New to this board - need a boost of confidence

Hi there - my girls are 5 weeks and it has been the hardest 5 weeks of my life. I love them so much (these are our first) but I was not expecting how hard this is. I have two questions.

Question 1: Two or three times a day my girls want me at the same time and both scream bloody murder. I break down in tears with them because I cannot hold them both to their satisfaction and I do my best to feed but usually one gets the bottle while I breastfeed the other. One is very colicky so I feel terrible that I just cannot hold her all day. How do you manage through the crying when they are so young and helpless? One gets so upset I swear it sounds like she can't breath. We can't afford to hire help and are relying on some intermittent help from friends - even 1 hour helps but most days I am alone all day. I would love to hear some words of encouragement that this will get better. Does anyone have any stories to share from those early days? My husband does his best to get home from a stressful job, but very often I am alone from 9 am - 9 pm and it is difficult.

Question 2: In the past week they have slept longer after the 1:00 a.m. feeding - from 4 - 5.5 hours. Is this okay at this early age? I hate to wake them and the sleep is very nice, I admit. I have been setting an alarm but am so exhausted I keep sleeping through it until they wake up on their own. When I realize it has been longer than 3 hours I feel so guilty.

Thanks for your input. :wacko:

 

You are in the hardest part right now. And the fact that you are handling it alone for that long every day is amazing! I had help the first 6 weeks - my mom and MIL would come a couple days a week, so I was at least able to get some sleep every couple days or so. But it was so hard and so stressful, so much harder than I ever imagined. And my husband was home by 4:00 most days! If you can handle these full days now at this stage, you are superwoman and are doing so much better than you think! Hang in there, I never believed it would get easier. But around 12 weeks or so I started to notice a big difference. I think I learned a lot more by then, understood their temperments a little more, they started sleeping longer stretches, and they were more alert and happy during the day. Each week got easier and easier. But I think I remember the 5-6 week mark being the worst.

As for the crying, you just have to get used to the fact that you won't always be able to comfort them 24/7 and it's ok. I know it is so stressful, and it would get me all worked up all the time. Do they like the swing? We had the Fisher Price soothing motions glider - it rocked back and forth and side to side. My daughter really liked it and many times when she woke up at night and wouldn't go back to sleep, I'd plop her in there and go back to bed.

Can your husband give you a little bit of a break when you get home? Or take over a shift at night for you? The nights just really did me in. I could handle the days ok, but I dreaded the nights. It was like a switch went off - they always knew when my shift was back on and they would not sleep!

As for the longer stretches you're getting at night, it may depend on their weight. If the dr. gives you the ok, then I would have no worries. And I agree, I would be too tempted to sleep through until they woke up too. If they are growing good and you feel they are getting enough ounces during the day, I would definitely enjoy the sleep. But a quick call to your pedi could at least give you some reassurance so you can stop feeling guilty over some much deserved rest!

Good luck, and congratulations on your babies!

 

You definitely are in the hardest part! Especially considering you are on your own so much of the time, and one of your twins has colic! It does get better!! I happen to be having a rough week right now, but overall weeks 7-13 were a lot easier than the first 7. The boys started taking more consistent naps, sleeping longer stretches at night (though their nighttime sleep still leaves much to be desired! ) etc.
The question of whether it's OK to let them sleep depends on their size and weight gain. If they are healthy and growing well, it should be fine--our pedi even told us at 2 weeks that "If he'll sleep 5 hours at a stretch for you at night, take him up on it!!" But double-check with your pedi.
And ditto all the pp's advice.
one suggestion for your baby who wants to be held is to get a sling, Moby wrap or other carrier so you can wear the baby; that's one way to hold one more often. With the Moby wrap, you can also do a twin carry and wear them both at once! I never tried that with my guys, but I've heard of twin moms who thought that worked well when they were little.
Hugs and best of luck! Hang in there!

 

:welcome: to TS first year!!!

QUOTE(5280babies @ Apr 16 2009, 07:39 PM) [snapback]1276889[/snapback]
Question 1: Two or three times a day my girls want me at the same time and both scream bloody murder.
Question 2: In the past week they have slept longer after the 1:00 a.m. feeding - from 4 - 5.5 hours. Is this okay at this early age?


#1: only 2 or 3 times a day?? I think you are lucky!!! Just understand that it's okay if they cry and you do the best you can. That's all you can do.
#2: I think it just depends on how big your babies are and what your doc says. My dd #1 was little (6lbs 5oz) but by 6 weeks was sleeping through the night 11p-6am and went back to sleep after the 6am feeding until 9 am! With the twins they were too small (4lbs 3 oz & 5 lbs) and my doc told me to set my alarm for every 3 hours and not to go longer than that between feedings until they were 7lbs. I'd check with your doc about that.
good luck and congrats on your babies!!!!

 

Hey there!

It's good to see you post over here. :Clap: My boys are also 5 weeks now too so I totally understand how you are feeling. I do have an older child (who was horribly colicky), but these past few weeks have been so excruciatingly hard. So much harder than I remembered. It's the twins thing, the c-section recovery, all of the above, has made it insane.

As bad as it is now, I promise you that you won't remember how unbearable the days feel. It will be a vague recollection that is completely eclipsed by how fun your kids are and what amazing people they will become.

I DO NOT envy the fact that you are alone all day, but I DO envy your little night sleepers. I've got twin mommy friends whose babies slept through the night from 6 weeks, but I know I am not going to be in that camp. Maybe you will be..my fingers are crossed for you.

And you know what? It is so OK for your little ones to cry a bit. They are fine. It will help them to learn that even though they feel upset for a moment, afterward you are still there for them and they are safe.

You are doing great! Hang in there.

 

QUOTE(5280babies @ Apr 16 2009, 07:39 PM) [snapback]1276889[/snapback]
Hi there - my girls are 5 weeks and it has been the hardest 5 weeks of my life. I love them so much (these are our first) but I was not expecting how hard this is. I have two questions.

Question 1: Two or three times a day my girls want me at the same time and both scream bloody murder. I break down in tears with them because I cannot hold them both to their satisfaction and I do my best to feed but usually one gets the bottle while I breastfeed the other. One is very colicky so I feel terrible that I just cannot hold her all day. How do you manage through the crying when they are so young and helpless? One gets so upset I swear it sounds like she can't breath. We can't afford to hire help and are relying on some intermittent help from friends - even 1 hour helps but most days I am alone all day. I would love to hear some words of encouragement that this will get better. Does anyone have any stories to share from those early days? My husband does his best to get home from a stressful job, but very often I am alone from 9 am - 9 pm and it is difficult.

Question 2: In the past week they have slept longer after the 1:00 a.m. feeding - from 4 - 5.5 hours. Is this okay at this early age? I hate to wake them and the sleep is very nice, I admit. I have been setting an alarm but am so exhausted I keep sleeping through it until they wake up on their own. When I realize it has been longer than 3 hours I feel so guilty.

Thanks for your input. :wacko:


I just wanted to point out we have an AWESOME breastfeeding forum here on TS as well. Are you able to Tandem feed? That might help some. Also, do you have anything that you can use to babywear the twins?

If you're breastfeeding on demand I think its fine to follow their clues on feeding. let them sleep

and BTW it does get MUCH MUCH BETTER You just have to get your routine down and remind yourself daily you are doing the best you can! You're also teaching them patience!

 

:welcome: You have come to the most amazing source of support I think you will be able to find! Everyone on this site just GETS it!

Congratulations on the arrival of your twins You've already gotten amazing advice. It is SO challenging when both babies cry at the same time and there's only one of you. My babies are 10-months and this is still difficult for me because you want to do everything you can to comfort both but it's not that simple all the time. What I did then and still do now is take a deep breath and think "who needs me more right now?" and tend to the one who needs me most first (maybe one needs their bottle more) ... I know it's not always that simple but that's what I did and still do now. I am also alone and know the loneliness and stress that comes with two newborns as does everyone on TS. I PROMISE you it gets better. People would tell me that when I was at your stage in the game and I would read their words with tears in my eyes and think WHEN!!! It's so cliche but this time WILL pass and not only will it pass, it will fly by before you know it. Before long you will be sitting there and two little faces will stare at you with the biggest smiles and your heart will melt. It just keeps getting better and better. That said, you do need a break so if you can line up some friends for an hour or two here and there so you can take a nice, warm shower, catch up on sleep, take a walk, DO it for your own sanity. It will refresh you and help you regroup.

As for the feeding, I agree with the suggestion of consulting your pediatrician on this. At that age, I always woke mine to feed until my pediatrican gave me the okay to let them sleep through a feeding until they awoke naturally...

 

Betsy, I feel your pain and know you are in the thick of things right now. :hug: I posted a similar post about my LOs. You are doing a fantastic job and I admire you so much for having the strength to cope alone as it is tough.

As for them sleeping longer at night, I wouldnt worry about it. If they are hungry then they will soon let you know. Enjoy the rest and sleep as you need it. Mine were born at 37 weeks and I used to wake them every 3 hours. I think I stopped doing this after 2 or 3 weeks and never looked back. DS always woke after 3 hours but DD was sleeping 6-7 hour stretches at night by 6 weeks of age and both were gaining weight fine. If you´re concerned, then I´d mention it to your pedi but IMO they would be waking up if they were hungry.

My two were colicky, especially DD. She cried her way through from 5-6 weeks to 6 months and we even thought she had reflux as she was being sick so much. It turns out she was just a gassy baby (we did the tests). This doesnt mean you will have 6 months of this to come, most people say things improve after 6 weeks. As for comforting, I always picked mine up and rocked them and it didn´t backfire. They are too young under 6 months to understand cause & effect. If anything they are more self-assured today. In your shoes, I would do what it takes to get them to sleep. The age yours are now is such a tough one but please know that this phase is going to come to an end. They will soon be interacting with you and you will forget these hard times.

When they cry for your attention, that is normal and it gets more the older they get as they are wiser then! However, I´ve learned that one is always going to cry when Im alone with them and you learn to know their cries and know it´s just because they want to be in mummy´s arms! Crying doesn´t hurt them so its ok to leave them. It´s hard though, I know!

Hang in there momma, you´re doing great! I admire you so much for coping alone as I´ve always had help in the afternoons so I at least get some kind of break. Could you maybe get your ILs or parents to come and stay for a week or 2 to help out?

Take care and KUP!

 

It will get better. you will figure out soon enough how everything is going to work best for you . The first 4 months was upside down for me. I would never want them over. But now it is so much fun..

 

My boy/girl twins are five months old (three months adj.). I remember being in tears trying to tell them that there was only one of me and two of them. It does get better every week, as they get more independent and sleep more. I know most twin moms try to get their babies on the same schedule, but I kept mine on separate schedules so that I could deal with them one at a time. Not sure how little your babies are. Mine came home from the NICU on demand feedings, but not more than four hours between feedings. Also, pediatrician allowed for one five hour stretch (at night) which also helped. Let them sleep as much as possible right now. I always tried to "dream feed" them if they were really zonked out.

I had lots of people offer to help, but were not reliable or dependable. I finally had to basically schedule them. Especially a couple of older neighbor ladies that are retired and semi-retired. I would have them come on Tuesday and Thursday to help for two or three hours. I basically told them, Tuesday is your day. I use the time to have one-on-one time with one baby without feeling stress to care for the other. These were not ladies I was close to, and I was reluctant to ask at first, but finally my stress gave in. Even now, I find that just having someone else around makes me so much more relaxed with the babies. I chose Tuesday and Thursday, because then the days totally by myself were spaced out. Might be a good time to look into having a high school girl come for a few hours. Maybe call your local HS home economics teacher. I know money is tight, but it might be worth your sanity.

I live in Thornton, just off 144th & I-25 and would be glad to come and hang out. Would even be willing to come by once a week for awhile. We have been under house arrest since the babies came home and I am ready to get out more. I also have a friend lives in Denver and her twin girls (Aubrey and Isabella) were born in February 12th so she is about where you are (although she has $$$ for help). We could have a play date for the mommies. My son is just getting a cold, so lets monitor that and make plans in the near future.

Lisa McCullough

 

Welcome to TS and the FY!
You are in the thick of it right now. Hang in there!
Question 1: It's normal to feel guilty if you cannot attend to two crying babies at once. You do the best you can!
Question 2: If your little ones are a good weight then how they are sleeping might be okay. My two had low birthweights so for the first month we had to wake them up every 3 hours to eat. I think once we hit 7lbs, we could feed on demand overnight. That might be something you want to double check with your pedi.

I bow down to you for doing this on your own 12 hours a day. Is there anyone nearby who can help you out and give you a break for an hour or so? :youcandoit: Congrats on those sweet babies!

 

You are doing an amazing job... I can't even imagine if I had been on my own for 12 hrs a day!! I had my mom to help me out for the first 9 weeks and I STILL thought it was too much!! SO you are a super mom... you are really doing great!!

One of ours was colicky too. I swear he cried ALL the time. Turns out he had reflux... we tried zantac with little effect, then prevacid. He was much happier once the prevacid kicked in. He was still very difficult to soothe, but I think in general he felt much better. When they were both crying I tried a few things. (1) I did have a Moby wrap and I put them both in it. (2) put them in the stroller and walk... alot of times, someone would still cry, but I felt better being outside walking! (3) tend to the one who I could help first/ fastest... then get to the other. It is SOOO stressful when one has to cry, but often there was just no way to avoid it. Also, at this age, they really can sleep anywhere and it won't set any bad habits...so if you can get one to settle/sleep in a bouncy chair, or swing or stroller, by all means, do that!

I remember reading back in those days that "it will get better"... but that never made me feel any better and it always seemed so far off. But I promise you... it really will get so much better. I figured our colicky baby would always be a really high needs baby... but it turns out he actually has the more mellow temperament of our two. He has a non-stop smile now and laughs really easily. I never ever would have believed that when he was crying ALL DAY LONG...day after day after day. So hang in there... you are doing great!!

-maria
DS1 4.5
DS2 DS3 8 months old

 

The first few weeks are the hardest !! it gets better .. Sometimes both of my boys scream when they both want my full attention its hard i try to give them both the same ammount !! My dr had told me that the twins couldn't go longer than 5 hrs at night when they were that age but like everybody has said it depends on their weight id check with you dr

 

You ladies amaze the hell out of me... I'm at 33 weeks right now and am reading these posts & getting scared what's to come with having twins... It's a comfort to know that you all have walked those shoes before me!!! I will be sure to re-read these posts when it's my turn to pull my hair out with crying newborns!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! HUGS! You ALL are amazing moms!!!! :bow2: :bow2:

 

Sending lots of hugs. Those first weeks were unbearable. It wasn't the best of times and the worst of times, it was just the worst. I thought I was going crazy, actually was a little bit I had ppd. It does get better and you can't beat yourself up about not being able to sooth both at once. Do you have a swing that you could put a baby in while you soothe the other? Are you swaddling? I also used colic tablets which helped a little. We switched to gentle formula which seemed to reduce the fussing. You will eventually find what works for you. At around 6 weeks mine were very fussy and I basically lived at my Mom's because I needed the help. As for letting them sleep I feel like you need to get sleep to be a good Mommy. If they continue to gain weight it's probably fine. I know I would have let mine sleep, but they were up every two hours. The neonatologist said a four hour stretch is fine. I promise things will get better and start to fall into place.

 

It feels so good to hear from others out there - THANK YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW. Until I had these LOs, I really felt I could handle anything. It helps immensely to read your words. My mom came out for 1 week when we got home so I did get this false sense of stability and when she left it went downhill fast. I am tempted to go home to Illinois for a while with my family but that wouldn't be fair to my husband or our LOs. My MIL was supposed to arrive this week for 2 weeks from Chicago and has salmonella poisoning - she is going to be okay but is most likely not coming as it will take some time to recover. We are both sad (for different reasons!) Anyway, I am practicing with the swing (I have two) and I figure it is better one crying in that than in their bed laying on their back. Sometimes they don't cry in it which is wonderful. These ladies started at 5 lbs and 5.2 lbs and are now both over 8 lbs as of last week so I will consult my pedi on the sleeping, but I'm hoping he'll say go for it as they are great eaters. I accomplish a tandem feed occasionally but my colicky one has to be burped so frequently that it is next to impossible to handle her while feeding the other. On a positive note, their night-time schedule is pretty good and I am definitely more exhausted from the days than the nights...which I never expected. The few times people came by at night after their jobs to help felt more stressful than anything because they either had never dealt with babies or they wanted to chat and catch up with me - rather than let me rest or shower or etc. I must be more assertive. I love the idea of finding a high schooler to come by after school for a couple hours - thank you for that idea!

I will just take a deep breath and keep looking forward. I wonder if I respected mothers (or my mother) as much before as I do now? Definitely not (I had no idea), but now I will look at other parents, and especially those with multiples, and have a whole new understanding and respect for what it takes. Thank you for your hugs, and for those of you that are local, I will be bugging you (thank you for the invitation to reach out.) I have to go now (babies are stirring) but I will admit I got up this morning craving to read your responses and they were just what I needed to get me through this day. I will no doubt reread them every chance I get today and the days to follow. Thank you. :hug:

 

QUOTE(5280babies @ Apr 17 2009, 08:16 AM) [snapback]1277470[/snapback]
I really felt I could handle anything.

See, that's the thing, you CAN! Don't doubt yourself now! You may not "do it" the way you thought you would but you can do it. You will figure out how to get it done and do it! Then when you look back a year form now, the whole thing will be a blur. :laughing:

You are doing a great job, just keep it up!!

 

:youcandoit: Keep up the great work. You got lots of good responses and you are totally in the thick of things right now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there. :hug:

 

QUOTE(5280babies @ Apr 17 2009, 06:16 PM) [snapback]1277470[/snapback]
I am tempted to go home to Illinois for a while with my family but that wouldn't be fair to my husband or our LOs.

...but now I will look at other parents, and especially those with multiples, and have a whole new understanding and respect for what it takes. Thank you for your hugs, and for those of you that are local, I will be bugging you (thank you for the invitation to reach out.) I have to go now (babies are stirring) but I will admit I got up this morning craving to read your responses and they were just what I needed to get me through this day. I will no doubt reread them every chance I get today and the days to follow. Thank you. :hug:


I went to my ILs for 2 months when mine were just 6 weeks old as I was so desperate (I had no help then). They have a country house and are pretty much cut off from the outside world (no phone, internet). I was horribly horribly lonely as DH had to stay where we lived (only 1.5 hours away) as he has his own business to run but we made it work. We saw each other at weekends. It was tough but the right decision. I dont know how far away you live from your parents, but Im sure your DH would understand and you´d get a bit of a break and some much-needed help.

As for your comment about mothers of multiples, I whole-heartedly agree with you!

Come here and post as much as you need and want, that´s what we´re here for! :hug:

 

I agree with pp you are in the hardest part. If you can find a baby sling or pouch that helped me with my DD. I also tandem fed and supplemented with bottle after which helped. I used two boppies to feed both bottle after BF. My ped said to only let them go one 5 hour stretch at night an dmine were 5.5 and 4.12. I also took them out for walks in their carseat stroller which seemed to help them when they were fussy. I also remember rocking and rocking and rocking and walking around and around the house with both.

It will get easier!!!!

 

I just wanted to send you :hug: and more :hug: !!! It will get better and you're already "handling it"!! Once you get your "rhythm/routine" you'll feel so much better about the road you're traveling. You'll see that you really can get through this and your little ladies will be okay. Good luck!!

 

I have 9 week g/g twins (corrected age of 3 weeks), neither has colic and it is really hard for me at night. If I try and feed them at the same time one always ends up spitting up while I am burping the other so the whole feeding takes longer than feeding one after the other. UGH!!

The rule of thumb I go by is to let them sleep for every ounce of food they eat (we bottle feed now - when breastfeeding, I would put the milk in bottles too). So, if they eat 4 ounces, you can let them sleep for 4 hours, 5 then 5 hours, etc. The bottlefeeding at night with either milk or formula helped me a lot but it is still very difficult : (

 

mine were born at 36 weeks 5 days and were 5lbs 1 oz and 5 lbs 3 oz.They would sleep for like 4-5 hour stretches the first week.I called my pedi and she said not to let them go longer than 3 until they were 7lbs.
Mine cry at the same time and it used to really stress me out during the day or at night since I am the only one who gets up with them.My DH pretty much sticks with taking care of the older girls and I got the twins.After a while you will just learn to tune them out and get their bottles made or whatever until you can get to both or get the other one calmed down so you can deal with the second.
Mine are sleeping from 7:00-7:30 pm to 6:00 am now.So I get my sleep.Even though we have days where its not so great and they get up at random times.I never thought they'd sleep through the night.It will get better though I promise.Just hang in there.Remember god would not give you more than you can handle(advice my mom told me the first week)
Just remember every mom of multiples has gone through all this and some of their children are older and we are all still here and so are the babies and we WILL all survive it.
At the end of the day*pat yourself on the back*Not everyone can handle twins..maybe why not everyone has them.But you did and you made it through the day.You might have cried,screamed,fell asleep feeding the babies.LOL. But you made it
LOTS OF :hug: Hang in there!! OH yeah PM me anytime.My husband goes out of state and works for weeks at a time and Im home with all 4 kids.So if you ever need advice or just to vent.Im here!!!!

 

My daughters are 4 weeks 4 days old today and we took a turn for the better just this week!!! One thing that has been working especially well for us this week is that we wrap the babies up like tight, little burritos and then let them sleep sitting up in their car seats. The car seats are the only place they will sleep for longer than 30 minute stretches---of course they would sleep all day/night long if someone could hold them the whole time!

I am fairly new to this site too and everyone is always very supportive and the suggestions are very helpful! Be sure to write when you can and get the encouragement you need! We are all here for you