I am so tired of people commenting on feeding my boys! Its like whenever they cry I get "oh, are you hungry?" "Is it time for dinner?" "Yiu want mommy to feed you?" Tonight my aunt came over and the boys were having their 8 pm meltdowns, and she could not believe I "made" them wait to eat. They had just finished! I know my boys and their routines. so there is no need for comment from the peanut gallery! What do you say to this? How do you cope with the "no, I'm not starving my boys!" I've already ended up at the doc with nipples so sore they thought I was infected. Then said nope just very used. Duh!!
I heard this a lot, too, when nursing all 3 of my boys. I think it is just based on: 1) newborns eat frequently (breastfed ones, even more frequently), 2) people get anxious when holding a crying newborn and sometimes look for a reason to "pass him/her off" to mommy, 3) it is hard to tell what a newborn is crying about and nursing is almost always a quick fix! I know I often said, "No, I just finished feeding him/them, maybe he needs a change of scenery/has a tummy ache/wants to be held differently, etc." That said, I probably nursed them all quite frequently as newborns because it almost always calmed the crying spells, so people probably had reason to ask me, "Is he hungry?"
It is trying dealing with unwanted advice. Unfortunately you will likely get all sorts of people (sometimes even strangers!) telling you how they think you should raise your children. I would recommend that you just smile and nod and continue doing things as you see fit. In the specific case of your aunt, you might thank her for her concern but assure her that you know your children's habits and routines best and feel comfortable following your chosen course of action. She will soon see that her worry was misplaced and hopefully stop second guessing your instincts. I hope you will not have to put up with too much interference but it has been my experience that family members usually offer their opinions about childrearing with the best of intentions. I know it can be exasperating but they are only trying to help. Just be as polite as you can but nonetheless firm in your response to such comments.
That used to drive me bonkers too... no one knows your kids better than you, and new moms don't need the added pressure of answering to people who know it all. I said a lot of the same things as Jori; I would often pass off one of the twins and ask whoever to walk them around, change their diaper.. whatever it took. It's hard not to feel like a milk cow in those early days as people are always shoving babies at you telling you to feed, feed, feed! The best solution for me was to just vacate the room whenever people came over. I'd use any excuse to go have a shower, get some dishes done, read a book for 10 minutes, disappear on the internet. Miraculously, when people have to deal with the crying, they find a way to soothe them without feeding them. As for the sore nipples, see if you can get help from a lactation consultant or ask your doctor about the possibility of a yeast infection. People always kept telling me that bf'ing shouldn't hurt.. and I struggled through a lot of months of pain until I got a magic cream that got rid of yeast and helped my sore, cracked nipples heal. A lactation consultant can also help you position the babies better to get a better latch. It's a small miracle when you can breastfeed without pain!
I didn't breastfeed so I don't know how that works in regards to knowing that the babies are hungry with pain in the breast or anything like that but...we were given a strict every 4 hours feeding schedule when we left PICU and were told to feed them at 4 hour intervals with little wiggle room. When we brought them home my MIL would always say "Can't we just feed them, they are hungry. You are starving them" for every little whimper or cry that they made. It used to bother me but I would just remind her that they are fine, they just ate and this is the schedule their doctors (who specialize in this area) gave them. Eventually it went away and she stopped saying that but it took a few weeks. Good luck! I know it sucks but being overly polite about it usually is the best way out.
My mil was the same way! I bf the boys every 1.5 to 2.25 hours in the beginning, but that still wasn't enough. She wanted me to feed them if they'd not been eating for 10 minutes. After a week or so she figured out that babies do cry for more reasons than hunger.
That comment really annoyed me when my kids were little. The other comment that used to drive me crazy was when people would "accuse" my kids of pooping! As in, "oh, are you making a present in your pants?" I don't know why, but that drove me batty!
Right now at 8 months, it's driving me nuts when people tell me they're NOT hungry!! They eat lots of solids these days. But when we're out, or other people than me are feeding them, they just take longer - distracted, looking around, harder to get their attention. We were at my FIL's the other day and I got their food ready. He jumped in to feed them, managed to get three bitty little spoonfuls into each of them and then pronounced them not hungry and wouldn't let me jump in to get them to eat more. They each it 4 ounces at meals at home!! Needless to say, they were CRANKY that night. Eugh.
i was always on the opposite side, always thinking they were hungry whenever they made the slightest peep. :laughing: i think ultimately the issue is that no one likes being told they don't understand their children's needs, regardless of which side of the feeding issue you stand on. it's not really that it's annoying when people tell you they're hungry or not. it's that we bristle at the idea that someone would tell us that they're reading our babies' signals better than we are.
good luck!!! keep up the good work. bf'ing the first 6 weeks is the hardest, after that hopefully it all syncs in and it'll be easy peasy! as for feeding, we did about 2 hr feedings and by 5 or 6 wks with swaddling at every nap and bedtime they started missing their 2a feeding! by 8 wks they were sleeping almost 8hrs a night. swaddling was the key. but those hours from about 6p to 9p were HORRIBLE!! lots of fussy for us!!! you'll get through it!!!
You said it. That's it exactly. My FIL is constantly telling me that they are hungry. It makes me crazy and anxious anytime that I know we're going to see him which is usually twice a week. I always want to ask if he thinks that I'm a horrible mother since he feels that he needs to tell me that they need to eat all the time. And he also does the "I told you so" on the few times that they were hungry. ARRGGHH! :headbang: And we had the 6:00 meltdown... so glad that is over.
