Ever since they started walking and getting into things, I've been saying things like "no climb" "no bang" "no hit" "no touch" Today one was doing something I just said NO real loud. He stopped what he was doing. Just a little bit ago they tried to climb on their picnic table. I again said NO and they got down right away. They understand it and will listen when I say it so that's what I'm sticking with for the time being. It just occured to me that maybe they don't understand the other words behind the no.
Something I remember from my education classes in college, and has stuck with me-kids only hear the LAST word you say. So, you say, "NO RUNNING!" All they hear is "RUNNING!" I am not sure until what age this is valid for-but we talked about preschool aged kids.
Wait until they say "No" back to you. My DS will go "No, no, no" and shake his head and wave his finger at you (when he does not want to do something or is not happy). I do find when I say "No" in a stern voice, they stop and I get a pouty lip in return.
Jake already shakes his head "no" so it won't be long before he starts saying it. At least with my boys, that would make a lot of sense. I tried it again when they tried to follow me into the laundry. They stopped immediatly. There was no fussing or crying, the just stopped and went onto something else. If I only figured this out months ago. :lol:
When I find myself saying "no" too much (which is often) I try and think of the positive way to say it - so instead of no climbing on the table, I say "feet stay on the ground" or "you can climb on the slide", it kind of challenges me to find what they can do instead of focusing on what they can't do. So if they want to climb, I try and give them something appropriate to climb on. Or they are throwing, I show them how to gently place the items somewhere, or I give them soft balls to throw. I am NOT perfect at this, but I have honestly found that I dont get as frustrated because I am being more positive. And, my two both respond much better to positive statements, and 80% of the time they will actually do what I am asking!!!
Yep, just like Isis stated.. try not to use No unless it is really called for. If they are climbing for example, say "Feet on the floor please." It does work and you come off as nicer! Good luck. It isn't the easiest! Tell them what they should be doing vs what they are doing wrong.
i agree that keeping 'no' to a minimum helps keep it more effective. my parenting class teacher says to use it only in safety issues. i also fear hearing it back to me so i try not to say it too much--as an elementary school teacher i learned how to state things more positively (like pp's have said) so that's what i do w/my boys. but we all gotta do what works for us! gl, jl
When I tell them no and they stop what they are doing, I always follow it up with a "thank you" or "good job" and then I redirect them to something else. The "no" is in a firm voice and everything I say after that is in a positive voice.
Mine think it's hilarious when I say no. DS thinks that no actually means "Yes, please, go ahead & continue with what you were doing!"
I am getting, "Mommy, no no. No, Mommy." She also puts up her hand and does this head waggle, I swear to God.
"No" has been pretty ineffective at our house, but I heard my little one saying "STOP" the other day and I realized that she knows what that means. Now, when I catch myself saying "no", I switch to "stop!" and it seems to sink in. This might be working just because it is new and it may go by the way of "no" soon, but for now I'm sticking with it!
