Not even 2.5, won't nap, waking up earlier than normal

I'm at my wit's end. I *need* their naptime to start working or I will go crazy. Even before when they did nap, it was unacceptable the way it happened.

When we moved to toddler beds, I started having to sit with them until they fell asleep at nap. Otherwise they hopped around, got into each others' beds and woke each other up, etc etc. This takes about an hour and a half, from the time we start "wind down" until I actually get to leave the room, and then they sleep for about 1.5-2 hours. Yes, it destroyed our afternoon, but at least evenings were tolerable. I figured "super nanny" style... eventually they'd start napping faster, I'd transition to moving out of the room sooner, but I'm still finding myself getting up and putting them back in bed for an hour.

Actual bedtime is fantastic. We do the routine, lay them down, turn out the light, and don't have to worry about them at all.

So... now they're fighting me even more than usual at nap. Gyrating around in their beds, throwing covers, toys, books off, then yelling for them. Gibbering loudly enough to just rouse each other, and getting louder if they don't get a reaction out of anyone. If I leave the room, they just leave the beds and play with each other, shrieking. After the hour and a half, I eventually give up, but then *I'm* just cranky that I wasted time trying to get them to nap AND they didn't nap. So my afternoon is wasted anyway. I'd counteract it by trying to get them out of the house and use up some energy in the morning, but one of the most notable contributors to "noNap" is when they doze off in the car for 30 seconds, so I practically dread leaving the house at all.

They're so tired. Any "activity" for the rest of the day had better be TV, or it devolves into yelling and fighting within moments. (And I *hate* feeding them TV, but I'm sort of in survival mode right now.) We're all miserable wretches by evening any time this happens. Any chance of a pleasant dinner is out the window, if I even have the energy to make dinner.

Add on top of this that they're starting to wake up 2 hours earlier than they had previously!! It used to be 8pm-8am, plus the 1.5 hours in the afternoon. Now it's 8pm-6am and no nap.

I wouldn't mind a quiet time, but I can't even fathom how that works with them both in the same room, or without just turning on the TV and calling it "quiet time." I also find myself wondering how in the heck day care centers manage naptime with all those kids?!?!

Baby sister is due in 3 weeks. I... just don't even know what I'll do then. Hopefully she'll poop rainbows and sleep like a bear in winter. Phew, excuse the cranky rant, I needed somewhere to blow off steam and get feedback.

 

How long has it been since you switched to toddler beds?

Frankly I'd just leave them in there for 2 hours at nap time, even if they get up. Mine did the same thing, getting up and playing, but after a week or two they ended up napping again. And this way you would get a break anyway... and if they don't nap, put them in bed one hour earlier. Hopefully it's just a phase and it won't last, but you can't spend all your time waiting for them to fall asleep.

I'm guilty about the tv too... sometimes it just gives us much needed quiet time.

 

What about putting PNPs in their room and if they mess around its straight into them?

Or, go out (within 10 min of being home) and be home by 10am; moving up their nap to noon? Maybe they are so tired they can't rest?

Finally, I don't care whether they nap so much, but they are in their rooms, safe, for 2 hours.

 

My girls stopped napping before they turned 2 so I feel your pain. I used to try forever to get them to sleep but decided it wasn't worth the stress it was causing in me so I gave up. Now I put them in their room from 12:30 until 2:00 and leave them. Most days they play quietly or read, sometimes I have to go up and break up a fight but for the most part I just ignore them. I do contract work from home and NEED that 1.5 hour break during the day to get some work done!

When they stopped napping I made bedtime earlier. It took a couple of weeks for them to adjust but then they started sleeping in later to make up for the missed nap. Now they sleep from 6:30 - 6:30 which works for us as we have to be out the door early to get DS on the bus. When the house is quiet on the weekends they will usually sleep until 7am. Can you try an earlier bedtime to help them adjust to the missed sleep? Also, have you tried splitting them up for nap? On days that I know they NEED to sleep, like when they are sick or have had a late night or a bad nights sleep the night before, I will usually put one in my bed to cut down on the craziness. This only works for my girls if they are exhausted but it could be worth a try.

 

My boys naps started getting shorter and shorter as well. They are in daycare though, but as soon as they switched them to the preschool room from the toddler room they started napping longer again. They are way busier in the preschool room, so I am guessing that's why they sleep better. Maybe they need to be busier? I also agree with just put them in their room for 2 hrs and leave. If they get tired enough, they'll sleep

 

My boys are the same way!!! We nap one in their room and put the other in our room for naps. If they don't nap it does make a terrible evening for us. Maybe give that a try. Good luck!!

 

Right after we switched both of the girls to toddler beds (one was in about 4 months before her sister), we had to split them up for naptime and bedtime in order to maintain the calm. It allowed them to learn how to fall asleep calmly in their beds. After a couple months of that, we moved them back into the same room and it has been a million times better.

If splitting them up temporarily is an option, I would do it! Chances are your new baby won't need her own room for a bit anyway

 

I could've written this. When we first went to toddler beds, bed time was wonderful. Nap time was a disaster. I went through a period of leaving them in the room for an hour and putting them to bed earlier. For a month they didn't nap. I've started running errands right after lunch. They fall asleep in the car, and we transfer them to bed. The naps are better!

If you find an answer about the waking early, let me know!

 

We have been going through phases of one or the other resisting nap since they turned 2 and we moved them to toddler beds, but they are still mostly napping although it would have been easy to give up. Many kids' sleep needs are adjusting around this age, but most kids will still need around 12 hours of total sleep, whether all at once in the night or with a nap.

I feel your pain - I hate that feeling of having wasted so much time fighting to get them to nap and failing, making for a cranky mom and cranky kids. I also partly work from home and used to schedule conference calls etc. for their nap, no more. Naps are not reliable enough any more, so I moved my work slots to the evening, much as I hate doing it then.

Would an earlier bedtime and quiet time in the middle of the day help you? When mine were in a phase of resisting naps, I would work on quiet time with them and give them the choice of resting or napping. To teach them what quiet time means I snuggle up with them, play music in a dark room and say that I (!) need a break or I will not be much fun in the afternoon and that they can rest or nap but that they are not to disturb me, their napping twin or in your case the sleeping baby. You could also all go on the couch and listen to an audio book or each quiet TV, look at books quietly, if they fall asleep you can get up and get stuff done, if not you will at least all be more rested for the rest of the day and ready for an earlier bedtime. GL!

BTW: It is easier for daycares. I wondered the same thing, but as Slipper said daycare is draining for the kids - more activity, more noise, more social interaction and often more stress etc., they are ready to drop by noon. Plus, everyone naps, so an early form of peer pressure helps the teachers.

 

My answer may not be popular, but it's exactly what I would do in your situation. Put them back in cribs (with crib tents if necessary to keep them from climbing out). They aren't even two and half yet and you have a new baby due any time now. Put them back in cribs til they are 3. New baby can sleep in a bassinett then pack n play if you don't have another crib until you transition the twins again later. That will buy you six or seven months to get new baby adjusted and the twins adjusted to their new sibling before they get the freedom of toddler beds again (a freedom they obviously aren't quite ready for). One of my twins is so implusive, she stayed in her crib til 3.5! Do what will give you the sanity/break you need right now. Keeping a toddler in a crib til 3 (or a little after) won't impact their success in college. Promise!

 

I second the return to cribs with tents suggestion. Mine JUST transitioned full time to big kid beds at 3 years 8 months, specifically to handle the early morning wake ups and nap problems that came with big kid beds. I put out their air beds and they would try them, but if they woke up too early or played too much at nap time, back in the cribs they went (and they loved their cribs dearly, so they didn't mind). We've been working on the transition since they were three. My baby slept in a co-sleeper and then a pack and play until she was nine months old, and my best friend's baby is still in one at 17 months as her older DD isn't ready for the big kid bed yet.

A writer I like recently wrote that as a mom, you should do whatever it is you need to do to enjoy your kids more, as that's the real goal. For us, staying in cribs very late brought some order and control to the "herd" so we could all get some sleep and enjoy each other more while we are awake.

 

My twins also have difficulty napping -- they are 2 years 3 months old. My girl twin is less of a napper than her brother, but I put them upstairs and there is a party going on during naptime. They are still in their cribs, but they toss toys back and forth and giggle and scream and yell.

I know I should transition to beds soon because they climb up on the sides of the cribs. My son has fallen out twice (which scared him); he hasn't figured out how to get out gently just yet, but I know it's coming.

I'm trying to hold out for the beds for as long as possible and glad to read here that others did just that. And I'm also on the fence regarding toddler beds/regular twin beds.

Kellie
Blogger at The Peapod, Life with Twins+1

 

I agree that you should move them back into cribs - you can always make due with a pack and play with the new baby. Or just buy a second hand crib for your 3rd one. IMO - money well spent on something your child uses every day. Even if you need to get crib tents - i would totally put them back in.

We put sleep sacks on our 26 month olds - still. I put one of my DD on backwards so she can not unzip the sleep sack. this prevents her from being able to climb out. When they get that figured out, my next step are the crib tents. I'll keep them there until well after they stop napping - most likely as close to 4 as I can

I think one of the other members said it perfectly - Any thing you can do to make your kids more enjoyable is time/money well spent

Good luck!!

 

Try putting on a sleep sack backwards for your son who climbs. The halo ones go to XL (have to buy on line). My girls are almost too tall for them. I'll be buying the expensive ones that go up to 36+ months next That might work!

 

I also agree with putting them back in cribs. My boys were fighting naps shortly after turning 2 1/2. By the time the were closer to 3, naps were pretty much done with. I made the decision to give up naps and transition to toddlers beds on their 3rd birthday. The #1 reason I waited to transition to toddler beds was because I did not want to deal with naptime madness. It was already taken them forever to fall asleep and many days one or both would not nap.

The first two weeks were CRAZY! :gah: They were so crabby during the day I thought I would loose my mind. One day I "tried" to make them nap and they just went wild in their room. I then decided to put them to bed super early. With naps they would go to bed at 7:30 and it would take them until 9:00-9:30 to fall asleep. I moved their bedtime to 6:00. When they began waking at 6:00 a.m. I then began moving bedtime to 6:30, then 7:00 ect. Now at 4 they go to bed at 8:00 and sleep 11 1/2 - 12 hours at night.

Even at 4 I was still having issues at bedtime with them playing around. So I turned their playroom into another bedroom and they now fall asleep within 5-10 minutes of bedtime. One of the best decisions I made.

 

Well, we did buy a third crib for new baby, but now I'm not sure I have the right hardware for the sides of the boys' cribs. (Hubby moved them and apparently "some bits fell out." Auuugh.)

Anyhow. I understand the advice to move bedtime earlier, but we just can't. Hubby never gets home from work earlier than 6:30. It just can't happen. We've tried, he's tried. His hours are "flexible" but since most of his job involves meetings with other people, who keep later hours, even if he's in at 6 am (or whatever), no one else is there until 10 and he still ends up in meetings until 6 or later. So, dinner I could sort of feasibly move up to 5-5:30 and do wind-down-bath-bed time as soon as he got home, but that would really not get us earlier than 7:30, and for what it's worth, night times work for us right now.

As it stands currently, naps are a day to day thing. If we're home at 12, I try to get them to nap somewhere between 12:30 and 1. Otherwise, we just go about our day. If we're out and about until later in the afternoon, say getting home at 2 or so, I put the tv on, put some cut up fruit on the counter, and set up my own work station at the dining room table and sort of "enforce" a micro-me time. Sometimes I'll even break out the iPads for them and take a shower for me during that time. I tried the "leave them and shut the door" ONCE, and came back an hour later to naked children waltzing around the bedroom. I got some sanity time, but it didn't help THEIR crabbiness, so I didn't want to make that a daily occurrence.

Today we were home and they were SLEEPY, so I took them down for nap and did our routine and then laid them down. My non-sleeper SCREAMED and WAILED, but I sat for only a few minutes, then left the room to step outside - anytime I "sensed" he got out of bed, I'd go back in, help him back up and cover him up. Took about 40 minutes, but eventually he did pass out. So I'm glad I stuck with it. Still don't know how it'll go with new baby, but you can't plan those things anyway.

I think summer will help... so that I can get them out of the house without putting them in the car. (Some days, they quite literally will be asleep before I even pull out of the driveway.) Also, I agree that having a different playroom than their bedroom is beneficial, so that helps keep "sleep space" separate from "play space." I'm also going to invest in black out curtains, as I think that may be exacerbating our earlier morning wake ups.

 

I have had some success with naps the last week or so so I thought I would share. I have started putting the girls in their beds and staying in the room with my back turned. I stand there and only turn around if one of them tries to get up out of their bed, when they do I go over, put her back in bed and tell her it's time for sleeping. At first it was taking at least 20-30 minutes for them to calm down and fall asleep, yesterday it was 10. They were sick last week and I knew they needed to nap so this is why I started doing this. They sleep now for usually just over an hour, sometimes longer, which is amazing!

Anyway, I thought I would share...it takes some time and can be frustrating as some days it seems like they will never calm down but it seems to be working so it could be worth a try for you.

 

I didn't think it would work but it's been going really well. When I first tried this, months ago, I would give up after 10-15 minutes, yesterday it took 45 min but they went to sleep!!! It takes time but after over 6 months of fighting with my girls to nap I think I have finally figured it out . GL!