We have friends that leave their son (same age as my boys) with grandparents overnight all the time. I have concerns about leaving them (my own issues) also about someone else (my mom and dad) handling both of them.

 

Oddly enough, no, I don't have this problem. My Mom has been great about keeping the girls on weekends for us. It probably averages 1 or 2 nights/month but occasionally she'll have them for 2 full nights and we even went to Vegas for a week and left them with her. The Vegas trip gave me alot of anxiety because it was so long and so far away but it was a good thing for us as a couple and for the girls, and, in fact, for my Mom. She got a "real" taste of what it's like to be us and she also got to spend alot of time with her grandbabies. We live about 1.5hrs away from her so she only gets to see them about once/week.

 

Yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I also have only been away for about 3 hours at a time, and I usually leave when they go down for a nap - so the first hour and a half is anxiety free. I think I have myself convinced that nobody can do it quite like I can. They are starting to go a little overboard with being clingy and one DD has been whining ALOT, so I am starting to have thoughts of wanting to get away - often! . I don't think I could even consider the overnight thing yet. My mom watched them for 2 1/2 hours Fri. morning while DH and I went to breakfast and ran errands (only the second time we have gone somewhere together without them), and we both agreed that it just didn't feel right - like you left your purse at home! We probably need the time away as bad as you do, but for now, it just feels better to be with them and not worry.

 

I'm the exact same way. DH planned a surprise birthday evening for me in February and I nearly had a tantrum worrying about the logistics, like if we would be putting them to bed, etc. I have never had any help so I guess, in a way, it's a good thing for me to be a control freak. My mother moved 12 hours away when my girls were less than 6 months old so she is not able to help. My inlaws are elderly and can't physically handle these two for any length of time. That leaves paying a sitter ... who is great, but I would never leave her with them overnight.

Still, the night of my birthday surprise, we went to a little concert only 5 minutes away from our home but it felt like a world away to me. I teared up in the middle thinking about their little bodies sound asleep in their cribs and me out dancing around. Even during the day, when they are awake, I'm not the mom who curls up on the couch to watch TV or read a book ... I'm down on the floor with them, snuggling, playing. Unless, of course, it's meal time and then I have to get stuff done.

I hope over time I can let go. I, personally, have separation issues that I don't want to pass on to them. But right now they are far too young to understand all that. Their grandparents are coming by once a week, starting today, to spend about an hour with them while I try to get some work done. I'll be upstairs while they are down. Baby steps ... : )

My thought is if you aren't ready for an overnight, then don't do it. You probably wont' enjoy it. Maybe a late night outing, while they are sleeping, instead.

 

I have never had a problem leaving my children with my parents or my DH's parents. Quite frankly, they couldn't be in better hands. They raised me and my DH....right?

I think it comes down to fearing being out of control...if something would happen. That sort of thing. It may make you feel better to write down a daily schedule for your mom. Check in by phone a few times and other than that try to enjoy your husband. Just sleeping in together and hanging out is such precious time. Something you need now! I don't think its necessary to put your life on hold for a few years until the kids get "old" enough to get away.

The first time DH and I went away for a getaway weekend...the boys were about 8months old. I had some reservations....mainly worrying about if it would be too much on our parents. The boys did so well. The time alone was priceless.!! DH and I always traveled before kids and its something that we enjoy. Due to our wonderful parents, we are able to get away alone a few times/year. We find the time alone invigorates our relationship. Everyone is different. Some people don't need that or don't care to travel. Being a SAHM and with them 24/7, I need an escape every once in awhile. I think its good for all of us.

 

I have no problem leaving them overnight with my mom. I have to travel for work so I've had to go away anywhere from 2-5 days in a row, but they've got DH when I'm gone. But with my mom, I wouldn't worry. She raised me just fine and had 5 kids (one set of twins).

 

I absolutely understand. Justin & Hailee are almost 5 1/2 & have never left them overnight. As a matterof fact, the last week I had to take an extended CPR/ASHI class and the 5+ hours - 2 days in a row I was gone was the longest I have ever been away from them! Last year I made plans to go away for the weekend with my best friend (ony 1 1/2 hrs away for 2 nights), but had such anxiety over it (same symptoms you described) I didn't go. All of us girls are going to try again this year, and since there will be 7-8 of us involved, I will probably make it...at least I hope! I know in my head that it would be good for me and they would love the time with Daddy (he spoils them something awful when I am not around!!). I agree with a pp that mentioned if you will be worried about them the entire time, will it be worth it? I know if I can actually get my self over the initial hump and go, I will be fine and have a good time. Good luck with your decision

 

Funny you should bring this up!

My Dh and I are going to Maine this weekend on our own & my in-laws are taking the kiddos. My in-laws take the kids one weekend a year so we can get away around the time of our anniversary. The first year with the twins was really, really hard (I was more worried about stressing out my in-laws!).

Of course, I miss the kids, but it does so much good for me & my DH to get away. Plus, the kids love it, and it's nice for my in-laws to have some solo time with the kids. It's really a win-win for us.

I would give it some thought!

 

Maybe my case is slightly different because I'm a single parent raising the kids on my own, but I find I need some time away from the kids. It seems to do both of us good. I either get to run a ton of errands in half the time, or I get to just rest, and yes sleep in. The kids get to go away and know that mom will be there when they get back and they get a little spoiled. It's a win win in our case.

I know it's hard at first, but as long as your leaving them in good hands (and have a phone handy LOL), it should get easier. And eventually, you will have to leave them so I think it might be easier starting small and building to an overnight. What is it your concerned about?

 

It was hard the first few times leaving 3 kids with inlaws :mellow: But YOU need to have time alone with dh w/OUT the kids. They will survive and so will you.

 

You know, most of the people who recommend trying it out, myself included, mention that it's good for Mom and Dad's relationship most times (and it is) but what we also tend to overlook is that it can be good for the KIDS too! Gosh, they must get sick of us every now and then. Plus, they need to be able to spend time away from Mom and Dad and not freak out. If you never leave them alone for more than 3hrs until they go off to school, will they really be able to handle going to school? Some might, some might not. It's hard to say.

I just think that the time the girls and I spend apart not only allows me to recharge, it allows them to recharge. Just another angle you might want to consider.

 

I have no problems leaving them for a few hours, in fact I actually enjoy our time out. DH and I do go out alone about once a month and have either mine or his parents watch all 3 kids, which helps me to enjoy my time out. The longest we have left them was for a wedding an hour away for about 8 hours, they were in bed some of the time too. I am fine with it as long as I know they are in good hands, which they are with grandparents.

We have not left them over night, but our 10 th anniversary is coming up in Nov. and I know we will at least do an overnight trip if not a weekend trip then.

It is hard no matter when you leave them, even when we only had my oldest it was still hard leaving. But now she loves spending the night at her grandparents and will even call them up and ask if she can do this. It is nice for everyone IMO.

 

We have never left our two overnight, its either been myself or DH with them and ours will be 4 in June. Its not helped by the fact we have no close family in the same country. I think if I did I could maybe do it now, but when they were younger not sure.

You have to do wot feels right for you and if you're not ready then don't do it. Wot fun would it be if u spent the whole time worrying.



amanda

 

I haven't left mine overnight and won't until they're weaned. I've gone on daytime outings (back in time for bedtime) or after they're asleep. I didn't worry about them while I was out because I was confident in the care I'd arranged and I had my cell with me JIC.

Of course, you'll have to do it eventually but if you're not ready, then you're not ready. One of my friends told me you have to force yourself to leave them with someone who is not a family member in the first month so that you won't be afraid to do it later (of course, she wasn't volunteering, or anything )

 

YES! Great point about its good for the KIDS TOO And readying them for going away to SCHOOL. Kids need interaction with other kids and adults too w/OUT mom and dad.

OMG anytime someone offers to take any one of the 3 kids, I have him/her packed up and ready to go before they finish their sentence Dh thinks its too funny bc of how overprotective I was when dd was little. Now a break from any one of the kids is VERY WELCOME