Nightmares

Meara is going thru a phase right now where she gets scared by seemingly harmless things. A picture in a book (pants without a body in it totally freaked her out), things she's seen on TV (Max from "Max & Ruby" wore a mask and I thought she was going to just lose her little mind).

These day time fears have turned night time into a nightmare for us and her (and poor Ana who shares a room with her). She doesn't want us to close her door anymore, which is fine. But now she also wants me to sit in her room until she falls asleep. She almost always falls asleep quickly so I don't mind doing this (well I don't mind *too* much, but if I had my choice I wouldn't). Because she is actually afraid and screams like she is terrified, I don't want to just let her CIO.

Oh and she is waking up in the middle of the night a couple of times a week too. DH and I finally just bit the bullet, set up a pnp in our room, and put her in there. We figured if she continued to scream at least Ana would get some sleep. But instead she usually falls right back to sleep in the pnp as opposed to if we try to soothe her in her room.

At our 2 year wbv yesterday (yes 2 months late!), the pedi gave us a hand out on nightmares in toddlers and preschoolers. It said to take out books from the library about nightmares, but to make sure the book itself isn't scary and to talk to her about her fears during the day. We do talk to her about her feelings when she is scared and try to help her work thru the feelings, but haven't gone to the library to get the recommended books yet.

The handout also said we shouldn't bring her into our room because this is rewarding the behavior. The thing is she isn't being manupulative. I can tell the difference between an "I want attention because I want it" cry and the inconsolable screaming of a terrified 2 year old.

So now that I've written a novel about this, how do you guys deal with toddler/preschooler fears during the day and at night? Any good book rec's? Thanks!

 

Oh my gosh Leighann, poor little girl!! :hug: Lauren had the nightmares for a while, and it was SO sad to hear her upset. I don't know that I have enough to offer, since we never got to this level. I did the same as you...talked to her a bit about what was scaring her during the day. I did notice that her nightmares came between the same hours every single night. I tried to let her go back to sleep on her own, but if it was very loud or very anxious, I would just go in, rub her face until she was calm, tell her I was there and I loved her and that it was still bedtime. Most often she would roll over and go back to sleep.

I know what you mean by it being a terrified cry vs. a manipulative cry. Maybe once you have read some books and feel you have a good handle on it, you can start talking to her about moving back into her room. You do what you need to do right now. :hug:

 

Thanks Michelle. I'm sorry to bump this back up, but I just wanted to see if anyone else had any ideas for me. Its getting ridiculous and the book the pedi recommended to read to her totally freaked her out (Bedtime for Frances- I remember this book from my childhood, but didn't remember that the daddy threatened to spank her if she didn't go back to bed!!! I skipped that part when reading it though).

I slept on their floor last night because I want her to stay in her bed. She actually fell asleep which was good, but I did too and am SO stiff this morning after sleeping on the cold hard wood floor.

/*WARNING desperate pleading- So if anyone has any suggestions on how to explain to a 2 year old that there are no monsters, nightmares aren't real, and mommy and daddy need to SLEEP please PLEASE reply. /*desperate pleading over.

 

Leighann, I haven't dealt with this yet (and hopefully won't!), but a friend of mine has a daughter who had terrible nightmares and fear of going to bed when she was two or three. The solution they finally worked out was to get 'monster repellent' and spray it all around the room before bedtime. I think she used some sort of non toxic air freshener. They did other things too - I seem to recall a special night light that would turn purple if there was a monster nearby (which of course, would never happen since it was a typical nightlight), and a new stuffed animal that would stay awake all night and could ward off "the bad guys". They even tucked the stuffed animal into bed every morning so it could sleep all day since it was up all night keeping watch.

I remember laughing and thinking my friend was nuts for playing into her daughter's fears rather than trying to reason with her, but apparently it worked. Within days everyone was sleeping better and Anna stopped worrying so much about monsters and other things. It was almost like the fact that her parents validated her fears and told her there was a way to keep her safe, she didn't need to stress so much and she could sleep again knowing that her parents had taken all of the correct steps to protect her. I remember my friend saying that that she just couldn't convince her daughter that there were no monsters so she decided to go the opposite route and tell Anna that no matter what the nightmare was about, she was protected.

I have no idea if this would work for your Meara, but figured I'd throw it out there just in case.

Tricia

 

QUOTE(idril @ Jun 10 2009, 11:15 AM) [snapback]1348682[/snapback]
Leighann, I haven't dealt with this yet (and hopefully won't!), but a friend of mine has a daughter who had terrible nightmares and fear of going to bed when she was two or three. The solution they finally worked out was to get 'monster repellent' and spray it all around the room before bedtime. I think she used some sort of non toxic air freshener. They did other things too - I seem to recall a special night light that would turn purple if there was a monster nearby (which of course, would never happen since it was a typical nightlight), and a new stuffed animal that would stay awake all night and could ward off "the bad guys". They even tucked the stuffed animal into bed every morning so it could sleep all day since it was up all night keeping watch.

I remember laughing and thinking my friend was nuts for playing into her daughter's fears rather than trying to reason with her, but apparently it worked. Within days everyone was sleeping better and Anna stopped worrying so much about monsters and other things. It was almost like the fact that her parents validated her fears and told her there was a way to keep her safe, she didn't need to stress so much and she could sleep again knowing that her parents had taken all of the correct steps to protect her. I remember my friend saying that that she just couldn't convince her daughter that there were no monsters so she decided to go the opposite route and tell Anna that no matter what the nightmare was about, she was protected.

I have no idea if this would work for your Meara, but figured I'd throw it out there just in case.

Tricia


This is kind of what DH did to help Alana through that phase. We bought a nightlight and every night before bed for about a week, DH would open the closet door and growl like a bear to scare all the monsters away. It didn't take long. But I have read that at this age, the fears are very real to them and letting them know that their feelings are valid is the starting point of helping them overcome the fear.

 

My katy had a lot of nightmares starting around 2yo through probably 3.5 yo. She is finally seeming to have less nightmares. By a lot, I mean at least 3 or 4 nights a week, she'd wake crying and screaming. I would often end up sleeping with her in her bed because of the nightmares. I didn't mind, as she was genuinely scared. I ended up getting her and her sister dream catchers. I found some really pretty, girly ones on etsy.com. I explained to her that the dream catcher would catch her bad dreams before they got to her. We also talked about her bad dreams and I would continually explain how they were not real. In the end, I think age has helped the most. She still will wake several times a month with a bad dream, but is able to quickly go back to sleep because she knows they aren't real.

 

If you're not religious, just ignore my suggestion.

I've had a couple of children who had horrid nightmares. What really helped both of them was to pray about it. When we knelt down to say prayers at night, we would specifically pray that they would not have a nightmare and could have happy dreams. This made a huge difference for both Sage and Adam. They were both about 2 1/2 when the nightmares started, so a little bit older than your DD. They still occasionally had/have them, and I go in and snuggle with them until they calm down. If they'll wake up enough and want to, I'll pray with them and sing to them. My worst memories of nightmares as a child were of waking up and going back to sleep only to have the nightmare continue. So I really try to help them NOT have that happen. If it took bringing them to bed with me, I would totally do it. Dr's can give excellent advice, but as the Mom you obviously know the difference in her cries and when it would be warranted. Trust your instincts.

 

QUOTE(idril @ Jun 10 2009, 03:15 PM) [snapback]1348682[/snapback]
Leighann, I haven't dealt with this yet (and hopefully won't!), but a friend of mine has a daughter who had terrible nightmares and fear of going to bed when she was two or three. The solution they finally worked out was to get 'monster repellent' and spray it all around the room before bedtime. I think she used some sort of non toxic air freshener. They did other things too - I seem to recall a special night light that would turn purple if there was a monster nearby (which of course, would never happen since it was a typical nightlight), and a new stuffed animal that would stay awake all night and could ward off "the bad guys". They even tucked the stuffed animal into bed every morning so it could sleep all day since it was up all night keeping watch.

I remember laughing and thinking my friend was nuts for playing into her daughter's fears rather than trying to reason with her, but apparently it worked. Within days everyone was sleeping better and Anna stopped worrying so much about monsters and other things. It was almost like the fact that her parents validated her fears and told her there was a way to keep her safe, she didn't need to stress so much and she could sleep again knowing that her parents had taken all of the correct steps to protect her. I remember my friend saying that that she just couldn't convince her daughter that there were no monsters so she decided to go the opposite route and tell Anna that no matter what the nightmare was about, she was protected.

I have no idea if this would work for your Meara, but figured I'd throw it out there just in case.

Tricia


I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I think these are fantastic ideas...anything to help your daughter feel protected, without you having to come in and rescue her.