Not getting any easier

I'm not on a lot anymore, I'm too busy wih my kids, but I needed somewhere to go. My twins are almost 11 months old now. I had this delusion that by now I would have a grip on things. But it's not getting any easier, it's getting harder by leaps and bounds. I am so overwhelmed. I can't just nurse them and put them to sleep when they are cranky. They need to play, and eat different things and.....

I have tried talking to dh about how hard I am trying and how horribly I feel like I am failing. How inadequate I feel and my frustration at feeling that I am running as fast as I can and getting nowhere. He came back with the fact that he too feels I am inadequate and sometimes lazy. Yeah, that helped a lot.

He actually informed me that he only changes diapers as a favor to me and if he feels like it. He says he feels I expect too much from him. That I need to help him more with the non-child related things he does in order to expect him to help me with child related chores.

But it's not all him. I can't seem to get anything done. I just want to run and hide, but how do you do that with 6 kids? 3 of them under the age of 3. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

I'm not on a lot anymore, I'm too busy wih my kids, but I needed somewhere to go. My twins are almost 11 months old now. I had this delusion that by now I would have a grip on things. But it's not getting any easier, it's getting harder by leaps and bounds. I am so overwhelmed. I can't just nurse them and put them to sleep when they are cranky. They need to play, and eat different things and.....

I have tried talking to dh about how hard I am trying and how horribly I feel like I am failing. How inadequate I feel and my frustration at feeling that I am running as fast as I can and getting nowhere. He came back with the fact that he too feels I am inadequate and sometimes lazy. Yeah, that helped a lot.

He actually informed me that he only changes diapers as a favor to me and if he feels like it. He says he feels I expect too much from him. That I need to help him more with the non-child related things he does in order to expect him to help me with child related chores.

But it's not all him. I can't seem to get anything done. I just want to run and hide, but how do you do that with 6 kids? 3 of them under the age of 3. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

You have 6 kids; it sounds like your dh is just expecting too much from you! Don't put so much pressure on yourself.....I only have just the 2 and there are days that if all we do is get dressed & eat I consider that a huge success. My mom had 8 kids, and she eventually had to hire some teenage girls from the church to help her around the house. Otherwise, it's just too much. My dad was totally unsupportive, too. Actually, he was a big-time jerk, but that's another story.

My dh sometimes gets this attitude of "you're not doing enough". They forget so FAST how much work kids are. Every now & then I think they just need a day alone with the kids to realize. I don't know if there's anyway your dh would do that, but if possible it sounds like a great idea. Plus, it would give you a small break.

again.....you're doing great!

 

i just want to let you know that you are not alone!! you are doing a great job. i am amazed at how you deal with so many kids i only have 3 but they are ages 2 and under - and it is so hard!

i am sorry i don't have any advice, i just wanted you to know you are not alone in this. i wish i could help you more!

 

OH Trina!! So sorry you are having such a hard time!!!

I would make you DH a deal. Tell him to deal with all the kids stuff for 24 hrs. without any help and you'll do other stuff for 24 hrs. and when that time is up, see how he feels about it!! I'm guessing he has NO CLUE how flippin' hard your job is! Twins is a lot, but 6 kids has to be infinitely harder.

You sound like you might be a little depressed. I would talk to a dr. just to let them know you are feeling this way. You don't have to do anything, but it's really good if there's someone who cares that can gauge your mental well=being from time to time.

 

I think you're being way to hard on yourself, raising six kids I give you all the credit in the world. Joe was the same way with me doing stuff around the house but what he never realized is that I worked full time and took care of the house. That's probably why he's gone now. I figured out the other day - because Joe never did any laundry - I did it all and the last fight we had was because the laundry wasn't folded. I've washed and folded over 4000 articles of the girl's clothing and that's just estimating 1 outfit a day. I'm hoping one day men realize what we go through.

 

I would be requiring more of DH and the 2 oldest kiddos. Work those kids, I tell you that busy kids are lots more content than bored kids. If DH doesn't realize what goes on during a normal day of yours, have him do it for a 10 hour stretch and see what happens! I know working out of the home and providing for the family is difficult too, but I KNOW that they get refreshed by just being able to step out that door and getting to go to the restroom by themselves all day long. Not to mention, a bit of time for lunch, and normal, adult conversation. No constant "mama, mama, mama".

Hugs and God Bless! Your doing a great job!

 

The oldest 3 actually help out a lot. Right now they are in New Mexico at their dad's. We have a pretty effective chore program going. It's better when they are home.

I'm going to drop the singing group I was participating in because that's when the overload starting hitting me so hard. I hate giving up my 1 thing that was all about me, but my family is more important. It's also about the time the 9 yr old starting homeschooling, but I don't have a choice on that, I can't send him to public school. (long story) I have good friends that talk to me on a daily basis. I have a gym membership I need to use more.

The babies are napping right now. it's great, I almost have the living room clean. lol. We won't even talk about the dishes....

 

I'm sorry, but your DH is an A**!!! Give me a break! I can't believe he said that to you. I have three, and I constantly feel like a hamster on a wheel. Do you have anyone who can come by and help, or even give you a break? It sounds like you need to get grounded a bit. How old are the three over three? Can you encourage them to help more? And I would have a serious talk with your hubbie. I'll bet you going out and leaving HIM with the six kids one day (and a list of "other" things that need done) will open his eyes up a bit. It just makes me so mad to hear things like that.

 

Trina,
I am so sorry you're having a hard time. DH definately does not understand what you are going through. My DH used to tell me he could SAH and do cleaning, etc. in half the time I did. When I worked for about 10 months, he would help with chores and get the kids off to day care in the morning. He realized how much work it all was. They are not going to realize how much you do until they have to do it. Dr. Phil says that a SAHM with 3 children works the equivalent of 2 full time jobs. What do you think he'd say about twins? Especailly infant twins and a toddler. Good luck to you. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

I think it was pretty crummy of him to call you lazy, especially when you were trying to reach out to him. You should be able to trust him with your feelings.

 

Okay, where is your DH? I want to kick him where the sun doesn't shine!!!!!!!!! You are doing a wonderful job and you are a wonderful Mommy!!! I would encourage you to stay in the singing group to have some time to yourself and have your DH (and I don't mean dear! ha!) watch the kids for you. Do not forget, HE is their parent too and HE lives in that household too and it is his JOB to pitch in when he's home. Yes, he works and provides for the family, but my dear, you didn't have these children on your own. I'm sorry to get so mad but you are Superwoman by just raising these kids, and not even including the other household chores that you do too. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and especially pray that your husband sees how much you do and that he will respect his beautiful wife for doing such a wonderful job. Also, I agree with pp about having him watch the children while you take care of those other household chores that are so hard for him to do.