Normal Toddler Behavior?

I have b/b twins, 18 month old. Steven is worrying me with increasing tantrums and oppositional behavior like throwing himself back and screaming for simple tasks like diaper changes, changing clothes, etc. I think this is mainly normal, but he's starting to get VERY upset about things like my hair and my clothing. He's recently started waking up at night and when I go in to comfort him, if my hair is down instead of up like during the day he says "uh oh" over and over, thrashes in his crib and won't let me pick him up until I put it up again. Just tonight, he got sick in his crib and when I went to change him (and me because of the mess on my shirt) he threw a tantrum because I took off my shirt. He wouldn't let me touch him or anything until I put a shirt on. He also throws things, is very shy, very clingy lately, refuses to take medicine (he has a daily med for reflux) and often looks at me like he's mad or angry though I don't know why. I also have trouble leaving him at any daycare or with a sitter - cries non-stop and gets completely at his wits end. He's also just started making flipping kind of hand gestures when he gets really excited, and he just had what we think was a night terror the other night. On the opposite end of the spectrum, he smiles and laughs often, is very physically adept to the point of being advanced for his age and just seem like an old soul - like the sweet, quiet guy who is always thinking. According to everything I've read, he's also completely on target for development at his age.

Just for info purposes, he does get jealous of his brother, who is developing a bit faster on the "academic" type stuff - knows his alphabet, strings together words into small sentences and picks up new things extremely quickly, etc. His brother is also quiet, very cooperative and a very goal-oriented toddler who generally follows all the rules, etc.

Am I just comparing apples and oranges? Is he just a sensitive little guy going through a lot right now? (Teething, sick, major developmental changes). I try to spread the love around as best I can, but am I missing something? ... any thoughts or advice appreciated. I'm just getting worried about him. We are taking him to the doctor tomorrow and I'll mention all this - we have a great pediatrician, but just though some other moms might be able to help. Thanks.

 

It sounds probably normal to me. I think you're hitting an age where toddlers both realize they don't have as much control over their environment as they want and get really really frustrated about it. Sometimes that comes out as being really picky about details. My kids can be pretty particular about some things too. One time at the park, DS freaked out because I didn't have a jacket on, and wouldn't rest until I put it on. Sometimes DD freaks out if I make a funny face at her. Oh, and my kids sometimes flap their hands too.

It sounds like you have the big A - autism - at the back of your mind. During a routine autism screening the dr. asked us things like this:

-Does the baby get upset when you leave and notice when you come back?
-How do they play? (Lining things up in rows is supposedly pretty common with kids on the spectrum.)
-Do they get totally entranced looking at things like fans?

But of course your dr. will go over all this stuff too! Anyway, it sounds like most likely nothing's wrong, and your toddler is just being a toddler, but of course it's always good to talk to the pedi to put your mind at ease.

 

Thanks - you are probably right - it's just so weird seeing him act so particular because as a baby he was so easygoing. I've also been out of the loop with other moms for a while because we've moved twice since they were born. It's hard to judge what's going on with your kids in a vacuum no matter how many books you read I guess. Anyway, I have looked at all the Autism signs and he has none of them. I was more worried about emotional issues or anger that was abnormal.

Thanks for the reply, puts things in perspective. I probably need to just step back a little and regroup, consider things after he's gotten over some of the separation anxiety that's peaking now, after the teeth come in, when he's healthy, etc.

Thanks again.

 

I'd think it is a phase for now. Sounds like all typical stuff. Just Keep an eye on it.

Cindy

 

I think it is amazing that your 18mos. old knows his alphabet....are we just behind or is this pretty remarkable?

Also, sounds to me like he is just sort of asserting himself...I bet it passes.

 

We were just learning to talk at 18 mos. so the alphabet is INCREDIBLE to me!! Maybe he's VERY smart and needs MORE stimulation. I think he sounds like a toddler who likes the "rules" (his version) implemented at all times!

 

We went through a few of these control phases. One involved taking shoes off in the house (we do but don't require it of guests but the Trent had other ideas), they'd freak if zippers were only zipped part way up, they didn't like any unbuttoned buttons, all dips had to be on the side and not touching the food, etc, etc, etc. The rules were sometimes simple enough that we just went with it but other things we told them no way and let them fuss until they got over it. The phase did end but it wasn't always amusing. And yeah, the tantrums were ABSURD at that age. Sounds totally normal to me.

 

Thank you so much everyone! You've really helped put me at ease!

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Yup, my girls too have "rules" that they like us to follow (still!) They are better about not necessarily tantruming if they aren't followed. For example, I don't tend to wear my glasses in the house, but when I leave to drive or do any detail work, I need them on. When I come in from work, one of the first things Ellie says to me is "Mommy, gla-glas off!"

They've got others too, but I can't remember off the top of my head right now what they are...