Not listening, fighting at (almost)

We are really struggling right now with them not listening. When I tell them to stop or to do something, they just don't listen. I often have to tell them 2-3 times before they will do it, or I have to count to 3, or I put them in time out. We are so frustrated.

Also, they are constantly arguing. Over everything! Or tattling. How do you stop this?

How do you deal with this behavior? Are you experiencing this, too? If they are arguing at home, we separate them. But in the car it is different. You can't put one in the trunk.

Michelle

I forgot to type the rest of my title. They are almost 6.

 

Is it possible that they are so involved in what they're doing that they are not really registering what you say to them until the 2nd or 3rd time? Or that they are pretending not to hear so they can do what they want for longer? I would start off by making sure you have their attention before you ask them to do/not do something. Call their names first, and wait until they are looking at and paying attention to you, then tell them what they need to do. That way you may have to call their name three times but you won't be repeating yourself over and over. Also it's a lot harder for children to ignore what you say if you're speaking to them directly with eye contact than if you just call across the room to them while they're playing.

Arguing is a harder thing to deal with, especially not really knowing the details of how/when they argue. Generally to prevent arguments I try and make sure that each child has a space they can go to if they need time alone. Having their own things (eg a few special toys their sibling cannot use without asking) and set time apart (own classes at school or after-school activities and one on one time with you/their dad/other relitives) can make a big difference. If there is one or two areas which always cause trouble between them you can sit down and work out what's upsetting each of them in the situation and then give them better ways of dealing with it-role play what they can say/do next time it happens. There's a book called Siblings Without Rivalry which is a great read and has lots of ideas for dealing with, and helping your children learn to deal with, arguments.

For the car I would talk to them just before you leave and explain how you expect them to behave. Tell them that it's difficult for whoever's driving to concentrate on the road and drive safely if they are arguing. You could have a reward (bribe) for if they are good-just something little like if they don't argue on the way you play their music on the way back. If all else fails you could fill the middle seat with boxes so that they can't see/reach each other.

Good luck!

 

This drives me crazy !! I swear I sound like a broken record most days. Like today .. I announced "lunch" at least 5 times before they finally came out to the dinner table. I've had to tell them to put shoes on dozens of times (seems like more because theres the 2 of them lol) I suppose if I were to go into the room and get on my knees in front of them (they can see through me by the way) and sternly tell them what to do, it may work .. but I hardly have the time or patience ! But it may reduce the stress level .. so its probably worth a try.

As for the fighting ... don't hate me .. but mine don't fight. Not sure why .. don't care why. I'm just very grateful that they get along so well. I've read so many threads about this subject and am truly sympathetic to those of you who's fight. My older 3 children fought growing up and I can totally relate. I wasn't able to get them to stop, they stopped on their own once they grew up. Now they are all very close to each other and love one another.

This is a tough job .. but you're doing fine .. just hang in there !

 

Something that really helps us in the car is books on cd. We've been doing that this summer, and the car has been pretty close to perfect. We check them out from the library. We've done Junie B Jones and Magic Treehouse. Both are big hits. We also have books and 2 handheld games in the car that start disappearing if I hear fighting.

In the house, I've noticed the nagging and picking on each other has picked up a bit. I'm thinking it's because they are stuck with each other all the time right now. Normally we would have some playdates, but the kids we normally play with have a different activity schedule than we do. The neighborhood kids seemed to have disappeared. Dh and I try to separate them some on the w/e's and do different things with each of them. By Wednesday, that's worn off and we're back to picking at each other.

Marissa

 

This may sound crazy, but until a couple of weeks ago, they rarely argued. They are 6. Now it seems they are arguing a lot. I'm clueless as to what to do. It seems like I'm constantly yelling over them. I think what I'll have to do is send them to their rooms. Luckily in my case they have separate rooms. I hope someone has some good advice, you are not alone!