Not enjoying pregnancy

Hi all, I am new here and I need some support for how I am feeling. I am 21 weeks and I am not emjoying my twin regnancy at all. We tried for 8 years to get pregnant and finally did after the 3rd IVF treatment. I was very cavilier about having twins (I am really tall and strong and thought it would not be much of a big deal). From the start until 17 weeks I had the mornning sickness that lasts all day and even now my tummy is upset alot. I am exhusted all the time. I am also very moody and burst into tears easily. Also, I have so many aches and pains! everything seems to hurt and I know I have a long way to go still! On top of all that, I feel really guilty about not enjoying my pregnancy...it was sooo hard to get these babies. I think that since I am not enjoying being pregnant I am also afraid I will not fall in love with my babies....What is wrong with me? Am I just a wimp?

 

Hi all, I am new here and I need some support for how I am feeling. I am 21 weeks and I am not emjoying my twin regnancy at all. We tried for 8 years to get pregnant and finally did after the 3rd IVF treatment. I was very cavilier about having twins (I am really tall and strong and thought it would not be much of a big deal). From the start until 17 weeks I had the mornning sickness that lasts all day and even now my tummy is upset alot. I am exhusted all the time. I am also very moody and burst into tears easily. Also, I have so many aches and pains! everything seems to hurt and I know I have a long way to go still! On top of all that, I feel really guilty about not enjoying my pregnancy...it was sooo hard to get these babies. I think that since I am not enjoying being pregnant I am also afraid I will not fall in love with my babies....What is wrong with me? Am I just a wimp?

 

Oh, poor you.

That doen´t sound nice at all, and I don´t want to say something like "It´ll be better soon", because I don´t know if that´s the truth. With me, being tired and exhausted went away in the middle part of this pregnancy, now, at the end, where the boys are heavy, it came back.

But don´t think the way to the end is so long Looking back, I think time passed really quick, and all those odds in the beginning are forgotten.

And just believe that you´ll fall in love with your babies - I mean, it´s neither your not their "fault" you feel sick, it´s just life! And - if it´s not super love at first side, allow it time to grow.

Did you feel the first movements already? Did you pick out names? Just try to talk to them, and try to enjoy the positive moments of your pregnancy - I´m sure, there are some!

Andtry to seek comfort in the people around you - let your husband cuddle you, try to talk to friend (maybe you´ve friends with children who can share your experiences?) or simply ask your mum.

Well, I wish you lot´s of strength then, and that you´ll actually feel better soon.

 

We did IVF to have our babies, and I did not enjoy my pregnancy at all. I wanted to, but I spent 15 weeks of it on bedrest, 4 of those in the hospital. I worried the whole time, had heartburn, morning sickness, constipation, aches, and all I did was lay around. I can't imagine how achy I'd have been being up and around.

But I absolutely love my children beyond all comprehension and they were so, so worth all the bedrest, worry, and years of trying to conceive them. Don't worry, you will bond.

The only thing that would stop me from trying to have another one is that I did not like being pregnant!!

 

I am so sorry that you aren't enjoying your pregnancy.
like Helen said - time will start to go by and you will
look back on all of this - especially once your babies are here
and it will be trivial compared to the love you feel for those kids.
I think it is normal to feel like you do - especially since you are having
a rough pregnancy. I did IVF also and although I wouldn't trade it for the world -
this pregnancy has had some rough areas. - and we are scheduled to have a c-section on
this coming up Wednesday - to be very honest with you I am scared to death! I
do have 3 other kids but I have never had 2 newborns in the house at once - or a c- section.
there are all kinds of "what if's" running through my head right now - but I remember
the joy I felt when I saw my boys for the first time -and I know that everything will be just fine!!! You will be too!!
this is a small price to pay for the lifetime of happiness that you will have!!

 

Don't beat yourself up. I can relate to just about everything you said!

This is my second pregnancy, my first being a singleton. I have been feeling some guilt, too in that this pg was so much worse than my first. We really wanted "a sibling " for our son and knew our chances for success with IVF were even more grim than they were when we had our son. We were thrilled but overwhelmed when we found out we were having twins this time; I felt guilty way back then for feeling overwhelmed!

As the pregnancy went on, I continued to feel guilty when people would ask how I was doing and I couldn't even bring myself to lie and say, "Fine -- or pretty good -- thanks." If it was somebody I knew, I would usually find myself saying, "It's a bit rough" or something of the sort. I wanted to be a big enough person not to let on how miserable I was feeling! I didn't accomplish that very often.

I can't with any confidence say that things will get better for you during your pregnancy, but there will be TIMES when it will be better. (It was during my second trimester that it wasn't quite as tough.) I can however, say with full confidence however, that you WILL fall in love with your babies!

My theory about this miserable twin pregnancy is that, it's going to make what comes next, that much more joyful. Even though it's going to be difficult with two infants and a toddler, at least I won't have the physical issues and I will have the joy that comes with having our precious babies at home!

Hang in there and stay in touch with the wonderful people on this board; they will be a great source of support!

 

My first pregnancy (my son) was awesome. Other than that last month of agony, hip pain, and sleeplessness it was no big deal. This is different. My health has actually been better, but my hips KILL me and it is hard to get out of bed (which isn't good when you pee 5 times a night). I do think the pp was right. Pregnancy prepares you for motherhood in a big way. All that peeing in the night gets you used to waking up for feedings. All that discomfort at the end makes having a newborn seem doable. I guess since we are having two babies the pregnancy has to be twice as hard to get us ready.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it! Not everyone enjoys being pregnant... it is a very rough thing to go through, both physically and emotionally. But even if you never grow to enjoy the pregnancy, you will still fall in love with the babies and be a wonderful mom to them!
Congratulations on your twins!!! And welcome to this site... you'll get a ton of support and information here!
Helen

 

I totally understand what you mean. While I loved having the twins, I really did not enjoy the pregnancy one bit. I always wondered what people were thinking when they said that they liked being pregnant. Being pregnant with twins is hard, hard, 24-hour-a-day work. Honestly, when we hit that 30 week milestone (a big milestone for all twins but bigger for us because that is as far as the most optimistic doctors had us making it) I was more than ready to have the girls. While I'd love another set of twins, I'm not too sure I want to go through another twin pregnancy.

I'm pregnant with a singleton now and it is so much easier. At 30.5 weeks, I've still got lots of energy and can do basically everything that I could before I got pregnant. It's so different being pregnant with one rather than two. Our bodies aren't meant to carry two babies, even though it is a great blessing when we get to.

Don't feel bad about not enjoying the pregnancy. There are high points like getting to see the babies on u/s, coming up with two names, seeing them moving in your belly, etc. But, overall, there are many people who don't find it all that fun. Your dislike of the pregnancy will have no bearing on your love of the babies. You'll probably like them even more when they are born because they are out now.

 

Oh Shellie...let me count the ways in which I can relate to what you're going through. We too conceived twins via our 3rd IVF try; I was 11 weeks yesterday. I've been sick pretty much 24/7 since the latter part of November, and have NOT enjoyed one minute of it. You're quite a ways ahead of me, so I haven't experienced the aches and pains yet, but am very tired (find it especially hard to get up in the morning) and just feel downright crappy. Anytime I talk to women who say they had a wonderful, nausea-free pregnancies it's all I can do not to strangle them!

I've also experienced the nagging doubts and guilt for not feeling more grateful--we went through SO much to get here! I worry too about not bonding with them--or them with me. These will be the first children for both my husband and I, and all the unknowns can drive you nuts!

But just think though, a year from now we can look back on all of this...and hopefully realize it was all worth it (and finally be able to have a drink!) LOL

Take care, and know that I (your fellow wimp) empathize with you 100%.

 

I'm so sorry you are so sick! I had the same problem and it really sucked! You will get through it though and hopefully it will be gone soon and you'll be able to enjoy a little bit of the pregnancy! But you are no wimp, just human!

 

Gosh - I pretty much feel the same way you do! And I have felt so guilty about it. I had a singelton pregnancy and it was really a positive expereicne. This time, I went straight from EXTREME morning sickness to pain everywhere, fatigue...I would sit in my bed at night and just cry - thinking "how on earth can I go to 38-40 weeks feeling like this?" But I told myself how blessed we are to be given the gift of two babies. I have always gone back to that thought when I start feeling down. Even through all the high risk stuff I have gone through, it's just a double miracle, no doubt about it. Don't beat yourself up - it's natural to feel this way! And it sounds like many of us are going through/have gone through the same emotions and doubts.

 

Oh Shellie, for you....My pregnancy the first time around really sucked, I had all sorts of strange emotions that I had never had before, from balling my eyes out, to super angry. The hormones just seemed to take over. I thought I was a strong person and now believe that I am again after talking myself through everything....it took me alot to convince myself I could do anything again. Sometimes I just gave up complete hope, it almost got to the point were I felt like a lunatic! I just suggest that you stay as calm as you can, find the things that you always loved to do, like listen to some music, read books, go for a walk.... You will get alot of support from the people on this board, its strange how much we can relate to eachother, we are not alone.

I am now having #'s 3&4 and hardly even feel pregnant at all, well other than my bump....but my first 2 were a real challenge. I even had a hard time looking at my 1st when she was born, but I do love the little bugger now.

If things don't change after you have the babies, the dr. may give you something to help cope.

I wish you all the best, and remember if you ever need to talk to anyone, we are here for you

Juli

 

I can relate to you also, Shellie. I had my first 2 pregnancies thru IVF. I felt like once I was finally pregnant, all would be perfect in my world. It wasn't. I do not like being pregnant at all. And I had no major complications! I am the biggest wimp in the world.

That said, I am incredibly in love with my children and would gladly throw myself in front of a train for them. Just don't ask me to relive the pregnancies!

 

I loved being pregnant with my dd. Only had morning sickness from weeks 6 thru 10 and no other complaints. I felt like such a woman being pregnant with her. This twin pregnancy has been so different from that, lots of aches and pains, contractions, morning sickness until 17 wks, tired......Not enjoying it at all!

So you are NOT alone! But I have no doubt in my mind that when these boys come, I will be in love with them just as much as I was with my daughter! And it will be 10 times nicer to have my body back to myself!

 

I can also relate a lot to what you and the pp's have written. I am also very tall, strong, athletic. I had a fantastic pregnancy with my son and worked out until the very end, had tons of energy, felt terrific, and couldn't understand why anyone would want their pregnancies to end.

This pregnancy has been the polar opposite from day one, except that thankfully the babies appear to be healthy, too. I, on the other hand, am a complete mess. I feel like my body is crumbling on a daily basis and even walking across the room is a huge endeavor. I'm sore, I cannot sleep, I limp, I'm weak, miserable. I feel like I'm 100 years old, not like myself at all, and it depresses me.

Looking forward is tough (I have two more weeks of this?!) but looking back is fun -- I can't believe it's gone as fast as it has and I've come so far already.

I also encourage myself with this thought -- with my son, the pregnancy was super-easy but the newborn stage was tough, tough, tough (he was colicky, had reflux, was extremely difficult, etc) so I'm hoping that the fact that this pregnancy has taken such a toll on me will mean that I will get a couple of "easy" babies in the end!? Pretty please?

Hang in there. It all comes together in the end. Really. And besides, we're all here for you and we understand the need to vent!

 

You are NOT a loser - you are pregnant with twins. And no matter what people think - twins are not just like an easy singleton pregnancy plus a little.

i'm not so tall and was always incredibly strong and athletic; thought I'd spend the first five months enjoying my bike, doing sixty miles a week plus swimming two or three times - HA! i spent four months puking my guts out and being totally miserable. So much so that i didn't think sometimes that i would make it - and i waited a LONG time for this pregnancy!!!!!! Then i'd feel guilty because it was like wishing it away.

I finally realized that - I'm pregnant with twins! My body is flooded with hormones, things are changing and i have no control, i get out of breath simply ROLLING OVER IN BED, not to mention getting up to pee three or four times a night.

You don't need to make yourself even more miserable by castigating yourself. Once the babies are here you will love them beyond belief. And if you have post-partum depression issues, as MANY women do, make sure you pay attention and get the help you need. But the likelihood is that once they lay those babies on your belly you will fall in love, and while you will REMEMBER how awful you felt, you'll be thrilled that you did it.

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself - the same way you always planned on being with your babies when you were dreaming of being pregnant for all those years!

 

By no means does not enjoying your pregnancy mean your not enjoying your babies.

Its a very confusing situation to be in when you love and want your babies so much, but the pain and uncomfortableness makes you so miserable.

I can assure you though, that after you deliver your babies, your pains will most likely disappear and you'll have plenty of other things to occupy your thoughts.