Not Hardly, Lady!

Took the babies to there 4 month check up and the nurse said "Oh, I have 2 girls who are 18 months apart. It is JUST like having twins, the first year was hell!" I just looked at her like, "really, as if you even KNOW what twins are like and how hard it is in the beginning!!" PUUULEEEEEZZZEE! C'mon! 18 months apart?!?!?! Not hardly, lady

 

I hate that too! But have discovered that people just can't possibly "get it" and to them it probably felt extremely hard at the time etc and they are looking for someone to stroke their egos a bit so I usually respond with "I think having 2 a X amount of space apart (fill in X with whatever number they said) would be incredibly hard because they are both still babies but needing different things because of the age difference." Usually that's good enough to make them feel special and you can move on knowing they are full of it LOL

PS my girls went for their 4 month appointment today too

 

You handle that comment very gracefully!

Awww...so what are your girls stats?? Did you get the go ahead for solids? Just wondering if most peds do the same thing. My DS is 14lbs 8oz and 24 1/4 inches, my DD is 13 lbs 8 oz and 23 inches long. They were born at 31 weeks if they seem on the small size

 

I think having twins, and then having kids X amount of months apart is hard. I say that, having had twins and then my daughter 19 months later. Maybe I can say it's like having triplets?!? :laughing: The thing with having an infant and a toddler, is they are in two TOTALLY different stages. The infant is needy, and that toddler is also needy. Whereas, if the child was a bit older, he/she would be a bit more independent. I just happened to have two toddlers and an infant! ;p I've found most people mean well and love to striker up conversations. But when you hear it over and over again, it can start to get to you!

 

I've never had kids 18 months apart, so I can't imagine what that would be like. I know that twins are hard. :faint: But I am positive having an infant and an 18 month old presents its own difficult challenges. Two babies going through two totally different stages. Glad I won't ever find out! :laughing:

 

My brother and I are 18 months apart, and my mom watched our boys 40 hours a week in our home for their first 11 months. And on more than one occasion she ranted and raved about anybody who would make such a comment. I believe her words were "Having an infant and a toddler was nothing, and I mean NOTHING, like having TWINS!! Anybody who says otherwise is an IDIOT!" :lol: She experienced both and realized that having 2 infants that needed to have 2 bottles (held up for them) and usually at the same time did not quite equate to giving a toddler some finger foods while holding and feeding an infant. Nevermind the challenges of trying to get 2 infants to take a nap on the same schedule!

That all being said I've mainly just encountered people who say "Well I had 2 toddlers 18 months apart, and while it was probably like having twins I'm sure it was different" or something to that effect. So as long as they aren't adamant that its the same I just let it go and smile. But if anybody ever wants to make the comparison and be adamant that it is the same, I think I will tell them what my mom said

 

Oh, I am sure she meant well, and I didn't call her out on it...I just thought you ladies might get a kick outta that one.

I am familiar with having twins and a preschooler (2 yo DD), so yes, I know it presents it's own challenges, but I cannot imagine having a singleton and an 18 month old and comparing it to twins. Uh, no way...the sheer sleep deprivation alone is in a class all it's own with twins unless you are still feeding your 18 month old every 2 hours in the night

 

People like that drive me crazy!!! My dd was 15.5 months when the twins were born and it was pure insanity. I did have one lady say a similar comment, only she said her kids close in age were even harder than having twins...ummmmm no! Seriously the word vomit that people get magically afflicted with when they see multiples is crazy, rotflmbo!

 

:catfight:
OMG! People can just be so dense!
Whether or not they mean it, they have noooooooooooo idea.
I have 8month twin girls and a 5yr and 10yr and while I haven't had 10 or 18 month gaps, meeting the challenges of other children at different stages is HARD.
One of my best friends often remarks that her youngest 2 are hard work - like twins. Seriously. I mean hello!?

 

LOL thanks. Sometimes I'm not nearly so graceful "Awwww a boy and a girl??" Ummm they are both decked out in pink.. what do you think? LOL

Ember was 10 lbs 15 oz and 23 inches long and Kaeda was 9 lbs 10 oz and 22 inches long. They were born at 34 weeks. LOL So your babies don't seem on the small side to me LOL My girls still aren't on their actual growth chart but they are on the bottom part of their adjusted one. For reference. Ember was 5 lbs 4 at birth and Kaeda was 3 lbs 13 so even though they are tiny they have come a long way

We talked about solids but we won't start solids until the girls are at least 6 months actual probably longer.

 

Yeah, we got the go ahead for solids, but I am in no ruch. I will proabbly wait another month (5 mos actual 3 adjusted). Lucy's birthweight was 3lb 10oz and Ike was 4lb 10oz. They have gained 10 pounds in their 4 months of life! LOL! Mine must just be piggies and yours are lil peanuts! So sweet...they don't stay small forever! You take care!

 

I guess I'm the devil's advocate on this one and likely to get slammed, but here goes..... I had babes 16mths apart - and then I had twins when those kids were already older and in school. I would do the twins over again in a heartbeat and NEVER do the 16mth gap ever ever ever ever. I had more tears in the first year of life with the 16mth gap than I ever had in the first year of the twins life.

I don't think anyone should make the comment the nurse made - I think its wrong to judge what is or isn't as hard or as easy unless we have been in that person's shoes. So just as she really wasn't in the place to say that her 18mth gap was just as hard as your twins, it goes both ways. Who are we as TWIN moms to say its harder than the 18mth gap if we've not lived it?

 

Oh, gosh...I never meant for this to be a controversy, nor did I intend to be "judgemental"...I just thought I could come here to TS with this comment and some would get kick out of it. You are right, though, it may have been really hard for her and I will never know unless I am in the same boat. She is a vry sweet lady and is great with all 3 of my kids,so it really doesn't matter to me in the long run as it is not a competition. It probably also depends on the individual child(ren) and their temperments. So, while you may think that a 16 month gap is most horrific, others may disagree just due to the individual personality of their child.

 

I have a 17 month gap between my toddler and my twins and there have been days when my MIL would come over and take my toddler for the whole day so I was left with just twins and there have been times my DH or MIL would take one of my twins out for the day and leave me with one twin and my toddler. I much prefer them to take my toddler and leave me with just the twins. But for someone to come up and say having 2 close together is harder than twins when they could not possible know that is just ignorant. I had 2 women tell me on the same day that they had kids close together and it was harder than having twins. I said , "oh do you have twins too?" and they said, NO and I said, "well you couldnt possibly know that then..." I think having twin toddlers and then a newborn close in age would be execptionally hard. Toddlers are just CRAZY and then throw in a newborn or two and its a circus.

 

Ohhh, I love it when my MIL takes my 2 yo DD for a few hours!!

 

totally agree with you on that one - and I'm glad you didn't take what I did say as argumentative - it was kinda just the 'other side of the coin'. THank you so much for adding to the discussion with the personality aspect and not freaking on me!