Newborns sleeping in the bed - what are your thoughts?

Hi everyone,

We just had ID boys about 2 1/2 weeks ago, so I'm new to the 1st year board. We had great intentions of sleeping the boys in a co-sleeper next to our bed and slowly moving them to their cribs after the first several months or so. However, they just will NOT sleep in the co-sleeper and it seems we've tried everything!

I'm breastfeeding them about 90% right now, and last night after feeding we just kept them in the bed with us. It was the best night's sleep we've had since bringing them home, but I feel like we caved in.

I was pretty determined NOT to have them in the bed with us, thinking that it's kind of a crutch and would be a hard habit for them to break later on. What are your thoughts on newborns in the bed for the first couple of months until they start to sleep a little better by themselves?

 

Hi everyone,

We just had ID boys about 2 1/2 weeks ago, so I'm new to the 1st year board. We had great intentions of sleeping the boys in a co-sleeper next to our bed and slowly moving them to their cribs after the first several months or so. However, they just will NOT sleep in the co-sleeper and it seems we've tried everything!

I'm breastfeeding them about 90% right now, and last night after feeding we just kept them in the bed with us. It was the best night's sleep we've had since bringing them home, but I feel like we caved in.

I was pretty determined NOT to have them in the bed with us, thinking that it's kind of a crutch and would be a hard habit for them to break later on. What are your thoughts on newborns in the bed for the first couple of months until they start to sleep a little better by themselves?

 

Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea. Something could happen. God forbid, if anything happened, it could be distastrous for the tiny newborn. I know it's really hard right now with the nursing and lack of sleep, but it is much safer to put them back in the cosleeper.

Do you have any ideas why they don't like the cosleeper? When my girls were newborns, they slept in a cosleeper. We figured out that they liked to sleep on their sides, so we used side positioners. They also liked their heads elevated so we put a wedge under the mattress. We also swaddled them.

HTH!

 

I breastfeed both babies and find one baby tends to end up in our bed at night, the other, for the most part, sleeps in the co-sleeper. Our daughter, the one who spends most of the night in our bed, tends to wake up when she is placed in the co-sleeper, after I nurse her. I try not to get too stressed about it at this point. We try to place them in their co-sleeper as soon as we prep them for bed. Sometimes, it doesn't happen as one or both of them are not ready for bed and just want to nurse for a while. We just keep at it hoping the next night will be better. OH, I agree, sometimes we all sleep better when my husband and I are sleeping with one or both of them- the babies tend to sleep longer next to us. We just keep trying to get the babies used to the co-sleeper and are successful some nights and not others. Try not to think of it as "caving in" every one is still trying to get adjusted. I wish you the best! AND congratulations on your little ones!

 

Kristie,

We can't figure out why they dislike it so much--it seemed like such a great compromise to have them in the room, but not in the bed.

It's funny actually, we've tried exactly what you suggested (swaddled, side-lying with a wedge). They almost get there, but just won't get into a deep sleep. It's like they just can't get comfortable in there.

 

I'd do a little research and then make an "educated" decision. Of course, there is no right decision for everyone just for you and your family. I know that the American Assoc of Pedicatricians does not support co-sleeping but I'm not sure they could ever support co-sleeping since they have to be mainstream and not get into legal trouble. Dr. Sears and company do support co-sleeping if you want to read some fo his web page or books.

There are many pros and cons. I think the whole fear of hurting your baby thing can be solved by co-sleeping safely (no drugs or alcohol, only mom in the bed, the bed shoved up next to a wall, and very light bedding).

Where else to turn for info?? Maybe a attachment parenting groupin your area? They are supporters of co-sleeping but it is certianly not a requirement. Keep asking around and above all do what works for your family and helps you through this tough time of little sleep.

Merijo

 

Aww, I know this is hard for you. It sounds like they like the warmth and being close to you. What are they wearing at night? Do they need to be warmer? When my girls were newborns, they liked to be kept covered and bundled up. Nowadays, they are wearing sleepers and sleep sacks to keep them warm at night, and when they were newborns they wore hats too.

What bedding do you have in the cosleeper? The cosleeper mattress is really hard, so I put a quilted multiuse pad underneath, and instead of using the cosleeper sheet, I use the Gerber quilted pack n play sheets, which makes it more comfortable without making it too soft.

Have you tried pacifiers? White noise machines? We used to put a few drops of mylicon on a paci, and that quieted them down right away. We also used a womb sounds bear that turned on automatically which helped a lot.

The good thing is that the babies are just 2.5 weeks old, so it's early for them to have developed hardfast preferences. I think if you keep putting them into the cosleeper and lie next to them in the bed facing them so they can see you and know you're there, they'll get used to sleeping in there.

 

I would definitely not do it, for the reasons you mentioned plus the issue of safety. When our twins first came home, we would do it on occasion. One night my husband woke me because I had rolled over and I was sleeping on top of Kaya!!! That scared the crap out of me. Luckily, she was OK.

I would try just putting them in their own room in separate cribs. When they sleep in the room with you, they don't learn to self-soothe as well because you can respond too quickly. Usually, in those few seconds you go from your room to theirs, you'll be shocked how often they fall back asleep. Much of this is just a baby transitioning through sleep cycles, and it is actually very bad to pick them up then because they will ALWAYS wake when they transition.

Our first wouldn't sleep at all unless you held her (also a preemie), and the only thing that helped was a positioner that vibrated. They also make bassinettes that vibrate. You can also try a swing to get them to sleep, then move them into the crib.

 

All of my kids have ending up co-sleeping with DH and I for some period of time when they were newborns.

We had the best intentions of keeping them in a bassinet so they'd be used to sleeping on their own - but sometimes a goods nights sleep sounds so much better.

In my experience, we've never had trouble transitioning our kids to their cribs when we were ready (about 4 months). They didn't spend the whole 4 months with us - probably the first month or so when I was getting the hang of nursing.

We've already fallen into the same routine with our latest arrivals. One thing to keep in mind since you mentioned you were breastfeeding - sleeping with you will probably cause them to sleep longer so you'll miss some feedings and your supply could be affected.

Congratulations on your babies and good luck!

 

Oh, and get a sound machine or a loud fan. Play it every time you put them to bed. It will take a little bit, but they will start associating that sound with sleeping. Also get a cribside toy (my babies just love the turtle one) and put it on when putting babies in their cribs (get one for each crib). That helps tremendously during that time when they need to settle into sleep.

 

JMO, I have never done it and never will for fear of something happening in bed that I would never forgive myself for. In that sleep deprived state of taking care of newborn twins, I don't know if I'd know if I rolled over on something or pulled covers over someone. You just never know. Do some research and do what's best for you. It was just something I wasn't willing to risk for my family.

 

Well, ours lasted half of one night in their crib before moving to our bed, where they've remained ever since. Since I never thought I'd be co-sleeping, this was a bit of a surprise, but we've found that everyone sleeps better this way--seems to have been the right decision for us. We envision moving them to their crib at 3 months.

I spoke to our pediatrician at length, because I had the same initial concerns as pp. However, my ped assured me that having them in the bed was not a problem as long as neither of us was drinkning, the bed was big enough, we didn't have a pillow top mattress (too soft), and that we were careful to keep blankets away from them. Our doc and other resources I read pointed out that family bed is actually the norm in most other cultures, fwiw.

I know this tends to be a controversial issue, but just wanted to offer my experience. Good luck!

 

Before we had the girls I was not even going to have them sleeping in our bedroom - then we got home and reality hit. We started them every night in a pack-n-play next to the bed but they always ended up in the bed with us at some point. As time went on Emma came in less and less while Mia continued. The day after their 3 month b-day we moved them into the crib in their room. They have not come in the bed with us since. They also sleep 10 hours every night.

I spoke to our Ped about brining them in bed with us. Her response was that we could not really create any bad habits until about 3 months (hence them moving to their own room). She let us know that we should be careful but if that was what we wanted to do she saw nothing wrong with it.

You should do what you feel comfortable with.

 

well, i know there are people who have done it and have had no problems. however...there was recently a story in the news here (NY) a couple of months ago about a father who accidently rolled over onto his 4 day old son while they were all sleeping in the same bed and sadly, the son suffocated to death as the father had no idea that he was even laying on his newborn son. Just picture that little tiny baby gasping for his last breaths only to lose the battle of his tiny new life and think if it's worth it to even take the slightest chance. Please, I know how hard it is and how tired you all are but the most important thing is to make sure they are as safe as possible. There are always other ways to get your kids to sleep. Try putting them in the car seats by your bed. Try putting them in swings in your room if you can. What about a bassinet or a pack and play?? What about bouncy seats? There must be some other things you can try. The issue shouldn't be about habits to break but how to keep them safe. Habits will always be an issue and you will deal with them when they come. I just don't think it's worth taking the chance.

 

I wouldn't worry about it being a crutch (everything is a crutch at this age -- our slept in bouncy seats till 4 months and are no worse for it). However, I do worry that it is dangerous. If you really want to co-sleep, please please read up on the best way to do it safely, and be vigilant about it. As a PP suggested, Dr. Sears and/or an AP group in your area are both good resources.

 

Thanks for everyone's advice!

We're definitely worried about their safety. Sorry if I gave the impression that we hadn't considered this. It was actually my #1 concern, more so than creating bad habits. We're going to try a few more things to make the co-sleeper more comfortable.

 

We co-slept for the first few months as we had the same issue with the co-sleeper as you - they hated it. We took all the safety precautions, and it worked out fine (plus I loved cuddling with them ). We did not have any issues transitioning them to their cribs either. I started with naps at 12 weeks, and by 4 months, in their cribs for nightime as well.

If you would prefer to use the co-sleeper - here is the best thing grandma did and I wish we had thought of it sooner. Go to a fabric store and have them cut a piece of 1 or 2" foam to the size of the co-sleeper. Put that down over the board they lay on and the sheet over that and you will be amazed - at least we were. This totally did the trick for ours as grandma was watching them during the day and since we weren't using the co-sleeper, we took it to her house with the Playard for them to nap in. She did this and they loved it! Those bed boards they come with are hard as rocks and ours like to have some cushion (softer mattresses for the cribs as well). Hope that helps and congrats on your new little ones!

Carina

 

We co-slept our two single babies. When I found out we were having twins I said, "They are going to sleep in their crib." That lasted like three nights - then one baby caught a cold and couldn't sleep flat. Thus, I slept with her on the sofa on an angle so she could breath, then, Ellie wouldn't sleep without Allison in the crib with her, so Ellie joined us. Now they both sleep with us.

From what I have read there are pros and cons to both. Go with what works for your family. My philosphy is that if a baby is going to succum to SIDS there really isn't a lot you can do about it (except the "back to sleep" thing). Go with what works for your family and be smart about it (don't drink, use a feather bed matress, don't use lots of blankets, etc)

Angel

 

I still co-sleep my girls(hard mattress against the wall). Mine have been sick so much it was just easier expecially when I was the only one taking care of them. Mine actually slept in there crib for the first 4 months it was after that we started co-sleeping (because of RSV).

 

I always said I'd never co-sleep. I didn't think it was safe and just had no desire to do it. That said, we've done it when they just won't sleep any other way or I've fallen asleep breastfeeding one. It's still not my first choice and I still don't feel like it's the safest option (though you can try to make it as safe as possible). I wouldn't worry about making it a habit right now though. They are too little to develop habits like that. Plus their sleep habits will change a lot over the next couple of months. What works one week they may hate the next.

 

You will not find true stories about roll over deaths that do not involve the parents using drugs or alcohol or severly obsese parents. It's a myth that you will smother your baby(ies). There are many societies all over the world where co-sleeping is the norm. There is evedience that co-sleeping is safer for your babies because SIDs is rare or unheard of in societies where co-sleeping is the norm and highest in societies where co-sleeping is shunned. We coslept for 12 months (in a KING sized bed!) and the girls were excited and happy to move into their own bed. They always slept on top of the covers we were using. It's a godsend for breastfeeding, not only do you not have to get up in the night, I didn't even always wake up! they just fed.

If you decide cosleeping is not for you that's fine. But don't make that decision based on myths. It's a lifestyle issue, not a safety one.

 

I'm not for it at all. Not only is it dangerous for the babies, but you will never get a restful sleep yourself worrying about rolling over on your baby. I think you need to try different things to see what works. Good luck to you.

Gordana

 

I sould not remember the name of this but finally found it. I've heard of others with hard to sleep babies using it - maybe others on here have heard of or tried it? Any opinions??

http://www.ambybaby.com/

It's like a baby hammock!
Merijo

 

I co-slept with my son until he was 7 months. I would put him in his crib and during the night when it came time to nurse him, I just wouldn't put him back. He and I seemed to have a cosmic understanding and on the night I decided that enough was enough, he decided the same thing too and slept through the night. I was a very aware sleeper and never had any fear of rolling on him. I did not sleep under the covers, but rather over them with a polar fleece blanket. My DH is such a heavy sleeper he generally does not even know that I am there in the middle of the night, let alone the babies. So...I kicked him to the spare room until Matthew was out of the bed. When the girls came home, they slept (and still are) in a pack-n-play in my room. I don't feel totally comfortable with both in the bed, but luckily my one daughter sleeps through the night.
You need to know what kind of sleeper you are. If you are aware of your surroundings, you should be fine. I just wouldn't have too much bedding and don't let them sleep on their bellies in your bed. Don't worry about the hard habit to break - these things seem to work themselves out. You don't need to justify co-sleeping to anyone but yourself. Sleep tight!

 

Hi there,

My husband and I co-slept with babies in our bed for 2 months. It was great for the kiddos and great for us. about midway through, we placed the babies in positioners that we bought from Babies-r-us and that helped stop the babies from rolling toward us -- we have a king size latex foam mattress.

We transitioned them to a crib in our room where they remain at 3.5 months old. We will keep them with us until 6 months or so.

Keep in mind that babies have no ability to "prefer" one place or another until 4 months so up until then, you should do what works best for the babies and yourselves. Babies need safety and sleeping with mom and dad has been proven to really help with their transition from womb to world (IMHO and based on some research) so if you're ok with it for a little while, then you're all the better for it.

if you're concerned about safety, defintely read up on co-sleeping. It's recommended not to drink or smoke while co-sleeping, which we do not do, and positioners can really help keep babies in place. Check them out.

Teri D

 

I found once I took my son to bed with us...we never got him out. It took a true miracle to get him to sleep alone so my husband and I could be together...alone. While our twins were in the NICU...we heard several stories from the nurses about mother suffocating their babies while sleeping with them. Some did it while they were still in the hospital postpartum...but more did it after they got home. As I know what lack of sleep feels like as my twins don't sleep...I think the thought of the horrible feeling if I suffocated one of them would feel much worse. Maybe you could get those devices that go between the parents in the bed so they don't get crunched.

Good luck.