No one else could handle them all

We don't have any help from family and after 5 months of going it alone we are exhausted. We went out one night a few months back (after our 19.5 mo went to bed) leaving only the twins with the sitter and it was a disaster, we came home to our happier baby crying hysterically (voice hoarse) on the floor while the sitter held and comforted his needier sister. This made me feel horrible. Add our 19.5 mo into the mix and even though after 5 months I am definitely feeling the need to get away a bit to re-charge my drained batteries the one thing that keeps me from doing it is the feeling that no one else can handle them all, I have a hard time and I've had 5 months practice...am I alone in feeling this way? Should I just suck it up even though I know they will all be miserable and get the time away I need? I won't be able to enjoy it wondering the whole time how they are doing and if all 3 are ok and content.

I feel like my 19.5 mo will be scared cuz she is painfully shy and it breaks my heart to think of leaving her in a situation like that. My baby girl will either be left in her crib/put down somewhere cuz she is soo needy and the sitter won't be able to deal with her or they will have to appease her and that will leave my baby boy upset from no one being able to tend to him. Please tell me I am not the only one who holds off on help (ie time away) because you feel no one else can handle all the kids. If so what did/do you do?

 

The only person who can handle them both is my mom. Even DH can't. So I hzve to plan ahead for when my mom can fly in.

What about finding a sitter and having him/her come in for training before you leave them alone with kids. If you pay for this training, I'm sure a sitter will agree to this. And then you can determine if you are comfortable with the sitter also.

 

A;so look for a sitter who has experience with twins -- she'll already know more of the "tricks" to keeping two happy.

 

Another idea is hiring TWO sitters! Good luck!!

 

I also am scared of leaving my girls with someone. I can barely handle them myself, what would a clueless sitter do?? They are 7months old now, and have never been away from me! That said, I would definitely consider getting 2 sitters and assigning each a baby. I would also bring them in once or twice while you're home and just have them hang out with the babies while you do some housework or cook or something...that would make everyone more comfortable I think!

Good Luck!

 

We left 3 people in charge of all 3 kids. I think the man on man approach is best for sitters.

 

I've only ever left them with my parents. I don't even leave my husband for more than a couple of hours and usually when they are napping. I do think it's important for you to find a way to make it work because I think a break will make you feel much more recharged. I think the two sitters idea is great. A great way to find sitters if you need more is to call a local church and ask the pastor if there are any girls he could recommend. It is a tough job. My parents raised four kids and even they have been totally wiped out at the end of the very few evenings they have watched them for us. I go back to work in two weeks and my parents are planning to watch them for me, but I am really worried it's going to be to overwhelming for them.

 

Yup, for a long time I only left them alone with multiple sitters. I eventually found a few persons who could handle both, but they are few and far between the first few months.
But it's worth it! You need that time out!
I even had to hire two college students for the one night a weeks I slept from 12-5 am. They wouldn't come alone!

 

I agree with two sitters!
This is the only way I went out the in the first year unless my mom was able to watch them because she knew how I ran things. With two sitters I always knew that everyone was getting looked after.

 

I don't have 3... but IMHO here's what I'd do (if DH & I ever happen to be working again).

Saturdays.

I believe you need something to look forward to, hold on to.

So,

1st Saturday of the month: DH goes out for the day. Does things independently/for himself. Or you take kids out for the day (at least 7 hours) so he has house to himself to relax sans kids.

2nd Saturday of the month: you go out. Leave kids with DH. He'll take care of them- just probably not like you would.

3rd Saturday of the month: errands & 'heavy' cleaning. If you both take a crack at it, stuff like cleaning the microwave/ washing spring clothes/ getting Valentine's Day presents will be taken care of.

4th Saturday of the month: You split up the day & spend it with your older child- just you and her.


I think it would give some hope to have a day to look forward to.

PS- I BF, (& don't pump) so a girlfriend and I go out once a month for the whole day. I feed them, leave. Come back when I know it's time to feed them again, feed, leave. Today was my day and it's as much for my DH as it is for me. He volunteers, goes to class twice a week & occasionally does fun things like go to an NBA game. Well, today's my day and it keeps him sharp to take care of them all day.

As to the babysitters- they are not in our financial forcast right now, but when they are, I know a 15 year old that can do it. (Way better than my parents, oddly...) We have no family close anyway, but this girl has 2 little sisters and is very responsible. Try to find someone unflappable- you don't want people who are going to crack easily under the pressure.

 

We typically have family in town once a month or so and use that time for a date night or we call our babysitter when we need a dinner or movie just the two of us and there's no family in town. But the catch is we only go after the babies are asleep; we put them to bed ourselves. For us that means leaving the house around 7pm. I had our babysitter come over one time before she first started babysitting for us to hang out with me and the babies for a couple of hours and get the layout of their room, where we keep stuff, etc. Even through my mom is great with the kids and our babysitter is a twin and has two sets of twin siblings, anytime someone other than DH or myself put the babies to bed, they wake up in the middle of the night or very early the next day. So this is our "best of both worlds." Find someone you really trust and go after they go to sleep or find two sitters with twin experience or at least a lot of infant experience. I'm not one for leaving my children that often, but it's worth an hour or two out of the house and the sooner you do it then sooner everyone gets used to it. GL!

 

I very much felt the same way!! However I belong to a Mother of Multiples group and I kept hearing these great things about one of the nannies. She happened to live near me so I called her. She was the first person (besides family) that has ever watched the kids. She was a full time nanny for triplets from the time the mom was pregnant with them until they went to pre-school at 3 years old. Before that she had nannied for two different sets of twins for 3 and 4 years. I knew she could handle multiples.
So I asked if she did any babysitting and she really hadn't but was up for it. We had her over a couple times just to come and play with the kids and get to know them. She was WONDERFUL with them and I trust her completely!
Maybe go through your local twins group or find a multiples group. GL!! It's so hard to find someone you trust with your babies!

 

Maybe something like mothers day out? Where if they need more people they can bring them in

 

I only leave my babies if there's more than one person. Usually couples in our family. We'll let my brother-in-law and his wife watch them, or either of the grandparents, but it has to be two people. As they get older, I'm sure it will get easier, but for now, this is how we have to do it.

 

Thanks everyone, such good ideas! I was thinking 2 sitters but DH said it wasn't worth it then. I don't care how much it costs its worth it to me haha! The one time we did go out I got a lady that nannies for other twins (came recommended by a lady from our twins club who has 2 year olds) but she wasn't as adept with handling newborn/infant twins I guess. I haven't actually been to the twin group meetings yet cuz I had no way to get my 3 non-walking kids out of the van all at once and into the building safely haha but now I should be able to go with my new stroller. Thanks everyone at least I'm not alone in wanting more than 1 person :blush: I guess I should just suck it up and give all the ideas a try and just see what works.

 

no additional advice just want to say I relate. It is so hard. especially if (as I think I recall) you are breastfeeding in any way b/c that adds an additional component to consider. I finally enrolled my older DD in day care 2 full days a week and the boys in a day care at the same place for 2 half days b/c I was feeling so burned out. It HAS helped but very similar to you at 5 months I feel more stretched thin then I ever have in my life. It is a challenge I just have to tell myself will improve with time. It is always such a comfort to come on this website and find family constillations such as ours--or w/even more kids(!)--to remember that others are doing it too and get through it despite the struggles...

 

Yes we are still (mostly) breastfeeding. My DD goes to her DCP one day a week (although there have been 4 weeks since christmas that she was closed or on vacation which could be why I am having such a hard time lately), we are going to up it to 2 days a week and see if that helps me. DH suggested we put her back in FT but honestly (its not that I don't love my twins) she is the sunshine in my day with her cute little words she's learning and her giggles and funny antics where the twins don't do this yet, I think I might be more unhappy/depressed/lonely with her gone every day so maybe 2 days will be a good compromise.

Funny that you mentioned having your twins in daycare 1/2 a day cuz I've been offered that option and while I desperately want the time to recharge the thought of them in an actual daycare so young scares me, especially with H1N1 this year and worrying that they won't get enough attention and that they'll end up just laying in a crib crying the whole time. Am I the only crazy one who would hold back on that because I'm too worried about the kids? Man I'm such a freak hahahahaha!!!

I am so sorry you're feeling this way too. :hug:

And YES I could NOT make it without TS seriously!!!! I am so thankful for everyone on here every single day. Facing all of these issues that singleton parents don't understand or have to deal with makes me withdraw and feel even more lonely so I am truly thankful for TS or else I'd be even more of a hermit heehee. :give_rose: THANKS LADIES!!!!

 

I can also say I relate. I have a total of 5 kiddos and the 3 singletons I don't worry about it. It's the twins I feel bad about leaving with anybody. I will be attempting it on Saturday night though. We are going to a Valentines dance and my sister and aunt have volunteered to watch them. I will probably worry the whole time about them and if they are handling it okay.