Hi, I'm Cindy. Mom to Logan 3-29-96, Lori and Lucas 12-7-99. I haven't posted to any boards in several years. I went back to work when the twins were 4. I also homeschool. DH passed away Dec 23. The oldest understands what happened and as some angry problems that we are talking through. THe twins i don't think really know what has happened yet. Is this something that will come in time or what?
Hi, I'm Cindy. Mom to Logan 3-29-96, Lori and Lucas 12-7-99. I haven't posted to any boards in several years. I went back to work when the twins were 4. I also homeschool. DH passed away Dec 23. The oldest understands what happened and as some angry problems that we are talking through. THe twins i don't think really know what has happened yet. Is this something that will come in time or what?
Hi Cindy, I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. If you don't mind my asking, how did he die? That might have some bearing on how to deal with helping your children to understand. I think it might also be a good idea for you to look for web sites that deal particularly with the loss of spouses and parents. What have you told the twins so far?
Welcome to Twinstuff. My condolences to your family on the passing of your husband. My twin brother and I had just turned 5 when our father passed away, and while I know that the two of us were not allowed to go to his funeral, I do recall talking to our mom and older siblings about his death at the time as well as in ongoing, important, formulative years. Most likely these conversations were done in simplified terms but with the understanding that our father would no longer be around. I'm confused by your comment that your 7-year-old twins don't really know what has happened. Were you no longer married to your husband at the time of his passing and your children have limited contact with your ex and you are now trying to figure out a way to discuss this with them? I'm trying to think of another way that children of that age wouldn't know that a parental figure has passed away. Pardon my question if it appears ignorant as I feel I could offer you some assistance here if I more fully understand your situation and what you're asking for.
We were married 11 years and 4 months when he died. We were just as much in love as when we first meet 14 years ago. I found him early that morning when his alarm was going off. The oldest son called for help. By the time help got there the twins were up too. His death is still pending. His family and I believe that it was his heart. I had just taken him to the er a couple of weeks earlier for swelling in his feet and ankles. THey just gave his some meds and sent him home.
So when you say your 7-year-old twins don't know what happened, do you literally mean they weren't told that their father died or they just don't really comprehend the fact that he has died? If it's only been a couple of weeks, I could see the latter being very typical. I don't remember much about right after my father's death but do remember going to tell one of the first grade teachers (I was in Kindergarten at the time) before the end of the school year that my dad had died so I wouldn't be able to participate in the class where all the students told the other students what their dads did for a living (not sure how or why I knew they did this, but I did, and in my 5-year-old mind it was important to tell the teacher this)
Hi Cindy, welcome to TS. I, too, am very sorry for your loss. My boys are 7 also and in the past year we've lost 3 of my Grandparents so I've got some experience with dealing with kids and losing a loved one. With my Grandpa, the boys saw him on a very regular basis as he and my Grandma live(d) with my Mom & step-dad (who watched the boys all the time for me). When I went to the funeral, I had to take them with me so they have been to two funerals this past year (we couldn't go to one funeral). We just explained to them that they were sick and very old and that now they are in Heaven with Jesus and that they watch over us. One of my Mom's cousins is a pastor and he sat down and spoke with them also and answered any questions that they had about death, religion, and God. I noticed that you said that you work and are homeschooling...I bet that doesn't leave you with much other time or do you have a tutor that homeschools? Just curious about it, I do not have the patience to homeschool my boys AT ALL! LOL
